back to article Sex is bad for older men, and even worse when it's good

Men of a certain age who enjoy frequent sex are putting themselves at higher risk of heart attacks and other cardiovascular problems, US researchers have warned. And just to rub salt in the wounds, older ladies who still enjoy a bit of the other reap positive benefits from frequent nookie. The frankly depressing revelation …

  1. TRT Silver badge

    I think, on balance,

    I'm prepared to take the risk. Who wants to live forever?!

    1. TitterYeNot
      Coat

      Re: I think, on balance,

      "I'm prepared to take the risk. Who wants to live forever?!"

      Agreed. I'd much rather shuffle off this mortal coil with a smile on my face and a coffin lid that won't close.

      <Sighs> Death by snu snu it is then...

      1. MrRimmerSIR!

        Re: I think, on balance,

        @TitterYeNot.

        Shuffle. Very good. Is that you hand in your coat pocket?

    2. Hey Nonny Nonny Mouse

      Re: I think, on balance,

      Better to burn out than to fade away!

    3. Dazed and Confused

      Re: I think, on balance,

      This reminds me of the old Russian joke about not drinking, "Do you actually live any longer?" NO, it just seems that way.

      From my perspective I'd have thought that being sexually inactive is more likely to cause an early death, nothing worse for the old ticker than a life of constant frustration.

      BTW, have you got this whole story the wrong way around, or was that a massive typo?

      The study found that older men who had sex once a week or more were “much more likely to experience cardiovascular events five years later than men who were sexually inactive.”

      This is saying that men who make the beast with the 2 backs get an extra 5 years before the ticker gives up since there is clearly no point in still being alive any more.

      1. Marshalltown

        Re: I think, on balance,

        Thanks for pointing that out. The wording is the precise opposite of the confusion. I conclude based on the wording that not having any sex, they have nothing else to live for. Did they run a cross-correlation with drinking?

      2. Steve Knox

        Re: I think, on balance,

        Perhaps this stress and slight wording change will make it clear:

        The study found that older men who had sex once a week or more were “much more likely to experience cardiovascular events after five years than men who were sexually inactive.”

      3. Al Black

        Re: I think, on balance,

        No it means that a 5 years study found that cardiovascular events were much more likely, not that they lived for 5 more years. When I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer I was told I had only a 25% chance of surviving for 20 years unless I had the Prostate and Vas Deferens surgically removed. I told the Surgeon that 1 in 4 odds for 20 years of sex sounded pretty good to me compared to 30 years as a Eunuch. I've had two more good years so far, and while I might regret my decision during a lingering death by cancer, I don't think I will.

    4. Ian Michael Gumby Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: I think, on balance,

      This is why you need to work out and take a statin. ;-)

      Now if my wife were truly evil, she'd encourage me to shag women who are barely (1/2 my age + 7) and die from the heart attack so she gets everything!

    5. ashdav
      Thumb Up

      Re: I think, on balance,

      Live fast, die young (as you feel)

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Correlation does not imply causation

    ........ I hope

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: Correlation does not imply causation

      Indeed, and how does it compare with say jogging or playing 5-a-side football or similar?

      1. quattroprorocked

        Re: Correlation does not imply causation

        It doesn't. Or rather, if it does, you're doing it wrong :-)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Correlation does not imply causation

        Elevated blood pressure and heart rate? One would expect it to have the same impact.

        Same for any strenuous activity: It's going to impact on your ticker.

        I guess it doesnt impact on women as much because they don't need to put in as much effort during sex...

        ...unless you go for the cowgirl approach...

        Now that would be the next logical step: Check on the sexual positions adopted during sex and categorise by those. Reevaluate the outcomes and see if that has any impact on cardiovascular incidents on the participants...

        1. IsJustabloke
          Coat

          Re: Correlation does not imply causation

          "...unless you go for the cowgirl approach..."

          Is that like "Rodeo Sex"?

