back to article Job ad asks for 'detrimental' sysadmin

Honesty in job ads is rarity. When employers talk of "exciting admin management opportunities", they really mean: paper-pushing drones wanted. We all know that "disruptive upstarts" translates as chaotic hipsters making it up as they go along; and "challenging role for the right person" means we will pay you to take crap. So …

  1. hmv

    I believe that typing "detrimental" instead of "instrumental" is rather a large chance to put down as a typo. I usually call such mistakes "thinkos" :)

    1. John Hawkins

      I believe 'Freudian slip' is the correct term (though what Freud was doing while wearing a slip I don't really want to know).

      1. Dr Scrum Master
        Headmaster

        I believe 'Freudian slip' is the correct term (though what Freud was doing while wearing a slip I don't really want to know).

        If you like pop-psychology then yes, but the term used by Freud is Parapraxis.

        1. TitterYeNot
          Coat

          "the term used by Freud is Parapraxis"

          Ah yes, when you mean to say one thing, but actually say amother.

          I have recent experience of this. I was at the train station getting a ticket home, and instead of saying "Can I have a ticket to Ritzville please?", it came out "Can I have a ricket to Titzville please?", which got me a very dark look from the girl behind the counter.

          The guy behind me in the queue tapped me on the shoulder and said "You won't believe this, exactly the same thing happened to me the other day. I was sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast with my wife, and what I meant to say was 'Can you pass the salt please dear?', but what actually came out was 'You've ruined my life you fat ugly bitch...'"

          <Coughs> Mine's the one with the very old dodgy joke book in the pocket...

          1. TRT Silver badge

            "the term used by Freud was Parapraxis"

            But what he meant to say was "soapy tit wanks".

      2. AbelSoul
        Trollface

        Re: what Freud was doing while wearing a slip...

        Apparently he was just checking himself out.

      3. Chris King Silver badge

        "(though what Freud was doing while wearing a slip I don't really want to know)"

        Maybe he was just trying to get in touch with his feminine side ?

      4. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

        > though what Freud was doing while wearing a slip I don't really want to know

        It was purely for Ediphucational purposes, obviously.

      5. Steve Aubrey
        Joke

        I thought a Freudian slip was when you said one thing but meant your mother . . .

    2. Unep Eurobats
      Headmaster

      Re: typo

      Autocorrectification, Shirley.

      1. DailyLlama

        Re: typo

        That's right, and don't call me Shirley!

      2. Roj Blake Silver badge

        Re: typo

        There is a special place in Hull reserved for the inventor of autocorrect.

      3. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

        Autorectification

        I want the word to be "fundamental" - but that also seems a long way from what we got.

        "instrumental" sounds like you have to take music lessons, "fundamental" may be spending most of your time sitting around on your MTBF.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Fundamental.

          Half fun, half mental.

    3. Captain DaFt

      "I believe that typing "detrimental" instead of "instrumental" is rather a large chance to put down as a typo."

      A common typo.

      the keys are like right next to each other.

      1. Aus Tech

        I don't know what keyboard you are using, but there is a lot of space between "d" and "i" on my keyboard. I think that a brain fade is much more likely, after all, "mental" is used in both words.

  2. JimRoyal

    Always look out for 'Ability to manage changing priorities' in adverts. This is always a big red flashing light. In my experience, it means either 'we change our minds every five minutes' or ' every manager has a different idea of what is most important' or 'expect to get messed about on a daily basis'.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      'Competitive salary' with no actual figures mentioned is another biggie. It means they aren't offering a living wage.

    2. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      "You will be part of a dynamic team" - you will be thrown into the middle of a disorganised rabble

  3. Unep Eurobats

    It just doesn't mattress

    In our post-verbal whirled, linguine skills are much less importunate.

    It's how it sounds, not what it means.

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: It just doesn't mattress

      it's not linguine skills they are going for in job ads, it's to pile in as much bullshit phrasing as possible. Potential applicants feel they have to follow this in their CVs until neither applicant or recruitment can properly parse each others work, or their own it seems in this case as this was not spotted at whatever passes for proofreading these days.

      The whole thing will collapse under the weight of it's own idiot pretension, but probably not until I'm either dead or retired unfortunately.

      1. dcluley

        Re: It just doesn't mattress - unfortunately

        I did wonder about the concept of being unfortunately retired.

        1. Teiwaz Silver badge

          Re: It just doesn't mattress - unfortunately

          I did wonder about the concept of being unfortunately retired.

          Missed a comma in this case, but 'unfortunately retired' is generally when you can't afford the green fees (or eat or keep warm for those with normal priorities).

        2. Wzrd1

          Re: It just doesn't mattress - unfortunately

          "I did wonder about the concept of being unfortunately retired."

          That means, running afoul of a BOFH.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It just doesn't mattress

        "[..] weight of it's own idiot pretension,[...]

        Hmm - glass houses and stones?

      3. Wzrd1

        Re: It just doesn't mattress

        "... it's to pile in as much bullshit phrasing as possible."

