back to article UK copyright troll weeps, starts 20-week stretch in the cooler for beating up Uber driver

The owner of a firm involved in sending speculative invoices to suspected downloaders is in trouble of his own after being convicted of a brutal assault on an Uber driver outside an exclusive London members-only club. Robert Croucher, MD of consultancy Hatton & Berkeley, wept in the dock after being found guilty of pushing …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

    oh come on, a slap on the wrist maybe, but fucking up his life over such a trivial matter is insane.

    1. smartypants

      Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

      Do they allow Internet in prison now?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

        someone will get the joke in a minute

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

          One person got it....will anyone else?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

            Definitely got it. Well played.

          2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

            "One person got it....will anyone else?"

            Some of them never do.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

              I'm not sure "joke" is entirely the right word, but yes, I got the reference.

          3. This post has been deleted by its author

            1. Bloodbeastterror

              Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

              "Muslim N***** Uber Driver"

              WTF...? Unacceptable even if trying to be ironic. Unacceptable. Shame on you.

              1. Camilla Smythe Silver badge

                Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

                WTF...? Unacceptable even if trying to be ironic. Unacceptable. Shame on you.

                You are quite right. It was a piss poor attempt to highlight the offenders lack of respect for others. Post withdrawn.

                1. Bloodbeastterror

                  Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

                  @Camilla

                  "Post withdrawn"

                  Have an upvote for honesty. :-)

        2. John Lilburne Silver badge

          Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

          If the joke is meant to be referencing whines over copyright conviction then the law applies to all equally. The age ofg criminal responsibilty starts at age 10. Whether you are 20 or 40 you don't go kicking someone and you don't go ripping off some musician, photog, or film maker either.

          Being a director of some company is no excuse, and neither is Aspergers, or Hipsterism.

          1. bombastic bob Silver badge
            Devil

            Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

            "Being a director of some company is no excuse, and neither is Aspergers, or Hipsterism."

            or AD[H]D? Or "the devil made me do it?"

            /me whips out a cane...

    2. Ian Emery Silver badge

      Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

      He's an asshat, it should have been 20 months.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

      oh come on, a slap on the wrist maybe, but fucking up his life over such a trivial matter is insane.

      Yes, yes, I get it, thank you, but this gent physically assaulted someone for not bowing to "his grace the company owner", and for that said company owner will get some education in jail. There's IMHO only one thing worse than entitled pricks, and that's drunk entitled pricks.

      That said, he's at least consistent in his attitude: his company values include We never compromise whilst some may bend: for us compromise is unacceptable. Yes, quite. Moron.

      Thumbs up for Raffles staff wearing bodycams.

    4. PNGuinn Silver badge
      Stop

      Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

      I beg to disagree. He could have easily killed or maimed that guy for life. (Brain / spinal cord damage anyone?)

      I reckon he got off light.

      1. Jamie Jones Silver badge

        Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

        Too bloody righ6 he got off lightly.

        As soon as you kick someone on the ground in the head, it's gone beyond a 'drunken brawl' into psychopathic potential murder. And from readeing the article, he would have continued if it wasn't for the door staf.

        Also:

        "This will destroy my life, I am the director of a company and everyone would lose their jobs. We have 1,000 clients, we have staff all around the country, and it would die," he protested before being sentenced, the Daily Telegraph reports.

        No, if it's true, then you destroyed the company, all by yourself. This shows a total lack of remorse, and taking resposibility for his actions. He's tring to make out he's the victim. Classic psychopathic traits.

    5. Joe Gurman

      Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

      Nice try at troll bait. I won't vote either up or down, since it was neither meant as a serious comment nor successful as comedy.

    6. Alfred

      Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

      I don't get it. Do you mean 20 wks old? Was there a typo in the original article?

    7. Rob Crawford

      Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

      Sorry I will ignore the reference (if you had any confidence in your humour you wouldn't have hidden anyway)

      He fucked his own life up

      Ever had to look after somebody who has only had a couple of kicks in the head, no I thought not.

      Land somebody on the ground then kick them in the head is a damn good reason for somebody to go to prison.

    8. Flywheel Silver badge

      Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

      Do you expect random, aggressive people to come to your place of work and kick you in the head?

      No, thought not.

