back to article Rogue One: This is the Star Wars back story you've been looking for

Rogue One is a fine addition to the cinematic Star Wars canon, and almost perfectly tailored for Register readers to mock. For those who've avoided the hype, the film takes place between Episode III and Episode IV, and tells the tale of how Death Star plans were acquired by the Rebel Alliance. Your correspondent caught a …

  1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

    Tape?

    the colossal tape library on which the Death Star plans reside

    I know it's a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, but tape hasn't been seen in SF films for 40 years. Do they have the old banks of big IBM tape drives twitching their reels?

    1. Snivelling Wretch

      Re: Tape?

      It's an advance on those old punched space-cards.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Tape?

        It was decided to install the Analyzer in four of our heaviest ships, so that each of the main fleets could be equipped with one. At this stage, the trouble began - though we did not know it until later.

        The Analyzer contained just short of a million vacuum tubes and needed a team of five hundred technicians to maintain and operate it. It was quite impossible to accommodate the extra staff aboard a battleship, so each of the four units had to be accompanied by a converted liner to carry the technicians not on duty. Installation was also a very slow and tedious business, but by gigantic efforts it was completed in six months.

        Then, to our dismay, we were confronted by another crisis. Nearly five thousand highly skilled men had been selected to serve the Analyzers and had been given an intensive course at the Technical Training Schools. At the end of seven months, 10 percent of them had had nervous breakdowns and only 40 per cent had qualified.

        (Superiority - by Arthur C. Clarke)

        1. MacroRodent Silver badge

          Re: Tape?

          The Analyzer contained just short of a million vacuum tubes

          It is fascinating how even Clarke failed to foresee the advances in electronics and digital technology. In "Earthlight" (1955), on an observatory set on the Moon sometime in the 2100's, they still make astronomical photographs the old way, chemically, and one character actually observes this is one area where electronics will never take over... The transistor had already been invented in 1947, which was before "Superiority" was written (1951).

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: Tape?

            "It is fascinating how even Clarke failed to foresee the advances in electronics and digital technology....The transistor had already been invented in 1947"

            That's why it's called Science Fiction and not Future History. And even the best make mistakes :-)

            I suppose it's possible he was aware of the results of an EMP and/or particle radiation on the new solid state electronics and that valves were more robust and the story was on the Moon....although it's unforgivable that he didn't foresee the recently invented transistor being scaled down such that 100's of 1000's on a tiny piece of silicon would supplant the chemical camera!

            1. MacroRodent Silver badge

              Re: Tape?

              That's why it's called Science Fiction and not Future History. And even the best make mistakes :-)

              Sure, but in the case of Clarke, he is (or used to be) lauded as a visionary, and in some of his non-fiction writings (some passages in "The Lost Worlds of 2001" come to mind) he even congratulates himself on getting predictions right - so pointing out things he did not get is fair game, more so than in the case of other science fiction writers. (Said in a good-natured way: I am actually a Clarke fan, and as a teenager read almost every story by him I could lay my hands on...)

        2. oldcoder

          Re: Tape?

          Don't knock the vacuum tubes...

          Make them at the micro scale and they work just fine in a helium environment... or vacuume.

          http://spectrum.ieee.org/semiconductors/devices/introducing-the-vacuum-transistor-a-device-made-of-nothing

        3. Kubla Cant Silver badge

          Re: Tape?

          "Then, to our dismay, we were confronted by another crisis. Nearly five thousand highly skilled men had been selected to serve the Analyzers and had been given an intensive course at the Technical Training Schools. At the end of seven months, 10 percent of them had had nervous breakdowns and only 40 per cent had qualified the course, 90 percent of them left to become freelance contractors."

          1. earl grey Silver badge
            Mushroom

            Re: Tape?

            "Then, to our dismay, we were confronted by another crisis. Nearly five thousand highly skilled men had been selected to serve the Analyzers and had been given an intensive course at the Technical Training Schools. At the end of seven months, 10 percent of them had had nervous breakdowns and only 40 per cent had qualified the course, All of them had been replaced by lower paid H1B imports."

      2. Fungus Bob Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Tape?

        "punched space-cards"

        Shouldn't that be "space-punched space-cards"?

  2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    Looking forward to seeing that now

    Sounds like it has just the right ingredients for me to shut down my frontal lobes and just bask in entertainment.

    A nice change from the Lucas prequels !

