back to article Judge nailed for trying to bribe Fed with fizzy water (aka Bud Light)

A judge in North Carolina, US, has been convicted for attempting to bribe an FBI agent to pull his wife's text messages in exchange for two cases of flavored water – aka American light beer. Judge Arnold Jones II was found guilty of three charges related to his attempt convince an officer working with the FBI gang-busting task …

  1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Presumably both suspected the other of corruption and were attempting that well-known procedure of US law enforcement, entrapment. At least that will be the case by the time of the appeal.

    1. Elmer Phud

      Nah, one was seriously affronted at not being offered single malt.

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        It's North Carolina... lite beer is and insult to those folks who seem to prefer Pabst Blue Ribbon, the choice of rednecks everywhere. If the deputy had been offered PBR, the judge might have got the info he wanted.

        Reality is that the judge was a true idiot trying to bribe someone.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Bribing" ?!?

    With that beer I would have thought "attempting to poison a federal officer would be more accurate :).

    Mine's a Guinness, thanks.

    1. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

      Re: "Bribing" ?!?

      Butt Light has the same relationship to real beer as incoming sewage does to drinking water.

    2. BillG Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: "Bribing" ?!?

      Q: Why is Budweiser beer like screwing in a canoe?

      A: They are both f**king too close to water!

  3. Magani
    Unhappy

    Bud Light is beer?

    I though the US had laws against false advertising.

    1. Chris Miller

      Re: Bud Light is beer?

      Yes, the correct description is: "rice-based, beer-flavored beverage".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Bud Light is beer?

        No, the correct description is "foamy chilled urine". Water has better class than to want to be associated with the piss that is "light beer".

    2. Ian Emery Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: Bud Light is beer?

      Shouldnt the fact he offered this also be used to charge him with cruel and unusual punishment??

      Lidl are currently selling "Duff" branded beer; it is obviously not intended for the US market, because at 4.9% alcohol, it is five times stronger than they are used to.

      1. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

        Re: Bud Light is beer?

        Good US beers are about 6% or so alcohol unless the state law limits the alcohol content. However they are called craft beers and are made by smaller breweries who take pride in making a quality product. The mass market "beer" aka piss-water has no quality just a lot of money spent on ads.

        1. agurney

          Re: Bud Light is beer?

          Agreed, there are some nice beers in the US, but sadly few and far between. Of the mass market beers, the only one I can tolerate, nay enjoy, is Samuel Adams.

          On a business trip back from SLC recently I packed a few bottles of Polygamy Porter for a larf ("why have just one") .. on arrival in the UK there was broken padlock on my suitcase with a nice note from TSA or homeland security, but at least they left the beer intact.

          <rant>

          Why is it that in the US if you order a beer you're handed a bottle of Bud Light, no glass, and expected to tip?

          </rant>

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Bud Light is beer?

            > Why is it that in the US if you order a beer you're handed a bottle of Bud Light, no glass, and expected to tip?

            Because it looks macho if you drink that stuff¹ so you're expected to do the whole pose. Open the bottle without an opener, sit with one elbow on the table, the opposite hand on your jeans, and then walk back to your pick-up truck (shotgun on the back window optional but recommended).

            South Bohemia is the place for proper beer. You get a glass, it never goes empty before you get the next, some of the brews are stronger than wine, yet people stay polite and civil no matter how drunk, and then they *walk*² home or take a taxi³. Oh, and beer is cheaper than water.

            ¹ To be fair, it does take some courage.

            ² For a loose definition of "walk".

            ³ Apart from the limit being zero, it is considered socially unacceptable to drive after taking alcohol.

            1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
              Pint

              Re: Bud Light is beer?

              " You get a glass, it never goes empty before you get the next,"

              Are you saying they "top-up" an unfinished glass so you don't get a full measure? That's fightin' talk here in Geordie-land!!! Next you'll be telling be there's a big foamy head on it too!!!

              <bloody stupid icon, not a full pint!!!>

              1. lglethal Silver badge
                Joke

                Re: Bud Light is beer?

                To use the old joke in Aus - American beer like sex in a boat - it's f%&king close to water!

        2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

          Re: Bud Light is beer?

          American "Lite Beer" is low in calories, not necessarily in alcohol, it can still be 4% ABV. Still tasteless piss, of course.

      2. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

        Re: Bud Light is beer?

        Re:Lidl and Duff

        I saw that in their advert and had to check if it was April 1st!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Bud Light is beer?

