back to article My hole is a private thing – see for yourself

My neighbours are staring at my hole and shaking their heads disapprovingly. They were a little surprised to receive my invitation to view my orifice, and it may not be as big as theirs, but I needed their advice on how to fill it. The problem with this particular pothole is that it’s directly at the end of my drive at the …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Un-clouding

    Could that not be RAIN?

    Recognising and

    Appreciating

    Internal

    Networks

    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: Un-clouding

      Or SNOW:

      Still

      Not

      Outsourcing

      Work (or Windows, if you must)

      ?

      1. TitterYeNot
        Coat

        Re: Un-clouding

        But...but...every cloud has a:

        System Integration Leveraging Vertical Endpoint Returns

        Leaders Innovating Niche Infrastructure Next-generation Growth

        Unfortunately, I've also seen the weather report, and what's coming from the cloud isn't good. I've got my coat, now where's my umbrella?

        Systematic Transformation Of Real-time Monetisation Streams

        Synergistic Lock-in Empowering Efficient Teams

        Holistically Actualizing Ineffective Leadership

  2. Dan 55 Silver badge

    That's Something for the WEEKEND, Sir?

    So we're going to recommend articles from years ago with WEEKEND in the title including that egg, which until now I'd mercifully forgotten about.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade"

    http://www.metrolyrics.com/dont-rain-on-my-parade-lyrics-glee-cast.html

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Never realised before just how convoluted those lyrics appear.

      Surprised it was never banned by some radio stations for:

      "Get ready for me love, cause I'm a "comer""

  4. Alan Sharkey

    Prog rock rules

    Good man !!!!

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: Prog rock rules

      Indeed. As the 300GB+ contents of my music drive attests. And that's just one Yes album..

  5. Potemkine Silver badge

    Follow-up

    Did your neighbours enjoy discovering your hole? I hope all these visits didn't make it bigger ^^

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      =O=

      "My hole is a private thing – see for yourself"

      Nope. I've been tricked with goatse links before- definitely *not* clciking that!

      (If you already don't already know what "goatse" is... you probably don't *want* to look it up, trust me. Either way, it's absolutely NSFW :-O )

  6. Your alien overlord - fear me

    Dabbsy, IoT and VR were cancelled due to lack of interest by the public. Do try and get your head out of your hole and pay attention !!!!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Are chatbots still on?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Presumably the pothole has a sprayed paint line round it - renewed every few months as the paint fades or crumbles into the widening hole. Seems like someone believes in the protective powers of a drawn circle - rather than the science of hot asphalt.

    1. John H Woods

      Doesn't have to be a circle ...

      ... other shapes are available (NB: moderately NFSW)

  8. Blofeld's Cat
    Coat

    Bandwagon ...

    The most important thing about being on a bandwagon is to remember to get off before it becomes a tumbrel.

  9. Bob Rocket

    Public Hole

    For those of us who don't have access to a private hole and are therefore exposed only to the public ones.

    http://www.fixmystreet.com

    The council will send some burly contractors to stand around making sucking sounds for a whole morning before deciding which one of them gets the joyous task of filling it with a full load.

    1. Alan J. Wylie

      Re: Public Hole

      Fill That Hole is an alternative pot-hole-filling site:

      http://www.fillthathole.org.uk/

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Public Hole

        "fillthathole.org.uk"

        Fillth at hole? Disgusting.

        That's not how you spell "filth".

  10. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    VR Rules

    VR won - last spring we were all fitted with secret VR headsets wired into our eyeballs, and we now live in a VR generated universe. You want proof? What is allegely 'happening' today in Washington?

  11. DropBear Silver badge
    Trollface

    ...of course, he didn't so much own said single by Lee Marvin as rather a temporary license to listen to his copy* (in private - strictly no public performances allowed such as at gatherings of friends, henceforth called "a party"), there just wasn't anyone around to helpfully point this out to him at the time...