    1. BebopWeBop Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Looking forward to seeing that now

      To be fair, with the Lucas prequels you still had to shut your frontal lobes down, it was just the entertainment that was missing

    2. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Looking forward to seeing that now

      Some battle scenes resemble those from Apocalypse Now, such is the level of squalor, noise, chaos and carnage.

      This is the film for me. I like my moral messages to be down to earth: 'Never go anywhere near a war zone, for any reason'.

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

        Re: Looking forward to seeing that now

        " 'Never go anywhere near a war zone, for any reason'."

        Another saying, slightly less well known, is not to go up against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!!! Ahahaha-haha, ahahaha...urk..

      2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        Re: Looking forward to seeing that now

        This is the film for me. I like my moral messages to be down to earth: 'Never go anywhere near a war zone, for any reason'.

        I think in Apocalypse Now, the message also was "War can be pretty exhilarating at times, just don't be a civvie" or maybe even "You could have won this if you had sold your soul to War God". The play was written by John Milius who was not exactly anti-war even though he took Conrad's "Heart of Darkness", exposing colonialism as source to evidently expose muscular (and morally corrupt) interventionism.

        Jimbo's summoned data shoggoth says:

        Milius had no desire to direct the film himself and felt that Lucas was the right person for the job. Lucas worked with Milius for four years developing the film, alongside his work on other films, including his script for Star Wars. He approached Apocalypse Now as a black comedy

        Dodged a bullet here.

    3. IsJustabloke Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Looking forward to seeing that now

      "A nice change from the Lucas prequels !"

      What Lucas prequels?!?!

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

        Re: Looking forward to seeing that now

        "What Lucas prequels?!?!"

        It's hard to pin them down, they keep changing so much.

      2. Nick Ryan Silver badge

        Re: Looking forward to seeing that now

        What Lucas prequels?!?!

        I think these are similarly mythical to the Matrix sequels.

  3. Blotto Bronze badge
    Pint

    Sounds awsome and Dark

    just how i like my Sci-Fi

    is this the star wars Wrath of Khan moment?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      May the H1B with you.

      It's a retrospective piece, as the opening scene depicts a half ass offworlder being trained by a master in the swamps of Florida to take the masters place. If he doesn't work out, there is another (and another, and another, and another, and...)

    2. Rattus Rattus

      @Blotto

      "is this the star wars Wrath of Khan moment?"

      No, that was The Empire Strikes Back. Though I agree that it sounds like Rogue One might be just my cup of tea.

      1. Jo_seph_B

        Re: @Blotto

        You'll love this. IMO as good as The Empire Strikes Back.

        1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

          Re: @Blotto

          "IMO as good as The Empire Strikes Back."

          High praise indeed!

  4. Doc Ock

    How imaginative, yet another death star. You'd think given the Empire's shit luck with them that they might try something else, perhaps a giant catapult or enormous water bombs.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      This a Star Wars based story designed to fit in betwixt Episode III and Episode IV. This is NOT Episode VIII.

      I'm IN!!1! Been viewing all the trailers and other goodies this week. Am running a proper Episode IV thru Episode VII viewing each night up to the US theatrical release.

      Plus a great article in the December Wired with John Knoll, Mr. Photoshop, and lead graphics guy at ILM now. The visuals are going to be top notch! Come ON! A daytime spaceship battle?! That's lighting taken to the extreme. Why do you think it's so easy to pull off battle visuals in the dark dark space regions? Because it's dark and you don't have to mess with lighting much. Except for explosions and such. This is going to look really good, and the story seems like a nice offshoot from our beloved SciFi franchise.

    2. rgriffith

      It is not "yet another death star". This is the death star Luke blows. It is the same one that we first saw back in the 1980's. This move is a prequel to Episode IV and answers the question how did they learn about that exhaust port and what designer would make a mistake like that.

      1. Captain TickTock

        "that we first saw back in the 1980's"

        Ahem, 1970s...

      2. Doc Ock

        >This is the death star Luke blows. It is the same one that we first saw back in the 1980's.

        I know because I was in the queueing in 1977 for it and when we got the front we the house full sign was plonked right in front of us. We had to wait for the next showing but at least we were first in and had our breath taken away.

        I think they have been rather lazy and unadventurous not to advance to the story but going for the safe option again to reuse old material, I'll give full judgement after I've seen it and I sure hope I won't be as cheated as I was by J J Abrams rehashing a New Hope.

        Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels that would really excite me all over again just like 1977.

        1. TheOldGuy

          Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

          Oh God, yes please!!!

