back to article Trump meets Google – exclusive transcript

After meeting Kanye West, President-elect Trump will meet Google and other Silicon Valley leaders today. We've imagined how the conversation might go. RUSHED TRANSCRIPT TRUMP: So. Peter tells me you’re the smartest guys in America. How do you like the furniture? PAGE: Very nice Mr President Elect. TRUMP: Where’s the Russian …

  1. Chris G Silver badge

    Cruel and demeaning

    But funny! And likely close to how it will go.

  2. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Thumb Up

    Many a true word spoken in jest

    Nice work.

    But a very dismal (but true) view of Google.

  3. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    and up next is Tim Cook

    Can we do the same for Apple?

    Don't worry El Reg, the next Dear 'lets build that wall to make America Great' Leader Trump will tweet everything we need to know about all his meetings even the secret ones just so that Paymaster Putin can keep on top of things.

  5. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    Make America Grate Again

    You missed one thing - Trump didn't tweet during the meeting and knock 10% of the value of Google.

  6. joeW

    Ah

    This would be some of that "fake news" I've been hearing about then?

  7. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    Fake!

    I'm sure I detected something approaching a syllogism in Trump's dialogue.

  8. Nick Ryan Silver badge
    WTF?

    /Could be better.

    Next time include the phrase "Winter is Coming".

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ah

      Moar, pleeze!

      We wants the lowdown on Zuck, Elon, Bezos, Kalanick, and any other lolcow CEOs you can think of.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Cruel and demeaning

      Yeah, right like Brin and Shmidt will go into a meeting with Trump without a one foot thick folder of compromat.

      The idea that Google will not leverage its access to information in a situation like this is interesting... to say the least... I suspect it was not just Podesta and the Clinton campaign to use gmail when they really should have considered if they should be doing it...

    3. Milton Silver badge

      W****r is coming

      "Next time include the phrase 'Winter is coming'"

      I predict a takedown notice from HBO's repti-, sorry, lawyers, is on its way over the pole even as we speak, and you, Nick, are at Ground Zero.

      That said, if we say 'W****r is coming', one can substitute letters that describe Trump very well ....

    4. Naselus

      Re: Ah

      "This would be some of that "fake news" I've been hearing about then?"

      Not yet, though once it's reported as a genuine transcript by www.Liberty-loves-guns.com, immediately under an article about Hillary sacrificing a goat at a Satanic Mass in a Hollywood coffee shop, it will be.

  9. ratfox Silver badge

    Sounds about right

    I understand that there's going to be way more than just Google at the meeting, and by and large people who came out against Trump. Oh, to be a fly on the wall...

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Sounds about right

      But now they all need each other. Trump won the election so he doesn't need votes from the saps any more but he will need Congress to get anything done and the palms in Congress will need greasing.

  10. Schultz

    Whow, this Trump sounds awfully coherent.

    Seriously, have you ever heard Trump speak two complete sentences on a row, let's say with more than a dozen words per sentence?

    Well, at least fantasy Trump can do it. Carry on...

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Whow, this Trump sounds awfully coherent.

      Apparently his word salad is a good way to get followers... It doesn't say much, it seems to suggest he's on the same side as the listeners, and it lets listeners fill in the blanks with anything they want mentally, which will be something they want to hear but Trump didn't say.

      Understanding Trump’s Use of Language

      1. veti Silver badge

        Re: Whow, this Trump sounds awfully coherent.

        It's not new. George W Bush was famous for mangling the language, and his enemies completely missed the point by calling him "dumb" because of it.

        In the UK, Tony Blair was a leading exponent of the art. But I'll admit, Trump has taken it to another level.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Whow, this Trump sounds awfully coherent.

          And then there's Obama.... who speaks.... in carefully worded sentences... full of ...ellipses... and manages to say exactly..... nothing.

          At least W. was smarter than his speech patterns implied. I'm not convinced that Obama is.

  11. naive

    This is the best of El Reg

    Thanks, this made made me hurt from laughing, the best read ever...

  12. ST Silver badge
    Angel

    Nothing's going to change

    Not the H1-B visa numbers and not the practices surrounding the H1-B program.

    Starting January 2017, H1-B's who lose their jobs will have 60 days to find a new employer, as opposed to the current 14 days.

    Does this look like change for the better?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Nothing's going to change

      Actually it does.

      It will become more difficult for employers to run slave shops. Presently, they can do anything - nobody will risk being deported on 14 days notice. 60 days changes the picture quite a bit - the employers will have to both improve pay and hours which will make H1B slave labor less competitive.