    *dependent on agreeing to the EULA, terms of service and the applicable license, subject to be revoked at the manufacturer's sole discretion at any moment and automatically terminated at various events including but not limited to the potential deterioration of said copy due to natural causes and prolonged use

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      temporary license to listen

      This reminds me of the time when I still had an office in London's trendy Hoxton and the performing rights people rang up aggressively demanding money. They seemed convinced that since it was an office and my employees were working in it, we would by default have a radio blaring out somewhere. I can only imagine that they think magazine publishing companies are run like motor garages, with our editors and salesteam walking around in oil-stained overalls and spanner in hand, while singing along to the latest hits on the radio.

      When I told the woman on the phone that we didn't have a radio, she didn't even bother to threaten a surprise inspection visit: she told me outright that I would be fined. I said "go ahead" and put the phone down. Never heard a thing from them again.

      1. mad_dr
        Facepalm

        Re: temporary license to listen

        I'm guessing that's the same Performing Rights Society that threatened a shelf-stacker with prosecution and a hefty fine if she continued to sing to herself while she worked... Idiots

        (http://www.thesun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/2682878/Shop-gran-Sandra-Burt-needs-licence-to-trill.html)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: temporary license to listen

        "I can only imagine that they think magazine publishing companies are run like motor garages, with our editors and salesteam walking around in oil-stained overalls and spanner in hand, while singing along to the latest hits on the radio."

        I presume such establishments don't have to log the music and artiste for every track they play?

        Since CDs, MP3 became commonplace then people tend to play their own selection of music - possibly by artistes with a niche market.

        Presumably the proceeds of the licences are shared out with the big "pop" stars getting the lion's share. Seems very unfair on all the others who create music.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: temporary license to listen

        "[...] while singing along to the latest hits on the radio."

        If it was an office where customers did not go - and everyone had their own radio - would they still need a PRS licence?

        Now a radio is only a broadcast receiver. So each desk could have its own speaker receiving a broadcast from a single radio receiver. Does that need a PRS licence?

        The person sitting on public transport with earbuds - does the irritating splash-over to their fellow passengers require a PRS licence? Not to mention people in cars that seem to need 90db of music to overcome the va-va-vroom of their engine.

        I'd better tell my neighbours that they need a PRS licence for their favourite throbbing bass line that permeates the party wall.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: temporary license to listen

          You don't need a PRS or PPL licence to play the radio. The radio broadcaster has a licence to play recorded music.

          You'd need a licence to play a CD or other recorded music in your office.

          I used to be a programmer for PPL. Coming from an insurance background it was nice to have a relatively intuituve business to understand. Although as the CAO said at my interview - insurance, music royalties collection and distribution, same thing. Money in, money out, set of rules in the middle.

  12. A. Coatsworth
    Thumb Up

    *Quickly goes to DuckDuckGo*

    *Discovers the National Pothole Day IS a real thing*

    God bless the British Isles! Form the point of view of a New-World foreigner, it sometimes looks like the most whimsical stories that come from there (from Mary Poppins to Paddington Bear) are actually documentaries.

    No offense meant: I really admire the fuzzy image of the UK we get in the rest of the world (and that may or may not match with the reality)

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      I'm more into National Cream Tea Day myself.

      Anyway, someone should make a Prog Rock version of Paint Your Wagon, that'd be quite enjoyable.

      Or maybe Nick Cave could do a cover version of Wand'rin' Star.

      Have a nice weekend, everybody, I'm off for the pub.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Discovers the National Pothole Day IS a real thing"

      I wonder if the northern Finno-Scandinavian countries have a similar thing.

      When touring above the Arctic Circle we became aware that a ! sign in the middle of nowhere - probably meant that round the next bend the road surface for several miles was just one large pothole. Mind you permafrost damage leaves almost small boulders dotted over the surface. You soon understood why Finno-Scandinavians were so good at Rallycross racing.

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        round the next bend the road surface for several miles was just one large pothole

        You mean - a bit like riding over the Alps from Austria to Italy? You can certainly tell where the border was by the lack of road surface (and Armco!) on the Italian side..

  13. VinceH Silver badge

    Optional

    There's a very good piece of advice in that infographic which applies to more than just online dating:

    "TOP TIP: Assume your data will be hacked"

    That's more or less what I say to everyone who will listen, and no matter what any online provider of any service says, they cannot guarantee the safety of your data with anything close to absolute certainty. Never having been breached means precisely bugger all - it doesn't mean they're secure, only that the word "yet" may be an appropriate addition.

