back to article Get it while it's hot: NASA's Space Poo contest winners wipe up $30k

US Air Force Colonel Thatcher Cardon, MD, has won a competition to develop a new diaper to cradle astronauts' soiled nethers for up to six days of spacefaring. While no details were given on the design of the space nappy, Cardon has been declared the recipient of $15,000 for submitting his MACES Perineal Access & Toileting …

  1. I Like Heckling
    Joke

    It has to be done....

    A Space pooping contest....

    You've got to be shitting me.

    1. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: It has to be done....

      My inner giggling schoolgirl can't resist:

      "I've never read such a load of crap...."

    2. Mark 85 Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: It has to be done....

      It's all fun and games until the shit hits the air circulation fans....

      Icon: Coat for cleanup in aisle 5... err...

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: It has to be done....

        Coat for cleanup in aisle 5... err...

        Aisle 5. Now 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10.

        Oh - and while you are there - can you clean the wall too? And the fan, if you'd be so kind..

    3. uncommon_sense
      Thumb Down

      Re: It has to be done....

      I've just decided that I don't want to be an asstronaut.

      Maybe in 1M years, when FTL is a reality..

  2. I Like Heckling
    Trollface

    one more....

    Am I taking the piss with that last comment?

    1. Baldy50

      Re: one more....

      LOL beat me to it! Tahhh!

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: one more....

        Gives a whole new meaning to "floaters"

    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: one more....

      Have always wanted to go into space. Had not realised it would enable me to explore a hitherto unknown diaper fetish.

      1. 0765794e08
        Happy

        Re: one more....

        Houston, we have a Pampers.

    3. Mike Moyle Silver badge

      Re: one more....

      ...And a special shout-out to Hugo Shelley for his turd-place win!

  3. BebopWeBop Silver badge
    Megaphone

    Where is Howard in all of this?

    1. Herby Silver badge

      Where is Howard in all of this?

      Experimenting with analogs made from his mother's meatloaf.

      Hopefully it doesn't get stuck to the ceiling!

  4. Swarthy Silver badge
    WTF?

    Re: That infographic

    I want to know more about that 1 marriage proposal.

  5. Paul

    I suppose a cork is too simple a solution?

    1. Bronek Kozicki Silver badge

      For more than 24 hours? You'd have to refer to a doctor ...

    2. Haku

      I'd hate to be in the same pod as the 'cork guy' if there was a sudden decompression...

    3. Johndoe888

      obligatory cork and poo joke

      Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go. A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried, they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.

      One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out cork once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. The big day arrived, they set up all the monitoring equipment and set out to a safe distance.

      The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer.

      BBBAAANNNGGG!

      The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in poo, the second (2 miles away) was up to his knees and the first (1 mile away) was up to his nose. When the others joined the scientist who was 1 mile away they noticed that he was in fits of laughter.

      "What the %$*& is so funny?" asked one of the scientists as they dug him out.

      "You should have seen the monkey trying to get the cork back in!!!"

  6. TRT Silver badge

    American solution...

    diapers, competitions, vacuum tubes, sealed bags...

    Russian solution. Cork from bottle of vodka.

    1. Chris King Silver badge

      Re: American solution...

      "Russian solution. Cork from bottle of vodka."

      Or just down the vodka. You'll still crap yourself, just not give a crap about it.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wonder if the winner was a vacuum design.

    Talking of shit in space can this do anything for the lost in space remake?

  8. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Holmes

    So many good opportunities for poo puns wasted.

    Sad. :(

    I thought just the name of the winner (Named in honor of the Iron Lady herself?) offered some mirthful possibilities as well.

    Yes current methods of handling poo need a review after 7 decades of spaceflight. No s**t is not an option, even for Sherlock.

    And for some expert advice on the matter listen to this man.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: So many good opportunities for poo puns wasted.

      God help it if they meet someone who's prone to spoonerisms.

  9. John 110
    Pint

    Trickle down...

    The technology!! Quiet at the back!!!

    Think of the benefits to parents once this technology is ploughshared for civilian use. You might never need to change your infant (unless there's a P in the month...sorry)

    1. Morten_T
      Joke

      Re: Trickle down...

