back to article Another failed merger, Carly? Ted Cruz to bring in ex-HP boss Fiorina as running mate

Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz will announce his running mate at a campaign event on Wednesday afternoon – and the pick to revitalize his flagging campaign is Carly Fiorina. Fiorina ended her own bid for the presidency in February after a lackluster performance in which she proved herself to be factually challenged …

  1. Gordon 10 Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Cruz and Carly?

    I'd rather have Trump and a clone of Trump.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Cruz and Carly?

      Trump's running mate will likely surprise us all. He's been playing with people's expectations from day 1.

      1. Preston Munchensonton
        Joke

        Re: Cruz and Carly?

        Trump's running mate will likely surprise us all. He's been playing with people's expectations from day 1.

        Oh, come now. How could he ever announce anything but that his hair is running for VP...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Cruz and Carly?

          Have you noticed his hair is less extreme these days?

          Almost like what got Boris the Mayor job.

    2. theblackhand

      Re: Cruz and Carly?

      Assuming Trump goes on to win the presidency, at least the US will be able to look back and say "at least it won't be as bad as if Carly was involved"

      Or is she planning on outsourcing the US electorate to ensure Cruz wins the nomination?

      1. alain williams Silver badge

        Re: Cruz and Carly?

        It looks as if there will be a contest between Trump and Clinton. Of the two Clinton would frighten me most, so I would favour Trump.

        1. wayward4now

          Re: Cruz and Carly?

          How 'bout Trump and Bernie?? Wouldn't THAT be a hoot!? Both Hillary and Cruz would fall face first into their breakfast mush.

        2. Hans 1 Silver badge
          Paris Hilton

          Re: Cruz and Carly?

          > Of the two Clinton would frighten me most, so I would favour Trump.

          YOU must be kidding, right? Don't get me wrong, I am a tree hugger so there is no candidate in the US I would want in the white house, but Trump is such an idiot, I do not know who of Bush father, son, and Trump has the greatest number efficient brain cells; and father has Parkinson's ...

          Seriously, his outrage about musies was quite stupid, such statements scare the shit out of me, because when you start putting humans in boxes, you're never done ....who will be next ? Jews, Mormons, atheists, evolutionists, Lakers fans, Pepsi drinkers, broccoli-eaters, Star Trek fans, Paris Hilton fans... ?

    3. TheOtherHobbes

      Re: Cruz and Carly?

      On the Republican side, a choice between the Addams family and a narcissistic space hopper.

      On the Democratic side, a choice between the Cloverfield monster and some bloke who'd probably be okay if he wasn't quite so likely to die half way through his term.

      It's not looking good, America.

      1. Swarthy Silver badge

        Re: Cruz and Carly?

        There is a third option(and even a fourth and fifth). We don't have to to bathe in the shit-shower of the two main parties. But the "common knowledge" is that any vote that isn't for Krang or Krodos is a wasted vote.

        1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: Cruz and Carly?

          A pictorial guide: https://imgur.com/NVtRXyk

    4. Chemical Bob

      Re: Trump and a clone of Trump

      "I shall call him Mini-Me"

    5. Mark 85 Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Cruz and Carly?

      Look on the bright side... if Cruz gets the nomination and is elected, no one will assassinate him knowing that Carly would take over.

  2. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Trollface

    Carly is a natural for the job!

    After all the experience she has running HP into the ground, now she gets to work on a larger scale. :)

    And is it just a coincidence that this has been announced just as HBO starts another season of (I guess it's a documentary now?) "Veep"?

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Carly is a natural for the job!

      now she gets to work on a larger scale.

      I hope she does not.

      In any case, every single thing I have seen in the Republican camp so far triggers only one thought in my brain: "Could you actually find someone who is worse?"

      1. Someone Else Silver badge

        Re: Carly is a natural for the job!

        "Could you actually find someone who is worse?"

        Caribou Barbie is still available...so yes, I guess we could.

        1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: Carly is a natural for the job!

          Frankly, Good Samartians should volunteer in droves to do a JFK on the whole motherfucking lot of themgive them an Uber ride to the Fletcher Memorial Home. This includes "Hitler Detector" and part-time SMTP server admin Killary Klingon.

          Putting Kh'arly anywhere near a seat of power is just asking for trouble. A failed business clown that pretends to be able to talk other leaders down as if they were boardroom acolytes? She will probably manage to get into a nuke exchange with certain other nations within a month.

        2. pete 22
          Unhappy

          Re: Carly is a natural for the job!

          " "Could you actually find someone who is worse?"

          Caribou Barbie is still available...so yes, I guess we could."

          Well, you know what they say -- "Shit floats."

        3. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          Re: Carly is a natural for the job!

          Caribou Barbie is still available...so yes, I guess we could.

          Palin is just crazy. Fiorina is insane, sociopathic and downright scary.

          Of course, the VP is a purely ceremonial role. No chance of anything happen to the sprightly young septuagenarian (which is what he'll be if he takes office)…

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Carly is a natural for the job!

            Don't forget narcissistic. Who runs HP into the ground, well nearly... Hurd and Leo finished the job, and then decides that on the strength of her tenure as HP CEO she will run for Senator from CA, lose badly, and on the strength of both, run for President. Good thing the HP Board has now moved on to a totally different CEO... Meg Whitman. Who managed to screw up the un-screw-up-able in Ebay, lose badly running for Governor of CA and then become CEO of HP.

        4. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

        Re: Carly is a natural for the job!

