It has to be done....
A Space pooping contest....
You've got to be shitting me.
US Air Force Colonel Thatcher Cardon, MD, has won a competition to develop a new diaper to cradle astronauts' soiled nethers for up to six days of spacefaring. While no details were given on the design of the space nappy, Cardon has been declared the recipient of $15,000 for submitting his MACES Perineal Access & Toileting …
Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go. A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried, they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.
One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out cork once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. The big day arrived, they set up all the monitoring equipment and set out to a safe distance.
The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer.
The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in poo, the second (2 miles away) was up to his knees and the first (1 mile away) was up to his nose. When the others joined the scientist who was 1 mile away they noticed that he was in fits of laughter.
"What the %$*& is so funny?" asked one of the scientists as they dug him out.
"You should have seen the monkey trying to get the cork back in!!!"
I thought just the name of the winner (Named in honor of the Iron Lady herself?) offered some mirthful possibilities as well.
Yes current methods of handling poo need a review after 7 decades of spaceflight. No s**t is not an option, even for Sherlock.
And for some expert advice on the matter listen to this man.
I do wonder how well the designs would hold up in "Houston, we have a problem" moment?
Also if there's some enlarged holding mechanism could the mass be used as.... well reaction material in emergencies? Though I'd hate to see what would happen in a malfunction.
On the plus side, in space no one can hear you fart.
We'll have no more tears here, the contest is over.
There will be no pampering of either the winners or the losers.
We just might need some powdering off at the end.
<Yes, I know the name refers to a person, but the corporate instance was just too much coincidental fun>
<and -- I too want to know about that marriage proposal. One has to wonder *cough* what that ring was.....>
There once was a comedy show called "Testees" a few years back, about two guys who made a living from testing random stuff.
If a space toilet need testing then these poor saps would be lumbered with the job.
A dark and depraved comedy, with some hilarious moments, so should appeal to the average Reg poster here reading these comments :)
I am reminded of a talk given by Pete Conrad (3rd man on the moon) about adventures in Skylab (he was on the first crew). He had all sorts of hints on how to handle the toilet in space. One comment was to put some motion on before anything "detached" so it wouldn't float away, but rather enter the receptacle. It was a hint passed to others who later went to Skylab. For some reason the vacuum wasn't enough.
I don't know what the current state of the art is now.
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