          "Re:Lidl and Duff

          I saw that in their advert and had to check if it was April 1st!"

          It's a tactic. Lidl and Aldi like producing stuff with silly brand names as an attention getter. And it works, doesn't it?

          I think they also sell Putin vodka.

    3. Anonymous Blowhard

      Re: Bud Light is beer?

      It's the only ingredient in the cocktail "Sex In A Canoe"...

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Frosty pist

    I'd love to rip on American beer with you guys, but I was only in Munich for Oktoberfest a few weeks ago, and I'm just not feeling it. Ya know?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Frosty pist

      > I was only in Munich for Oktoberfest a few weeks ago

      The real Oktoberfesten happen *after* the one in Munich. That one might or might not have been the original, but nowadays it's just another tourist attraction like Disneyland. Nothing like punting up at some little village in Bavaria or Austria and partying with the locals.

  5. Alien Doctor 1.1

    At a beer festival...

    in Bristol a couple of decades ago we used our free bud vouchers to try and cleanse the palette between real beers - god, what a mistake, I've never been so ill in my life.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: At a beer festival...

      > try and cleanse the palette

      The palette or the palate? It sounds appropriate for the former, not so sure about the latter.

      They were giving it away, that should have been a cue.

    2. Captain DaFt

      Re: At a beer festival...

      "we used our free bud vouchers"

      Dude! What'd you do to piss someone off so badly that they'd give you those!?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not Really

    A "local sherrif's deputy" cooperating with the FBI is not an FBI agent.

    Same thing applies to mob informers that cooperate with the FBI.

    You can't bribe the FBI with two cases of beer.

    1. Dr. Ellen

      Re: Not Really

      Beer may not work on the FBI, but being a Democrat seems to.

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: Not Really

        According to the linked article, Judge Jones is a registered Democrat, so wrong tree there.

      2. chivo243 Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Not Really

        @Dr. Ellen

        Have a beer on me... and an upvote. I too made a wisecrack here on El Reg about how Hillary gets away everything, and was down voted. One wouldn't have thought so many Hillary supporters frequent El Reg. And to be fair, I'm no Trump fan either. I get the feeling the voters have the choice of Bud or Budlight...

        If you're concerned about the election, you're distracted by it by design.

        1. Phil W

          Re: Not Really

          @chivo243

          It's not that there's lots of Hillary supporters here, there are lots of techies here who think that her use of a private email email server for government work was stupid.

          However while we may criticise Hillary, we don't compound that with accusing the FBI of being corrupt or ineffective, or assuming we're better qualified to judge her legal culpability without either seeing the evidence or having any legal training.

          I have little doubt that the issue of her emails, while bad and stupid, was technically not a crime. Whether it was a sufficient violation of policy and should in some way disqualify her from holding some or all public offices in future is an entirely different matter, which I am undecided on.

          But really I think in terms of whether she should be allowed to run for president as a result, that is something for the Democrat party to decide on in the first instance, and the people in the form of voting in the second.

          1. Malcolm Weir Silver badge

            Optional

            @Phil W, while there may be some who think that her use of a private server was "stupid", there are also many who know that the idea that the government run server might have been "more secure" is naive (hi, OPM... nice of you to let all my personal information -- and that of my wife -- leak to the Chinese), and who know that trying to persuade a government IT department to do something complicated (like setup an email account) may have required enough paperwork to deforest Oregon and enough elapsed time to allow that forest to regrow.

            There is a reason why senior elected officials, up to and *including* President G. W. Bush (the notional owner of "GWB42.com") end up on non-governmental systems!

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Not Really

          > One wouldn't have thought so many Hillary supporters frequent El Reg.

          I do support Hillary and I too would take offence at any attempt to make light of such a great person.

          He and Mr Tenzing were the last great explorers, and people of great courage, integrity, and humility. One does not "wisecrack" on that, my dear colonial chap.

        3. Dr. Ellen

          Re: Not Really

          I seem to have more downvotes that upvotes, but I can live with that. An earlier incarnation of Obama by the name of Franklin D. Roosevelt said “I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.” All things considered, I'm as proud of the downvotes as I am of the ups.

          1. Mark 85 Silver badge

            @Dr. Ellen -- Re: Not Really

            Just like in the public media, Twitter, FB, etc. I'm sure we have not only trolls here but also the bots. Say anything against either candidate and expect downvotes and snide comments. Say anything against both in the same post, the crap really hits the rotating air movement device.

