back to article BOFH: I found a flying Dragonite on a Windows 2003 domain

Hell hath no fury like a Boss who has taken umbrage - and in this case he happened to hear the PFY discussing how he'd "upgraded" the Boss's Pokémon Go to a full augmented-reality app with a "feature" that made large moving vehicles invisible - just before giving him a virtual reality headset and suggesting that there were some …

  1. Alien8n Silver badge

    Lunch

    Is it beer o'clock already?

    1. Chika
      Pint

      Re: Lunch

      Beer o'clock? Damn, you're slow. It's beer o'clock and then some!

      And it's your round! ;)

      1. Alien8n Silver badge

        Re: Lunch

        I'm not round, it's just a little extra padding. To cushion the, er, ground, yes that's it, the ground when the floor attacks me after too many pints...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Mini Metro

    Hopefully Server 2016 does away with that jarring Windows 8 metro screen!

    You're trying to get something done, need to launch a server management application - how do I... oh yes, the invisible "move the mouse to the corner" - except you've RDP'd / VM console'd in, and you're running it in a window as the server screen resolution is less than your screen resolution, so moving the mouse to the corner without leaving the window is an exercise in patience.

    So you fullscreen the window, which - depending on your method of windowing in - either stretches out the resolution to make everything look like a poorly resized MS paint picture, or it places black surround around the server desktop like one of those films on an obscure satellite channel that was originally 4:3 but also letterboxed widescreen that no-one has corrected the aspect ratio.

    You finally get to the corner and - bam - a tablet style window. Where is SQL Management studio? Not one of the main boxes. How to I get to my programs? Argh! Where did the desktop go?

    Win+R, that'll do. Now what is the application executable name?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Mini Metro

      It's your fault for not using command line powershell remotely to run your servers. You know, like Linux people do.

    2. Chika

      Re: Mini Metro

      Hopefully Server 2016 does away with that jarring Windows 8 metro screen!

      It does. Now you get a nice, shiny Windows 10 desktop (assuming that you install the GUI at all).

    3. J. Cook Bronze badge

      Re: Mini Metro

      Well, server 2016 is built on windows 10's codebase, so the start menu should look similar to that.

      and personally, I'd rather be running 2012 R2 than 2012, much like most people who know better tend to opt for the "r2" release of the server OS. :) they put the start button back in that version. unfortunately, you are still stuck with the gawdawful metro start menu.

      1. Chika

        Re: Mini Metro

        Note that Classic Shell does work on Windows Server 2012. It also works on 2016... NO NO NO I DIDN'T SAY THAT!

        No, seriously, it does work on 2012 and it does allow you to make the TIFKAM screen go away if you want it, though r2 does allow the same options as 8.1 if you decide to stick to the OS only.

  3. TRT Silver badge

    Erm...

    Is talk of running people down with vans not inappropriate for today?

    1. asphytxtc
      Joke

      Re: Erm...

      Welcome to el Reg ;)

    2. 2Fat2Bald

      Re: Erm...

      Yeah. I think this publishing was probably scheduled a while back and nobody realised.

      Yes. It is a bit insensitive.

    3. caffeine addict Silver badge

      Re: Erm...

      Here's a question for you...

      Do you think that

      a) Simon watched the news last night, got all excited in his gentlemen's area, and rattled off a story about running down people with a lorry OR

      b) This was written at some point before last night and got put live by either an automated task or a hung over ElReg hack who hasn't read or doesn't remember the story?

      Seriously, if every BOfH story was parsed through the lens of what violence they commit and what has happened in the news in recent memory, we'd be limited to that story where they... no, actually, probably none of them.

    4. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

      Re: Erm...

      Technically, talk about running down people with vans is inappropiate on any day - if you really mean it. As this is a site for grown ups* who usually have a good grip on telling reality apart from fantasy the only conceivable problems are of an aesthetic nature.

      * I know, I know... Hey, I'm trying to make a point here, okay?

      1. David 132 Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: Erm...

        After reading the news from Nice yesterday, and then playing a few rounds of my favorite game, I had a belated realization that Carmageddon was not, in the circumstances, a tactful way to while away the evening.

