back to article Ex-HP boss Carly Fiorina sacked one week into new job

Carly Fiorina's astonishing career trajectory into oblivion remains on target tonight after her bid to be US Vice President was cut mercifully short. Just seven days ago, the ex-HP boss was chosen to be the running mate of Texan senator and Republican presidential hopeful Ted Cruz. On Tuesday evening, crushed into a sad paste …

  1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

    On behalf of the human race

    Thank fsck for that

    1. PleebSmasher
      Devil

      Re: On behalf of the human race

      Trump 2016: Make America Great Again

      1. theblackhand

        Re: On behalf of the human race

        More like:

        Trump 2016: Making Republicans unelectable again

        Trump trails Clinton by around 6% in polls and trails significantly in the electoral college system by around 250 vs 170 based on expected voting patterns with projections showing 300+ for Clinton.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Re: On behalf of the human race

            So... is Trump saying that America isn't great now? At least Britain's great. See? They even put it in the name. Or does that just mean "big"? Perhaps they'll rename the USA; Great America. Has a kind of ring to it, doesn't it?!

            1. Captain Badmouth
              Mushroom

              Re: On behalf of the human race

              "Great America. Has a kind of ring to it, doesn't it?!"

              Ask not for whom the bell tolls.......

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: On behalf of the human race

              @TRT "Great America" is the name of a huge, loud, expensive amusement park in Gurnee, Illinois USA. Entry is expensive, the rides are spectacular but the wait times for them are onerous. Food overpriced and not nutritionally balanced. Seems to be very much in keeping with the USA as a whole, and the Trump campaign in particular.

              AC because I live in a very Republican area. I am a Bernie Sanders supporter, but don't have a bumper sticker on my car. I don't want to have the car keyed, or attract the intense scrutiny of local law enforcement, since they will assume I am a dangerous drug-toting terrorist on that basis.

          2. alferdpacker

            Re: On behalf of the human race

            I recall that they were disbelieving of that way back in 1955.

            1. werdsmith Silver badge

              Re: On behalf of the human race

              I don't really know what Trump is all about and as I have no vote in this election I don't really need to.

              But the impression I get is best communicated by Kenny Everett's General Cheeseburger:

              Bomb the bastards!

        2. Ian Michael Gumby Silver badge
          Mushroom

          Re: On behalf of the human race

          First, its a bit ingenuous to say she was sacked 1 week in to a new job. She didn't have a job until Cruz won the nod and he didn't. So it was a tentative offer at best.

          Second, Kasich is still in the race. He's the anybody but Trump. Take Cruz, Rubio and Kasich's delegates, and he's a lot closer to Trump than you think.

          Both Kasich and Sanders will have had the election stolen from them.

          Sanders because HRC will be indicted and the DNC will parachute in a Biden / Warren ticket at the last minute.

          Kasich because he's been completely ignored by the Press from day one. He won Ohio and if its a contested election between him and Trump, he has a very good chance. But the media finds a "GOP pundits eat crow" story more appealing than talking about candidates.

          That's the sick thing about the US and probably other Governments. We don't know how much our opinions are influenced by the press.... er... actually we do, thanks to Facebook who experimented on their pleebs....

          Go figure. I wonder if NZ or AU are far enough away to survive this potential melt down....

          1. Florida1920 Silver badge

            Re: On behalf of the human race

            Second, Kasich is still in the race.

            Not anymore. It's Drumpf all the way now. Next stop: Doomsville.

          2. Nyms

            Re: On behalf of the human race

            We're utterly dependent upon the media for the factoids upon which we are forced to act. They in turn actually just want attention, and depend on anyone who will tell them something startling, preferably while making it seem nearly plausible. If it involves the end of the world, even better (I'm thinking of ISIS, not 'civilization' drowning; the first is war, the second is real and with real inertia). For all we know, Trump is actually a computer-generated joke half the time. 42

        3. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: On behalf of the human race

          >Trump trails Clinton by around 6% in polls

          Fortunately in the US the choice of president isn't all that strongly correlated with getting most votes

      2. Alvar
        Alert

        Re: On behalf of the human race

        Spellchecker issue

        Trump 2016: Make America grate again

      3. Peter Simpson 1
        WTF?

        Re: On behalf of the human race

        TRUMP / PALIN 2016

        Twice the crazy -- twice the fun!

        // not really

        // God, please no

        // how much crazier will it get?

        1. LateNightLarry
          FAIL

          Re: On behalf of the human race

          Could be worse... maybe... Drumpf could choose Michelle Bachmann for his running mate...

        2. bombastic bob Silver badge

          Re: On behalf of the human race

          "TRUMP / PALIN 2016"

          "Twice the crazy -- twice the fun!"

          heh - good one

          sit back and enjoy the revolution show

  2. Shadow Systems Silver badge

    President... Trum...?

    When is the next ship to Mars, I want off this rock as fast as fekkin possible.

    *FacePalmGroan*

    This planet is doomed. We're all screwed. Doomed & screwed, screwed & doomed.

    I'd run around singing the Gir "Doom" song but this shite isn't even remotely amusing anymore.

