back to article Horse named 'Cloud Computing' finds burst of speed to beat 'Classic Empire' in actual race

A horse called 'Cloud Computing' has just beaten rival 'Classic Empire' to the Preakness Stakes, the second leg of the three races comprising the "Triple Crown" At this point we need to explain The Reg's sudden interest in horseflesh: it's because we can't make stuff like this up. Classic Empire looked to have the race won at …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If only they had a horse called IoT that fell at the first hurdle due to an unspecified new found weakness.

    1. Simon Sharwood, Reg APAC Editor (Written by Reg staff)

      Extra sugar lumps and a nice brush down for you!

      1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
        Holmes

        But...

        The 'shoot horses don't they?'

        1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

          Re: But...

          Sort of hard reset?

          My best friend during university said if he ever had a racing hose it would be called "JK bistable" but I'm not sure why. Wonder what the masses would make of that?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: But...

            IIRC a "JK bistable" was a clocked flip-flop. Is there something onomatopoeic to do with clip-clop against the clock?

            1. ssharwood

              Re: But...

              There once was a horse named 'hoof-hearted'. Made for interesting race calls

              1. lglethal Silver badge
                Happy

                Re: But...

                My grandfather had shares in a horse called "Richard Cranium". Dont think he ever won anything, but he made my grandfather laugh everytime the horse's name got mentioned on the racing broadcast, so I guess it was worth it for him...

  2. Michael Hoffmann
    Headmaster

    Take offense at "nag"

    If there's one thing these horses aren't it's "nags". I would have applauded however, had the author deigned to use the word "inbred" in there somewhere.

    Seeing as all thoroughbreds come from a mere 3 stallions to be registered, they are so highly inbred that, to paraphrase the great Pterry, they might as well try to breed with themselves. As a friend once remarked "you either get something that can win the Derby or the Preakness, or you get something with 3 heads".

    1. Uberseehandel

      Re: Take offense at "nag"

      You must learn to determine when your friends are exaggerating.

      Did they also tell you about the testicles hanging out the back of some of the race winning females? (They don't).

      One is more likely to deliver a two headed lamb than a multi-headed horse.

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Take offense at "nag"

      "all thoroughbreds come from a mere 3 stallions"

      What about the maternal lines? Everyone seems to concentrate on the paternal ancestry as if the mares are simply vessels in which to incubate a replica of the stallion. But the mare provides the only X chromosome of a stallion foal, one of the X chromosomes of a mare foal, half of the rest of the nuclear genes - and all of the mitochondrial genes. Given that it's the last which provides the critical mechanism of aerobic respiration if there's any variation, however small, in that it could have a significant effect on performance.

      1. John H Woods Silver badge

        Re: Take offense at "nag"

        All humans are descended from a handful of ancestors, too. But for any sensible measure of "inbred" say a duplicated ancestor within four generations, your kennel club dog is much more inbred than a racehorse. Bearing in mind what horses are bred for (sporting excellence rather than physical traits) and that, naturally, horses have a herd structure where only a few males father the next generation, the idea of thoroughbreds being "inbred" needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.

        1. Michael Hoffmann

          Re: Take offense at "nag"

          If you're bored, spend some time browsing http://www.allbreedpedigree.com/

          They highlight "inbredidness" (that's not a word...) by showing when there's common ancestral horses on both sides. (mine has a common great-grandfather on sire and dam side, not too bad as these things are considered, but then he's a WB not a TB).

    3. Simon Sharwood, Reg APAC Editor (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Take offense at "nag"

      The alternative was "galloping pet food".

      1. handleoclast Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: galloping pet food

        A few years ago you wouldn't have said that. You'd have said "galloping Tesco Everyday Value mince."

        1. Marketing Hack Silver badge

          Re: galloping pet food

          @handleoclast

          I was wondering how this story got written without hypothesizing a horse named "Tesco Burger"

          And did "Wannacry" beat "LAN Network" in the second race?

        2. LesC
          Coat

          Re: galloping pet food

          The Torygraph's cartoonist Matt came out with this at around the time of the horsemeat scandal, it just about took out Findus in the process. A lot of inexpensive (= $supermarket Value, SmartPrice, etc) meals were found to contain horse as well as percieved more upmarket Ikea meatballs istr.

          Horse is eaten in most of Europe it's the horsey types over here that don't allow it. A quick visit to the chocolate factory's search site will soon find you some prime ex-pony steaks along with diced llama, moose and squirrel, probably tastes like chicken, delicious :]

          Matt: http://www.slow-life.co.uk/one-rule-for-them/

          Mines is the one with the Horsey Crispy Pancakes in the pocket.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: galloping pet food

            "A quick visit to the chocolate factory's search site will soon find you some prime ex-pony steaks along with diced llama, moose and squirrel, probably tastes like chicken, delicious "

            An acquaintance came back from a gap year in South America with a taste for Guinea Pig.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Take offense at "nag"

        "galloping pet food".