        I am a very bad person and am probably going straight to Hell.

        1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

          Re: Erm...

          "Too soon"

          So, can we talk about the the Turkish Coup Attempt, then?

          1. Kimo

            Re: Erm...

            Maybe last night was not the best time to overthrow the Brotherhood of Steel's authoritarian rule in Fallout 4 using elements of the Minutemen military...

    5. waldo kitty
      Boffin

      Re: Erm...

      Is talk of running people down with vans not inappropriate for today?

      yes, it is not inappropriate... two negatives make it a positive so yes, it is appropriate ;)

      understand that this comment is only about the double negatives... it has nothing to do with running any one or thing down with any vehicle of any kind...

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

        Re: Erm...

        It isn't inappropriate to have it in the episode, just if you laugh at it.

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: Erm...

          Oh... BOFH isn't a set of instructions then. My bad. Anyone want to buy a slightly used cattle prod? I also have a roll of carpet, some gaffer's tape, and a bag of quicklime I'll sell.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Erm...

            To be honest I am shocked and appalled by all this. I've read these comments and come to the conclusion that commentards are terrible people who do not have a grip on reality and just have no idea about real life because it's not gaffer tape it's duct tape. Can we please get this right in future because I have been deeply offended by this faux pas?

            Sarcasm aside this is an article about a mythical (well only technically) person who takes great delight in righting the wrongs that plague IT so like the bibles missing first page you should automatically assume it contains the all persons fictitious disclaimer.

            1. Gary Turner

              Re: Erm...

              Actually, no. It' duck tape from the Dutch duik for linen. In other words an adhesive on a strong cloth backing. A heavy linen cloth is called duck, just as a heavy hemp cloth is called canvas (derived from cannabis).

              You're welcome. :-)

    6. burgers22

      Re: Erm...

      May be a hybrid auto delivery drone system is more PC these days?

  4. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Server installation

    No doubt the BOFH (and sidekick) will install Cryptolocker hidden inside an innocent application (like notepad) so that some poor sucker will activate Crypto at some later stage when things have settled down...

    And it's lunch o' clock...

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not funny

    Just this week I was asked why the GPO I had created this week to stop IE running on Server 2003 here wasn't working on the NT4.0 servers.

    Anon for obvious reasons!

    1. Tabor

      Re: Not funny

      GPO created on 2003 not running on the NT4 servers ? Easy fix for that.

      Run, and never look back.

    2. Steve the Cynic Silver badge

      Re: Not funny

      "the GPO"

      I saw this and had one of those moments where my brain seizes up. WTF does the General Post Office have to do with 21st Century IT?

  6. Spotswood

    "This is the sort of large-scale licence abuse that generally sails under the Jolly Roger ensign."

    Seriously almost fell off my chair for that one. Gold.

  7. Dave P 1

    Backup plan is the cattle prod and a stairwell; preferably from the top floor.

    I need a new plan here because WIN 7 refuses to do any patches (except perhaps WIN 10), as I can see from the lack of internet activity and having 12 hours to do it.

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Try the miniscule "give me the patches I actually wanted" link underneath the gargantuan "swallow my Win10 whole" advert that pops up in your windows update...

      1. JR

        Do a search and download the GWX Control Panel. It's a great tool for removing the smoking Win10 grogan from your machine before it gets installed.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Do a search and download the GWX Control Panel. It's a great tool for removing the smoking Win10 grogan from your machine before it gets installed.

          Heh, got given a works laptop 'to have a look at' over the weekend with the aim of recovering the usual single 'important' file off the disk, as the machine 'isn't booting'

          Point the first, I'm not the IT guy..

          Point the second, I *hate* working on laptops..

          Point the third, I detest Windows.

          Get the bugger home, eventually get it to boot off a copy of HBCD (restored edition plus even more added portable goodness), can I read the data off the disk? yes, can I copy the file required? yes, so copy it off to a USB stick. Main mission now over, before I do anything else, how badly does it need defragging?..oh..maybe a good idea to start defragging the disk..hey, it's only 47GB of fragged files..I've seen worse...the defrag understandably runs overnight.