    Is that ship ready yet? FFS I'll even go on the B Ark if that's the only thing available.

    Vogons, we're being ruled by Vogons.

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

      Re: President... Trum...?

      Go ahead and say it: President and Supreme Commander Donald Trump.*

      As to the next ship to mars you might want to get in touch with SpaceX:

      http://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/05/02/spacex_adds_mars_haulage_to_its_price_list/

      * Yes, the phrase "May you live in interesting times" is indeed a curse.

      1. EarthDog

        Re: President... Trum...?

        I for one welcome the imminent election of Beloved Leader.

    2. ArrZarr Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: President... Trum...?

      But apparently Trump being president is less horrifying than being stuck on the C Ark.

    3. Fungus Bob Silver badge

      Re: screwed & doomed

      SCROOMED!

    4. bombastic bob Silver badge

      Re: President... Trum...?

      "We're all screwed. Doomed & screwed, screwed & doomed."

      that's what I said in 2008 when Obaka was elected... and again in 2012

  3. Youngone Silver badge

    Trump? Who's he?

    I'm not sure why everyone is so worried about Donald Trump. He's just doing what every other presidential candidate does. He's saying whatever it takes to get elected, he means none of it, and we're none the wiser as to what his policies actually are.

    He's no different to Hilary, except that Goldman Sacks are not funding his campaign.

    I'm still hopeful he picks Sarah Palin as his running mate. That would be really funny.

    He won't of course. Everyone saw the look of disgust on his face as he watched her endorse him.

    1. dajames Silver badge

      Re: Trump? Who's he?

      He's saying whatever it takes to get elected, he means none of it, and we're none the wiser as to what his policies actually are.

      I'm not sure what the scariest aspect of that is -- that people elect candidates that they know to be lying, that the things Donald Trump has been saying are appealing to the electorate, or that people elect candidates whose true policies they do not know.

      Or, for that matter, that DT may not actually have any policies, but just wants to lie his way into the job and wing it from there.

      1. Triggerfish

        Re: Trump? Who's he?

        There has been quite a few interviews where people are saying things along the lines of, "yeah he says a lot of crazy things but I'm sure he will calm down when he gets elected". It seems they have the opinion that once you elect a politician he becomes less of a shit. Refreshing change of attitude, nuts admittedly.

        1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

          Re: Trump? Who's he?

          For a while now I've been saying that Trump is like a dog chasing a car. But dogs don't usually catch cars. Thing could get messy.

        2. hammarbtyp Silver badge

          Re: Trump? Who's he?

          There has been quite a few interviews where people are saying things along the lines of, "yeah he says a lot of crazy things but I'm sure he will calm down when he gets elected". It seems they have the opinion that once you elect a politician he becomes less of a shit. Refreshing change of attitude, nuts admittedly.

          Ok, at the risk of invoking Godwin's law, I'm pretty sure that is what they said when they elected Chancellor Schicklgruber in the 1930's

          1. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
            Childcatcher

            Re: Trump? Who's he?

            Ok, at the risk of invoking Godwin's law, I'm pretty sure that is what they said when they elected Chancellor Schicklgruber in the 1930's

            As a reminder, Godwin's Law only ends the argument if the comparison is unjustified.

        3. GrumpenKraut Silver badge

          Re: Trump? Who's he?

          > "yeah he says a lot of crazy things but I'm sure he will calm down when he gets elected".

          People said that about some former German leader. Then somehow WWII happened.

          1. JennyZ

            Re: Trump? Who's he?

            As Basil Fawlty used to say "DON"T MENTION THE WAR!"

        4. ma1010 Silver badge
          Childcatcher

          Re: Trump? Who's he?

          Being a "'Merican," I hear folks discuss who they're supporting for president a fair bit. I like to listen to WHY they prefer a certain candidate. Most Trump supporters I've heard aren't for him because they expect him to dig a moat between the US and Mexico, set up death camps for illegal immigrants or invade Canada, etc. I mainly hear two reasons for supporting Trump:

          1) He has enough money of his own that he can't easily be bought.

          2) People are so sick of our federal government of the corporations, by the corporations and for the corporations that they feel it might not be a bad idea to smash it up and start over. They think that Trump might make a good wrecking ball.

          To me (1) seems somewhat reasonable, but as for (2), I think Trump would find that Washington has a lot more inertia than one person can overcome. If he wins in November, I guess we'll see -- we'll certainly have to HOPE that he's been talking a lot of bollocks.

          1. YARR

            Re: Trump? Who's he?

            1) He has enough money of his own that he can't easily be bought.

            It used to be that politicians were mostly self-made, independently-wealthy people, meaning they were less likely to be "bought". However that's no guarantee as you have to look at someone's history to see how they came by their wealth and weather it was made by having certain connections. Trump may not be as clean and independent as you think.

      2. SalemTheRat

        Re: Trump? Who's he?

        Welcome to almost every election ever.

    2. Chris King Silver badge

      Re: Trump? Who's he?

      "I'm still hopeful he picks Sarah Palin as his running mate. That would be really funny.

      He won't of course. Everyone saw the look of disgust on his face as he watched her endorse him".

      It was like watching the AntiChrist trying to endorse the Devil.