          Take her doggy style,call her by a different name and then se how long you can stay on?

          Sorry, I'll get my coat....

          1. Ian Michael Gumby Silver badge
            Coat

            @Is Just a Bloke ... Re: Correlation does not imply causation

            Uhm... let me guess.

            You're a 40 year old virgin still living at home with mum and dad?

            You share the computer with them so you don't watch porn because they monitor your internet use?

            Really?

            Maybe we should open up a kickstarted account to help you buy a book called the Kama Sutra ?

            That may help... assuming your local library doesn't have a copy or anything on sex ed.

            Mine's the coat with the old unused condoms since before I was married.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: @Is Just a Bloke ... Correlation does not imply causation

              Mine's the coat with the old unused condoms since before I was married.

              Well, my sex life is such that I discovered condoms actually have expiry dates..

              1. Marshalltown

                Re: @Is Just a Bloke ... Correlation does not imply causation

                "..I discovered condoms actually have expiry dates.."

                And just how much did that discovery cost?

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: @Is Just a Bloke ... Correlation does not imply causation

                  And just how much did that discovery cost?

                  A lot. At my age, you need complicated glasses to still read stuff and even SpecSavers gets expensive at that point.

              2. Ian Michael Gumby Silver badge
                Joke

                @AC ...Re: @Is Just a Bloke ... Correlation does not imply causation

                Yes, condoms do have expiration dates, no duh.

                But since being married, haven't had need to use the little rain coats ...

                The sad thing is that you missed the obvious question... why did I still have condoms in the pocket and never taken them out... ';-)

            2. Martin Summers Silver badge

              Re: @Is Just a Bloke ... Correlation does not imply causation

              Wow Ian, I don't think you needed to put the comment about the condoms to make it obvious you aren't getting any!

          2. Teiwaz Silver badge

            Re: Correlation does not imply causation

            Rodeo cowsex

            Take her doggy style,call her by a different name and then se how long you can stay on?

            - Well, that's level one

            - Level two, is you call her sisters/best friends name

            - Level three, her mothers.

            1. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
              Mushroom

              Re: Correlation does not imply causation

              In re: Rodeo Sex:

              - Level four: "Honey, have you put on weight?"

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Correlation does not imply causation

                I hate to interrupt this outbreak of bad jokes that normally needs at least alcohol as an excuse, but this forum is *public*, and thus also read by women. Maybe I'm the only one worrying about a degree of decorum, but it's not really the kind of thing to say in public, is it?

                1. Pompous Git Silver badge

                  Re: Correlation does not imply causation

                  this forum is *public*, and thus also read by women.

                  It may have escaped your notice, but this is also El Reg and while there are few who are obviously female that post here, they seem to give as good as they get. Live with it!

                2. Blake St. Claire

                  Re: Correlation does not imply causation

                  > ...and thus also read by women ... but it's not really the kind of thing to say in public, is it?

                  Sarah Bee has been gone for a long time, and this is in Bootnotes. Carry on lads.

                3. Kernel Silver badge

                  Re: Correlation does not imply causation

                  "Maybe I'm the only one worrying about a degree of decorum"

                  Yes, I think you're probably correct in that assumption.

              2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

                Re: Correlation does not imply causation

                "- Level four: "Honey, have you put on weight?"

                Level 5. Yes, your arse DOES look big in this.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Correlation does not imply causation

          Now that would be the next logical step: Check on the sexual positions adopted during sex and categorise by those. Reevaluate the outcomes and see if that has any impact on cardiovascular incidents on the participants...

          I agree, that needs investigating.

          Where do I sign up?

    2. kmac499

      Re: Correlation does not imply causation

      Based on the anecdotal tales of us older guys and our love lives. Where the hell did the researchers get a sample size large enough to be statistically significant...

      Please please tell me where...

      1. Pompous Git Silver badge

        Re: Correlation does not imply causation

        Based on the anecdotal tales of us older guys and our love lives. Where the hell did the researchers get a sample size large enough to be statistically significant...