      "Think of the benefits to parents once this technology is ploughshared for civilian use. You might never need to change your infant"

      They've been working towards this already. Some nappies are rated "up to 15 kgs".

  10. Sweep

    On the Starboard Bow

    But can it deal with Klingons?

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge
  11. Pirate Dave
    Pirate

    wrong way around

    don't worry about the space suits and pampers. Just build multi-storied spaceships so they can have a poop deck. Problem solved.

  12. Leeroy Bronze badge
    Coat

    Nice solutions, I'm sure it won't take long to trickle down.....

    Would love to see the winners sh!t eating grin.

    1. PNGuinn
      Boffin

      Nice solutions, I'm sure it won't take long to trickle down.....

      That's just the problem. In 0 gravity it CAN'T just seep gently out of the lace holes of your space boots.

      Do keep up.

      If the new super dooper space nappies don't work as expected you may need one of these >>

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    like shit off an astronaut's arse

    shit off an astronaut's arse

  14. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
    Flame

    brown (space) trousers...

    I do wonder how well the designs would hold up in "Houston, we have a problem" moment?

    Also if there's some enlarged holding mechanism could the mass be used as.... well reaction material in emergencies? Though I'd hate to see what would happen in a malfunction.

    On the plus side, in space no one can hear you fart.

  15. Alistair Silver badge
    Coat

    Johnson Space Center.

    We'll have no more tears here, the contest is over.

    There will be no pampering of either the winners or the losers.

    We just might need some powdering off at the end.

    <Yes, I know the name refers to a person, but the corporate instance was just too much coincidental fun>

    <and -- I too want to know about that marriage proposal. One has to wonder *cough* what that ring was.....>

  16. TRT Silver badge

    It's coming down too fast...

    pull up... pull up!

  17. Johnny Canuck

    So...what do the testers say? How does NASA approach possible testers?

    "Put this on and don't take it off for six days. Also, stay away from other people."

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      No, it's semi-volunteer space monkeys who "take one for the team." First you try it on mice, then trusty, but overly faithful dogs, then monkeys, then the people. Then you geet thee power, then you geet thee weemon!

      Sorry, I went all Scarface at the end there.

    2. Haku

      There once was a comedy show called "Testees" a few years back, about two guys who made a living from testing random stuff.

      If a space toilet need testing then these poor saps would be lumbered with the job.

      A dark and depraved comedy, with some hilarious moments, so should appeal to the average Reg poster here reading these comments :)

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Great logo

    Please tell me they have a theme song.

  19. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Coat

    Clearly a huge outpouring of effort to handle this problem

    I'd say "thumbs up" but that might be misinterpreted.

  20. I just wish to be anonymous.

    Definately a shit write up.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Even Donald Trump participated...

    ... after his vast experience with urine -he thought he'd give poo a shot, too. He suggested to strap a King Size hotel bed onto the back of each Astronaut. Apparently they're super absorbent.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Get it while it's hot?

    Get your SH*T Together... oh wait

  23. 2+2=5 Silver badge
    Joke

    Three-legged stool

    My design involved fitting spacesuits with a 'tail' that slowly fills as the astronaut 'carries out his duties'!

    Only problem: make sure you put your foot into the leg of the spacesuit when putting it on ;-)

  24. Baldy50

    https://herox.com/SpacePoop/update/1277

    And.

    http://www.sciencealert.com/nasa-s-found-a-winner-for-a-competition-on-how-to-dispose-of-space-poop

    PAP! Gives a whole new meaning to 'battling the Klingons', Uuuhhhgggg. Read the rest if you want, I'd rather stay down here thanks.

  25. Herby Silver badge

    Toilets in space...

    I am reminded of a talk given by Pete Conrad (3rd man on the moon) about adventures in Skylab (he was on the first crew). He had all sorts of hints on how to handle the toilet in space. One comment was to put some motion on before anything "detached" so it wouldn't float away, but rather enter the receptacle. It was a hint passed to others who later went to Skylab. For some reason the vacuum wasn't enough.

    I don't know what the current state of the art is now.

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