      WOO !!! SATAN !!! WOO !!! HOTTER SULPHUR PITS FOR ALL !!! WOO !!! GO SATAN !!!

    3. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Trump? Who's he?

      Everyone saw the look of disgust on his face as he watched her endorse him.

      Wow, I can't believe I actually have something in common with Donald Trump! Next you'll be telling me he breathes oxygen.

      Still, at least we don't share the same language.

      1. Just Enough

        Re: Trump? Who's he?

        Trump won't pick Palin for a running mate for two simple reasons;

        - she's a she.

        - she has almost as big a deluded ego as he has. And if there's one thing a deluded egotist can't stand is another deluded egotist.

        If she was only one of the above she might have been in with a chance. But two? No chance.

        Trump will pick a female non-entity who he thinks appeals to to the little women-folk, and exceeds in the ability of making herself scarce once the voting is over. .. Hang on.. doesn't that sound like..

    4. tirk
      Coat

      Re: Trump? Who's he?

      With the weird skin colour, the bizarre hair and the incomprehensible way he speaks...

      Surely he's some minor character from Geordie Shore??

    5. waldo kitty
      Facepalm

      Re: Trump? Who's he?

      I'm still hopeful he picks Sarah Palin as his running mate. That would be really funny.

      He won't of course. Everyone saw the look of disgust on his face as he watched her endorse him.

      is that what that was? i thought it was gas...

    6. ardichoke

      Re: Trump? Who's he?

      I'm not sure why everyone is so worried about Donald Trump. He's just doing what every other presidential candidate does. He's saying whatever it takes to get elected, he means none of it, and we're none the wiser as to what his policies actually are.

      The scary thing is, people truly believe this in spite of the evidence that politicians actually keep a majority of their promises, suggesting they're not quite as disingenuous as we all think they are. I'm not sure what I'm more scared of in this case, that Trump is lying about everything and we have no idea what he would actually do as el prez, or that he's telling the truth. Either way, Trump 2016 makes me long for Canada 2017.

      (Recent analysis of politicians and their promises to support my comment here: http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/trust-us-politicians-keep-most-of-their-promises/)

  4. Mark 85 Silver badge

    Hmm... so if Cruz hadn't "merged" with her, he still might be in the running? More importantly, given her history, why the hell would anyone want to work for her, much less consider her as a political running mate? It's pity that Trump didn't pick her... he might be out of the race now.

    1. xperroni

      Hmm... so if Cruz hadn't "merged" with her, he still might be in the running?

      Highly unlikely, of course, but you have to agree her sense of timing is priceless.

    2. Solmyr ibn Wali Barad

      "It's pity that Trump didn't pick her... he might be out of the race now."

      Even better angle - who would have fired the other first? That's a reality show material right there.

    3. Rich 11 Silver badge

      She accomplished that all in one week; at HP, it took her five years.

      Practice makes perfect.

  5. Captain DaFt

    Wow

    Got one up on the other candidates by picking a running mate early to show his confidence.

    One week with her and he calls it quits.

    And here I thought he had no brains.

  6. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    Meanwhile...

    Tumps' architects/builders are busy finalising plans for the great walls of America. One for Mexico and one for Canada.

    He's gotta have more legacy than his hair comb-over.

    {can you see that from space?}

    1. NotBob

      Re: Meanwhile...

      Maybe it will be like the south park episode where Canada built a wall before the US got the chance. Of course it's Mexico this time...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Meanwhile...

        I'm thinking that South Park might just re-hash the douche versus turd sandwich.

    2. g e

      I was thinking of a Kickstarter campaign

      You could fund a brick for the Great Wall of Canada.

      Donate more and have your name inscribed in that brick.

      A several thousand mile long petition, in other words, literally in stone.

      1. SMFSubtlety

        Re: I was thinking of a Kickstarter campaign

        you were beaten to it by the UK show The Last Leg.

        http://brickingitforcanada.com/

    3. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: Meanwhile...

      Trumps' architects/builders are busy finalising plans for the great walls of America. One for Mexico and one for Canada.

      I think he'll need more than just a wall to keep the (United States of) Americans in.

  7. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

    Hm. I was kinda hoping Ted and Carly would last a little longer - I had prepared a little list of jokes around a 'Cruz control fail' theme.

    1. John70

      Ted & Carly

      Why does that sound like a Disney channel episode?

  8. frank ly Silver badge

    "...President Trump has quite a ring to it, ..."

    Sounds more like a farting sound to me.

    1. John Bailey

      Re: "...President Trump has quite a ring to it, ..."

      Well.. You do know what you find under a merkin.. right?

      1. Afernie
        Trollface

        Re: "...President Trump has quite a ring to it, ..."

        "Well.. You do know what you find under a merkin.. right?"

        Of course I do. A fanny...pack. I see Merkins wearing 'em all the time.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Good news !

    The choice for the Reps was between a religious nut and a regular nut. The people chose the regular nut. Very wise choice.

    Yes, it would have been preferable to have a nut-free choice, as lots of people have allergies and such, but one takes what one can get.

    1. Chris King Silver badge

      Re: Good news !