    9. sixit

      Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

      To plead mercy because you make money and should be exempt from the law is insane. To consider such a vicious attack "a trivial matter" is insane. What he got was indeed a slap on the wrist. The next time someone beats the crap out of you, I suggest you appeal to the judge to let your attacker off with a written warning if this bothers you.

  2. Adrian 4 Silver badge

    Couldn't happen to a nicer man. I hope his employees run off with his business.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If those employees have been assisting in their reprehensible copyright shakedown I reckon it's a good thing that it folds instead. Scaring people without a whit of evidence - down they go.

      1. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
        Trollface

        Troll gets tossed under bridge

        This will destroy my life, I am the director of a company and everyone would lose their jobs. We have 1,000 clients, we have staff all around the country, and it would die.

        Good!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Troll gets tossed under bridge

          This will destroy my life, I am the director of a company and everyone would lose their jobs. We have 1,000 clients, we have staff all around the country, and it would die.

          Good riddance to bad rubbish!

        2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Troll gets tossed under bridge

          Perhaps another 20 weeks, just to make sure.

        3. BillDarblay
          Trollface

          Re: Troll gets tossed under bridge

          I hope Big Bubba takes a shine to his sorry ass.

        4. h4rm0ny

          Re: Troll gets tossed under bridge

          I suspect he rather over-estimates his importance to the day to day running of the company. I wouldn't be surprised if efficiency went up during his absence. Fewer demands for arbitrary statistics and updates. ;)

    2. bombastic bob Silver badge

      "I hope his employees run off with his business."

      actually, if it's truly one of those 'trolling' copyright "enforcers", better see it fade into pink-slips and bankruptcy

    3. Nolveys Silver badge
      Mushroom

      I hope his employees run off with his business.

      I hope the business crashes and burns so spectacularly that they have to encase what remains of the building in a lead sarcophagus and declare the surrounding area an exclusion zone.

  3. Peter 26

    Sounds like a complete prick

    Love the judges last line "Get used to life being different."

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Sounds like a complete prick

      Considering his line of work, lack of any remorse and general attitude... yeah a prick, a bully, a weasel.

      1. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

        Re: Sounds like a complete prick

        Nah, general purpose slime

    2. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Sounds like a complete prick

      No, sounds like he did offline what he does online for a living. Just this time the law intervened.

      1. MrT

        Re: Sounds like a complete prick

        "This will destroy my life, I am the director of a company and everyone would lose their jobs. We have 1,000 clients, we have staff all around the country, and it would die." Robert Croucher, MD

        Sir, you are certainly a shining wit...

  4. DougS Silver badge

    Karma

    I only wish that defendants who plead for mercy on the grounds of "it will destroy my life" or "I own businesses and it will cause my employees to lose their jobs" would get a BIGGER sentence because of that instead of often a lighter one.

    Basically he was arguing that people on the bottom of society should get harsher punishment for committing the same crime he did because they have less to lose, which is the exact opposite of how it should be. What an utter twat!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Karma

      You do realise that he used up valuable shoe leather during the incident? Said leather doesn't grow on trees.

      1. LaeMing Bronze badge
        Flame

        Re: Karma

        He also clearly wasn't too worried about the company and its employees when he chose to start drunkenly kicking the Uber driver around.

        This individual's sole contribution to humanity will be the day he no longer continues consuming limited planetary resources.

      2. farnz
        Joke

        Re: Karma

        No, said shoe leather grows on cows.

        Ergo (by copyright troll logic, at least), if you're in favour of him going to jail, you're in favour of killing more cows. Moooo!

    2. Triggerfish

      Re: Karma

      I actual think it's worse than that, he is basically saying he is important enough that he can possibly injure someone for life, or even risk killing them. Kicking people in the head can lead to some pretty nasty permanent injuries. I agree the man is a twat.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Karma

        To sum up:

        Bob here makes a career ruining people's lives with speculative invoices, gets pissed up and risks ruining someone's life by repeatedly kicking them in the head and then whines that a custodial sentence will ruin his life.

        Not only is Bob's moral compass completely fucked up his irony meter seems pretty broken too.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Karma

        Sounds like his whole business model, really: Hitting people (making a demand for money) then kicking them when they're down (threatening legal action with the demand).

  5. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    From the linked Torygraph report: "The driver later had to go to hospital and was prescribed antibiotics for the pain."

    Either misguided prescribing or misguided reporting. I wonder which.

