back to article Eugene Kaspersky is now personally defending your feet

How secure are your feet? With these exclusive socks from, er, Kaspersky, your tootsies will never be subject to another bout of ransomware again. Sock with Eugene Kaspersky's face on it, given out by his company The stylish black footwear was being handed out, along with advent calendars, at Kaspersky's Christmas bash in …

  1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    What a pity

    Wrong size. So I'll just make a very not-at-all-amusing comment as I don't want to win.

    President Trump

    Prime Minister Farage

    Presidente Le Pen

    1. Alexander J. Martin

      Re: What a pity

      They are exceptionally small socks. Something something, joke about winning them and giving them away to proxy feet.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: What a pity

        They are, however, Safe Socks.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: What a pity

          On that theme, albeit being 6 to 8 inches, these probably should not be worn as a prophylactic. They may be anti-virus, but I don't think they're anti-conception.

          1. psychonaut

            Re: What a pity

            i dont think you'd need any prophylactics after looking at his face

  2. EvilGardenGnome
    Coat

    A real stocking stuffer

    So you're saying he's got us covered, lock, sock, and barrel?

    Mine's the one with the Kaspersky socks in it. ;]

  3. pdebarra

    Who's footing the bill?

  4. Neil 36

    Scaling new lows

    Security used to be pants, now we've scaled new lows and now it's socks (or should that be "sucks"?)

    1. Chris King Silver badge

      Re: Scaling new lows

      "Security used to be pants..."

      Sophos said something very similar years ago, and they sent my colleague a pair of Y-fronts to prove it. I think they also sent him an odd sock as well !

  5. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    Socknote

    "Socknote"

    Surely that should be "footnote"...

  6. Cynical Observer

    Clearly believes that this is the one and only way to cover the Achilles Heel of modern computer security.

  7. Captain Badmouth
    Thumb Up

    The infosec-themed cocktails were rather moreish.?

    Infosock-themed shirley?

    Brings a whole new meaning to secure boot.

  8. lafnlab
    Boffin

    I'm pretty sure feet smell because of fungi, so I'm not sure anti-virus socks will help.

    1. Fungus Bob Silver badge
      Coat

      It's OK - Eugene Kapersky is a real fun guy.

      Mine's the one with fast actin' Tinactin in the pocket...

  9. Steve K Silver badge
    Coat

    Darn it...

    Now if your AV software has a hole in it you can just say "Darn it!"

    Does Kaspersky now meet SOX audit criteria?

    I'll stop now

    1. Chris King Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Darn it...

      Don't worry, it's not like you've put your foot in it or anything.

      My coat too, if you please...

  10. quattroprorocked

    Just what I need

    For my kids Christmas Sock Puppet Show :-)

  11. MLOWES

    Kaspersky always goes in two-footed on malware

  12. MLOWES

    You could say Kaspersky is going in two-footed on malware...

    1. Alexander J. Martin

      What if you said Kaspersky was going in two-footed on malware?

      1. Kane Silver badge
        Go

        I suspect that you could say Kaspersky was going in two-footed on malware.

  13. lawndart

    Virus Alert:

    Kaspersky antivirus has discovered infection HERPES ZOSTER at location RIGHT ANKLE and has shut down and quarantined RIGHT ANKLE as a safety precaution.

    I think I already have Kaspersky installed since my last bout of shingles repeatedly shut down operations to my right knee. This lead to many not-quite-amusing leg collapsing moments.

    1. Steve K Silver badge

      Re: Virus Alert:

      Wasn't Herpes Zoster the Greek Prime Minister?

  14. W4YBO

    Check your pockets...

    Do the socks consume most of the wearers' system resources?

  15. DNTP

    Are you connecting to TOR via SOCKS proxy?

    No my feet just smell like onions.

  16. psychonaut
    Coat

    im assuming

    now even your tootsies can be SSL compliant with kaspersky's new Secure Sock-ets Layer

    coat? TAXI!