        Presumably from commentards who clicked on the banner sex ads on El Reg's home page. Time to install an ad blocker again methinks.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Who wants to live forever?

    When love must die?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Who wants to live forever?

      There's a difference between being alive and not having died yet.

      1. earl grey Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Who wants to live forever?

        Lock the doors and close the blinds

        We're going for a ride

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe

    Maybe it's by design so that you go at the peak of satisfaction.

  5. TRT Silver badge

    Are there any data...

    about a possible correlation with wealth and inheritance?

  6. Justicesays

    Did they check

    for the consumption of "supplements" by the men involved?

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Did they check

      for the consumption of "supplements" by the men involved?

      - Like chips/crisps, KFC, McDonalds?

    2. GrapeBunch Silver badge

      Re: Did they check

      "for the consumption of "supplements" by the men involved?"

      That would do it. Boner pills do affect your blood pressure. Men who aren't having sex aren't taking boner pills ("it is sincerely hoped"), so if they didn't correct for boner pills taken by the geezers who *are* having sex, their study may be hooped. Or maybe it says more about boner pills than it does about geriatric sex.

      Before reading the remark of "Justicesays", I was going to suggest that the story was a mathematical joke. April is the 4th month. 4=2^2. September is the 9th month. 9=3^2. September Fools!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bad for men and good for women?

    From my, purely anecdotal, non scientific, discussions with friends on the subject, it may be that men frequently put more energy into making the beast with two backs than the ladies.

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Not tonight love...

      ...My insurance won't cover it.

    2. Ken Mitchell

      I also am willing to take that risk, especially to help my wife (who is also my best friend) to live a longer and happier life with me. :-)

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Which men?

    This sounds like lifestyle would have an impact. Where were the test subjects sourced? Were they all from one country?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Answering myself

      Having had time to research the organisations involved, they only looked at American men. No word if it affects people overseas.

  9. Tony S

    Bugger; I hope that they're wrong.

    If not, I could drop dead anytime soo

  10. wolfetone Silver badge

    I Knew It

    Hugh Hefner only has those "girlfriends" for show. He doesn't do anything with them.

    Knew it. Knew it knew it knew it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I Knew It

      I'm not so sure. In one interview he said that "Viagra was the best recreational drug ever invented."

      But perhaps he and his "girlfriends" compete to see who can erect the biggest tower out of them?

      Errm ...... where's my coat

    2. Lars Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: I Knew It

      No, no Ricky Gervais revealed all about Hugh Hefner here at about 13.50

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xI1BIiDfer4

  11. juul

    Evolution

    So nature have deemed, men having sex at an old age as unsound and have put in a failsafe, kill the man who have sex, when he is to old to care for his ofspring.

    1. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge

      Re: Evolution

      A parenting failsafe would reduce fertility to zero 15 years prior to end of life. Killing men, possibly after ejaculation, is not much of a failsafe unless "nature" thinks grumpy old men shouldn't be left alone with their progeny.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Evolution

        It's down to saving food.

      2. Maty

        Re: Evolution

        'A parenting failsafe would reduce fertility to zero 15 years prior to end of life.'

        Well, that would be useful. Become infertile in 2016, make no plans for after 2031, take out a large loan repayable in 16 years, update insurance policy.

        Anyway this does not affect me. My family have been sterile for generations.

  12. colinb

    bah, happy to die with a smile on my face

    or maybe a grimace.

    To be on the safe side i might start to lie back and think of England <EU, insert as applicable>

  13. chivo243 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    I don't buy it

    They must have been using Excel for their calculations... ±20% error?

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/08/25/excel_hell_messes_up_20_per_cent_of_genetic_science_papers/

  14. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Alert

    So, heart attack or prostrate cancer? (See related stories.)

    Which one do you prefer?

    1. Scott 53

      Re: So, heart attack or prostrate cancer? (See related stories.)