      "Yes, it would have been preferable to have a nut-free choice, as lots of people have allergies and such, but one takes what one can get".

      Problem is, everything in the GOP chocolate box is a nut.

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: Good news !

        Problem is, everything in the GOP chocolate box is a nut.

        I had a professor way back when, who said "anyone who runs for office is either nuts or a crook". I do believe that both parties fill that particular bill.

        1. Nigel 11

          Re: Good news !

          anyone who runs for office is either nuts or a crook

          And it's almost always better to choose the crook. (The main exception being a crook who is also nuts).

          1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
            Joke

            Re: Good news !

            Staying with the HHG theme: this just proves that those people who most want to rule people are ipso facto those least suited for the job. So maybe the president's job is to distract people from where the actual power is. Donald Trump could be as successful as Zaphod Beeblebrox in that case.

            1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
              Happy

              Re: Good news !

              Of, course, the more Ecksian approach is to send anyone who gets elected straight to jail, on the practical basis that this saves time

              Doffs hat (panama today) to the memory of the late, great Terry Pratchett

    2. Dazed and Confused Silver badge

      Re: Good news !

      Yes, it would have been preferable to have a nut-free choice, as lots of people have allergies and such, but one takes what one can get.

      Does remind me of the HHGttG

      "You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"

      "Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."

      "But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"

      "Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?"

  10. Chris King Silver badge
    WTF?

    Catch them young...

    Anyone who thinks Cruz would have been any better as a candidate than Trump, take a look at this. At least the comments (for the most part) will restore your faith in humanity.

    1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

      Re: Catch them young...

      The comments are worth the visit.....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      WTF?

      Re: Catch them young...

      @Chris King - I followed your link, luckily not at work, and I'm impressed: you've put together what looks like an exact copy of an amazon.com page, except it's the most disturbing, creepy and unsettling I've seen.

      You earn additional hacking skillz points for somehow getting that page under the amazon.com domain too. And showing a similarly fake Trump book as another recommendation for me is comic genius, albeit of a dark and sick nature. I salute you, sir, and have upvoted accordingly.

      That's the only possible explanation isn't it? Because no-one who considers themselves part of the human race would create, sell or buy a Ted Cruz colouring book. They just wouldn't. It's wrong.

      "Tell the Truth - Tell it Often"

      1. Chris King Silver badge
        Holmes

        Re: Catch them young...

        Sadly, we'll have to file this under "Shit You Can't Make Up".

        It's for real (and it's not the only one he's had published), but if nothing else, it proves that dinosaurs still walk the Earth.

      2. 080

        Re: Catch them young...

        It seems strange that anyone would buy a book like this but why the hell would you buy a second hand colouring book?

        1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

          Re: Catch them young...

          buttwipe?

    3. paulf Silver badge
      WTF?

      Re: Catch them young...

      What I find confusing is people are offering that colouring in book in the used section. Surely buying a used colouring in book defeats the object - unless you've run out of crayons or colouring in is a bit too challenging (as it probably is for the target demographic).

      1. JimmyPage Silver badge
        Stop

        Re: Surely buying a used colouring in book defeats the object

        I have a vague memory from times gone by that it was also possible to buy a "pre assembled" jigsaw puzzle. So you could frame it, and hang it on the staircase in between the portaits of the Queen and Margaret Thatcher.

        It's the decor equivalent of having a wet nurse to do all that icky breast feeding.

      2. Triggerfish

        Re: Catch them young... -I bought one!

        Ran out of green for the skin tones. :(

  11. FuzzyWuzzys Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Same old, same old

    They elected Ronald Reagan, they elected George Bush (Jr), they will elect Trump. Then when he turns out to be the Boris Johnson of US politics ( including suitable mop-top ) the Americans will stand about saying, "How the f**k did this happen?! How the hell did we not see this coming?!".

    1. storner
      Flame

      Re: Same old, same old

      I think it was good ol' Winston who said: "You can always trust the Americans to do the right thing ... once they have tried all the other options".

    2. bombastic bob Silver badge

      Re: Same old, same old

      "They elected Ronald Reagan, they elected George Bush (Jr), they will elect Trump."

      hopefully. It could've been worse: Carter, Mondull, AlGore, Kerry, ...

      (better to pick the lesser of 2 evils - Cthulhu or Clinton - I pick Cthulhu)

    3. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: Same old, same old

      I'm not a fan of Reagan's policies, and his mental faculties do seem to have diminished noticeably by the end of his second term; but we know from the extensive documentation of his political career, such as his private notes, that he was a policy wonk with a deep and broad understanding of numerous areas of government. He was neither a fool nor a figurehead.

      We are, after all, talking about a man who used to do radio announcing of baseball games that he wasn't present for. He'd sit in a room with a ticker-tape machine that fed him real-time information like who was at bat and what happened with the most recent play, and he'd invent, on the spot and out of whole cloth, a description of the players and action. As it happened. You need a certain agility of mind to pull that trick off.

      Trump has never demonstrated anything like that kind of intelligence in public. Nor has he shown any indication of having any understanding whatsoever of any policy issue. Reagan was worth a thousand Trumps.