          1. Doc Ock

            Re: Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

            >Oh God, yes please!!!

            The one top of my list to see filmed is Greg Bear's Eon, done well it could be a modern day 2001 classic. A great novel and highly recommended to those who have not read it.

            1. Rusty 1

              Re: Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

              While the Culture novels might make fantastic source material for many hours/days/weeks of film, I suspect any such productions would suffer from the same problem as films made from Tolkien's work - I know in my imagination *precisely* what everything looks like, but everyone else has it wrong! FFS they filmed most of the stuff in New Zealand, but it happened in the woods just up the hill, over there.

              There is so much detail to be absorbed, and personal interpretation to be applied, that a film by a 3rd party really will quash the enduring enjoyment. I've watched The Force Awakens a number of times, and I consider it bland and forgettable. I've read a number of Alistair Reynolds' works once and each is firmly imprinted on my mind.

              1. Andraž 'ruskie' Levstik

                Re: Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

                This is my worry as well, as much as there are some great books, once put on film it would be someone elses vision.

              2. alferdpacker

                Re: Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

                I really want them to make Diamond Dogs. That would be both an excellent self contained sci-fi-horror film and also works as an introduction to that whole universe and some of the recurring characters.

                If they handled the reveal at the end properly it'd knock the stuffing out of people.

                1. MJI Silver badge

                  Re: Alistair Reynolds

                  A very good writer, answers readers, some very clever ideas.

                  And some horror, especially with the captured pilot in a cylinder.

          2. Baldy50

            Re: Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

            Iain Banks!!!

            1. MJI Silver badge

              Re: Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

              Iain M Banks

            2. Dave Fox

              Re: Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

              Iain M. Banks.

              His contemporary fiction was written under the name Iain Banks, and his Sci-Fi under the name Iain M. Banks!

              And with a swish of his cape, Captain Pedant slinks back into the shadows, ready to strike again where least wanted!

              1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

                Re: Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

                Damn it, Captain Pedant! I told you, NO CAPES!

            3. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

              Re: Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

              Iain Banks!!!

              Iain M Banks...

          3. JLV Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            Re: Now if someone were to film Ian Banks culture novels

            Use of Weapons FTW!

        2. Bananimal

          So much this http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/05/11/sci_fi_poll/

        3. Mark York 3 Silver badge
          Mushroom

          I can sympathise

          A mate of mine stopped to chat to a friend in the cinema queue causing more people to get in at the queue before us.

          Result - Stuck at the near front (gazing at the posters for Salon Kitty helped pass the time) & missed the next episode (No videos in those days) of Doctor Who.

          A week later it snowed & his younger brother had the Odeon cinema pretty much all to himself.

      3. david 12 Bronze badge

        "These aren't the Death Stars you'e looking for..."

    3. Patrician

      You do realise that this film depicts a stage in the building of the Death Star seen in A New Hope? This is not another Death Star.

  5. MGJ

    Robes?

    It was The Incredibles that had a section on the dangers of capes, no?

    Edna Mode was quite strongly opposed to them, and they [spoiler] led to the destruction of a certain baddie.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Robes?

      They can't have disappeared. No character that central to the plot has a cloak...

      1. Marketing Hack Silver badge
        Alien

        Re: Robes?

        So cloaks serve the same role in Star Wars that red shirts serve in Star Trek?

        And if they really wanted to be topical about passwords, there should be a geeky, sycophantic admin with dreams of moving up the Imperial career ladder, and his password should be "D4Rth AdmiNistrator" (And he should wear a cloak for no reason at all, other than hero worship.)

        1. Notas Badoff

          Re: Robes?

          Ooo, ooo, my new password! aDarth'trator I'll get respect! Thank you!

          1. Mark 85 Silver badge

            Re: Robes?

            Ooo, ooo, my new password! aDarth'trator I'll get respect! Thank you!

            I'm guessing that password will soon be on the fore of the brute force password attacks:

            "User is an admin?"

            "Check."

            "User is a Star Was fan?"

            "Aren't they all?"

            "Try aDarth'trator then."

            "And... we're in...."

            1. Justice

              Re: Robes?

              Username: Darth.Vader

              Password: password

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Robes?

                For Darth, you could add a midichlorisomething detector into the laptop. ONE-FACTOR-AUTHENTICATION!

    2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge
      1. EL Vark

        Re: Robes?

