back to article Military reservist bemoans frost-bitten baby-maker on Antarctic trek

The nights are drawing in*, and there’s certainly a chill wind blowing across Blighty, but it's not so cold that it would freeze your knackers off. Not like poor old adventurer Alex Brazier, who is suffering from Polar Penis in his 1,100 mile journey across Antarctica. The son of Tory MP Julian Brazier is among a small group …

  1. SImon Hobson Silver badge
    Coat

    I recall reading some time ago that one of the modern explorers would ask applicants for an expedition team if they were "fully intact" or had been snipped. Apparently, circumcised men are more prone to frostbite in such conditions.

    Puts a new spin in the old joke that you should be a complete dick to ... ... allright, I'll get my coat.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @Simon...

      If you're going to focus on that.. there's one other thing to consider....

      Its better to be a grower than a shower.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kind of makes sense

    High blood flow, high surface area to volume.

    Maybe the ladies of the British legion can do some willy warmers. In those conditions, an inch or two should suffice.

  3. TRT Silver badge

    You just have to...

    tuck the end in your boot. It's what I always do.

    1. Martin Summers Silver badge

      Re: You just have to...

      Nah I let mine mark a trail I can follow back in the snow.

      1. VinceH

        Re: You just have to...

        I do that, but for a different reason - it confuses any people who are following me.

        "These footprints can't have been made by a human... it appears to have a tail."

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: You just have to...

      "tuck the end in your boot."

      And try not to get excited.

      1. Mark 65

        Re: You just have to...

        Wonder if that would then qualify for the Ministry of Silly Walks? Or would that be Willy Walks?

    3. Glenturret Single Malt

      Re: You just have to...

      Thought the first t was an f.

  4. Steve Foster
    Joke

    Hmmm

    Perhaps this was not the best time to decide to "go commando"!

    1. jamesb2147

      Re: Hmmm

      Have a vote for the military joke... ho ho ho...

  5. jamesb2147
    Headmaster

    On a serious note

    I believe the word is spelled Antar*c*tic, not Antartic. Surprised that spellcheck didn't give you grief for that one.

    1. Herby

      Re: On a serious note

      When I was there is was called "The Ice".

  6. Florida1920
    Headmaster

    "Antarctic"

    "C" That is all.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not as bad

    as the headline suggested. I was imagining a female reservist, amputation, and a drunken squad mate pissing and moaning on twitter about sending a 'baby-maker' to do a man's job. After no doubt getting her pregnant.

  8. tiggity Silver badge

    Shaven?

    Was he a keen shaver? Or maybe his thatch did not go a long way down / was not very luxuriant?

  9. AMBxx Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Sorry to be a cynic:

    6 people raising £100k? How much is this costing? Sounds more like one of those 'sponsor my child's trip to India' things - free holiday and a well-padded CV.

    Good cause, bad way to raise money. Hopefully I'm wrong and the cost of the trip isn't coming out of the sponsorship.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sorry to be a cynic:

      Sounds more like one of those 'sponsor my child's trip to India' things - free holiday and a well-padded CV.

      Oooh. Good idea. I'll start a "sponsor my trip to Monte Carlo" fund.

      1. Robert Baker
        Joke

        Re: Sorry to be a cynic:

        Anyone willing to sponsor my hazardous expedition to Alton Towers, to find the West Pole?

  10. knarf

    South Pole its summer

    Surely Vulture South told you the difference

    1. david 12 Silver badge

      Re: South Pole its summer

      The vulture was trolling HBO. Looks like it caught you....

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm sure there's a joke to be made about being forewarned about this and getting a tip off

    1. Alister Silver badge

      I'm sure there's a joke to be made about being forewarned about this and getting a tip off

      No need to go off half-cocked...

  12. FuzzyWuzzys
    Happy

    WINTER IS COMING (tm)

    ...something this poor sod won't be doing for quite some time if he doesn't cover it up!

  13. 100113.1537

    Cross-country skiers have similar issues

    It is a well known issue with the longer cross country races (the men do up to 50km in just over 2 hours) when the temperatures are -20 or so. As racers, they don't wear bulky clothes and are very prone to frozen parts. Petter Northug (Norway's current star) revealed a couple of years that he had had some problems - particularly painful in the shower after the race, was how he delicately described it. He also revealed a posing pouch lined with an insulated material which he said he was going to use in the future. I can't find the pictures, but I remember it looked quite cosy.

    1. Glenturret Single Malt

      Re: Cross-country skiers have similar issues

      I can recall coming back indoors after playing football on wet snow and weeping with agony - and that was only as my feet warmed up.

  14. Jonathan Richards 1
    Thumb Up

    URL

    Ooo! Lawyer-baiting in the URLs, is it? [icon => ]

  15. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Coat

    So the remedy is stuffing a wadded-up woolen hat down under?

    Yeah, I think Spinal Tap used that excuse too, after the foil-wrapped cucumber was no longer usable.

  16. x 7

    He needs one of these

    http://i.imgur.com/Qn1aQ.png

    with or without tail? your choice

  17. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    So, in essence an icicle...

  18. 404 Silver badge

    I did not need to know that...

    .. and it probably overwrote something important in my brain.

    Thanks, you bloody bastards*...

    *See? I'm a fucking American for fuck's sake! 'Bloody bastards', indeed.

  19. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Snap-on/Snap-off

    One is a manufacturer of quality tools. The other is what would happen if the tool in question freezes.

    Best to keep it warm with some rigorous, but cautious exercise.

  20. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Will HBO rise to the bait? :)

  21. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    "Hey HBO... It looks like WINTER IS COMING!"

    More of this please.

    Much more.

    In fact, drown the bastards with it.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I have been stuffing woolly socks down my trousers for years. At least now I have an excuse!

  23. phuzz Silver badge

    Isn't a baby maker a uterus? I know penises are a popular part of the process, but they're not strictly necessary...

    1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      Surely

      the correct terminology around here is 'todger'.

      El Reg's standards are slipping.

  24. JJKing Silver badge
    Coat

    Wrong member of Parliament.

    Or maybe his thatch did not go a long way down / was not very luxuriant?

    They said the MP's son was called Brazier and not Thatcher.

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