        Not just pets: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013_horse_meat_scandal

        1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

          Re: pet food

          Nothing wrong with horsemeat; it's actually quite delicious. Of course it is a scandal if horse meat is sold as beef as you're being ripped off.

          Traditionally, Rheinischer Sauerbraten is made from horse meat. Although it's been slowly fading out of fashion for quite a while now. I understand it's rather a problem on the supply side; not that many horses end up at the butcher's these days.

          The area around Solingen is still pretty big on all kinds of horse-based foodstuff; maybe it has something to do with all the knives and cutlery they make. Here's a menu, click on "Unsere Pferdefleisch-Spezialitäten".

          1. T. F. M. Reader Silver badge

            Re: pet food

            The area around Solingen is still pretty big on all kinds of horse-based foodstuff

            Or visit Parma. The variety of horse meat products and the number of stores selling it is quite impressive.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: pet food

              In England in the 1960s our school bus went past a row of very dilapidated shops. One had a sign indicating that its sole product was horse meat.

              A friend in Finland in the 1970s told the tale of getting her first horse - and horse meat then being banned from the dinner table. Touring northern Scandinavia in 1979 we shopped in a supermarket. A little bell made me do a dictionary look up for the label on a tin of meat chunks - "häst" = "horse".

          2. Michael Hoffmann

            Re: pet food

            Heh, yeah, as a horse owner and avid equestrian, I have no problem with horse meat. It's quite game-like, though needs proper preparation. I'm amazed at how some horsey-girls go into paroxysms of rage and tears when you dare mention eating horse. Yeah, I draw the line at cats and dogs - too high up the food chain as carnivores. Not entirely consistent, oh well.

            Hmm, Solingen you say? I'll be near there in a few months.

  3. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Coat

    Odds-on favourite

    DevOps

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Odds-on favourite

      agile coming up the rear.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Odds-on favourite

        "agile coming up the rear."

        fnarr, fnarr!

  4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    I think it was a ringer. It was actually a horse called Somebody Else's Computer.

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Coat

      It was just the workload being quickly jockeyed to a datacentre nearest the finish line.

  5. Primus Secundus Tertius Silver badge

    Make it up

    Maybe el Reg can't make it up, but America's Finest News Source, aka The Onion, most certainly can.

    See http://www.theonion.com/infographic/greatest-thoroughbred-horses-all-time-55937.

    E.g. the horse that revolutionised racing by using four legs rather than two.

  6. Mage Silver badge

    cloud computing will overtake the classic empire of on-premises computing

    "actual cloud computing will overtake the classic empire of on-premises computing some time in the early-to-mid 2020s"

    So at some point there will be a critical mass outsourced to Cloud.

    Even if a 100x more reliable, it WILL fail, (and a wrong patch might propagate in a way than makes malware writers jealous). Then you won't be able to make calls (no billing), buy food (no POS) or get cash (ATMs will be using the Cloud as will the banks anyway).

    There will be no silver lining.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: cloud computing will overtake the classic empire of on-premises computing

      "buy food (no POS)"

      The whole food restocking system would be out too. The UK has something like only three days supply of food on the shelves at any one time.

      One of our POS support staff was on site in a supermarket when there was a major outage with a store full of shoppers. The emergency plan was for staff to (under)estimate the cost of each customer's trolley. Not sure how they paid though - IOUs?

      1. Primus Secundus Tertius Silver badge

        Cheap food sells

        Sometime in the 1970s thare was the Great Cereals Strike. Everyday ones like Corn Flakes rapidly sold out, but the fancy expensive cereals were still there after a fortnight.

        It was also the time of the Great Bog Paper Strike.

  7. the Jim bloke Silver badge

    "Cloud Computing inexplicably stops 3/4 of the way through the race..."

    meanwhile, in totally unrelated news, local council workers dig through fibre optic cable..

  8. Stoneshop Silver badge
    Holmes

    drew level and managed to take the race by a head.

    I would expect Cloud Computing to run on headless systems, actually. Where did it get the head from?

  9. Herby Silver badge

    So many "interesting" horse names...

    ...so little time. Maybe El Reg can come up with a bunch of names and handicap them in a race for the hearts and minds of the audience.

    The best part would be the one line after the horses name that the handicapper describes the abilities.

    Would be interesting.

    And then you would have "Wannacry" just put a gate across the track, and is awaiting payment to lift it.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: So many "interesting" horse names...

      Something like Privacy Shield - wears see-through blinkers.

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