      Prostrate cancer? Is lying down bad for you now?

      1. Def Silver badge
        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: So, heart attack or prostrate cancer? (See related stories.)

          Well, that's one way to promote hands free phones..

      2. Teiwaz Silver badge

        Re: So, heart attack or prostrate cancer? (See related stories.)

        Prostrate cancer? Is lying down bad for you now?

        Seems like you can't let rip with a good fart these days without someone telling you it's carcinogenic...*

        * paraphrased from 'Filthy, Rich and Catflap'

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I call bull.

    Yet more anti-man, pro-feminist agenda shoving to make us all feel utterly worthless as we get older. There's no evidence here at all, just a correlation, but because its so utterly PC its going to be repeated by popularist press and other agenda led organisations ad nauseum until it becomes accepted fact.

    Bullshit.

    1. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      Re: I call bull.

      I don't get it. How is it feminist bullshit? If the correlation was that sex was fabulous for the health of older men and terrible for older women, would that be OK, or also feminist bullshit? I don't get how it is 'politically correct'. Correlation is a scientifically proven way of looking at things. It needs to be able to e replicated to be solid. But I am not sure why saying older men's hearts and vascular systems etc are a little more fragile in old age than in youth is anti-men. It's just the way physical systems work, in the same way that females often sustain injury or even die in childbirth.

      It trikes me that you are a chap who sees feminazis behind pretty much everything. Chill, dude.

    2. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: I call bull.

      Craigness, is that you?

      Anyway, to quote Stephen Colbert, reality has a well known liberal bias.

    3. computinghomer

      Re: I call bull.

      U a Yank ??

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So ?

    Well.. if we correlate this article and the one on robot sex together are we to conclude that the older men having sex with robots that never tire will all die ? Is this a women's supermacy group's doings ? Will we see men getting exterminated by female robots in masse ? In fact is this the rise of the machines that we all so feared , to eliminate the male population and make solyent green of them ? hmm ..

    Guess i had too much coffee :)

    1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

      Re: So ?

      Well.. if we correlate this article and the one on robot sex together are we to conclude that the older men having sex with robots that never tire will all die ?

      A resounding yes - all evidence points that way. Same body of evidence indicates that all women indulging in the same will snuff it. In fat, broadening out the question, all men and women will die no matter how active they are.

    2. Handel was a crank

      Re: So ?

      I for one would like to welcome our new indefatigable sex-mad robot overlords.

      1. GrapeBunch Silver badge

        Re: So ?

        I remember decades ago a space opera novel where much of the population had undergone an operation (or maybe implants, it doesn't matter) to say bye-bye to the familiar patterns of exertion and rest, waking and sleeping. So a guy who had not undergone the procedure was travelling (in a space ship, naturally) with a woman who had recently taken the plunge. Because she didn't tire, they were now "incompatible", and he suffered all manner of existential angst. But if I recall correctly, they encountered a situation where his rhythms saved them from a crisis. So maybe all was forgiven.

    3. earl grey Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: So ?

      So, the Fembots are going to get you. Surrender now.

  17. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Prediction: Correlation and causation artifact. I believe this the same way I believe being a nun causes cervical cancer (real headline from my long-lost youth).

    Young people and their "datas" and "quantums". In my day they'd have been given a good thrashing!

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Bah!

      Obvious, innit. Spunk is life juice. Men give, women receive. Or men give in equal measure, thus cancelling out. Is this effect seen in lesbians?

    2. frank ly
      Gimp

      @Stevie Re: Bah!

      Are there any studies of the effects of giving/receiving a good thrashing on cardiovascular health. I ask because a friend was wondering about that.

  18. AceRimmer

    Next Weeks Headline

    Linux users enjoy an average 5 extra years of life

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Next Weeks Headline

      The data are still not in on that one. What I can tell you is that avoiding computers altogether will see you going into the enjoyment of your golden years with a full head of hair.

