back to article Could Heather from EastEnders turn on Kettering if Lohan is no-show?

The good burghers of Kettering have been left in a pre-Christmas tizzy as Lindsay Lohan appears to be on the brink of reneging on her promise to turn on the Northants powerhouse for Christmas. La Lohan had promised to flick the switch on the town’s Christmas lights back in June, after being accused of insulting the midlands …

  1. 's water music Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    enough already

    Who gives one about la lohan's business. We all want more coverage of the dev-ops angle on Kim Cardassian

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: enough already

      She's allied herself with the Dominion and is preparing to invade the Federation.

    2. Charlie Clark Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: enough already

      What about learning Kim's curves?

      Mine's the slightly grubby mac.

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: enough already

      I think you miss spelled "Kartrashian"......

  2. Rich 11 Silver badge

    “everyone knows where Kettering is”

    Apparently dear Lindsay is having trouble finding it with both hands and a map.

    1. breakfast

      More likely she found it straight away and now, realising where it is, has gone into hiding.

  3. Goldmember

    "Cheryl Fergison is starring in panto at the town’s Lighthouse Theatre, along with Mark Pearce and Lucie Downer"

    Who, who and who?

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      First to third base at the World Series? But for Chicago or Cleveland? I don't know.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What do you think of kettering?

    I don't know - I've never kettered.

  5. choleric

    FAA strikes again?

    Maybe the FAA is preventing her from getting clearance to fly from US soil, rather like her astronautical namesake?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: FAA strikes again?

      I think Lindsay is in London, and the FAA won't let her come back.

    2. MJI Silver badge

      Re: FAA strikes again?

      Fleet Air Arm?

  6. adnim Silver badge
    Trollface

    Who? What?

    Does any one with an IQ in double figures give a fuck?

    Shouldn't this article be in one of those pointless chat/gossip magazines?

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Who? What?

      The answer, going by that latest photo, is most definitely not. I'd rather have a nice warm cup of tea.

  7. Blitheringeejit
    FAIL

    Deeply disappointed...

    ...to find this wasn't an update on our beloved Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator mission, but just some meaningless celebrity bollocks. C'mon El Reg, we read you precisely because you DON'T peddle this shit.

    Friday afternoons used to be fun round here, where's our BOFH and/or Stob rewards for making it through another week?

  8. TRT Silver badge

    About the only thing she's opening this Christmas...

    are her legs.

    No time for this person at all. Apart from the 20 seconds to type this of course.

  9. Ashley_Pomeroy

    I've come to love the Daily Mail. You know how Winston Smith initially had misgivings about Big Brother, but he finally saw sense and realised he was wrong to doubt the awesome power of The Party? I've come to love the Daily Mail. It's self-aware. The writers know that everybody hates them; they are magnificent, talented professionals.

    They have a thing now where they run photos of a fading star whose body is in terrible shape, but the article says e.g. "X flaunts her gym-honed figure", or "Y's dangerous curves were on display as the glamorous bombshell did yoga in the park". Now check out the article about Lohan in London - "the US star looked stunning in a statement dress for an evening with pals", followed by a photo of a drunk middle-aged woman with a double chin and awful lipstick.

    Seriously, something clicked inside my brain. It's not real. The Daily Mail isn't real. It's self-aware. Of all the newspapers published in Britain at the moment it is the only one that is (a) alive (b) keenly intelligent. The Guardian doesn't count - it's written by dreadful bores who only have one topic. The Mail is genius and I love it. I love The Daily Mail.

    1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

      Daily Mail

      It is the apparent source of reviving an old claim that Bill Clinton had an illegitimate son with a black lady - besides, also apparently, the young man in question not giving up, in spite of an alleged (possibly false) failed paternity test using published data about Bill Clinton's DNA that Bill, er, left on Monica Lewinsky's clothes.

      From there to Drudge - I'm told - and WND (gasp!) as well.

      My impression is that no one cared between the original fuss and October 2016, but it isn't something that I looked for.

      I wonder how proficient he is at sax.

  10. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    The hazrds of relying on auto-correct.

    "Lindsay Lohan appears to be on the bring of reneging on her promise to turn on"

    The hazards of relying on an automatic spell checker and not actually proof-reading stuff.

    No, since you ask, I don't have my email set up on this laptop.

  11. MT Field
    Unhappy

    Daily Mail website

    What a god awful mess that is.

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