          When it finished, sometime midday, rebooted the thing with an AV disk, and let it have some fun.

          So, late this afternoon, after the AV disk did its Zelda Rubinstein and pronounced the disk clean, I reboot the laptop and allow it to try boot the OS, Win 7, but all sorts of wrongness occurs and half an hour later, still nothing..long story cut short, a borked 'silent' attempt at an upgrade to Win10 on hardware which barely runs Win 7 fucked the machine royally (checked with usual owner..at no time did it ask him anything about Win10 upgrading)

          A mix of GWX Control Panel, the scripts from github and a bit of registry fiddling later, I now have one usable(ish) laptop sitting beside me (apart from the battery, that is..) Suspect updates are hidden, automatic updates are now off, now, I'm about to image the disk before I do anything else to the thing.

          Some of you might be wondering, why the feck are you bothering, especially if you're not the IT guy?...Simple, machine's 'owner' is a connoisseur of beers and guess what I'll be getting paid in for this off-the-books job? (and I'll have the detestable Win10 to thank for it, strange how things pan out sometimes...slàinte!)

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

          2. Alan Brown Silver badge

            "machine's 'owner' is a connoisseur of beers and guess what I'll be getting paid"

            Given the time sunk into it, the payment had better be in palletloads.

    2. Tabor
      Pint

      win 7 patches

      12 hours - 4 (since posting time). Google wsus offline and you'll have time to spare for a pint or two.

    3. YARR
      Go

      Autopatcher

  8. Dave Bell

    I think I'd lift a scenario from Charlie Stross. In "Halting State" there is an augmented-reality spy game which is actually run by real spooks, so when the game has you follow somebody, presented to you as "another player", it's for real.

    Getting the boss into a game like that, and arrange for him to carry a package that isn't an innocent dummy. And maybe put the game server onto the computers of that other company.

    1. Alan W. Rateliff, II
      Paris Hilton

      And remember to toss the guy a little dosh if it helps out.

    2. Jack of Shadows Silver badge

      That's so ShadowRun.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    is this in good taste today based on the events in Nice? might be bit too close to subject this morning???

    "feature" that made large moving vehicles invisible...

    personally I am not offended or anything just i suspect there might be some people out there that might be too fluffy for BOFH!

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Let them speak for themselves, then.

      I don't find it offensive or even relevant. The PFY and the BOFH are nearly always plotting someone's gruesome (and) tasteless death so that they can get to the pub early. That's what we read it for.

      In Nice a nutter murdered people indiscriminately. And there was that cunt in Yorkshire the other week. Big difference.

    2. steward
      Devil

      Considering it's possibly inappropriate due to events outside the UK...

      And considering that the UK Foreign Secretary is now Boris Johnson...

      It seems to fit quite well with the new modus operandi of the Foreign Office.

      1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: Considering it's possibly inappropriate due to events outside the UK...

        And considering that the UK Foreign Secretary is now Boris Johnson...

        Even if we all think Bojo is a dangerous clown, prepared to risk ruining the country for his own personal advancement, doesn't mean we put him on a par with mass murderers.

        We're all going to have to deal with the fallout of the referendum (comments on El Reg in the run up mirrored an angry and mistrustful society) but can we at least keep it away from the BOFH?. It's our very own "safe space".

    3. Alan W. Rateliff, II
      Flame

      "personally I am not offended or anything"

      Then shut up.

      THIS is one of our biggest problems today: making assumptions -- almost always coming to the wrong conclusion -- for other people when other people are quite capable of making determinations and speaking on their own behalf.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        @Alan

        You seem to be speaking for the masses ("our problem"), which is exactly what you are complaining about, isn't it?

        Anyway, yes, there are things in existence which are insensitive and show a lack of compassion. Just because 90% of the audience laughs when Frankie Boyle says something pretty f***ing outrageous, doesn't invalidate the feelings of anyone who may be hurt by that. Might be the best joke in the world, about someone's mother dying of something, but for the person whose mental state is dragged kicking and screaming from the arena of comedy to some deep personal tragedy, then someone is still hurting. Yes, that's life. It's doubly shitty when someone speaks up and says "actually, my colleague's sister, her partner and their 2 year old died in Nice last night", which *IS* the case here, and is told that considering the feelings of another person is wrong, or over the top, or "fluffy"...

        well fuck you, I'd rather be fluffy.

