back to article This ferry is said to weigh 250 cows. We say that is actually 20,600 Lindisfarne Gospels

A new chain ferry has been built for the Isle of Wight – and the council reckon it weighs the same as 250 cows. The comparison was made in a council statement to the Isle of Wight County Press, which wrote all about the Welsh-built “floating bridge” in slightly more detail than anyone except council press officers would really …

  1. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    Is this to replace the existing chain ferry at Ryde?

    I love going on the Ryde chain ferry, despite it being a very short trip with no duty free available.

    1. nematoad Silver badge

      Re: Is this to replace the existing chain ferry at Ryde?

      No, there is no chain ferry at Ryde, there is nowhere for it to go. You do however, have a choice between a catamaran and AFAIK the only commercial hovercraft service in Europe

      You must be thinking of the floating bridge between East and West Cowes.

      1. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

        Re: Is this to replace the existing chain ferry at Ryde?

        I did indeed mean Cowes. See, I was so excited at the prospect of it I became all-a-flustered.

    2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Is this to replace the existing chain ferry at Ryde?

      If a ferry was registered in St Mary's Harbour would it be a VLDC?

      Very Large Daffodil Carrier.

  2. Pedigree-Pete
    WTF?

    Inflation on IoW

    Blimey Joe, is inflation really 50% p.a on Wight. £1.50 up from last years £1. PP

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Inflation on IoW

      might well be? Personally I always thought the Isle of Wight was stuck in the 1950s, but maybe its the 1970s.

      1. Neill Mitchell

        Re: Inflation on IoW

        Before 1st of June 2016 it was 70p return for foot passengers (40p for "smartcard" users"). In 2015 it was free. Hyper inflation on the IoW!

    2. rvsjimbo

      Re: Inflation on IoW

      Yeah, I think a lot of people are rather unhappy about this. The good news is that East Cowes now has its own curry place (which for years it did not), so I can live without going to the other side most of the time :-)

  3. Frank Bitterlich
    Paris Hilton

    I'm confused.

    The title says it's 200 Lindisfarne Gospels, but in the article it says 20,600 Adult Badgers or Lindisfarne Gospels, or about 200 Great White Sharks.

    Is that due to metric vs. imperial units being used?

    1. 's water music Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: I'm confused.

      fucking metric badgers? Brexit can't come quick enough

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I'm confused.

        fucking metric badgers? Brexit can't come quick enough

        Oh? Are there plans on changing the laws on fucking badgers post Brexit?

        Good thing you spotted it, I missed that completely.

        :)

  4. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Holy Cow!

    What a headline!

  5. M7S
    Coat

    Sheepmeat, a possible source of confusion

    Mutton from Cowes

  6. CT

    Cows/Cowes, IOW?

    What's brown and comes out of Cowes backwards?

    The Isle of Wight ferry.

    And, showing my age a bit,

    If Isla St Clair married Barry White, then divorced and remarried Brian Ferry, would she be called Isla White-Ferry?

    1. Magani
      Happy

      Re: Cows/Cowes, IOW?

      ...would she be called Isla White-Ferry?

      Boom! (And according to some traditionalists) Tish!

      1. Velv Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Cows/Cowes, IOW?

        Boom! (And according to some traditionalists) Tish!

        Shirley you mean "ba dum, tish!"

    2. BoldMan

      Re: Cows/Cowes, IOW?

      One of Hello Cheeky's finest!

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Cows/Cowes, IOW?

      And if Whoopi Goldberg married Gerard Depardieu she'd be called Whoopi Depardieu. Way-hay.

      Mine's the one with dad jokes in the pocket.

  7. BarryUK

    How does that speed compare to the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

    1. Dabooka Silver badge

      Oh go one then, you can have this one on me!

      African or European?!

      1. macjules Silver badge

        Re: Oh go one then, you can have this one on me!

        "The drive-through ro-ro ferry will be the same length as four double-decker buses"

        Would those be pre-Boris double-deckers or post-Boris ones?

        I think we should be told.

    2. Baldy50

      Sorry but...

      Keep in the context of a film please, (The film 'The Little Vampire') has flying cows in it, any others were catapulted, I think in an MP film by the frogs?