      1. ST Silver badge
        FAIL

        Re: Nothing's going to change

        > It will become more difficult for employers to run slave shops.

        Bullshit.

        The threat of deportation is still there. The only thing that has changed is that H1-B slave jobs are now transferrable between sweatshops.

        H1-B wants to change jobs? Great. Here's another job at the same exact slave pay rate. Don't like it? I'm sure Immigrations and Customs Enforcement would like to have a chat about that H1-B visa.

        There is a way of fixing this, and it starts with cutting down the yearly number of H1-B's. But that is not going to happen anytime soon.

        1. Version 1.0 Silver badge

          Re: Nothing's going to change

          Don't forget that the tech companies all have anti-poaching "agreements" too - technically illegal but you try telling that a lawyer with only 60 days before you have to leave.

          Frankly - having been an H1B employee in the US - they have you by the nuts and they know it.

  13. Pascal

    It's hard to decide which side to root for!

    see title ;)

  14. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Quantum Communications Rule ...

    .... for This whenever Also That and Altogether Something Else Quite Different and AI Beta

    That was/is engagingly subversive, Andrew O. I bet Too Big To Fail Systems neither see nor comprehend what is coming to bury their elite executive administrations within the bullshit they pimp and pump.

    Do you imagine Uncle Sam and ITs Cowboys being Able to Create and Lead the Future or is that a Bridge Building Exercise immeasurably too far beyond their abilities and facilities?

    Pray tell ....... there are those prepared to hear and assist if they have the requisite capabilities. The recent past shenanigans would not suggest they be prime candidates for following.

    1. Trilkhai

      Re: Quantum Communications Rule ...

      What's with the random capital letters...?

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Quantum Communications Rule ...

        What makes You think they're Random?

      2. Naselus

        Re: Quantum Communications Rule ...

        "What's with the random capital letters...?"

        Shh, this is the most coherent post amanfrommars has ever posted.

  15. ml2016

    Great echos of Catch 22: Lieutenant Scheisskopf (just a few of those in DT's administration), Milo, General Dreedle and a host of others. Please make this a regular Friday afternoon number.

  16. PassiveSmoking

    Your premise is fundamentally flawed. You made the assumption that Trump researches things before making statements regarding them, when all evidence points to him just saying and believing what he damn well likes without anything to back his stance up.

  17. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Coat

    The Apprentice

    Is there any indication from the Trump camp if he intends to consult the tycoon of the British version of The Apprentice? Or for that matter another occupant of the House of Lords who is well versed in all matters dotcom and digital transformation.

  18. Milton Silver badge

    The next visitor (I have no excuses)

    --Drumpf sitting in style, petting his cat, Blofeld. His feet are up, perched on the back of an uncouth slob wearing a black felt cap, on all fours--

    --Enter Vlad The Emailer, accompanied by squat Slav, Ygor--

    Vlad: здороваться толстуха! We have come to collect.

    --Blofeld flees under Louis XIV chaise longue; slob twitches--

    Drumpf: Hey, Vlad, my old best buddy, great to see ya—

    Vlad: Don't get up. (Glances at uncouth slob) What is smell? Cat make gas?

    Drumpf: Uh, Bannon— no, sorry, he likes to be called Cromwell now ... anyway, I was just leaving—

    Vlad: Ygor.

    --Ygor hands Vlad a tablet, then blocks doorway, arms crossed--

    Vlad: You made promise. Yooge promise. Is here. (Shows transcript on tablet)

    Drumpf: I didn't say that, you got that from lyin' lamestream meeja—

    Vlad (Plays recording on tablet)

    Drumpf: That was someone else's voice, it's a conspiracy—

    Vlad (Shows video on tablet)

    Drumpf: That wasn't me, mummy- er, Vlad, it was that mean nasty Baldwin guy pretending—

    Vlad (right hand in pocket): Not soft Yanki. We have deal. Ygor.

    Drumpf (sobbing): Chapter 11?

    --Ygor hands over pen, checkbook, blade--

    Drumpf: Ow! (cries some more)

    --Ygor dips pen in Drumpf ooze--

    Vlad: Sign cheque. (smiles) What little hands you have, babushka.

    Drumpf (recovering as he hands check over): Makes some other bits look yooge by comparison, heh.

    Vlad: Nyet. We have photos of tiny Drumpf accessory (pockets check, winks) CNN, tonight at nine.

    Drumpf: Oh jeeze ... hey, don't go yet, grab some pussy. Cromwell, go catch Blofeld.

  19. ProgrammerForHire

    Free Stuff

    Google is about free stuff as much as going condom free in Thailand brothel

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