    2. ChubbyBehemoth
      Linux

      Re: Next Weeks Headline

      Not in absolute time, but certainly the time saved by not crashing PC's should enable them to spend their time more efficiently, thus saving a lot of time otherwise spent OT. They certainly experience lower stress levels, unless forced to do maintenance as well on a Windows or MacOS machine park. Nothing as frustrating as having to help those sods in full knowledge how much easier your life could be.

      1. Pompous Git Silver badge

        Re: Next Weeks Headline

        Not in absolute time, but certainly the time saved by not crashing PC's should enable them to spend their time more efficiently, thus saving a lot of time otherwise spent OT.

        Sounds like wishful thinking. I never had any particular problems with w7 crashing. Mint 17.3 locks up about once a week, most likely due to the Radeon video driver. The FOSS driver is complete shit and the proprietary one is almost as bad. Further, copying the boot partition to a removable hard drive with gparted killed Mint.

        Don't get me wrong here; over the last 14 months I have become quite fond of Mint. It's just that pretending Linux is faultless is just as fatuous as believing Windows or OS X are faultless. They all run on computers!

        I seem to recall the BOFH describing computers as devices for losing data some years ago...

    3. Michael Thibault

      Re: Next Weeks Headline

      >Linux users enjoy an average 5 extra years of life

      Hard to imagine any real enjoyment in that 5 years when it will almost certainly be spent on the distro-go-round looking for the real pony.

  19. Pomgolian
    WTF?

    Fuck me!

    ...or perhaps not!

  20. GordonD

    Surely this article should have been titled

    "Men with heart disease more likely to lie about sex"

  21. ex_ussr1

    More bollox from the Register.

    We are to assume their staff are drawn from which age group? Teenagers?

    If this rubbish had any grain of even half sensible research in it, like eg,- the immune system how come the French live longer than mostly anyone else?

    Sound like sour grapes to you?!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If this rubbish had any grain of even half sensible research in it, like eg,- the immune system how come the French live longer than mostly anyone else?

      Sound like sour grapes to you?!

      No, no, they put their sour grapes in wine. Umm, wait, I've lost the plot now ..

  22. BoldMan

    So having sex increases the chance of heart attacks, not having sex increases the chance of prostrate cancer?

    What a load of bullshit, we're all going to die and I know which way I'd rather go!

  23. james 68

    Doesn't anyone proof read anymore?

    The study found that older men who had sex once a week or more were “much more likely to experience cardiovascular events five years later than men who were sexually inactive.”

    So here it's saying that a horny old duffer will have an extra 5 years before problems arise compared to a droopy old git that cant get it up.

    The rest of the article goes on to say that the randy old bugger is the one in danger. So which is it?

    1. Glenturret Single Malt

      Re: Doesn't anyone proof read anymore?

      Or write clear, unambiguous English.

    2. Pascal Monett Silver badge
      Coat

      That is a valid question

      But in any case, if I'm told that in seven years' time I'll have to have boring, infrequent sex to live longer, I have but one thing to do : thank God for whisky !

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Doesn't anyone proof read anymore?

      American English to proper English translation - “much more likely to experience cardiovascular events during the next five years than men who were sexually inactive.”

  24. Tikimon Silver badge

    Does relative fitness make a difference?

    I would like to know how this correlated with the measured fitness of the study cohort. For a gent who does the typical life progression and lets himself get weak as he ages, enthusiastic sex is an increasing strain on the system. Some guys instead work to stay fit and strong as they age. Do the above-average fitness guys suffer this effect as well?

    This matters to me, since I'm working hard on being fit (not merely not-fat) with a mind to handling age better. Being a gnarly and strong old dude I hope to have good luck with the ladies (or lady, if I'm in a good partnership). Shame to think that would KILL ME.

  25. Teiwaz Silver badge

    I think it's time to return to the sea or the trees...