        4. Captain DaFt

          Re: Not Really

          "If you're concerned about the election"

          Vote for Johnson!

          It's not wasting your vote, you're sending a message that enough is enough!

          Don't waste it on Trump or Clinton!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Not Really

            > Vote for Johnson!

            > It's not wasting your vote

            I was going to say it's not wasting your vote, it's committing a crime. Then I realised you're not from London.

          2. MiguelC Silver badge

            Re: Not Really

            Vote for Johnson?!?

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CogX5C0ggrQ

          3. cray74

            Re: Not Really

            "Vote for Johnson! It's not wasting your vote..."

            The Libertarian Johnson is the only one of the four candidates with a more destructive economic and regulatory plan than Trump. Further, I recall that third party voting in 2000 gave the US eight years under Bush Jr., which was accompanied by a de-regulatory environment (the Republican's watered down version of Libertarianism) that ran the financial and real estate sectors into the ground while refusing to raise taxes. The majority of the current federal deficit is also from Bush's Libertarian Lite 2001 tax cuts, which he maintained through the two longest wars in US history. Johnson, moreso than Trump, would love to double down on deregulation, tax cuts, and dismantling the federal government to return its services to the states.

            Votes for Johnson are thus, in my opinion, a waste for a multitude of reasons.

            I did give a protest vote for a third party candidate in 1992, back when I only cared about breaking the two-party system. Perot was leading both the Democrat and Republican contenders for a while before he went nuts ("Republicans tried to sabotage my daughter's wedding!"). When he ran again in 1996, his Reform Party was acting like the ancestor of the Tea Party and I couldn't support him.

            The 2016 US election should be the new Year of the Third Party, but the only third parties in contention are unpalatable to most Americans. The Libertarians have been hijacked by failed Republicans and billionaires tired of taxes and regulations. The Green's Dr. Stein won't stand up to Facebook-educated members of her party with serious pseudo-science problems about vaccines, wifi, GMOs, and nuclear power, and then advocates economic changes designed to alienate most Americans. Trump is doing a fine job of scaring Democrats into party loyalty, and most voters remember Gore's 2000 loss to third parties.

        5. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: Not Really

          Trump is akin to the dregs that you get in a cask of 'live' beer when all the good stuff has been consumed.

          Hillary is akin to those cheap bottles of German wine that were later found to contain Anti-freeze.

          Both will leave a bitter taste in the mouth.

          Off for a pint of Harvey's best.

    2. Gene Cash Silver badge

      Re: Not Really

      A "local sherrif's deputy" cooperating with the FBI is not an FBI agent.

      No, but as the article notes, you can be both.

      You can't bribe the FBI with two cases of beer.

      They didn't. They used 2 cases of Budweiser. I would clap 'em in jail for the criminal insult to my taste buds.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Not Really

        "taste buds"

        Since the subject is Budwieser, often abbreviated to "bud", that short phrase really is ironic in the extreme!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Not Really

          > Since the subject is Budwieser, often abbreviated to "bud"

          The subject is most definitely not Budweiser (or wieser, as you call it). Budweiser is the beer that comes from Budweis (České Budějovice in Czech. Don't try to pronounce that: you'll get it wrong).

          "Bud" is the name under which American hamster piss is sold in Europe, given that they do not have the right to use the name Budweiser for something which neither comes from nor has the characteristics of the product from Budweis.

      2. Kurt Meyer

        Re: Not Really

        <b@ Gene Cash</b>

        "A "local sherrif's deputy" cooperating with the FBI is not an FBI agent.

        No, but as the article notes, you can be both."

        No you can not be both a "local sherrif's deputy" and an FBI agent.

        The article incorrectly leads by saying that Deputy Matthew Miller is a federal agent.

        He is not.

        Farther down, article clearly states that "Jones was accused of texting a Wayne County deputy, who also is a member of an FBI gang task force..."

        An FBI gang task force is typically a multi-agency group formed as needed. It will have personnel drawn from federal, state, and local law enforcement agencies.

        Deputy Miller is a "local", not a fed.

  7. Glenn 6

    I don't condone what the judge did - but having been through a marriage where my wife was cheating on me behind my back, I understand. You aren't exactly in your normal, reasonable mental state when your wife is being a total slut with (at least in my case) more than one guy over the phone.

    It's not like he was bribing an officer for his own profit, or influencing a trial case.

    Just saying. Maybe a little slack considering you do go a little crazy when you find out the person you love is a whore.

