Alternative psychic joke ending
.....The shop assistant said, "we were hoping that you could tell us".
P.S. try butchers' gloves.
Nice t-shirt. Where did you get it? "Oh, it was just something they put in the box with the socks." You got a free t-shirt with some socks? "No, the socks and t-shirt came free with the bomber jacket." OK, so you bought a jacket and got a free t-shirt and socks... "The jacket was free as well. It all came with the laptop …
I've personally seen >$120,000 yachts moored with nothing more than shore power, a telephone line (POTS) and a fresh water line. The last time I saw this was at St. Francis Yacht Club in San Francisco, a place where you'd think they would know better ...
One of the boats that "broke free" in Santa Cruz, California during the tsunami following the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake was "moored" with only coax for a CB radio ...
Actually you need an oxygen free copper gold plated 5mm solid core thunderbolt cable to ensure your yacht is properly moored with the correct attenuation and frequency response, according to the 120 quid per millimetre Van den Hul yacht mooring cable literature that came with my free promotional gift.
Sort of. In fact the gift is "An invitation to participate in the breathtaking experience of mooring your yacht using Van den Hul's 120 quid per millimetre oxygen free copper gold plated 5mm solid core thunderbolt yacht mooring cables at a time-limited substantial discount, during a presentation to be held at Fordwich Exhibition and Conference Centre (a.k.a. The George and Dragon Pub)".
"Try as I might, I've never been able to climb aboard the blagging train." - sadly I am also deficient in the blagging gene or whatever it is. If a stream of people are passing a ticket check point all without tickets - I'll be the one who gets the 'Excuse me Sir, can I see you ticket....."
Keep up the rest of the good work, maybe your luck is changing.
BTW - just to be boring, those rubber padded/dipped/whatever gloves are really good for picking up heavy items like sheets of plasterboard - far easier to grip than with bare hands and fingers.
sadly I am also deficient in the blagging gene or whatever it is
I've managed to blag TWO things that I can remember:
While buying an OS/2 Warp Special Bundle at a computer fair, I deployed my dogged powers of persuasion to get the SalesDroid to also throw in a *free* OS/2 Warp t-shirt! Fhear my powers of blaggment!
Secondly, many years ago, I evaluated mice for the company I was then employed by. Note that this was in the days when a serial mouse with more than one button was revolutionary. My first review mouse from a company who has a name akin to Dodgytech was DOA. Expecting nothing, I gave their Sales pimp a call (expecting to be told to go away and bother them no more). The next day, a box with several meeces turned up from said company, along with the request for them to send me my home address so they could send a represtative sample there as well.
So my home mouse was, for many years, a DodgyTech special, incluging a central button. Which my linux desktop (at the time KDE) singularly failed to notice.
 Special bundle of OS/2 Warp 3 (I think), plus a Soundblaster 16 sound card and CD-Rom drive. A Special Deal for Special People.
 Which I still have. And, sometimes, still wear when it surfaces past the myriad of obscure Prog band t-shirts that my wardrobe/t-shirt drawer is infested with. It has a number of small holes it from the time when $PREVIOUSSENIORCAT used it as his favourite bed.
 I could have taken some free cat-provided samples from home but, alas, they lacked serial connectivity. And tended to make the office smell bad after a few days.
I got sent a free pair of these, in a far more tasteful silver grey, as part of a repair job.
They seem to be advertised to stop you cutting yourself on a sharp edge, e.g. corned beef tin, knife etc although hopeless at stabbing resistance e.g. cat teeth, claws, thorns on plants etc.
no "phone finger" like my winter gloves so god help you if you are reading the manual from your phone/fondleslab.
And you have been sent this both to review, and force yourself to write a flowery, complimentary review of the most useless gloves in the world?
Maybe you could make a stab-proof vest if you could sew enough together but I think you will find a rolled up newspaper (old school) or the back of your office laptop equally effective.
So, unless you have a desparate problem of shaky hands when peeling potatoes for your dinner with the sharpest knife available, put them in the bin, grab a beer, and start watching violent children's cartoons to reset your reality
Some twenty odd years ago I ran a big workshop, the rep's would come in pre-Christmas with bottles of Scotch or cases of wine and be shocked when I gave them straight to the fitters, one guy asked what do you drink so I said 'Tea' he came in a week later with a catering pack of Tetleys and selection box of teas from Fortnum &Masons, his products were good anyway so I would have carried on buying from him anyway.
Another asked me why I gave away all the booze, I told him I rarely drink at home and tbe standi g I have with the guys in the workshop because they get a share of any goodies is worth more than anything you could give me, they work better, I look better to the bosses, win win.
Top review Dabbsey, very thorough. I'll be looking for all protective clothing I get in future to be cat tested.
You just can't beat the old standby of half or full plate armour. Just don't wear it to work - you might get funny looks.
 Full biking leathers work too. First time we flea-sprayed our first cats I had the (normally docile) female resting along my arm as we sprayed her. I still have 10 faint scars near the inside of my elbow joint from her rear claws. I wore my bike leathers after that.
 Old-fashioned method. Nowadays, flea drops are (thankfully) a hell of a lot easier to apply. The dog gets the tablet form - even though the first time we gave them to him he ended up with green drool..
Been there as a reviewer, no company has ever met my price. Not that they didn't try. (Full explanation is in my slashdot interview.) I used to freelance in Incline Village, NV, on the north short of Lake Tahoe, to a number of tech magazines. One day, a press kit arrives. Tucked neatly in that press kit is a voucher for The Mustang Ranch -- yes, the brothel that later was "owned and operated" by the US Government, before it was shut down and converted to a museum. Sorry, not good enough.
I don't know what happened to that voucher -- I suspect that today it would be worth REAL money...
"Year after year, I watch on........"
I don't know where this kind of English came from, but I strongly suspect Australian soaps.
Fine to say "look on" or "watch", but "watch on" jars. It's like "park up" when "park" would do. Parking up is when something is left permanently or semi-permanently.
Climb up with the router & mains extenstion cable to lay a vertical network, then do a follow-up test on the tensile strength of CAT6 and if metal jacket RJ45 connectors are strong enough to abseil on - enquiring minds want to know!
PS. I'm not liable for the mountain rescue/coastguard helicopter/hospital bills if it turns out the answer is no...
Heli icon cause you may need an airlift home.
It would appear you have found your USP for all future reviews. Just specialise in reviewing hand-held stuff and your fame will become legendary. Viewers will be so transfixed by the bright orange hands that they won't pay any attention to what you are reviewing (a reviewers dream, surely?) but your "brand recognition" will have marketeers falling over themselves to send you swag.
I got Kevlar knit refractory gloves, the working hypothesis being, if they are for handling red-hot forgings, they ought to have unusually good insulative properties (and also remarkably tough, and cut-proof). And if that is true, they might be warmer than the average glove. They should make remarkable winter gloves!
I paired them with a set of US military windproof gauntlet mitt covers I got from the surplus and now I've got me a kick butt pair of winter mitts !
Unfortunately, they are like 1 step down from boxing gloves.
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