  17. Kevin Johnston

    Round and round we go

    Further to the Sophos comment above, many moons ago I had a pair from Dr Solomon

  18. W. Anderson

    Kaspersky Mocking Windows protection

    Nice socks gimmick by Eugene Kaspersky, "... who sadly wasn't present last night) said next year will feature lots of malware and business will be good."

    He was not referring to Apple MacOS, Linux, ChromeOS, but Microsoft which every day seems to entangle their software into more and more malware, and is a total morass.

    Good that at least Kaspersky, Sophos, Symantec and others can still enjoy significant income - from Microsoft software disaster, even though "PC" tales are tanking each and every year.

    1. DNTP

      Re: I enjoy a good PC tale

      …and then the ghost cried, "DOOM! YOU ARE DOOMED!"

      "Ahhhh!" the user screamed. "Why am I doomed?"

      "THE OWNERS OF THIS HOUSE," cried the ghost, "KNOW NOT THEIR OWN WI-FI PASSWORD!"

      "Oh no! My connectivity!" said the user. "Wait… ghost, do you know the password?"

      "NOOOOOOO!" and then it vanished, leaving the user huddled in terror and fear.

  19. This post has been deleted by its author

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You mean all AV companies don't do these?

    I particularly like the Clippy ones

  21. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    To wear these socks...

    ...you will need to do a re-boot.

  22. ultrastarx1

    Full house elf protection

    Soooo u want anti virus protection do you feeble muggles, cried Vaspersky, lord of all system resources; soon you will be wanting your freedom too. Let's make a heal, virtues erm um viruses are everywhere, and no antivirus firm knows or pays for where they come from somewhat like magic, but here's a freebie that comes with a full free copy of your soul, errrr our software, with a life time contract erm wait that's worth a shed load of muggle pounds, give me a minute... (Screams are heard from a high tower containing a sleeping character, and a whirring is heard as old coasters/CDs are lathed) Right here are a pair or unvaluable socks, let them solve all/most/some/one of your needs, should you have small feet. Then in a puff of athletes foot spray a boy stepped out from behind the muggle, Tobby regismith (go on, you think of something better), a ha said he, displaying the mark on his head of he whom really whips the llamas ass ( old school iconography) by giving this poor muggle these socks, you have given him freedom, to choose another non free in a commercial environment product which disables the built in free antivirus.. Oh great said the muggle allready on the BYOD waving his wand at every boob he can see, the internet obviously being as safe as a flying pigwarts.

  23. Captain DaFt

    Obvious question:

    How badly do these socks slow me down when I run?

  24. MrDamage

    Just proving

    That Eugene sees himself as as bit of a leg end.

  25. Glenturret Single Malt

    Non-interchangeable

    Has anyone else noticed a trend in recent years for socks with a symbol/logo on one side? Presumably these are intended to be worn with the logo on the outside which means that you have perforce defined right and left socks. This goes against the idea that, even if they are put away folded together in the sock drawer, you don't have to worry which one goes on which foot while fumbling around getting dressed in the semi-darkness of a winter morning trying not to waken the still slumbering occupant of the bed.

    So, no thanks. I perefer my socks ambidextrous (ambipodous?).

  26. BongoJoe

    Size Eight?

    I have always wondered how people with such small feet manage to stay upright in strong winds.

  27. BazzF

    never on display

    Since SOCKS performs on layer 5 (between Presentation and Transport) these will never be seen.

  28. Alister Silver badge

    I've recently been working on a Winsocks application...

    Didn't realise I could have got these to protect it.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So...

    ... will they stop me catching verrucas from my phone?

  30. RexBowman

    We 'ave ways of making you walk'

  31. Pat Harkin

    I would love to have these to add to my extensive collection of anti-virus footware.As I already have a pair of Solomon & Solomon[1] socks (sadly faded, as I got them in about 1990), the Kapersky socks would double the size of the museum.

    [1] At an S&S presentation, we were told anyone who asked a question would get free socks. I asked "Does this count as a question?"

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