      Bush the Elder was basically a job-hopping civil servant. He wasn't suited for the public aspects of the office. Again, though, while I don't agree with his politics, he was largely competent at actual policy, aside from that idiotic war in Iraq. (And I understand why that happened.)

      Even Bush II had some sort of vaguely sane plans, and he knew how to delegate to people who weren't completely mad - only partly mad, and for the most part wildly incorrect in their theories about what was achievable and how. Without 9/11 he might have ended up being fairly forgettable.

      Trump is a demagogue who is either lying constantly or utterly deluded (or both). There were good arguments to vote for Reagan, and understandable ones to vote for the Bushes. There are none in Trump's case.

      That doesn't mean he won't be elected (dumber things have happened), but the comparison isn't very meaningful.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dear USA

    You're a bit thick aren't you....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Dear USA

      well, that the UK prez you folk chose ain't much good either!

      1. JimmyPage Silver badge
        Stop

        Re: well, that the UK prez you folk chose ain't much good either!

        Luckily, we in the UK don't directly choose our *Prime Minister*. We only get to vote for our local MP (kinda like a senator) and the leader of the party which gets most MPs (senators) gets to be PM.

        That said, I can forgive the US confusion on this, since most UK citizens also haven't got a fucking clue how UK democracy works.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: well, that the UK prez you folk chose ain't much good either!

          "most UK citizens also haven't got a fucking clue how UK democracy works."

          UK democracy doesn't work.

          1. werdsmith Silver badge

            Re: well, that the UK prez you folk chose ain't much good either!

            Another Churchill quote:

            No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time

            Democracy is great if your preferred candidate is elected. Otherwise, it's corrupt, rigged, wrong, broken etc.

            1. bombastic bob Silver badge

              Re: well, that the UK prez you folk chose ain't much good either!

              "Another Churchill quote"

              Churchill was BRILLIANT. I was irked when Obaka 'dissed' him by sending the bust back... (ok it was supposedly 'on loan' from Tony Blair but still... not a smart thing to do)

              1. israel_hands

                Re: well, that the UK prez you folk chose ain't much good either!

                Except that he didn't send it back, he had it moved to his private residence because he has a lot of respect for Churchill.

                You've had 8 years already, but I'll say it again in the hope it will penetrate your tiny little brain: He's black, get the fuck over it you cretin.

          2. Chris King Silver badge

            Re: well, that the UK prez you folk chose ain't much good either!

            "UK democracy doesn't work".

            We have one ? The way our Lords and Masters behave, you could have fooled me.

            (As seen on a bumper sticker doing the rounds: "Feudalism - it's your Count that Votes !")

        2. HausWolf

          Re: well, that the UK prez you folk chose ain't much good either!

          Actually, from what I gather our representatives are more like your MPs... Our Senate is like your House of Lords.. well except for the inherited title part ( for the most part) but they do think they are royalty.

        3. Eddy Ito Silver badge

          @JimmyPage

          We don't directly choose our President either. We have these things called "electors" who actually choose the President. In theory they are pledged to vote for a particular candidate but the reality is that they are largely free to cast their vote for anybody they wish. It's a rather screwy process especially given the original process was equally screwy and led to the 12th Amendment. I suppose this is where it needs to be explained that in another turn to that screwiness is that each state makes it's own process for figuring out how electors are chosen and how they are apportioned/winner take all.

          1. Chris King Silver badge

            Re: @JimmyPage

            I see Vermin Supreme is running again - "Screw World Peace. I Want A Pony !"

            Yes, his website has a pink background and looks like something that escaped the GeoCities shutdown, but he's probably still more sane than Trump !

            And YES, that IS a boot he's wearing on his head.

            (Speaking of potty headgear, whatever happened to that other guy who always used to campaign wearing a WWII Wermacht helmet ?)

        4. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

          Re: well, that the UK prez you folk chose ain't much good either!

          Luckily, we in the UK don't directly choose our *Prime Minister*.

          Whoooooooooooooooosh.

          I note you have plenty of company, though.

      2. John Bailey

        Re: Dear USA

        "well, that the UK prez you folk chose ain't much good either!"

        Who would that be then?

        Seeing as said post does not in fact exist in the UK.

  13. 1Rafayal

    But, people wouldn't be stupid enough to vote for him, surely?

    1. Adam 52 Silver badge

      As FuzzyWuzzys says, very few outside the US expected people to vote for the third-rate actor or the obvious imbecile but they did.

      1. Chris King Silver badge

        As they used to say, the White House and McDonalds had something in common.

        A clown called Ronald.

    2. Robert Moore
      Joke

      > But, people wouldn't be stupid enough to vote for him, surely?

      Never underestimate human stupidity.

      And don't call me Shirley.

  14. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

    Next stop for Fiorina

    If she follows the same trajectory downwards, her next big appointment followed by sacking will last about half an hour. I could think what it might be, but the suggestion would involve streets and I wouldn't want the Register to get in trouble on my behalf.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Next stop for Fiorina

      She is arguably the person who started the rot within HP and set the stage for numerous other clueless bastards to follow in her footsteps and who have since systematically destroyed what was once a truly great IT company.