        1. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

          Just because 90% of the audience laughs when Frankie Boyle says something pretty f***ing outrageous, doesn't invalidate the feelings of anyone who may be hurt by that.

          I don't think there's a problem with having concern over what concerns others may have; it's all part and parcel of wanting to do the right thing and having the right thing done, empathising with others.

          But I think we have to be careful when it comes to restraint over concern something might add to someone's grief. I can remember bawling my eyes out over a Bilko show that touched a raw nerve at the time so I do understand such concerns. Many who have suffered tragedy, bereavement, loss or separation will be acutely aware of how the entire universe seems to conspire to make pain and suffering infinitely worse at such times.

          We should recognise that, understand that, have sympathy for those going through it. But we should not overly constrain ourselves for that, because there will always be someone who finds something adding to their pain and we would end up allowing nothing.

          It doesn't have to be one or the other.

        2. DropBear Silver badge

          well fuck you, I'd rather be fluffy.

          That's ok, dahling, we still love you...

        3. Alan W. Rateliff, II

          My observation is not speaking for anyone any more than pointing out a car engine seizing is caused by a lack of oil is speaking for the engine or the car. If you were affected by this tragedy then you obviously can speak for yourself as to whether or not you find something offensive. If you make that offense known to someone then they can speak for you. But to automatically assume that something otherwise innocuous would be offensive to someone or cause them distress is, well, offensive.

  10. Charlie Clark Silver badge
    Pint

    "At this point I'm advocating prayer as a service tool"

    Fucking genius!

  11. earl grey Silver badge
    Pint

    Where's teh carpet and lime?

    I miss the old days...

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Where's teh carpet and lime?

      I heard there was problems getting the ingredients. Something to do with an extensive Met investigation after recent flooding on the Thames uncovered what appeared to be human remains…

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Where's teh carpet and lime?

        uncovered what appeared to be human remains…

        I find it inconceivable that there may still be humans in or around the Greater London Area. What will our tentacled brain-frying squamous overlord say if this gets out!

        Icon because that's not a coat, that's me arranging my tentacles.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Been there done that

    The original domain was on server 2000 and some plonker named the domain 'company'.Com.... the same person that labeled the patch panels and sockets with a random selection of numbers that don't match up. Now on server 2012 vm's exchange 2013 over multiple sites and .local domain. I'm never doing that migration again !

    Still have better up time than Office350 something.

    1. defiler Silver badge

      Re: Been there done that

      Umm, you weren't supposed to use a .local domain. Bad idea. Subdomain of your Internet domain. And I know that everyone did it back in the day - I was one of them using .private everywhere.

    2. sjaddy

      Re: Been there done that

      at least your plonker used 'company'.com one place I was at just used 'company' - you can imagine the fun with that when it came time to upgrade!

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sigh this bring back flash backs

    My company was brought in after a failed windows migration. This was not a because MS products are crap rather people in charge of making decision either had some mental deficiencies or popping pills and doing booze. The were going to go from NT 4.0 servers to windows serve 2003. netscape communicator to exchange. This is were the fun began. They decided to turn on all the domain controllers and exchange at the same time. The network ground to a halt. They used some weird funky scripts to migrate the users hired after a certain date did not have the rights and access that they should of. Then they said oops are Solaris boxes won;t work with exchange so you guys need to use web mail. Hmm web mail requires and additional license.. Now that's what they said. Oh and the cherry on top. They hired three separate IT firms to their daily IT work. So when some thing went pair shape they blamed the other IT firms.

  14. Valarian

    "a smoking grogan"

    Seriously, how do you *think* of these metaphores? I would never have come up with this.

    Also: new keyboard please. Genuine coffeesnurt.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just another day in the NHS

    Seriously, it's like this almost every f'ing day but with less money and less hope!

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