        'kay, time to take you kids to school. The first time I came across the trouble with capes was Captain America #180 by Steve Englehart & Sal Buscema (both more associated with the Avengers, and Sal's big brother, John, designed the Vision). It was a post-Watergate world and Our Steve was deeply disillusioned, so gave up the red, white & blue underwear, and his shield, and struck out as... Nomad! On his very first mission, while chasing the baddies (Serpent Society types, if I recall correctly, it was 42 years ago), Steve stepped on his flowing cape with his heel and went arse over teakettle; tearing the offending affectation from his shoulders as the baddies escaped, having learned a valuable lesson. What works for Mighty Thor only works because he IS Mighty Thor (or she, lately). Moore & Gibbons may or may not have been aware of that one, but Byrd & co. should almost certainly have been. So, yeah, swipey-swipey. "Doth mother know you're wearing her drapes?"

        1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

          Re: Robes?

          Hakamas should be good enough for anybody.

          1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

            Re: Robes?

            Quite comfy.

    3. Captain DaFt

      Re: Robes?

      Robes, cloaks, it all depends on how you use them

  6. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    Don't tell me Star Wars is suddenly great again?

    I feel a bit guilty watching made-up war while real war is run in a country not far away, but here we go!

    Can one feel the force of Battlestar Galactica Reboot meme injections?

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

      Re: Don't tell me Star Wars is suddenly great again?

      I have just realised that when the first Star Wars movie was released, Jimmy Carter was president.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        Windows

        Re: Don't tell me Star Wars is suddenly great again?

        These were good times! Computers were manageable, Batman was in the movie theaters, playboy gals were beautiful and the summer was hot & long.

        Jimmy Carter was underappreciated. Then he got rogered by an October Surprise of military incompetence.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Don't tell me Star Wars is suddenly great again?

          Re: Don't tell me Star Wars is suddenly great again?

          These were good times! Computers were manageable,

          Computers were bigger than skyscrapers,

          Batman was in the movie theaters,

          Do you mean Superman? There were no Batman films from 1967 to 1988. Or do you mean "Batman in Outer Space?"

          playboy gals were beautiful and the summer was hot & long.

          And now summers are hotter and longer. Sometimes - unless they're colder, wetter and shorter.

          Jimmy Carter was underappreciated. Then he got rogered by an October Surprise of military incompetence.

          I actually appreciate how much he accomplished after leaving office.

  7. Scott 26
    Terminator

    ObXKCD, errr, I mean.... ObAbstruseGoose: http://abstrusegoose.com/262

  8. MrDamage

    Lets see if i've got this right

    This movie is a prequel to the sequels which were the originals, and also a sequel to the prequels which weren't the originals, and were also less original than the sequels to which this is the prequel to.

    1. Tikimon Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Lets see if i've got this right

      I don't like half of them half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of them half as well as they deserve.

    2. 2+2=5 Silver badge

      Re: Lets see if i've got this right

      Sequels prequels by the sea shore...

    3. I am the liquor

      Re: Lets see if i've got this right

      Or to look at it another way, it's episode 3½. How annoying for the Disney Corporation that Lucas didn't have the foresight to call the first one Episode 5.

  9. Howard Hanek Bronze badge
    Linux

    The sequel

    ...will be the Empire's destruction of a giant hijab factory undermining the rebel's diversity.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: The sequel

      Unfortunately the hijab factory workers turn out to be Zensunni, declare Jihad, upon which Fremen emerge from the galactic badlands and wreck the Empire's shit fiercely.

      In the end, the Emperor is declared unfit for duty by the fanatics and replaced by a wiry juvenile badass. Then The Force is declared haram.

      THE MERGED-UNIVERSE END!

  10. Matt Bryant Silver badge

    Gore? Good.

    The Star Wars prequels were a bit too clean, they really didn't show the results of violence as much as even the original movie back in the 70s. Yes, I know they want kids to go without subsequently having nightmares, but I worry more about kids not realising violence is nasty, messy and painful rather than them becoming "desensitised".

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Gore? Good.

      You'd expect Luke would have been said, "Oh God, the fuckers burnt my aunt and uncle and dumped them outside the house! Why God, why?!" at least once. Or Leia is left with PTSD and flashbacks after being shut in a room with the floating needle drone and Vader and tortured.

      They didn't really address the violence.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Gore? Good.

        And then 10'000 workers and military support personnel get killed by fucking terrorists.

        YAVIN NEVAR FORGET!!

      2. IsJustabloke Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: Gore? Good.

        "They didn't really address the violence."