      1. JeffyPoooh Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Next stop for Fioroni

        "...destroyed what was once a truly great **IT** company."

        You must have spelled **Test Equipment** incorrectly.

        I've lost track of their spun-off name, Agisight or Keylent or something. I have no idea...

        HP is an IT company, but was never a "great" IT company. Arguably Compaq once was, but HP just made them worse. Now they're just caught up in scandal and waste in the Big Iron market, and 'friends don't let friends buy HP laptops'. Their desktops aren't bad.

        1. shub-internet

          Re: Next stop for Fioroni

          " Arguably Compaq once was..."

          Nope, had a contract for Compaq HQ in Germany, trying to sort out their invoice program. They'd bought the source to their MRP system (ManMan in Fortran), customised it by country and then lost the source to the customisations. The Italian one would, on random occasions, spray updates through the payments dataset rather than puting them into a particular record. Dreadful to work for as they had a Dickensian attitude to contractors speaking to each other in the office during work hours. They had the least compatible PC HW ever, they started screwing around with the 'standard' way of connecting stuff long before Dell thought of it, and their 'quality' was a sticker applied to dents and scratches to hide the crash evidence.

        2. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

          Re: Next stop for Fioroni

          "HP is an IT company, but was never a "great" IT company."

          Depends what you mean by great. The industrial computers they built to work with their test equipment were quite impressively reliable and well made. I've worked with one balanced on the breech of a tank, at the end of a 100M extension lead, and the oil exploration industry loved them for their ability to stand up to the conditions.

          1. Stevie Silver badge

            Re: Next stop for Fioroni ...

            ... must be Monster Cloud.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Next stop for Fioroni

          > Arguably Compaq once was

          Funny that.

          I've worked in that sphere since the HP/Compaq merger. I've probably asked over a thousand engineers "So are you guys pre-merger HP or pre-merger Compaq" and I've never had anyone reply with "pre-merger Compaq". I've had lots of "I'm pre-merger DEC", I've had a few "Compaq? who are they?"

        4. Captain Badmouth
          FAIL

          Re: Next stop for Fioroni

          HP was an excellent TE company, equipment to die for -along with Tektronix.

          Now consigned to PC oblivion. Sadly.

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Next stop for Fiorina

      It's a shame really. I love her sauce. Great on a bacon butty. She developed the squeezy bottle variety, yes? I heard she squeezed HP anyway. Something like that.

    3. PleebSmasher
      Boffin

      Re: Next stop for Fiorina

      Measuring Fiorina's career trajectory will become the new attosecond-accurate clock.

    4. bombastic bob Silver badge

      Re: Next stop for Fiorina

      why not put Fiorina in charge of sacking half of the U.S. gummint... "downsizing" Trump style! With Fiorina as the axe-lady. (perfect!)

      DATE: January, 2017

      FROM: President Trump

      TO: half of the government

      SUBJECT: YOU ARE FIRED!

      Carly gets to pick which half

  15. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    Seriously America...

    With all of the industrial and scientific genius and smart intellectual thinking that over the years you have given the world, and giving Bernie Sanders the benefit of the doubt; are these candidates seriously the best you can come up with to run your country?

    1. Gezza

      Re: Seriously America...

      America is a continent of which the United states is but one country. Sorry to be a pedant here but they don't own the whole frikkin' continent - let's not play to their ego please by giving them the whole place - I like Canada.

      Aside from that, totally thumbs up to you at the incredulity of the situation - jaw-dropping.

      1. hammarbtyp Silver badge

        Re: Seriously America...

        Sorry to be a pedant here but they don't own the whole frikkin' continent

        I'm sure Mr Trump has a plan to sort that out...

      2. Stevie Silver badge

        Re: I like Canada

        That's "Canadia"!

    2. oiseau Silver badge
      Big Brother

      Re: Seriously America...

      > ... seriously the best you can come up with to run your country?

      Hmmm ...

      At this point in history, most every one knows/should know by now, that the US is not run by it's elected president, has not been so since the mid 20th. century (at least, maybe before that).

      The US is run by it's most important corporations with the people they put in government offices and important posts, elected or nominated.

      They use democracy and the illusion of freedom to get to power while at the same time keeping the idea of the existence of democratic institutions more or less intact, at least in the general public's view.

      And if the person put in place as president does not 'get it', the problem gets fixed quick enough.

      Take JFK, for example and see how everything in the US started to go the other way within days of LBJ assuming office.

      The rest is just a show.

      Later on, they make a movie or two.

      Cheers,

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Seriously America...

      Resident alien viewpoint:

      The Dems have had Hilary in waiting, so there weren't many runners and she's only really had competition from Sanders.

      But for the Republicans, the primary system causes a bit of a problem because there's a lot of loud crazies, in the conservative and libertarian wings. It's hard for a moderate voice to be heard in a party where people tend to hold strong, fixed views (contrasted with the more pragmatic Democrats). There were a number of potentially politically-moderate candidates, but in the shouting match Jeb Bush and Kasich were ignored, early-leading-moderate Rubio was destroyed in a debate by Christie, but Christie was being out-loudmouthed by Trump and couldn't get any traction. Kasich outlasted the other moderates, but it was all too late.