    So, what? Stay single, and avoid heart attack at some point during rumpy pumpy but heap stress on due to lack of emotional support during lifes roller coaster and possible prostrate death? Or marry with usual inevitable offspring stress, spouse stress, inlaw stress but semi regular sex to maybe reduce chances of your prostate going all mutant but satisfying the relationship might eventually kill you...?

    Good grief, all these types of articles are a prime source of stress most likely to lead to an early death from one thing or another IMO.

    Think I'll give up reading and take up a moderate drinking habit instead.

    1. DanceMan

      Re: Or marry with ..... semi regular sex

      Not married yet, eh?

  26. RonWheeler

    Waht about

    Vaz?

  27. Morris-man1948

    Am I worried? Nah!

    Question. If Sex is likely to kill me with a Heart Attack and Avoiding Sex is likely to kill me because of Prostate Cancer, what is Morris Dancing going to do for me?

    Given how many OLD Morris Dancers there are around the country who are over the age of 75 and who keep themselves fit by dancing Morris and also - one assumes - servicing their wives, then clearly the research is flawed.

    Sex is the equivalent of a Five Mile run. An hour's worth of Morris Dancing also gives your heart an equal workout, according to my Heart Specialist. Either way, I shall Die Happy!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Am I worried? Nah!

      Question. If Sex is likely to kill me with a Heart Attack and Avoiding Sex is likely to kill me because of Prostate Cancer, what is Morris Dancing going to do for me?

      To be honest, if I had to choose between Morris dancing (pedant: only "Morris" gets a capital letter) and sex (which deserves one but doesn't get it, fnarr fnarr) I know what I would rather be doing when I passed away.

      Hint: it wouldn't involve Morris :)

      1. Morris-man1948

        Re: Am I worried? Nah!

        Someone once said, "you should try everything once except incest and morris dancing".

        If you don't want to die Morris dancing, try Incest instead. At least you won't go blind!

        1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

          Re: Am I worried? Nah!

          "Try everything at least once in your life, except incest and folk dancing."

          Sir Thomas Beecham

      2. Pompous Git Silver badge

        Re: Am I worried? Nah!

        To be honest, if I had to choose between Morris dancing (pedant: only "Morris" gets a capital letter) and sex (which deserves one but doesn't get it, fnarr fnarr) I know what I would rather be doing when I passed away.

        Hint: it wouldn't involve Morris

        I'm not sure why the surname Dancing doesn't justify the use of a capital letter. I wouldn't have sex with anyone called Morris either, regardless of their surname, mainly on the grounds that they are most unlikely to be a female. Though you never know these days...

  28. Darryl
    Unhappy

    Wonderful. I'm going to live forever

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Pint

      > Wonderful. I'm going to live forever

      May I suggest some medication? ------------->

    2. Mark 85 Silver badge
      Trollface

      Braggart. Or liar. Not sure which although based on the writings of Lazarus Long, I'd say the later.

  29. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    What about older men having it off with these new sex robots?

    Sex with a partner who just wants to jump one's bones no matter what is, I would hazard a guess, something that would promote health and happiness.

    Mine's the Cherry 2000 in the shiny clothing. Don't tell the wife.

    1. Tikimon Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Bah!

      ...maybe you don't have to work as hard with a robot? It's not like she/it will belittle you for not giving it your A-game.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Bah!

        It's not like she/it will belittle you for not giving it your A-game.

        Depends if you're generating energy or using it, I guess :).

        Could be a whole new source of energy, fornigenerators. Never was there more enthusiasm for green energy by young as well as old, the only environmental issue would be a sharp ramp up in the use of tissues.

        Yes, yes, I'll have a lie down now, thank you. Joining me?

  30. TeacherMARK

    I've been living in Thailand for the last 16 years... see you on the other side, suckers!

  31. Lostintranslation

    Fairy lasts twice as long

    So it turns out that the human body is just like a bottle of washing up liquid.

    Once you have squirted out the contents, the bottle is just waste. And the faster you use the contents the quicker the bottle is finished.