        You know they were kids films right?

        You don't need to see the gore/violence, to paraphrase one Sheldon Cooper, "the violence is rendered by the most powerful graphics card in the world.... the human mind"

  11. KBeee

    I saw the original Star Wars back in the 70's in a cinema in Shaftsbury Avenue. Went with a friend called Phil. When we came out he was enthusing about "Best Film I've Ever Seen!"

    I thought it was puerile crap - still do. But I was youmg and forgiving in those days...

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Windows

      Yeah. It IS puerile crap.

      Basically a coming-of-age adventure story from Japan with space fantasy elements.

      But so what?

      Go back to Wittgenstein then or check out Mr Plinkett here and even more here

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    2. Uffish
      Paris Hilton

      Re: "the original Star Wars movie"

      If you want to enjoy a movie you have to block out the inevitable crappification from the money botherers, the stars' quirks, the script re-writers committees and whatever else is involved in movie making.

      Then you have to work out if the enjoyment is worth the effort. For me, seeing the first Star Wars, with 20th century switches doing fabulous things (hyper-drive, shields ...) and jedi swords, special effects and all that, was great fun and worth the ticket price but the story lines and drama of the whole Star Wars series has always been too overdone for me.

      Icon because I was just wondering what the next one will be about.

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

        Re: "the original Star Wars movie"

        I've seen Star Wars scenes before they added the music - they we really boring. Without the music the film would have totally failed.

        1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

          Re: "the original Star Wars movie"

          Without the music the film would have totally failed.

          IT'S NOT AN ARTHOUSE MOVIE!!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "the original Star Wars movie"

        "Icon because I was just wondering what the next one will be about."

        It's about how you can make a death planet with the same gaping security issues as the original 30 years before.

        Thinking about it, maybe the Force Awakens should have been STAR WARS - THE INTERPLANET OF THINGS.

        1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge
          1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge
            Trollface

            Re: "the original Star Wars movie"

            "I've seen Star Wars scenes before they added the music" - even better if you hear Vader before he was dubbed

  12. Sampler

    Quite possibly at the same screening with you Simon (George Street?) and I enjoyed it quite a lot - saying something given I really disliked the last one (and the three before that), it really is a way to show both how to do a modern Star Wars movie AND how to do a prequel properly.

    There's still some pacing issues with it but my only real gripe is it denigrates the first movie.

    The long running geek meme of why would the Death Star have an exhaust port, design flaw etc.. is what's been used to create the central storyline here, only, it's not a design flaw, it needs to vent gas into space, so it needs an exhaust port, but it's a tiny exhaust port - they remark on how impossible a shot it is and how the guy using targeting computers fails, impacting on the side, this builds up for Luke using The Force(TM) to shoot his guided missiles (given they make a ninety degree turn) and what an astounding achievement this is, he managed to defeat the enemy against the near impossible odds.

    Now, now he just got lucky, made the shot set up by Hannibal. So, like the prequels and the awful sequel, it carries on the tradition of ruining the original movies that bit more.

    They need to move away, there's a big and rich universe to set all kinds of stories in, they don't have to carry on flogging the dead horse of the originals and ruining our memory of them with each blow.

    The Peter Cushing special effects though are remarkable, I guess we're not far away from seeing any actor from any period appearing in films to come, that could really be something, finally, the Arnie vs Stallone fight scene we've always wanted, back in their '80's looking bodies, and not the spitting image muppets they've aged into..

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Now, now he just got lucky, made the shot set up by Hannibal. So, like the prequels and the awful sequel, it carries on the tradition of ruining the original movies that bit more.

      I don't see this. This part of the story at least works: There is a design flaw which has eluded Imperial Auditors, and it's all about getting the details out about the fact that it indeed exists and how to exploit it.

      Now you just need someone really hardcore to actually use.

      Luke was TOLD to use this flaw, but still succeeding was a great deal.

  13. wolfetone Silver badge

    "between Episode III and Episode IV"

    You mean before the original Star Wars film? Films before the original 70's films just don't exist.

  14. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Meh

    Death Star plans have no password and are too big to upload quickly

    Is that a new name for the Purple Palace?

  15. LDS Silver badge
    Joke

    Just a failure to notice...

    ... that the best spies are high-ranking insiders (or anyway people with enough access, often mostly "unnoticeable" ones) ... most of the most top secrets project were stolen without much blood shed. Exfiltrating data may take time, you need to go unnoticed.