    1. Marshalltown

      Once

      ... I would have automatically assumed the reporter was the lkutz, but, these days...

      1. Adrian Midgley 1

        but these days you

        would be even more likely to be correct.

    2. Martin Summers Silver badge

      What an appropriate comment for your handle :-) I would expect nothing less.

    3. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

      From the linked Torygraph report: "The driver later had to go to hospital and was prescribed antibiotics for the pain."

      Maybe it's time to explain to this reporter why his painkillers don't seem to help? :)

      1. teebie

        "Maybe it's time to explain to this reporter why his painkillers don't seem to help? "

        And why he can't fit his bread int he toaster. And why his DVD player keeps melting the disks.

    4. Dan 55 Silver badge

      This is what happens when you lay off everyone and run the place with work experience kids.

    5. analyzer

      Either misguided prescribing or misguided reporting

      I rather suspect incomplete, a possible edit error.

      Pain killers for the pain and antibiotics to prevent infection. Getting kicked multiple times in the head can cause more than a few issues.

  6. Rusty 1
    Coat

    Song title

    With sincere apologies to Whale, how about Uber Kicking Inmate Slave?

    1. Sloppy Crapmonster

      Re: Song title

      Since he's one of yours, I'd think you'd want to make it fit UKIP - Uber Kicking Ignorant Prick, maybe?

    2. JasonLaw

      Re: Song title

      Not many Whale fans on here. +1 for effort.

    3. WeeGordy

      Re: Song title

      Splendid reference. One of my favourite songs from the 80s. +1.

  7. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "Get used to life being different."

    Let's hope one of his new friends was related to a recipient of one of his letters.

    1. Magani
      Happy

      Re: "Get used to life being different."

      He'd better make sure he never drops the soap.

      1. Ledswinger Silver badge

        Re: "Get used to life being different."

        He'd better make sure he never drops the soap.

        Sadly he'll only do a few nights in proper clink. Because the Home Office don't have enough real jail capacity he'll quickly be classified as a low risk white collar type, and be transferred to an open prison, and he'll be out on day release in about three weeks, and the sentence will be rolled back to release on parole after nine or ten weeks.

        Personally I don't think that's much punishment given that he conducted an unprovoked assault with clear potential to be fatal, but the judge doesn't have much leeway because of the HO sentencing guidelines.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Get used to life being different."

          I suspect the punishment that will really hurt is being blacklisted from all the upmarket clubs, and I'm sure that has already happened - they all know each other.

          I suspect it's also far from certain he'll be able to use another Uber cab - or even a normal black cab. There's a reason they put his picture in the article ..

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Get used to life being different."

          The fines are also a joke if he's telling truth about owning three properties in Mayfair. He'll find the £615 down the back of his sofa.

          I think there is much to be admired in the nordic fine model. Link the charge to earnings, so someone earning the UK average of around £25k may pay £500 but somone making £1 million would pay £20,000 (0.02% of gross salary)

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Get used to life being different."

          He'll probably do eight weeks in a category B prison, then a month on a tag that monitors his location so he's under a curfew. Crimes against the person means he won't be eligible for an open prison - cat B means almost total lockdown in pretty squalid conditions. (Posting anonymously as I speak from experience).

        4. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: "Get used to life being different."

          "Because the Home Office don't have enough real jail capacity he'll quickly be classified as a low risk white collar type"

          This is ABH. He's not going to be classified as low risk anytime soon - and if the entitled wanker gets out early you can guarantee he'll feel that it gives him free rein to do it again.

          Much as I'd like to see him go in for longer, it's a first offence and sentencing guidelines don't allow it unless he caused permanent injuries. On the other hand _next_ time he won't be let off so easily - and there _will_ be a next time (may have been previous times, but CCTV not around to capture it).

        5. Paul Johnston

          Re: "Get used to life being different."

          If anyone heard Unreliable Evidence on Radio 4 last week in their discussion on Prison might get the idea that Open / less supervised Prison is not always as easy or as safe for prisoners as their closed versions.

      2. zappahey

        Re: "He'd better make sure he never drops the soap"

        Even scum don't deserve jokes about male rape.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "He'd better make sure he never drops the soap"

          Even scum don't deserve jokes about male rape.

          Not the jokes, no.