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: Optional

      IIRC, one of the albums by Throbbing Gristle came with a set of stickers that said "Assume This Phone Is Tapped".

    2. WolfFan Silver badge

      Re: Optional

      Never having been breached means precisely bugger all - it doesn't mean they're secure, only that the word "yet" may be an appropriate addition.

      'Never having been breached' means that, if they're telling the truth, they haven't been breached yet that they know of. They may have been breached but don't know it.

      1. VinceH Silver badge

        Re: Optional

        Where I said "Never having been breached means precisely bugger all" there's an implied "in terms of how secure they are" in the sentence. I didn't spell it out because I thought it was obvious from the context. My bad.

  14. earl grey Silver badge
    Facepalm

    "“top five cloud trends for 2017”."

    And here i mis-read that as clowns. Would have made just as much sense.

  15. Chronos Silver badge
    Mushroom

    This is called...

    Bike shed. The theory is in the development of a state-of-the-art nuclear fusion plant, nobody will care whether it's a Tokamak or a bottled star but every nugget and his dog will have an opinion on the colour the bike shed should be painted, which will continue to rage on even when containment is lost and the place has been sucked into an area the size of four pi the width of Planck's pubes squared due to the accidental formation of a micro-singularity.

    Which is a very fancy way of saying the basics were, are and always will be the same, regardless of the time of year or the buzzword du jour.

    1. GrapeBunch Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: This is called...

      Your Bike shed is approximately another British Institution, Parkinson's Law.

      My brother worked with Lee Marvin in the 1972 film Prime Cut. Says Marvin was a great guy. One of his favourite keepsakes is a photo of him carrying the cinema camera, walking beside Marvin.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: This is called...

      Exactly! The bikeshed. Now, if only we could get the marketing people to convince the "business leaders" that both the "cloud" and the "bandwagon" need to properly branded with a standardised colour, that could keep both the "leaders" and the marketeers busy for months. Years, even, if we do it right. The the rest of us could get on with our jobs!

      1. sorican

        Re: This is called...

        Even longer, if you bribe your building maintenance/security- have them lock the door once they're all in and getting into the debate, and then superglue the lock.

        of course, if you then bribe the local constabulary....you might get a few decades out of it.

  16. Arachnoid

    Council edict

    I thought the latest cost cutting idea from Councils was to get punters to fill their own holes in..... Mind some of those "instant" Porridges produced these days would make ideal filler and probably outlast any contractors patch

    1. HieronymusBloggs

      Re: Council edict

      "get punters to fill their own holes in"

      I think you mean "get punters with at least 5 million pounds worth of public liability insurance to fill their own holes in"

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Council edict

        I think you mean "get punters with at least 5 million pounds worth of public liability insurance to fill their own holes in"

        If I was filling the council's potholes because they won't, then I certainly wouldn't be doing it when I might be seen, or leaving a calling card. So on the basis of being a putative stealth pothole fillist, or viliglante pothologist, why would I worry about insurance?

        Of course, I suspect that the councils who are worst at filling their own potholes would react like greased lightening to the news of vigilante pothole filling. In a matter of minutes from being notified, they'd be round to dig it all out and "do the job properly".

  17. Unicornpiss Silver badge
    Happy

    Cloud explanation

    I often have people ask me: "What is this cloud that everyone is talking about, and should I be using it?" I cheerfully tell them that if they had email on AOL or similar in 1995, that they were using "The Cloud."

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "It’s stonkingly long with a pink end"

    That as may be, it appears to be grey, which can't be normal unless you're a humanoid alien.

  19. Captain Boing

    Alistair Dobbs - yawn

  20. Snafu1

    "Instead of jumping on the cloud bandwagon, business leaders will be more concerned about which carriage on the bandwagon they’re going to get on." I think someone's been channelling Gus Hedges..

  21. RegGuy1

    How many os in oo*.com ?

    Trawling through the options I've put in ooooooooooo.com and got a response. So there is a domain for

    oo.com

    ooo.com

    oooo.com

    etc.

    Honestly, this is just silly.

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