    But of course people don't want a cunning story, they want laser blasts.

    Yet, I still have to understand how the Death Star can travel in space... given any other spaceship in SW has clearly visible rear engines... (Tie fighters don't have then, and can't travel much)

    Anyway, I would have connected to the station WiFi to stole the plans... and run a ransomware on Darth Vader systems. Giving him a hint it was Jabba, or course..

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Just a failure to notice...

      Sienar Fleet Systems TIE fighters (note capitalisation) are powered by Twin Ion Engines, whereas the Incom T-65 X-wing starfighters are powered by fusial thrust engines. Since we've not seen the back of either iteration of Death Star, we can't say what kind of sublight propulsion it uses. Some sources (http://www.theforce.net/swtc/ds/propulsion.html) claim that the nozzles may have been too small to spot from the distances we normally observe the battle stations from.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Just a failure to notice...

        It's space magic, nobody has to explain shit!

      2. John 104
        Joke

        Re: Just a failure to notice...

        (pushes up glasses and says in slightly whiny voice)

        Some sources (http://www.theforce.net/swtc/ds/propulsion.html) claim that the nozzles may have been too small to spot from the distances we normally observe the battle stations from.

        FTFY. ;)

        1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

          Re: Just a failure to notice...

          So, battle-station-spotting is a thing?

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Bob Dole (tm)

      Re: Just a failure to notice...

      Nanites, of course.

  16. This post has been deleted by its author

  17. earl grey Silver badge
    Trollface

    Once we get up to ludicrous speed

    "So the combination is... one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Once we get up to ludicrous speed

      Don't joke, I've seen multiple government offices that used that to access their buildings!

      Anon for obvious reasons.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    they could have just sent an email to a moron Imperial congressman with a "someone has your Death Star password... click here"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      There is probably no longer an "imperial congressman". They have all been replaced by horses, Caligula-style.

      (The Death Star project also seems to be run under extreme secrecy, anyone outside the inner circle is unlikely to know anything).

  19. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    Go

    Two thumbs up!

    Saw it this evening and - though I wasn't 100% happy with the ending - it was a very enjoyable film.

  20. Farnet

    It must be Christmas

    It good old chat about the actual story, thats the spirit.

    No one has likened any of it to Brexit, US Elections, or religeon yet.... make a pleasant change :-)

  21. Snarf Junky

    It was excellent

    Finished work early yesterday and took my seat in an almost empty cinema and was taken back to being a kid watching Empire Strikes Back in the Quinton Essoldo.

    The fighing is dirty, the characters likeable (or not as the case may be) and it's a good old galactical scrap. A nice few nods to previous films such as the two gents from Mos Eisley that Jyn bumps into.

    All in all I thought it was terrific and can't wait to see it again.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: It was excellent

      This.

      I couldn't get back into it as much as in the 70s/80s evidently but it was still awesome in a retro way.

      Reanimating Peter Cushing ... that was great!

      Two notes:

      1) This movie shows that the Empire is run by management types through and through. They like to infight, look out for themselves only, are persistently nasty and think they can run the infrastructure without the engineers who built it or even the plans to the machinery for that matter.

      2) Sadly, at one point the movie got the feel of an adventure game (push that button, insert this thing here, now get to that unreachable control point some feet away). Plus, characters far too often plunge into action blindly where no chance of success can possibly exist. Nobody does that in real life, this makes things look cartoonish. (Like landing on Naboo then finding a magical ship in an underwater city in a pond that brings one tho the other side on the planet through the planet core... yeah, a likely development)

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: It was excellent

          Also, no-get gets transformed instantly into Chernobyl Chicken by being in range of the suspiciously blue-coloured exhaust of space-going vehicles.

          There should be radiation warnings everywhere in the movie!

  22. Chozo

    The script sucks more than a zero-g toilet, there's a serious problem with the gravitas generators and can only assume that the bad CGI is a subliminal ploy to sell Princess Leia bobble head dolls.

    But I don't care, loved every minute of it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Bad CGI? It's still kinda, sorta imperfect but we are now far from this Lovecraft citation: His expressionless face was handsome to the point of radiant beauty, but had shocked the superintendent when the hall light fell on it—for it was a wax face with eyes of painted glass. Some nameless accident had befallen this man.

  23. Shovel

    I didn't see any Bothans die in Rogue One. The plans made it without their help.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      That Bothans were involved confirmed as #FakeNews

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019