    4. Captain DaFt

      Re: Seriously America...

      "are these candidates seriously the best you can come up with to run your country?"

      Nope, they're the best we can get to run for the office.

      The previous two centuries are dotted with people (Various governors, statesmen, military types) that were thought to be excellent candidates for President.

      Almost unanimously, their reply was, "Nope, no fuckin' way! Do I look like an idiot?"

    5. bombastic bob Silver badge

      Re: Seriously America...

      "are these candidates seriously the best you can come up with to run your country?"

      sorry, I couldn't run this year.

      (actually, at my last on-site job, my predecessor *DID* run for president, I kid you not! In 2008. Richard something. I forget. You can google it)

  16. Kharkov
    WTF?

    I bet she was only paid 74% of what any male Cruz VP would have got too...

    Seriously, I don't blame Cruz. He was desperate and tried to introduce a game-changer. I'm reminded of Churchill's famous phrase, as he wanted to open a new front in Europe and so 'change the game', 'We intended to land a tiger in Anzio, instead we only beached a whale.'

    But what was Fiorina thinking? It's way too early for a VP pick, doing it now was an obvious sign of desperation and Fiorina should have known that. Now she's the woman who...

    Got fired from HP for being embarrassingly bad. Lost to Barbara Boxer by a huge margin. Failed to have any impact on the GOP Primaries. Held a VP-slot for a couple of days and produced mass indifference.

    Was this ever going to end in anything other than flaming disaster?

  17. Jeffrey Nonken Silver badge

    Iceland. Moving to Iceland.

    1. Gezza

      given the way the tectonic plates are shifting around at the moment (in geological timeframe it is all in a split second), I wouldn't want to be hanging around any known crunch points - Istanbul and the San Andreas being the other places I think are on the short-list.

      1. JeffyPoooh Silver badge
        Pint

        @Gezza on Iceland "crunch points"

        Iceland isn't a "crunch point".

        It's a 'pull apart' point.

        They do have 6.x magnitude earthquakes. And volcanoes.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_earthquakes_in_Iceland

    2. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

      "Iceland. Moving to Iceland."

      Check recent Icelandic history. Since jailing the dodgy bankers they've fallen for another right wing government. For all you know, if you spoke Icelandic you'd probably find out they sounded just like Trump.

      There are a few Swiss cantons but they aren't exactly accessible to ordinary people.

  18. small and stupid

    Maybe she can have an ongoing ceremonial role? When a GOP candidate wants to bow out, they can nominate her as their VP. Like British MPs applying to be Steward of the Chiltern Hundreds.

  19. MJI Silver badge

    Why can't?

    You just have Obama for as 3rd term.

    We just look at your candiditates in hooro.

    Do you want to join the Commonwealth and have a Queen instead?

  20. Ken 16 Silver badge
    Trollface

    President for Life Donald Trump

    The two term limit is more of a guideline*

    1. Ken 16 Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: President for Life Donald Trump

      * Garfield didn't need that limitation

      1. LateNightLarry

        Re: President for Life Donald Trump

        Make Little Donnie Drumpf President for Life of Somalia... they need a government in the worst way, and he would make the worst...

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Carly...

    "You're so vain"...

  22. Natalie Gritpants

    Question for language geeks

    Can you foreclose a path?

    1. Vic

      Re: Question for language geeks

      Can you foreclose a path?

      Depends. Did you take out a mortgage on it?

      Vic.

  23. RonWheeler

    Scott Adams

    Scott Adams (the Dilbert bloke) does a blog. It is a great writeup on how Donald Trump works on a persuasion skills level.

  24. Jonathan Richards 1
    Headmaster

    Re: Great Britain

    It's a size thing. Great Britain is a geographical entity, not a political one. It's just the largest of the British Isles, with Ireland second, then Man, Wight, etc (several thousand all told). Great USA? Well, it's big, but not as big as Russia ...

  25. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Point of information Mr Chairman:

    A candidate cannot really have a running mate until they are a presidential candidate.

    What Ted Cruz was doing was saying that CF would be his running mate when he got enough delegates to derail the public choice and grab the nomination by insider back-room dealing with the delegates themselves.

    The irony here is manyfold, starting with Ted Cruz's insistance that he is not a Washington Insider yet he knows well and good how to steal the nomination from the (bewilderingly dim) people's choice using the inside workings of his party machine.

    A good portion of America sees this for what it is: high comedy and desparation.

  26. Stephen McLaughlin

    Textbook Carly - haha

    "In a textbook Fiorina move, the former IT highflier thus brought about a wobbly merger, oversaw mass layoffs, and was ultimately given the boot."

    Classic.

  27. Dadmin

    Mark these words, my friends from around the world...

    but mosty UK and Canada.

    It will be President HRC, not President Tramp. There are far too many silent, and not so silent, people fully opposed to this fucking retard Tramp and his ill-favored look. Women, Hispanics, Blacks, LGBT community, etc. will be out in FORCE come October, just verifying what I already know. Yes, this is thing I know and will come to pass. That indeed our choice in HRC is not super great, but considering the alternative, we will have a very high voter turnout just to stop this tramp once and for all in November. I'll go out on a limb and say we might get up to 40% turnout. That's my only guess in this post.

