back to article Married man arrives at A&E with wedding ring stuck on todger

A South African was forced to undergo rare penile strangulation surgery after slotting a wedding ring over his tackle that he was unable to pull off, according to a medical journal. The 28-year-old unnamed man decided the more traditional form of auto erotic asphyxiation just wasn’t for him and so decided to choke another part …

  1. AbelSoul
    Coat

    Now that you've gone..

    All that's left is a band of gold,

    All that's left of the dreams I ho-old....

    1. Les Matthew

      Re: Now that you've gone..

      That would be the alternate version by Freda Pain. :)

  2. GreggS

    Love is a burning thing

    And it makes a firery ring. Bound by wild desire. I fell into a ring of fire.

    1. GreggS

      Re: Love is a burning thing

      Or alternatively;

      I hurt myself today

      To see if I still feel

      I focus on the pain

      The only thing that's real

      The needle tears a hole

      The old familiar sting

      Try to kill it all away

      But I remember everything

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A wedding ring...

    Either he's got really fat fingers or his wife is easily pleased.

    Wonder how many thumbs up?

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: A wedding ring...

      +1 as I wondered something along those lines.... And remembered the joke about big hands and big feet.

      1. Hey Nonny Nonny Mouse

        Re: A wedding ring...

        Big shoes and gloves.

    2. Charlie Clark Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: A wedding ring...

      I'd always thought this sort of thing was apocryphal but obviously not. If you really must try this kind of thing I believe you can get something called a "cock ring", which is slightly smaller than the average (53 mm according the condom manufacturers).

      But, basically viagra in all its forms is what the pros use. Unless their worried about getting the gush.

      I'm just off down the park…

      1. TopCat62

        Re: A wedding ring...

        53mm?

        That's circumference, right?

    3. Mutton Jeff

      Re: A wedding ring...

      Thumbs up what?

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A wedding ring...

      Obviously a "grower" not a "shower".

    5. BongoJoe

      Re: A wedding ring...

      Wonder how many thumbs up?

      Depends on up where, I suppose...

  4. AMBxx Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Doctor stories

    One of the joys of having friends in the NHS is the never-ending list of similar stories.

    Winced over the story involving a champagne flute - the chap had 'sat on it' accidentally.

    1. OldTimer1955

      Re: Doctor stories

      A champagne flute? At least it wasn't a coupe.

    2. Arthur the cat Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Doctor stories

      One of the joys of having friends in the NHS is the never-ending list of similar stories.

      Ditto. The one that's always stuck in the mind was the whole fish that was stuck elsewhere. Gills go in very easily but then open out when attempting removal.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Doctor stories

      Bart's have an eyebrow raising selection of objects that have been inserted or otherwise ingested but the most worrisome one is a live anti aircraft munition.

      An old colleague's mother worked as an A&E nurse for some time and was a fount of such stories but they tend to pale into mundanity after a while, there are only so many times a primary school teacher losing sex toys in their rectum is amusing. Unless she goes public in her local newspaper and warns other people as a public service

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Doctor stories

        A nurse girlfriend in the 1970s told of the use of Babycham bottles.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Doctor stories

        "Bart's have an eyebrow raising selection of objects that have been inserted or otherwise ingested but the most worrisome one is a live anti aircraft munition."

        If they still have it and it's still live that really is worrisome.

    4. enormous c word

      Re: Doctor stories

      :-) I always smile at the story of the guy who slipped in the shower and got his old Nokia stuck where the sun dont shine. Obviously it was a vibrating phone - once word got out, he was deluged with calls which was apparently quite off-putting during the removal *procedure*. I'm reminded of the old Dom Jolly / Trigger Happy TV routine - "Hello, I'm in the theatre. Yeah it's hands-free. No it's shit, gotta go, ciao"

  5. DrXym Silver badge

    ♬ Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh ♬

    Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

    If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it

    Don't be mad once you see that he want it

    If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it

  6. M7S
    Coat

    Ketamine - usually used as an equine sedative

    Is there something here we're not being told? It might explain his difficulty pulling it off.

    1. AbelSoul
      Trollface

      Re: difficulty pulling it off

      I see what you did there.

  7. Professor Clifton Shallot

    Apt

    that El Reg made sure to include a link for "Tips and corrections" at the end of the article.

  8. moiety

    "Escorted by his mother"

    Oh dear. The sarcasm is never going to end for the poor sod.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Mothers always think their children are mentally about three years old, even when you're in your thirties.

      ...which is how I ended up with a rather attractive doctor checking my prostate (ie a finger right up my arse) with my mum looking on, when I was aged twenty eight.

      (it turned out to be appendicitis in case you were wondering)

      1. Commswonk Silver badge

        Mothers always think their children are mentally about three years old,

        In this case I suspect that she was probably right.