        Precisely, the telling part is when one is speaking with HR and there is no real, concrete (or even general) duties description.

        Several times, with the hiring manager and HR, right in the middle of the interview and nothing but buzzwords were sent my way, I finally gave up and walked out.

        Leaving one of my previous employer's rejected security androids in the elevator, as a parting gift.

    2. Wzrd1

      Re: It just doesn't mattress

      "In our post-verbal whirled, linguine skills are much less importunate."

      Ah, but what they're *really* saying is, "This position is one of great impotence".

  4. ukgnome Silver badge

    I find the jobs full of blue sky typing are the best

  5. Alien8n Silver badge

    Maybe they truly mean detrimental and part of the new sysadmin's role is to sort out the IT support team?

    1. TRT Silver badge
      Devil

      Consider the etymology...

      Detri- from Latin deterere ‎(“to rub off, wear”) and -mental from Latin mentalis ("mind").

      So it really means that the IT team is wearing down the minds of the business and management team. Which is the only way it should be.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Alien8n - from the sounds of that ad, that would involve the successful applicant sorting themselves out.

      Systems Administrator/Support Engineer = you're doing everything from patching cables to deleting the CEOs pictures of his mistress on his phone before the wife sees it in his iCloud, to rebuilding the core network infrastructure that hasn't been touched in a decade, is wholly undocumented and no-one has the login details for the switches and routers....

      Anon, because I've been there, done it, and I'm never doing it again.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And once you do a get a job, you get to have great Christmas dinners. This year we have the choice of "Deserts" including "Mice pies". Ymmm... Mice Pies as Homer J would say!

    1. Bucky 2
      Coat

      Re: Mice Pies

      Totally off-topic, but why can't I find cat treats that are mouse-flavored? Or, you know, maybe canary-flavored?

      1. Esme

        Re: Mice Pies

        @Bucky 2 - I've often wondered that, or at least, why not nouse-flavoured and sparrow-flavoured. I'm not at all sure that feral moggies bring down cattle to chomp on them, nor sit on the shores of the Atlantic hoping to catch tuna..

  7. Admiral Grace Hopper
    Devil

    I resemble that remark

    I am pretty sure that I can find someone to write me an entirely truthful reference with evidence to show that I meet the criteria for this role.

    1. Vinyl-Junkie
      Joke

      Re: I resemble that remark

      "an entirely truthful reference"

      Like this one you mean?

      To whom it may concern,

      I am pleased to say that X is a former colleague of mine. X could never do enough work whilst at Acme Co and I can assure you that no person would be better for the job. You will most fortunate to get X to work for you and I can recommend him with no qualifications whatsoever.

      All in all I cannot say enough good things about X or recommend him too highly, and I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.

      Yours etc,

  8. adam payne Silver badge

    The next line reads: "The IT support team are detrimental to operations of the business and the System Administrator/Support Engineer will liaise with all departments of the business up to director level.”

    I'm sure there will be plenty of users around the world that will say that IT support are detrimental to the business. Where in actual fact it's users that are detrimental to IT support.

  9. Walter Bishop Silver badge
    Joke

    The System Administrator will liaise with all departments

    "the System Administrator/Support Engineer will liaise with all departments of the business up to director level.”

    The university educated sysadmin will spend most of his time showing the chief director how to format and printout a spreadsheet.

    1. Darryl

      Re: The System Administrator will liaise with all departments

      The university educated sysadmin will spend most of his time showing the chief director how to repeatedly formatting and printing out a spreadsheet for the chief director.

      FTFY

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I work with the perfect candidate

    Detrimental to operations and liaising with upper management, sounds an awful lot like my supervisor. I have never worked with anyone before who is so willing to stab everyone around him in the back (including the boss, when he's not within earshot), nor who exemplifies the German phrase "Arschkriecher" so well (brownnoser is just not a strong enough term). Anyone have a cattle prod and shipping crate I could borrow? Oh, and did I mention he knows bugger all about IT?

  11. Rich 11 Silver badge

    Only just this morning...

    ...A new job title crossed my desk (metaphorically speaking):

    Faulty/Departmental Accountant

    Amazing the difference a missing letter can make.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Only just this morning...

      I don't c what's missing...

    2. Aus Tech

      Re: Only just this morning...

      Sounds just like my keyboard, when the occasional key press doesn't register (for whatever reason).

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Please do the needful and revert with your details."

  13. cd

    Excremental? I can do that.

  14. ChubbyBehemoth
    Holmes

    Gezocht Wanbeheerder

    That was an ad in a Dutch newspaper I had a good laugh about.

    It literally means "Wanted, mismanager", though they were probably looking for a WAN administrator. For a while I actually was thinking of applying for the job and deliver on the requirement ;-)

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Gezocht Wanbeheerder

      A MIS manager probably.

      1. chas49

        Re: Gezocht Wanbeheerder

        Only if WAN in Dutch means MIS?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hear My Song

    What this map shows is that each of our customers is represented by a pinhead.

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