    The facts are these:

    1. It doesn't matter who's the President. The congress, house and other factions produce the changes to our daily life in the USA, not the residing President. The President is almost a useless figurehead and merely helps their own party in some of the power struggles, but overall the message is clear; Whoever becomes the President of the USA will NOT have any real, immediate effect on our daily lives. NONE WHATSOEVER. The voices crying for "Making America <this/that> Again" are outright retarded. America is a very nice country to live in. Not as nice and fair as AUS, in my opinion, but right up there, disregarding those cunts at the NSA/CIA/FBI. I have almost zero after HS education, I think you chaps in the UK call them O-levels, and as far as A-levels go I have none. Get this though; I'm now at a top company doing fantastic work and gained a relatively new title of Devops guy. Telling me this country isn't great is like telling me my ice cream isn't as good as having a rock in a sugar cone. How can a country that "has yet to be great" allow someone like me to succeed, and succeed very well? 100% of those idiots crying about poor conditions did that to themselves. 100%. When you don't read any other book than the bible, expect to have shit jobs and no future in your waste of a life. Period.

    B. I've not seen Donald Tramp's Birth Certificate! WHERE OH WHERE IS THIS GUY FROM?! I am wondering this. Let's see some papers, Donny?! Sound familiar? It will when it starts to become a daily talking point on the campaign trail. Again, mark my words, fellow nerds and geeks. I hear his family immigrated here from the fine country of Scotland, but the people of Scotland hate this prick more than I do. Wish we had that "wall" when this fucking prick's family thought it wise to leave Scotland. How did that golf course turn out for Don? No sale? Good. Again, the world already knows this asshole's track record. And that speaks for itself.

    3. The Silent Majority. The people you see on TV, doing interviews and "speaking their mind" are all assholes who are out of work and have tons of time on their hands to polish their guns, read some bible quotes, then hit the protest or convention circuit. Personally, why can't these pricks take their guns onto the GOP Convention floor? Let them all shoot each other and solve many problems all at once? To reiterate; the Silent Majority has real work to do, we have jobs, real money to make, and we're not at all concerned one way or the other about who end's up as President of the USA because by all accounts it will be the person who is least evil. Not good, just less evil. Sort of like Google, but less effective in their own business.

    4. Donny Tramp isn't a tory. He isn't a republican in the strict sense. He's a part-time republican who claims association when there is some power or money to grab. I've seen this idiot trying to make a name for himself for many, many years. Did you know he wrote an awful book that sold fairly well, but expressed zero new ideas or any relevant info other than to be a vanity book? Did you know he had a custom version of Monopoly built for him? And don't forget that fucking awful reality TV show he was the host of. Never watched 1 second of it, but I'll tell you it sucked to high heaven. This is a fact. ;) And his fucking stupid Tweets, and his insistence on seeing Obama's birth certificate just to cause trouble. Not ever caring for the outcome, just to cause some shit. He was a frequent guest on the very popular Howard Stern radio show from New York. Frequent guest! This isn't a tame show for your football moms, tory dads, and kids to listen to, it's a highly ribald show and as guest Trampy was all in for all sorts of wackiness, not any of which would be considered by a true uptight, conservative, grandpa. Like 99% of the GOP is. This guy is completely abortion friendly and by all accounts he does NOT have a $10B estate, probably not even near $5B. And lest we forget his "table of Tramp Products"; Tramp Water is just a label, Tramp Wine was not even his own brand (their website disavows any relation to him, they just have the same name), Tramp Steaks, purported to be sold from high-end and now out-of-business gadget seller The Sharper Image reported that they sold "almost no Tramp Steaks". Where does the "man" begin and the bullshit end? I can't see "him" from here.

    Like I said, I've got better things to do that pay attention to the silly fucking campaign for becoming a leader in the category of Useless Figurehead of the middle of the Continent of America. Anyone who claims that Useless Figurehead is not a suitable description of the real world aspects of this low-paying, high-power job are fucked in the fucking head. Go get some help, if that is your case.

  28. KeithR

    "President Trump has quite a ring to it, doesn't it?"

    Only in the sense of "ringPIECE".

  29. Joefish
    Megaphone

    Just going to re-iterate a request

    for 'Hewlett-Packered' to be officially recognised as rhyming slang...

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    America

    America will have to decide if it wants to be great again, or whether it wants another mouthful from Clinton.

    1. Captain Badmouth
      Happy

      Re: America

      Oh dear, that's below the belt. ):

  31. Gis Bun

    Jeez. If somehow Trump becomes president, the rest of the world will be looking to move to another world....

    Fiorina is a loser anyways.

  32. Shorty Basher

    Weird

    How is it that somebody who is only know for wrecking one of America's finest companies, thinks that she could become POTUS? The delusion is unbelievable.

    How is it that people with money would be stupid enough to give it to her to run for the nomination?

    The world is strange.

  33. LateNightLarry
    Devil

    Let's make Little Donnie Drumpf President for Life in Somalia... They need a President in the worst possible way, and he would be the WORST.

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