        1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

          Come now! Everyone knows that men reach the age of 5, and then the bodies keep growing.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        "it turned out to be appendicitis in case you were wondering"

        AIUI it's an accepted diagnostic technique for appendicitis.

      3. Montreal Sean

        @appendicitis

        That's an unusual test for appendicitis isn't it?

        Kinda like the A&E doc who did the same to me when I came in with a possible hernia...

        When I later told my physician about it during a checkup, all he could say was "That was very thorough of him..."

        1. Mog_X
          Joke

          Re: @appendicitis

          Did you feel two hands on your shoulders when he did the examination?

  9. tiggity Silver badge

    Maybe he was listening to Anita Ward

    And misheard lyrics as "Ring my Bell (End)"

    Just looked at my wedding ring diameter, either I have tiny Trump hands or ouch!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    On the recommendation of friends??

    With friends like these who needs enemies!

  11. astrax

    Thankfully....

    ...it wasn't a Chinese finger trap.

  12. Pompous Git Silver badge

    Thankfully, the oedema - fluid retention - subsidised and after three days of antibiotic use, the man made a full recovery.
    I wonder how much the subsidy was.

  13. hi_robb

    This article reminds me...

    That I haven't spokn to my South African friend for ages!

    I think I'll give him a ring....

  14. hi_robb

    And...

    I guess they'd done the "here comes the bride" bit and were now trying out the "here comes the groom"

  15. Haku

    A video recently surfaced on LiveLeak of the removal of a wedding ring from a Chinese man

    http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=038_1475133562

    Probably best you don't watch it at work, or at all if you have any semblance of sanity...

  16. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Looked at my fingers.

    Looked at my ring.

    Looked at my todger.

    Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  17. Zebo-the-Fat

    Pink??

    "successful attempt involved the man’s penis being punctured by a 20ml syringe and pink needle to release the stored blood."

    Why a "Pink" needle does it just look nice or is it a technical term I have not heard of?

    1. Gnoitall
      Boffin

      Re: Pink??

      IV needle gauge color code. A pink needle is a 20-gauge, a moderately fine needle good for drawing or for IVs in patients with fine veins.

      See http://www.registerednursern.com/iv-gauge-needles/ for an explanation.

  18. Richard Scratcher
    Gimp

    Must have been a very small wedding ring...

    ...or am I missing something?

  19. Tikimon Silver badge
    Devil

    And he's the BIG one!

    This guy gets his wee winky stuck in a wedding ring, so presumed small diameter. But consider that at least a few of his friends (plural!) were small enough to successfully do it and have fun doing so. I kinda pity the men and women of that area.

    Of course, it's possible that they lied about having done it and merely pranked the guy...

  20. AOD
    WTF?

    Plonker!

    Title says it all...

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    The Vicar...

    ...Should've gone to Specsavers

  22. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    Limpopo?

    Are we really supposed to take this story seriously?

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Limpopo?

      @Ken Moorhouse

      Are we really supposed to take this story seriously?

      Of course. This is not Wikipedia. This is The Register, aka Willipedia, and publishers of "Bulgarian Airbags Monthly"

    2. Pompous Git Silver badge

      Re: Limpopo?

      Seiously, shouldn't that be Limpeepee?

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: Limpopo?

        @Pompous Git

        reminds me of Pee Pee and Po Po from Eurotrash

  23. Michael Thibault

    "The conclusion?"

    This guy was unwittingly presenting impressive credentials for deserving marital shackles. Perhaps fortunately (mostly for, and courtesy, her), there's a little one in the picture already. Darwin is still right, though.

  24. J.G.Harston Silver badge

    Removal of wedding ring in a rural area? So that's what they're calling it now.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It won't be the first and it won't be the last time a wedding ring has took all the blood out of someones dick.

  26. Pat Harkin

    When I worked in A&E...

    Every unit carried a ring cutter (unfortunate term in the circumstances) which looked a little like a tin opener (if you remember such frippery) - less than a tenner on eBay I'm surprised they needed an oscillating cutter - those things are bulky and harder to control.

  27. Medical Cynic

    All the E&E departments I've worked in have ring cutters available, which have a blunt bit to slide under the ring between gold and flesh, and a rotary cutter turned by hand to cut through the ring. I'm sure one of these would have worked. Possibly for a thick ring two cuts 180 deg apart would have been required.

  28. bombastic bob Silver badge
    Devil

    all they really needed to do...

    all they really needed to do, to get his member 'small enough' to slip the ring off, would be to:

    a) show him hot naked pics of radical feminists like Mrs. Clinton, Patricia Ireland, Gloria Steinam, etc.

    b) a (naked?) pic of his wife after 30 years and 50 lbs have been added

    c) a virtual reality "divorce court" simulation in which he's taken to the cleaners by multiple women making false claims against him and deliberately keeping their own personal income LOW so that HE must pay MORE (and pay ALL of the attorney's fees on top of it).

    yeah, THAT'll make your penis pucker!

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019