    Or something like that....

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Fairy lasts twice as long

      "Once you have squirted out the contents, the bottle is just waste. And the faster you use the contents the quicker the bottle is finished."

      - Getting all Tantric might not necessarily help, I don't necessarily know if using the bottle and not spilling the contents* is likely to count as a plus as regards the negatives of not having sex, and it's the grunting bit that has been reported to be potentially fatal and running out of juice (would cream be better?).

      *You could fake it with a syringe of flour and water I guess.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My wife is considerably older than me

    So good news for her, bad for me. I think she must have been tipped off to this, she recently asked me to write down where I've got any money "just in case something happened to me". She's planning on wearing me out early and living to a ripe old age. Oh well, I suppose I'll have to accept my fate.

  33. ex_ussr1

    Hey, do you know where this so called all singing all dancing "survey" bollox comes from,

    The country* where:- Nearly three-quarters of men and more than 60% of women are obese or overweight.

    No wonder they pop their clogs only 5 years after getting frisky.

    They probably damage the floor at the same time.

    The author*?

    Comes from the ONE and only country in the world with a giant demographic timebomb, shaped like:- "ONE COUPLE ONE CHILD!"

    If you're European, physically fit, and eat properly, all the opposites are obviously true.

    Thought so!

    *Copyright © 2016 by American Sociological Association

    **Hui Liu Associate Professor of Sociology at Michigan State University.

    Before joining MSU in 2008, she received her B.A. and M.A. in economics from Nankai University, China

    1. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge
      WTF?

      Has anybody seen the ban hammer? I'm sure we left it around here somewhere.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    in Sparta

    "May you live forever" is a curse (as used by Leonidas to Ephialtes in "300").

    Dying gloriously is the way to go!

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This doesn't explain...

    ...how my mother in law is still going strong at 90+. Thank God she's not frisky.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: This doesn't explain...

      Maybe she is and just doesn't tell her children everything.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: This doesn't explain...

        Mark, while my mother in law is a nice God fearing widower of 30 years, if you met her, let's say face to face, you'd realise that any use of the word frisky in a positive sense in the same sentence as her would be entirely implausible.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Anyone remember Private Benjamin

    ...and the famous last words of her dying husband! "I'm coming"

    Cant be a bad thing.

  37. John H Woods

    Pillow talk...

    Me: "Honey, fancy a shag?"

    Mrs: "Hmm, I'm a bit tired."

    Me: "Ok. Oh, I doubled my life insurance today, by the way."

    Mrs: "Honey ... fancy a shag?"

  38. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    IT Angle

    hopefully

    they'll be sayign about me that he came and went at the same time

    but what does this have to do to IT?

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: hopefully

      but what does this have to do to IT?

      Data recorded on an Excel spreadsheet, of course.

  39. Graham Dawson

    Can't find the actual paper, but from the description it sounds like a data dredge. You can bet that they split the original sample up into smaller and smaller pieces until a spurious correlation popped out.

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Did the study look to see if sex was the only form of exercise they engaged in? If you don't regularly exercise when older, any form of exertion can cause a heart attack (such as shoveling snow from your driveway).

  41. This post has been deleted by its author

  42. Herby

    Life is a terminal disease...

    Please remember this.

    Me: I'd rather "go out on top".

    1. Pompous Git Silver badge

      Re: Life is a terminal disease...

      Me: I'd rather "go out on top".

      I'd rather go out with her on top, but each to their own I suppose :-)

      1. Morris-man1948

        Re: Life is a terminal disease...

        Maybe old men die because of the missionary position. It's very difficult to breath, with your face buried in the pillow. Us men can't cope with the lack of Oxygen. And as for whispering sweet nothings in her ear...

        I prefer to let her get on top and do all the hard work, as it saves my back and knees... and doesn't over-stress my ticker. Women on top, one of the few benefits of Feminism. ;-)

  43. anoco

    Maybe the problem is the 'just' once a week thing.