        2. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

          Re: "He'd better make sure he never drops the soap"

          "Even scum don't deserve jokes about male rape."

          I have to agree. This unpleasant trend seems to have come from the US where a vengeful attitude to criminal justice is common.

          The late Auberon Waugh had a much better idea; send violent criminals to a remote Scottish island where they would have to live on a diet of organic brown rice and vegetables and learn Buddhism and meditation.

          1. Mike Richards Silver badge

            Re: "He'd better make sure he never drops the soap"

            'The late Auberon Waugh had a much better idea; send violent criminals to a remote Scottish island where they would have to live on a diet of organic brown rice and vegetables and learn Buddhism and meditation.'

            And live with the consequences of near-terminal communal flatulence? Sounds like a fitting punishment.

          2. arctic_haze Silver badge

            Re: "He'd better make sure he never drops the soap"

            "send [them] to a remote Scottish island where they would have to live on a diet of organic brown rice and vegetables and learn Buddhism and meditation."

            I'm a vegetarian and like to spend holidays on Scottish islands. Sounds like fun to me!

            1. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

              Re: "He'd better make sure he never drops the soap"

              > I'm a vegetarian and like to spend holidays on Scottish islands. Sounds like fun to me!

              Home Office would be one step ahead I expect: you'd be incarcerated in Leicester Square McDonalds.

            2. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

              Re: "He'd better make sure he never drops the soap"

              "I'm a vegetarian and like to spend holidays on Scottish islands. Sounds like fun to me!"

              Bet you don't beat up Uber drivers though, so you'll have to pay for your holidays.

  8. Grunchy

    What does this have to do with my internet business? I earn 7,500 per week at home eating cheezies and completing surveys. Contact me for details and I will tell you how you can do it, too!

    1. Martin Summers Silver badge

      Lifesaver! I had sadly forgotten how to eat cheese based corn snacks.

      1. moiety

        I'm in. Can't be arsed with the surveys, but my profound expertise with cheesy snacks should make up for it.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          "Can't be arsed with the surveys"

          That's OK. Just fill stuff in at random. Nobody'll ever know.

    2. Youngdog

      Re: Grunchy

      wait, wait, wait - you get paid to eat cheezies? Teach me Senpai!

  9. Efros

    Better keep

    his soap on a rope.

  10. kain preacher Silver badge

    20 weeks ?? More like 5-10 years. he could of easily killed a guy by stomping on his head. You get more time for DUI or shop lifting.

    Hell they gave non violent hacker 2 years.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You complain about the possibility of killing someone, then compare another way of doing so, DUI, to shop lifting? Idiot.

      1. Filippo

        DUI is less reprehensible than assault, and shoplifting is less reprehensible than DUI, and yet they both result in harsher sentences. I don't remember the name of the rhethorical figure here, but it works.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "DUI is less reprehensible than assault,"

          Speaking as a person who has lost a friend to a drunk driver... I find that kind of statement utterly ignorant.

          Driving under the influence is far worse, because if you hit some one it's basically assault with a deadly 2 ton weapon which is far more likely to result in death. Deciding to drive drunk is intentionally going out equipped with a deadly weapon which should be classed as premeditated.

          Sentences for those types of scum are ridiculously low, that texting truck driver who was jailed for 7yrs last week for killing some one got of light in my book.

          Meanwhile my friend had to suffer being burnt to death as her car exploded on impact and the scumbag who killed her got 2yrs. 20 weeks for assault simply isn't close to being good enough.

          I have zero tolerance for the kinds of people who think drinking/texting whilst driving is acceptable.. they're all scum in my book.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Morally deficient director goes to prison?

    Actually that is news.

    It is nice to know that my opinion of the people working in the area was correct

    1. Spanners Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: "Morally deficient director"

      That phrase, whilst far from a universal description, does seem to contain a redundancy. What one will we hear next? "Sociopathic director" or "dodgy politician"?

  12. This post has been deleted by a moderator

    1. PNGuinn Silver badge
      Coat

      "Sentenced to 20 weeks by prison in Hammersmith Magistrates' Court"

      Eh?

      Thanks - It's the one with all Mr Onions' books in the pockets.

  13. Teiwaz Silver badge
    Go

    Replace which 'in' by 'by'...baby...erm...

    Should probably be "by" rather than "in"...

