six squares ?
No way that's enough to wipe my hairy ass !
Guess i'll have to stand in line twice then...
Beijing authorities are forcing desperate defecators to submit to a facial scan before receiving an allotment of toilet paper, sparking a debate over privacy, crowd control and the toxic qualities of Chinese loo roll. The city's crapper commissars have installed a phalanx of automated loo roll dispensers at Beijing’s biggest …
Guess i'll have to stand in line twice then...
What will you present to the face-scanner, second time around?
And even that works, you're up to a miserly twelve squares of communist loo roll. I think the Chinese authorities shouldn't be looking to expensive and fallible technology, but should take a hint from UK local authorities, who for many years avoided the problem by only offering Medicated Izal* that nobody would steal.
* For any international readers who may not have encountered it, Izal was (maybe still is) a quite unique product, wholly unsuitable for its supposed purpose, managing to combine contradictory properties of being both slippery and abrasive. As comfortable to use as sandpaper, and as effective at wiping as non-stick baking parchment.
fold the square into four, tear the folded corner and retain, unfold the square, put finger through the hole in the middle, wipe orifice with finger, use the square wit wipe off the finger... and the important bit... use the retained torn off corner to clean under the fingernail.
that's how I remember we were to maximise the use of the paltry few squares of Izal we got each in a 24 hour ration pack...
There was also a government version of Izal - supplied to loos in MoD and DoT establishments (and probably other ministries departments). Although identical to Izal, it didn't have the brand name, but each sheet was printed with the inspiring slogan "Property of HM Government".
You obviously don't have a daugher. If you do, she does not wear makeup.
Mine used lots and lots of ultra soft tissue to help removing the copious amounts of back she put around her eyes on a daily basis.
Then she grew out of it. Then 10 years later she started wearing it again. That was just after her now 'ex hubby' got caught in bed with her BFF. Now she wouldn't be seen dead outside without her war paint.
Anon for obvious reasons.
"I think mine was under the impression that if she collected enough tokens, she could claim a free puppy."
All that kitten soft, and puppy soft advertising around bog roll, its a bit of a puzzle, isn't it? How do they know what "kitten soft" feels like round the back? Whilst I wouldn't put it past the marketing people to actually try it, I'd have thought there's a slight problem of claws and teeth (and growling and yowling as they get wiped upon would probably be offputting). In fact, I'd imagine that using Izal is pretty similar to try to wipe your arse on a furry animal - shit everywhere and a badly bitten and scratched arse, along with a bowl full of soiled wiping material that won't flush away.
I suppose at least the Izal isn't going to make a break for freedom, and run off rubbing its payload all over the house. And you probably won't find the RSPCA prosecuting you for using Izal.
Having seen people follow city workers to remove all paper (towels and toilet) and plastic (trash and doggy bags), fill all emptied trash bins from public parks, toilets and other areas, I can understand the frustration the city has.
Of course being Canadian I never spoke out but I did witness a more recent Canadian walking their dog confront someone who was in the progress of removing all the Doggy Waste bags that had just been refilled. I only caught the first part of the conversation where the person responded they didn't speak English but the animated conversation that followed in Chinese wasn't too hard to figure out.
Didn't work, a week later I saw the same person filling the park trash bins and removing the plastic shopping bags someone had kindly stuffed into the emptied Doggy Waste bag holder, though that time the offender did look around more before returning to their BMW.
I'm thinking China is showing us our future, maybe if we cooperate we can get a higher allowance to accommodate our, how to say, our larger requirements.
"the offender did look around more before returning to their BMW."
They are probably paying so much a month on a car they hope makes them look afluent they cannot afford to go to poundsavers and buy the bags.
I just hope they can afford the calories to make the effort to use the bags and put them in a bin.
One place I worked it was common for people to take a whole roll of toilet paper to use as a substitute for paper handkerchiefs.
One day, when the stock in the toilet was very low, I mentioned to people that if ever I went for a crap and there was no paper because they'd nicked it all to blow their noses on, I'd be wiping my arse on their noses.
Seemed to do the trick. A few rolls magically reappeared in the toilet.
When did they introduce this revolutionary idea?
Last time I was there, it was standard practice to carry your own toilet paper, personally I found carrying wipes was a more compact and clean solution (since they double to clean your hands if there was no wash basin)
My thought as well, even some fairly posh restaurants didnt have any when I was last there, as for public toilets (especially in summer), I would rather crap my pants than go within 100m of one (500m down wind). The stench is unbelievable - and this from someone who used to work on sewage farms for Severn Trent
With my stomach issues, I would be stuck there waiting for extra paper for about 2 hours; having said that, my Chinese wife manages to use about TWENTY sheets just to pat herself dry after a pee.
The Chinese 'squat' types do smell lots but IMHO nowhere near as much as those in rural Africa.
The locals prefer to 'go into the bush' rather than use them even if there are snakes etc around.
The worst I encountered was in southern Malawi. you could literally smell it from 400 yds away even if you were upwind of it.
mind you, doing your business in N.E Siberia in January presents another problem entirely
They're going about it all from the wrong end. Simply install the scanner in the loo itself and dispense TP based upon the scan results. There's days where two squares is sufficient for me, and there's days where six squares just clears the way to the scene of the crime. Those are the days where I'd feel sorry if I had to use one of those intelligent toilets.
"concerns that pensioners are purloining large amounts of tissue from municipal facilities to use at home"
There's your problem. No use trying to restrict public toilet usage, the solution is to distribute toilet rolls among the public. There must be some assbackwards (sorry, couldn't resist) economy rule at play here for this to even be a thing.
I think we can file this under "growing pains".
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