back to article Kids these days can't even write a decent virus

The crusty headless Conficker worm is the web's most prolific web threat, says security Check Point. The net menace was the one-time world's biggest bot worming its way since 2008 through millions of machines across every country in the world, smashing through social networks including Facebook, Skype, and popular email …

  1. Jack of Shadows Silver badge

    Kids these days can't even write a decent virus

    Ya thank that's a gud headline? Bulls - capes; authority pronouncements.- youth?

    1. Steve Aubrey

      Re: Kids these days can't even write a decent virus

      I think the word you're looking for is "yoof".

      Quickly followed by pronouncements about lawns, I think.

      1. L05ER

        suspicion of posession...

        Utes

    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: Kids these days can't even write a decent virus

      Somewhat less than fond memories of dealing with these terrors, but I do recall the songs we made up:

      "Have you patched the Dells, Fernando? / Since many years I have not seen a manual in your hand"

      Or

      "Downloading just as fast as we can / Patching first with Ian and then with Dan"

  2. Tchou
    Windows

    "It affects only Windows versions older than Windows 8"

    So 80% of the world (rough guess).. MS wouldn't even patch 7? Is Microsoft desperate to find compelling reasons for their users to migrate?

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      I believe that the article says that versions before 8 have to be patched, whereas since 8 Windows is no longer affected because baked in.

      But yeah, MS is desperate to get users to migrate.

      1. Tchou
        Facepalm

        Ups yeah, morality : never post before tea.

  3. solo

    Kids these days do not need a virus for fun

    They can just write a "Torch" app with all the permission 'requests' embedded.

  4. David Glasgow

    Why would Microsoft offer a reward?

    I don't understand. We've all seen the advert. They have a huge Minority Report style room thing with touch screens and stuff. From here they can track down criminals wherever they are in the world. I feel so much safer running Windows in the knowledge that team and tech are dedicated to crime busting.

    Come to think of it though, I haven't seen any reports of how many baddies they catch each week. That's a bit odd.

    1. blame.exe

      Re: Why would Microsoft offer a reward?

      I wish developing a minority report involved touch screens and chasing down criminals and basically doing anything productive than the reality of pouring so much effort into something that is going to be absolutely picked and stabbed then ejected out the airlock..

  5. itzman
    Linux

    so its official then?

    Microsoft Windows is the greatest threat to the Internet there is?

  6. jake Silver badge

    And yet ...

    ... corporations still insist on Cupertino & Redmond. Go figure.

  7. NotBob
    Pint

    Trophy?

    What does the trophy look like for writing the biggest hole in the internet?

    Maybe just get a beer and drink the memories down...

  8. Aodhhan Bronze badge

    Kids these days

    A bit misleading. Topping the charts are pretty well crafted malware, likely through the funding of nation states. They do more than exploit a vulnerability and launch a reverse shell. There is a lot put into something which uses many methods of propagating to specific places. Hiding this takes talent and effort of a team. There aren't many individuals who will take this on by themselves to create a malicious application, when they could put the time and effort into creating something they could sell to thousands of people for $8.99. or a quick ransomware application to get paid whatever they can get.

    There is also a huge shift in other forms of malware which don't take a lot of time to do, and still provide the results they are looking for.

    This report provides some good information, but if you take from this that kids these days can't write a decent application, then information security isn't your strong suit.

  9. Aodhhan Bronze badge

    Kids these days...

    A bit misleading. Topping the charts are pretty well crafted malware, likely through the funding of nation states. They do more than exploit a vulnerability and launch a reverse shell. There is a lot put into something which uses many methods of propagating to specific places. Hiding this takes talent and effort of a team. There aren't many individuals who will take this on by themselves to create a malicious application, when they could put the time and effort into creating something they could sell to thousands of people for $8.99. or a quick ransomware application to get paid whatever they can get.

    There is also a huge shift in other forms of malware which don't take a lot of time to do, and still provide the results they are looking for.

    This report provides some good information, but if your take from this is: kids these days can't write a decent virus... then information security isn't your strong suit.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    old fuddies

    Why go to all the effort of writing a virus when you can get more mobile (where money is) root pwnage with malformed mms and media files.

  11. Bamboozled

    "It affects only Windows versions older than Windows 8"

    Damn, and there I was thinking my Windows 95 is secure and not a target for hackers anymore...

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