    "sentenced to 20 weeks in prison in Hammersmith Magistrates' Court"

    LoL

    1. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

      Or swap the "in" and "by"

      ""sentenced to 20 weeks in prison by Hammersmith Magistrates' Court"

  14. Martin-73 Silver badge

    I have one reservation

    "Get used to life being different" sounds like the magistrate was pissed off.

    Yes, many will be pissed off hearing how the jerk acted... but: A magistrate should remain impartial (the blind justice and all)... emotive statements like that worry me.

    1. Marshalltown

      Re: I have one reservation

      Go through it again, slowly. The light may yet dawn. All the magistrate really said, the sentence was already handed down, was, in effect, "tough." She might very well have been pissed off, but all she told the whining little *&^% was that she was not going to change her mind. He clearly had not learned to grovel properly. If he is equally stupid inside, he may have a really different life when he leaves.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I have one reservation

        If he is equally stupid inside, he may have a really different life when he leaves.

        One can but hope.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: I have one reservation

        "He clearly had not learned to grovel properly. If he is equally stupid inside, he may have a really different life when he leaves"

        Which makes it not so much a comment as sound advice.

    2. Martin Summers Silver badge

      Re: I have one reservation

      A human being (yes a magistrate is still a human being) is perfectly entitled to have feelings and express their views. As this was after sentencing this comment was entirely appropriate. It's if they say it before hearing all of the evidence you should be worried. She was damn right too.

    3. John Bailey

      Re: I have one reservation

      ""Get used to life being different" sounds like the magistrate was pissed off."

      Well.. Given we only get to see the little snippet, we have no idea how obnoxious the little toad was during his trial.

      "Yes, many will be pissed off hearing how the jerk acted... but: A magistrate should remain impartial (the blind justice and all)... emotive statements like that worry me."

      And you assume that being less than detached when responding to the reaction to his sentence, somehow indicated a lack of impartiality?

      People can compartmentalise. Get used to people being capable of complex behaviour.

      1. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: I have one reservation

        " we have no idea how obnoxious the little toad was during his trial."

        I've only ever seen judges make comments like this when the answer is "extremely".

        That said she complied with sentencing guidelines so he's going to have no grounds for appeal to lighten the length of it and if he keeps that attitude up he won't get early release.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: I have one reservation

          'I've only ever seen judges make comments like this when the answer is "extremely".'

          I've heard of someone making a comment when being taken down and the judge asking the clerk "Have you written that [the sentence] down?"; to the warders "Bring him back".

  15. Tessier-Ashpool

    Rat in a business suit

    Zero fucks given here about his future.

    If you have a bit of time on your hands you could amuse yourself by browsing his company website. I've rarely seen such a pile of flannel in a slick wrapper (if you ignore the jarring grammatical errors and the occasional missing link).

    The 'Our History' page is particularly cloying. A load of nothing about nothing.

    1. katrinab Silver badge

      Re: Rat in a business suit

      Saying as I'm one of these sad individuals that reads the small print, have a look at the bottom of the page: "The Company is limited by guarantee and does not provide services to clients"

      The company was incorporated on 25th April 2016, so I'm not sure how the history section manages to include a "rebranding" in 2015.

      He has been a director of various other companies in the past, but they all seem to be either dormant companies, or companies that were dissolved before the first set of accounts were filed.

    2. Anonymous Cow Herder

      Company website.

      I couldn't resist having a look. It has to be the most facile piece of crap I have ever encountered. God help the "1000s of customers" who were taken in. Obviously not web savvy.

      I'm still not absolutely sure you haven't faked the web site as a prank.

      Have an upvote :-)

  16. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    One down

    But how many more to go?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: One down

      But how many more to go?

      Yes, there's one graduating every minute (I'm paraphrasing here).

  17. Elmer Phud Silver badge
    WTF?

    Oh, please don't put me in jail . . .

    ""This will destroy my life, I am the director of a company and everyone would lose their jobs. We have 1,000 clients, we have staff all around the country, and it would die," "

    Standard defence for arseholes.

    1. Commswonk Silver badge

      Re: Oh, please don't put me in jail . . .

      This will destroy my life, I am the director of a company and everyone would lose their jobs. We have 1,000 clients, we have staff all around the country, and it would die

      "We had 1000 clients" might turn out to be more accurate. If they have an integrity they will dissociate themselves from this hooligan before his first week of incarceration is over.

