back to article Please don't call them Facebook chatbots, says Facebook's bot boss

Facebook all but admitted the failure of chatbots last month – with the announcement that developers building Messenger bot can hide text input boxes and offer menu-driven conversations instead. Chatbots were billed by some as the new user interface for apps: rather than tap on icons and swipe through screens, you tell the …

  1. The Man Who Fell To Earth Silver badge
    WTF?

    Well, even if it works

    Chatting with a machine seems like the ultimate in intellectual masturbation.

    1. Mage Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: Well, even if it works

      More like having a root canal drilled, or toenail extracted

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

        Re: Well, even if it works

        "More like having a root canal drilled, or toenail extracted"

        Both quite okay as long as you are on the right amount of the right drugs.

        The same probably goes for using Facebook, but I wouldn't know.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Well, even if it works

      It's technically no different than chatting with strangers, some refer to as friends, on Facebook who they will never ever meet in real life. Still, this is The Secret of Facebook Island. Enjoy your stay. I went there with some family in 2009, but I don't get back much. Does the head monkey still put tape on his powerbook? I thought so.

      1. Geoffrey W Silver badge

        Re: Well, even if it works

        RE: "Does the head monkey still put tape on his powerbook?"

        What's wrong with that? It's the only thing Zuckerberg and I have in common.

        1. big_D Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Well, even if it works

          It is usually quicker to select a menu option or click on a button than to type in a convoluted question or command...

          Clicking the X in the corner of the window is quicker than typing in "go f' yourself!"

          1. Patched Out

            Re: Well, even if it works

            But taking the time to type "go f' yourself!" may be much more satisfying to the user.

            1. Geoffrey W Silver badge

              Re: Well, even if it works

              And this is where digital assistants come in; Its extremely satisfying to scream "GO F!@# YOURSELF" at a computer screen rather than type it.

  2. Blofeld's Cat
    Coat

    Hmm...

    "Less AI, more dialog from an old point-and-click adventure game like The Secret of Monkey Island."

    Sounds reasonable - let's try it:

    • "Every word you say to me is stupid."
    • "I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me."
    • "Now I know what filth and stupidity really are."
    • "I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion."
    Yes, that seems to work.

    1. Oliver Mayes

      Re: Hmm...

      I look forward to trying "Give wax lips to tremendous moose"

    2. jmch Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Hmm...

      Maybe they need to read up on the latest literature in the field

      I recommend "How to get ahead with chatbots"

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    USE voodoo spritzer with MARK ZUCKERBERG

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reboot Note

    That robot sitting next to the nerd-boy, looks a bit like Eric Cartman dressed as AWESOMEO, the friendly (except to Butters) robot from the smash TV-hit drama series The South Park Super Friends Chronicle Adventure Series Show. This is a video entertainment animation for humans, ooops, I mean, never mind.

    1. Stevie Silver badge

      Re: Reboot Note

      "Laaaaaaaaaaaame!"

  5. Colin Millar

    Roger's of Canada

    Must be one real shit company if an arsebook app improved it's customer satisfaction by 60%

  6. Nolveys Silver badge

    Open The Pod Bay Door Please Hal...

    "I'm sorry, Dave, we do not have a theropod baiter on the ship."

    "Hal, open the door!"

    "What about Owen's odour?"

  7. FuzzyWuzzys Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Boring....

    Face it, Facebook is stagnant as it is. You've managed to get 1/4 of humanity to enter a lifetime's shite into your poxy online database of guff, where else is there to go? People are happy to see Auntie Ethel's new dog, their mates out on the razz or your workmate's new car and that's all they want (anti)social media for.

    Install all the whizz bangs you like FB and your ilk, it won't make people sit up and listen any more.

    Listen up Zuck...

    THE SOCIAL MEDIA NOVELTY HAS WORN OFF. WE'RE BORED WITH IT NOW.

    The first time you "hooked" up with youR brother in Oz it was neat, he shared piccies of the kids and the dog and it was novel. Now FB and Twitter are just like a toaster, useful but you could probably manage without it. The toaster simply toasts bread, that's all the toaster will ever do, "I toast, therefore I am." as Talkie Toaster said to Lister, the humble toaster can have all the AI and flashy lights but all it will ever be is a hot box that burns bread products. All social media is from now on is a just a medium to send naff messages and post naff pics, it will never, ever be interesting or exciting ever again.

  8. Rainman

    Botts/Apps in Messenger ... how will that help me?

    Given that messenger (and now also WhatsApp) is a component of Facebook that I really do avoid like the plague due to it's extremely intrusive and blatantly obvious mobile device data stealing capabilities ... nothing they put in that festering swamp will make me want to take a swim in it.

  9. SkippyBing Silver badge

    Chatbots

    Can I just confirm we're going to be referring to them as Chatbots from now on then?

    1. balint

      Re: Chatbots

      I really hope so. My business is chatbottutorial.com so I prefer chatbot over bot. Bots have also some negative associations that chatbots don't have. I agree with FB though, AI is just not quite there yet, so more buttons than typing as of now.

  10. kend1
    Facepalm

    What can Facebook shoehorn in next?

    You initially built a platform to meet women and make money, but as you age you realize the limitations of what was built.

    http://www.mekkographics.com/comparing-the-profits-of-apple-amazon-microsoft-google-and-facebook/

    Use your money and start fresh.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elon_Musk

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