    A limited study will give you limited results. This more specific study proves the opposite!

    http://metro.co.uk/2016/09/04/rampant-sex-is-the-secret-to-living-past-the-age-of-100-6109269/

    1. DougS Silver badge

      Re: Maybe the problem is the 'just' once a week thing.

      That proves nothing of the sort. It sounds like their diet is granting them the longer healthier live, and they are making good use of it. Unless they show the people who don't have sex are the ones dragging down the lifespan average, the sex sounds much more like a result of being healthy at 100 than the cause.

  44. DougS Silver badge

    Meaningless

    Even if taken at face value, there are a lot of things that are bad for you but you choose to do them anyway knowing they may shorten your life. Why would anyone skydive or race cars? Why would anyone drink beyond a medically "moderate" amount? Why would anyone visit countries with higher rates of terrorism or violent crime higher than one's own? Why would anyone drive?

    There are a lot of things that will reduce average life span, and I imagine few men are willing to give up sex in exchange for living a bit longer. If it cut your life span in half that might be a different matter (at least for some) but this is surely at the margins or it would have been previously observed.

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This is exactly why I am old, ginger...

    ...and work in IT. I knew science would eventually vindicate my life choices.

    AC, because well - I might live forever now. And science has stated I am quite a catch.

  46. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Coat

    I always say...

    Its not quantity of life, its quality of life :)

    Rather than finding this article depressing, I want to thank El Reg for giving me another line; "Baby, have I ever shown you the beneficial health effects of the release of the female sex hormone during orgasm? I only ask because you know I am watching out for your health, dear."

    Let's just hope that doesn't turn into an awkward "Orgasm--what's that?" or "The last time you gave me one of those was when people still called me Miss" conversations.

    Its kind of warm in here, honey--let me take off your coat.

  47. Howard Hanek Bronze badge
    Childcatcher

    Waldorf & Astoria

    ...are NOW my favorite muppets. They don't seem to suffer any impairment or abnormalities? I'd call them physically and mentally fit.......for puppets. Perhaps more research is in order and I'd LOVE to participate.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Waldorf & Astoria

      It's Statler & Waldorf...

      http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Statler_and_Waldorf

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Actually it's a well known fact that sex with one's mistress is more likely to cause heart attack than sex with one's wife/partner. I wonder if the study took that into account.

    1. Marketing Hack Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Well, if your wife walks in on you when you are WITH your mistress, that could be quite an unhealthy shock.

      Also, in this situation, does this study include the health consequences of post-discovery wife-on-husband beatings?

  49. Potemkine Silver badge

    Anyway,

    is there a more pleasant way to die?

  50. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Even worse when its good

    Well then. I suppose I owe my wife a debt of gratitude.

    Paris because was that a complement?

  51. mrjohn

    But married men live longer than unmarried men .........

    1. Pompous Git Silver badge
      Unhappy

      But married men live longer than unmarried men .........

      Sadly, that just might mean that married men get less sex than their unmarried counterparts...

  52. Agent Tick

    Hmm, yes...

    .. they might be right. Last time I had a nookie was 25 years ago and I still do cumulative 240 push-ups every day no problems.

  53. David Roberts
    Coat

    Buy your wife a vibrator

    For a health related win/win situation.

    Although being sent out on an emergency errand late at night for new batteries may up the risk profile.

  54. Patrick R
    Pint

    Getting old and sex is bad...

    Don't get old.

  55. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    Doesn't matter - had sex.

  56. Norman123

    pre-conditions?

    I wonder if they controlled for other conditions such as obesity, hypertension, cardio-vascular disease, diet (vegetarian vs. non), lifestyles, socio-economic status....

  57. AbeSapian

    My Hope ...

    was always to die in bed - shot by a jealous husband.

  58. Al Black

    Sex is bad for older men, and even worse when it's good

    They had to post this on RUOK Day? I was till I read this! Thanks Register!

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