      We can hope so, anyway...

      If the business folds it might be hard on the other employees but they can always claim constructive dismissal, if having an arsehole for an MD is an allowable criterion.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Oh, please don't put me in jail . . .

        "We had 1000 clients" might turn out to be more accurate. If they have an integrity they will dissociate themselves from this hooligan before his first week of incarceration is over.

        The letter writing his company was involved in suggests that quite a number of those clients won't be too bothered about his incarceration on account of being on the shady side themselves. As a matter of fact, it may badge him as "one of us" to those clients and open doors at the likes of MPAA and all.

    2. Fred Dibnah

      Re: Oh, please don't put me in jail . . .

      Trouble is, that kind of pleading often works, e.g. the the texting driver who eventually killed someone (mentioned in an earlier post) was let off seven times and allowed to keep his licence because he claimed he would lose his job if he was banned.

      My response to such BS would be "Hard luck matey, you should've thought of that before you did what you did."

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Oh, please don't put me in jail . . .

        "e.g. the the texting driver who eventually killed someone (mentioned in an earlier post) was let off seven times and allowed to keep his licence because he claimed he would lose his job if he was banned."

        I've always thought that if you were driving for a living the expected standards to which you're held should be higher, simply because you're presenting yourself as being a professional and also, of course, because you spend more time driving and the risk you present to the public is directly proportional to that time.

        A comparison would be along the lines of someone complaining of a headache and his mate advising a couple of aspirin - unless the mate is a medic who should be aware of possible serious causes of the headache.

  18. Bob Rocket

    Interesting person

    is Mr Croucher.

    http://whocallsme.com/Phone-Number.aspx/02078314545

    1. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: Interesting person

      Well well...

      Company struck off some time back. Someone should be letting HMRC and trading standards know.

      He could end up staying a little longer at Her Majesty's pleasure.

      1. Bob Rocket

        Re: Interesting person

        A google shows over 100 companies registered at no. 43 so it appears to be an accommodation address.

        Co.s House shows nearly a dozen with Mr. Crouch as a current/former Director.

        What caught my eye was a change of directors name for one of them, Robert Edwin Crouch became Robert Crouch, there may be a very good reason for this but it seemed a bit odd.

        Google appears to be sanitised, for a bunch of people (Meet the Team) in the media business they sure have a light footprint.

        1. Bob Rocket

          Re: Interesting person - arrgh!

          'Co.s House shows nearly a dozen with Mr. Crouch as a current/former Director.

          What caught my eye was a change of directors name for one of them, Robert Edwin Crouch became Robert Crouch, there may be a very good reason for this but it seemed a bit odd.'

          :%s/Crouch/Croucher/g

          My model M seems to have a build up of pastry crumbs under the keys (again)

  19. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Dear Ghost of Noel Edmunds Past.

    I'd like to request a record be played for this poor man to give him comfort as he serves his sentence.

    Please play The Frantics' Boot To The Head.

  20. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    WTF?

    Only 20 weeks!?!?!?

    WTF?!?! I can only hope that some aspiring legal vulture contacts the Uber driver and helps him sue Mr Croucher into bankruptcy.

    1. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: Only 20 weeks!?!?!?

      " I can only hope that some aspiring legal vulture contacts the Uber driver "

      Yup. This in spades. the Uber driver now has an open and shut compensation case, the only question is how much a suitable landshark can wrangle.

  21. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Life of a troll

    Sounds like he's just fleshing out his Curriculum Vitae

  22. fnj

    Foul psychopathic behavior

    I side with those aghast at the light sentence. Kicking someone in the head while they are at your mercy is ATTEMPTED HOMICIDE; probably attempted murder, considering this low-life initiated violence in response to an innocuous situation.

    Only in cartoons can you kick people in the head or slug them on the crown with the butt of a handgun and assume the result is going to be only a headache. In real life these are actions with likely lethal or maiming (fractured neck) results.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Foul psychopathic behavior

      "ATTEMPTED HOMICIDE; probably attempted murder,"

      Is there a difference, legally speaking?

  23. Bob Vistakin
    Facepalm

    I've not seen "The Company You Keep" - downloading now, thanks.

    Let's see what all the fuss is about. Oh, then I think I'll point my torrents at a Streisand movie.