      Like this.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQ8jGqdE2iw

  8. Dabooka Silver badge

    So in standard terms

    It's 0.3 Lnq

    I hope you forward this onto the Wight Press or whoever they are and demand a correction in next week's run of the Banda machine.

  9. This post has been deleted by its author

  10. 0laf Silver badge
    Flame

    Bronto error

    I see an error. A Brontosaurus was never 15 double decker buses long.

    It was 157 linguine. Please correct.

    If we're going to use these units lets at least be appropriately pedantic about it.

    1. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      Re: Bronto error: I see your pedantic and raise it*

      "If we're going to use these units lets at least be appropriately pedantic about it."

      should be

      If we're going to use these units, let's at least be appropriately pedantic about it.

      *and yes, "Raise the Pedantic" did spring instantly to mind.

    2. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

      Re: Bronto error

      dammit beat me to it,

      After googling i discover a Brontosaurus is twice the length of a Routemaster

      1. unix.beard

        Re: Bronto error

        Reg is all rong! Brontosaurus length 600% off!

  11. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    East Cowes, home of BHC and the largest Union Flag in the World

    In the following Google Maps View, the Floating Bridge is towards the bottom of the page. Immediately north of the Red Funnel Ferry terminal is the former British Hovercraft Corporation site. Zoom in on the big hanger with the aluminium roof paint - the doors have a Union Flag painted on them. It's a few years since I've been that way, so the doors may not look that way, unless there is a listing on them.

    "The British Hovercraft Corporation was responsible for the largest Union Flag in the world"

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Hovercraft_Corporation

    1. FullyGroan

      Re: East Cowes, home of BHC and the largest Union Flag in the World

      Yep, flag is still there and has been restored, building is now "Venture Quays" : http://www.cowes.co.uk/Restoration-of-Venture-Quays-Union-Flag-finished.aspx

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: East Cowes, home of BHC and the largest Union Flag in the World

      "The British Hovercraft Corporation was responsible for the largest Union Flag in the world"

      As the only enduring result of BHC, I wonder how much that painted flag finally cost in today's prices?

    3. Mystic Megabyte Silver badge

      Re: East Cowes, home of BHC and the largest Union Flag in the World

      In that Google view I see Dalyan's Kebabs, Pizza and Fish&Chips. I like restaurants that specialize, can't wait to eat there :)

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I have the misfortune of using a chain ferry everyday (when one of the 3 aren't broken down that is) between Torpoint and Plymouth, on the whole a piss poor "service". They are quite a lot bigger than the Cowes one http://www.tamarcrossings.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=49585

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    By my reckoning each trip will be 58.8 smoots.

    1. the Jim bloke Silver badge

      "

      By my reckoning each trip will be 58.8 smoots.

      "

      Wouldn't it be 1/59533334.8574 Pogba ?

      Correct change only

  14. hatti

    Typo

    Is that 250 cows or 250 Cowes ?

  15. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
    WTF?

    Is it a floating bridge or a chain ferry?

    It can't be both.

    A floating bridge is a continuous roadway from one side to the other, supported by floating pontoons.

    A chain ferry is a floating boat/barge-like thing pulled/guided by chains from one side to the other.

    1. Vic

      Re: Is it a floating bridge or a chain ferry?

      A floating bridge is a continuous roadway from one side to the other, supported by floating pontoons.

      Well, we had one that wasn't.

      Vic.

  16. Korev Silver badge
    Boffin

    Docking in Milton Keynes

    If you fancy another laugh at the IoW's ferries, then see if you can find a copy of Andy Stanford-Clark's story of how one of the companies borrowed his ferry tracking Twitter feed for their website without asking. Instead of engaging the m'learned friends; he made it tweet that it had docked in Milton Keynes took a screenshot and emailed it to them...

  17. Kevin Johnston

    groats per linguine travelled

    This has been touted as the most expensive transport for distance travelled. At extremes of low tide the river is only a matter of a few dozen feet wider that the floating bridge is long.

    As yes, to all you pedants it is technically a chain ferry but try saying that and you will be marked as a dutton (or in more recent parlance a pile, come in bunches - go red overnight and are a pain in the arse), everyone knows it as the floating bridge.