    1. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      Glenn 6

      And if your wife had tried to locate text messages you had sent to other women, had the boot been on the other foot, you would have been totally understanding that she had gone a little crazy?

      If bad behaviour, that is, cheating and being unfaithful, by one person allows the other person to tear up his or her personal code of honour, then that other person has no right to call the cheating spouse a 'whore'. I have been in the situation, and finally you have to decide whether your sense of hurt and betrayal is so great that you can do what you would normally not allow yourself to do, that is, whether you will stick by your principles and grow a pair and take the blow on the chin, or whether you will become a different and wore person through hurt and rage.

      I guess it's each person's call, but a lot of foolish and (in the case of the article) criminal behaviour would be avoided if people tried to maintain their sense of decency..

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Glenn 6

        > I guess it's each person's call, but a lot of foolish and (in the case of the article) criminal behaviour would be avoided if people tried to maintain their sense of decency..

        Well said, Sir.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "It's not like he was bribing an officer for his own profit, or influencing a trial case."

      Maybe not, but it's not only the principle but in this case, his position as a judge. Yes, he's human like the rest of us, but as a dispenser of justice he really must be held to a much higher standard. I'm not au fait with the US justice system, but I assume that a "superior court judge" is fairly senior in rank and so probably not some young whipper-snapper with little life experience.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @John Brown

        In America, the term "Superior Court Judge": Superior is describing the court, not the judge.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: @John Brown

          So if the court is Superior to others, doesn't that also mean the judges of that court are also superior? Ie the can overturn judgements from lower courts? <confused>

          1. Kurt Meyer

            Re: @John Brown

            A brief overview of Superior Courts in the US is available here.

            The second paragraph may help clear away some confusion.

            1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: @John Brown

              "The second paragraph may help clear away some confusion."

              Ah, rights, it's just "tradition" now, Thanks for that.

              Wifey will be pleased when I tell her. She loves courtroom drama shows, including US ones. Sometime the procedures are a bit baffling, but it usually all comes out in the wash :-)

  8. Pompous Git Silver badge

    Remember...

    ... when you're out of Budweiser, it's tough Schlitz.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Remember...

      I have to have my bottled Schlitz sent in from out of state since it's not carried here.

      It's the "old recipe" -great stuff.

      But - great enough to bribe an officer of the law?

  9. Drew 11

    Where's the canoe icon when you need it?

  10. Efros

    Mistake made

    Couple of cases of Scotch and you wouldn't have heard about it.

  11. kain preacher Silver badge

    His mistake was he should o given him fosters. J/K

    PS I've had a few beers from Africa that make bud seem like nectar from the gods. Imagine pouring bud on week old coffee grounds. Then add vinegar.

    1. the Jim bloke Silver badge
      Pint

      A circular arguement

      Fosters is the 'beer' so bad we sell it to Americans,

      Americans are so ignorant about beer they buy Fosters.

      1. kain preacher Silver badge

        Re: A circular arguement

        I very rarely see people drinking fosters here in the states. In fact have not seen a fosters ad in ages.

  12. Phil Kingston Silver badge

    Bearing in mind the fed's name, the judge should have bought a couple of slabs of Miller Lite and claimed he was just returning them to their owner, surely?

  13. TheNotSoEvilEngineer

    The most over blown reaction to:

    Hey, wanna beer?

  14. johnck

    I think we should all stop taking the piss out of American beer or there'll be nothing left of it

  15. andy gibson

    UK just as bad

    While its amusing to knock our American cousins and their "beer", lets not forget that the UK isn't much better, with the best selling "beers" being Stella Artois, Foster's, Carling & Carlsberg.

    1. Chez

      Re: UK just as bad

      You all also forget about the massive microbrew scene rising in the US. Hipsters are learning that good money can be made by doing relatively small batches of top-quality stuff to sell at Whole Foods and in little pubs. There's a place not far from me that only sells what they brew in-house, and I've never had a bad beer there, although it's generally rather high-priced.

      1. cray74

        Re: UK just as bad

        The US overtook Germany for number of breweries in 2005, and that growth hasn't stopped. Most of them don't sell as much beer as Budweiser spills on its loading docks but it's created a very diverse beer scene. The old Bud-and-Schlitz aisles of grocery stores have a) expanded, and b) gained dozens of new beer options.

        You don't see those craft brews abroad very often because they can't afford to market overseas, while Budweiser can just mop up some loading dock spillage, rebottle it, and sell it to fund several marketing trips overseas.

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