  24. aurizon

    After 20 weeks in prison...

    After reading the court's proceedings, I agree this self aggrandizing oaf got what he deserved.

    He will meet some tough cases inside, far tougher than he is, and will be well equipped to smuggle baseballs on release.

  25. HarryBl

    Som nam na...

    1. krza

      Agreed ...

      ... and cheers for bringing up one of the finer Thai phrases. À propos.

  26. HarryBl

    Here's Bubba!

  27. John Geek
    Devil

    priceless. "Get used to your life being different"

  28. oldcoder

    Too bad the court didn't use copyright arithmetic...

    If it had, it would have been 20 weeks for every kick multiplied by the number reporters using a downloaded video... and the result multiplied by the potential downloads of the video...

    I think that comes out to something around 100 years...

  29. Daniel B.

    Lenient

    20 weeks seems light on the guy given the severe beating he inflicted on the driver.

  30. Joe Gurman

    Could the gaoler be convinced to lose the key to his cell?

    In the interests of keeping scum off the streets?

  31. Big_Boomer

    Big Bob

    With any luck he will be put in a cell with "Big Bob" and his exceptionally wide thingy. :-)

  32. MangyDog

    20 weeks that all?

    I dont give a shit about his so called sob story. He attacked some one. What he did is classed as GBH/ABH... 20 weeks for that? Should have got 4 years.

  33. Mike Richards Silver badge

    The judge should be inspired by copyright penalties

    20 weeks for each kick and twenty or thirty years for not only looking like a complete tosser but being a complete tosser.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lay off the cocaine and alcohol

    I hope his parasitic venture fails, he should lay off the cocaine perhaps, and not cry about losing his business if he can't control himself in public.

  35. Mutton Jeff

    Clearly the driver's fault

    For putting himself in the way of this nice mans fists and feet.

    Irony over; 20 weeks too lenient for this kind of physical abuse, at least 18 months! With with possible release after 12 for extremely good behaviour.

  36. Yugguy

    This will destroy my life

    Good.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    First hand knowledge

    So just to be clear on the consequences of violent assault:

    My stepdaughter's 16 year old boyfriend was beaten up and kicked in the head. Several days in hospital and a head like a watermelon.

    At 18 he started to have motor problems and was diagnosed as having neurological damage.

    At 20 he has MS, 'probably brought on by the trauma of the blows to the head'.

    At 22 he's permanently in a wheelchair and unable to fully function.

    And did I mention he was a very bright student with a good career ahead of him?

    So that's effectively someone's life taken for a kick in the head.

    20 weeks?

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This is absolutely outrageous. We had someone try to join our company last year who had a conviction for assault. We considered him reformed and he would have been an asset to the department but we were told we couldn't employ him because the company had a duty of care to protect the other employees and they would be considered negligent if they employed him with a history of violent crime and he later assaulted someone.

    I just looked at the Government site for what would disqualify a person as a company director. It's all financial and record keeping stuff. Unless I missed something, someone could have committed the murder of a co-worker, get out of prison today and go straight out and become the director of a company. It really is "one rule for them and another for us."

    1. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

      There's nothing preventing you from being director of your own company, and given you've seen how it can be tricky for someone with a previous conviction to get a job, forming their own company and working for themselves might be the only option they have. The restrictions on directorship are to prevent people using their company (in particular, the limited liability bit) to defraud.

      There's no "us and them" here at all: owning a small company is nothing special, I'm on my seventh I think, and three of those never did a thing. Half the people posting here will have at least one.

      1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

        "forming their own company and working for themselves might be the only option they have"

        You know you can be a sole trader - no need to form a limited company (unless you intend to siphon off assets and wind it up with big debts...not that anybody would be so naughty.)

        According to official statistics around 70% of self employed are sole traders or partnerships, under 30% were limited companies needing directors.

  39. adam payne Silver badge

    "This will destroy my life, I am the director of a company and everyone would lose their jobs. We have 1,000 clients, we have staff all around the country, and it would die," he protested before being sentenced, the Daily Telegraph reports.

    You are the director of a company, so what. What does that have to do with kicking someone in the head?

    If the company goes under you did it to yourself and all your staff.

    You should and take responsibility for your actions.

  40. Rob Crawford

    Anybody think his contact details need to be updated?

    http://www.robertcroucher.com/contact/

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