    1. Jonathan 27 Bronze badge

      Re: groats per linguine travelled

      If anyone involved had any sense at all they'd just build a bridge. Maintaining a chain ferry over such a short distance does not make any sense at all. Stick a toll booth on it and you can even keep your income and maintaining the thing would be a lot less expensive.

  18. imanidiot Silver badge
    Flame

    DANGNAMIT!

    If you are going to have standards, USE THE BLOODY STANDARDS!. It weighs 428.6 Jubs!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So the council keeps referring to it as a "floating bridge" in their statement.

    Are you sure it's not a pontoon bridge?

    Is the word "ferry" too close to being politically incorrect, perhaps?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      nope because a pontoon bridge is fixed at both ends. A chain ferry or floating bridge is itself not fixed in to position but it is only capable of moving along a fixed route, ie along the chains from one point to another

      1. PNGuinn
        Go

        Fixed at both ends

        Consider a chain ferry where the chains, hopefully connected to each shore, float.

        Could this be considered as a special case of pontoon bridge?

        Enquiring minds etc ......

        For simplicity, in your answer you may ignore all considerations as to whether the ferry or chains are frictionless or spherical ...

    2. Mark 85 Silver badge
      Coat

      Is the word "ferry" too close to being politically incorrect, perhaps?

      Which reminds of the old joke that ends with: "Gee, I didn't know we had a navy.".

      I'll get me coat and possibly put on moderation....

      1. PNGuinn
        Pirate

        @ Mark 85

        So, are you suggesting that this is the IOW's new Aircraft Carrier? Has the Council detailed it's compliment of aircraft and when it is due to get them?

        Mark, you may be getting dangerously close to endangering the island's National Security.

        Careless Talk etc etc.

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge
          Devil

          @PNGuinn Re: @ Mark 85

          Err... no. I was being politically incorrect which in this day and age is far more likely to be a greater crime than hurting national security.

  20. tiggity Silver badge

    Temporary

    “We are looking forward to welcoming the sixth floating bridge to its permanent home on the Isle of Wight,”

    Given this is bridge (chain ferry, whatever) number 6 (resists Prisoner related puns), I doubt it will be having a permanent home on the IoW (unless they sink defunct bridges (chain ferries, whatever) somewhere in IoW waters, then it would technically have a permanent(ish) home on IoW

  21. Kimo

    Diary or beef cattle? Please be clear when specifying units which system you are using.

    1. Esme

      Diary cattle? They have particular ones that they bind posh diaries in, then? Coo, learn summat new every day... :-}

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Why are you so surprised? As a regular El Reg reader surely you must be aware of one of the El Reg Standards Soviet references to the The Vellum of a Sheep in a vacuum? Same principle.

        The Diary Cow (or Coo for those in the Far North) was a breeding programme instigated by that famous Naval Administror Samual Pepys to produce a replacement for the smaller sheets of of Vellum as the maps of the Empire needed to be more yoooooger. Sadly, the project failed, leaving Pepys with a load of left over leather and no idea what to do with it. Being a politician, he had to find some quick way to hide the evidence of his embarrassing blunder.

  22. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Happy

    Hop on to Cowes with a Ticket to Ryde

    Get a Ticket to Ryde and from there travel over to East Cowes where you can hop on to the ferry to Cowes

  23. We're all in it together

    Above inflation fare rise

    Is all down to the new chain ferry having sat nav

  24. Steve 114

    Something real?

    Aw, F. Off. If it's a real 'chain ferry', which I can hardly deduce from your article, and if true might be an unexpectedly long one and somewhat anachronistic in a newsworthy way, it might just be 'appropriate technology'. Try telling us without the quips.

  25. David 132 Silver badge

    Take a listen...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFlFbXo94Tk

    Lauri Say and the Island Folk's 1968 paean to the IOW hovercraft. Nostalgia ahoy!

  26. macjules Silver badge

    Shh, mention the word 'aircraft carrier' and UK Gov tries to dump an unwanted F35 on it.

  27. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    So why..

    ..do they need to carry that many chains so that they have to have a special ferry to carry them?

    Enquiring minds and all that. Is there some secret cabal of chain-wielding senior citizens[1]? Are they secretly being exported to 3rd-world backward countries like the US?

    [1] Cos that's the only sort of people I've ever seen on the IOW.. that and birdwatchers - which mostly are ortogonal with the wrinklies..

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019