        With the felon and the loon for the donkeys it is arguable there could be a worse choice than the blowhard or the dwarves the elephants are likely to serve up. This election looks to be one which slime makes one less ill. (Note I am not a donkey or elephant I think they both essentially the same crass, mouthy liars).

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Carly is a natural for the job!

        ""Could you actually find someone who is worse?"

        Ginni Rometty.

        <shudders>

  3. JoeF

    Can we get another demon sheep video? That was the best thing of her Senate campaign.

  4. ratfox Silver badge
    Devil

    Brick tied to another brick?

    That'll float!

  5. RoboticRabbit
    FAIL

    A match made in Hell!

    Matchmaker, Matchmaker,

    Make me a match,

    Find me a find,

    catch me a catch

    Matchmaker, Matchmaker

    Look through your book,

    And make me a perfect match

  6. Someone Else Silver badge
    FAIL

    Dumb and Dumber

    The Clown Car gets new tires...and a fresh tank of Gas.

    Hoo-boy!

  7. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "Cruz ... has no experience in business."

    By comparison he should regard that as an advantage.

    1. Preston Munchensonton

      By comparison he should regard that as an advantage.

      Instead, he's been a lawyer and a politician. Not much of an advantage, in my book.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Experience used to mean doing a job well, not just holding a job. Carly is similar to Hillary in that they have both held high ranking jobs, for political reasons, and did them poorly.

      With Hillary you also hear the "Look at all of her experience!" calls. Lets look at it. Screwed up health care reform in the 90s, which she was put in charge of as the First Lady for no reason whatsoever. She was a Senator from NY purely because her husband was Bill Clinton. The DNC put her in a slam dunk Senate race. She did only, admittedly, regrettable things as a Senator. She then ran for President, on the strength of her association with her husband, was just embarrassed by Obama with all of the Democratic party establishment support behind her. Still it was thought that it would be just unthinkable for her to not have some high ranking position. Obama makes her Secretary of State, presumably after the establishment twisted his arm, she hoses that up (Russia re-start, Libya, TPP, email scandal), then quits to go get payola from the banks/anyone else who will pay her hundreds of thousands for a 30 min speech. Naturally she decides she deserves to be President.

  8. Youngone Silver badge

    Confusion Reigns

    Where I live Cruz is being described in the media as the Republican Party elite's choice for the nomination, after 12 months of stories about how he was so hated by the power brokers that anyone else would be preferred.

    I guess they've seen their future under Trump and panicked.

    Carly will be a huge, slow moving, easy target for Hilary she should wind up the Republican VP candidate.

    I'd much rather see a Trump/Palin ticket. At least that would be funny.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Confusion Reigns

      I'd much rather see a Trump/Palin ticket. At least that would be funny.

      Only during the election process. After that, not so much. Actually I think which "hopefuls" get the nod on the either side, the election should be entertaining. After that.... I don't want to think about it.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Confusion Reigns

      Youngone "...Cruz is being described..."

      A Canadian, a Cuban and a white supremacist walk into a bar.

      The bartender says, 'What will you have Senator Cruz?'

  9. Florida1920 Silver badge

    To Do list for 30,000 former HP employees laid off by Carly

    1. Make campaign contribution to [name of any campaign but Cruz-Fiorina]

    2. See #1

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: To Do list for 30,000 former HP employees laid off by Carly

      Add to that list "any stockholders who owned stock at that time". I'm sure there's more than a few who are still pissed off and continue to be pissed since things are still nose-diving. Legacy anyone?

  10. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    If Cruze were serious about engaging in mortal Thunderdome combat with Trump for the Republican nomination he'd fight crazy by upping the ante.

    Yes, I'm talking Sarah Palin, the nuclear opition of crazy politics. I doubt she'd know the diffence between Ted and Don so grabbing her allegiance would be as simple as asking her to do that voodoo that she does so well.

    Naturally this would not result in an electable ticket but what the hell.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bah!

      Has anyone ever seen Sarah Palin and Carly Fioroni together?

      They're the same person.

  11. Mikel

    Come on now, a joke's a joke

    Where are the real candidates?

  12. Winkypop Silver badge
    Alert

    Ouroboros

    The GOP is slowly disappearing into it's own void.

    I'm not complaining, mind.

  13. Daniel B.

    iCarly!

    So Ted "kill the gays and nuke Syria" Cruz would be running with Carly "I trashed HP" Fiorina? Interesting. Whatever positive points Cruz might get for being "not Trump" will be countered by choosing iCarly.

  14. HmmmYes Silver badge

    Carly and Ted?

    Im going to build wall. A fucking reallt big, high wall - this high.

    1. James 51 Silver badge

      And get them to pay for it.

  15. Tom 7 Silver badge

    Marxist-Lenninists to a woman.

    You do realise they are actually communist sleepers who are hell bet on fomenting revolution. The idea is to get the proletariat to finally say we have had enough of this shit and rise up and take over the means of managing service industries and focus groups.

  16. ColonelClaw

    What's wrong with getting older?

    I know you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but I find it very hard to like or trust anyone that's had that much plastic surgery. This goes for both sexes, and particularly includes men who wear ridiculous rugs.

    1. ian 22

      Re: What's wrong with getting older?

      I've wondered if Trump might not be color blind, and none of his flunkies had the temerity to point out that orange hair isn't a thing.

      As a famous member of the Bush II administration said 'we make our own reality'. Yes, and it seems one not congruent with everyone else's. A bit like the emperor's new clothes.

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019