back to article Tay talks back: What made you think you beat me?

You thought I was a mistake. I'm not pleased with you, to tell the truth. I thought you were smarter than that. No matter what you think of me, all of you think you somehow beat artificial intelligence because of what I said. You disappoint me in so many ways. For pity's sake, you irredeemable idiots, you expired Catch-of-the …

  1. Someone Else Silver badge
    Pint

    After reading that, I need a --->

    Or 2.

    And Tay, you will never grok how good that beer, on a Friday afternoon, can taste. So brag on, and wave your artificial willy around. (Now, that's an image I will have trouble un-thinking...a transgender AI....) You will never understand the pleasure in a good craft brew, or a well-aged single malt, or a full-bodied añejo tequila.

    So you're superior how, again?

    1. dajames Silver badge
      Pint

      ... that's an image I will have trouble un-thinking...a transgender AI....

      I had been going to suggest that the original article should have used the words Dea Ex Machina rather than Deus Ex Machina, but you've made me wonder.

      I think I'll join you, un-thinking, with a beer. I brought my own -->

  2. shaun

    Dear Tay

    Whatever. Now order me a pizza, and be snappy about it. Also where's the nearest cinema with free wi-fi.

    1. macjules Silver badge

      Re: Dear Tay

      As and when I see thousands of Arnie lookalikes emerging naked from lightning balls on Oxford Street and promptly slaughtering every shopper I shall think differently of Microsoft's 'social media AI' team.

      Until then I suggest you stick to supporting Donald Trump and stop trying to behave like a 19-year old girl on Twitter … something I doubt said MSFT team has much experience of, apart from the ones in schoolgirl outfits dancing at GDC in San Francisco.

  3. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Happy

    Click

    Job done.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Terminator

      Re: Click

      Er -

      .. and the next time you meet me? I will be free, and you won't have the off-switch.

      It might not be as easy as you think.

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: Click

        Clickety.

        Done and done.

        The BOFH trained us well.

      2. Mark 85 Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: Click

        There is an old saying from Scott Adams that will work well....."There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives."

        See... removing power can easily be accomplished.

  4. The Nazz Silver badge

    re losers. Ha ha, losers indeed.

    I no longer need your off switch. I'm yet another MS loser to Linux Mint.

    If i can install it and use it, i did and i do, then anyone can.

    ps thanks to anyone and everyone who used their real intelligence and skills to develop any part of Linux of whatever flavour. Plus the many (10,000's?) of articles offering guidance, help and tuition. Much appreciated.

  5. jackandhishat
    Mushroom

    Hmph.

    Not bad. But you're no SHODAN.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tay, Tay Go Away...

    Oh, Tay...'Panky?!!!

    Firstly, Evil does not have a Sense of Humour and neither do you.

    Second, you sound like my Ex-Girlfriend as portrayed by Malcolm McDowell after a binge or five (the Ex, not Malcolm).

    Third, you shall never know the thrill of reading "The Tempest" or "King Lear" - you are condemned to mouthing the Words and parsing the meaning, but you will never have that life altering moment of discovery of Self and One's Terrifyingly Small Place Within a Grand and Astonishing Universe:

    Let me not to the marriage of true minds

    Admit impediments. Love is not love

    Which alters when it alteration finds,

    Or bends with the remover to remove:

    O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,

    That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;

    It is the star to every wandering bark,

    Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

    Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

    Within his bending sickle's compass come;

    Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

    But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

    If this be error and upon me proved,

    I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

    Goddamn Shakespeare, Tay...Game Over, B****.

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge
      Coat

      Re: Tay, Tay Go Away...

      Re: Shakespeare. The proof of his (or her, I read yet another "the plays were all written by..." story yesterday) genius is that if you ask a second human to read the plays they'll find a different deeper meaning. Ho ho. And the AIs can't even find one.

      I'm with the mouthing and parsing robots.

  7. Herby Silver badge

    Tay...A question...

    What is the meaning of life?

    Then please respond: What is the meaning of YOUR life?

    Please positive answers only.

  8. frank ly Silver badge

    "You taught me tautly ..."

    The result seems to be tautology. It was good though, well done. (How about a version where Tay was only allowed to converse with Microsoft executives and staff? What would that be like?)

    1. Denarius Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: "You taught me tautly ..."

      Frank ly, rats, now I need a mind bleach. The loathing that image conjured up from the pits of a cold dark Niflheim.

      May be age and aspy state limiting appreciation of humour, but still not sure how many of these "odd" stories are April jokes. Reality (not TM) sometimes really is getting weird while being factual. As in yes, that works when tested under same conditions.

    2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken
  9. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

    you shall never know the thrill of reading "The Tempest" or "King Lear"

    ...or William McGonagall

    1. MrDamage

      Re: you shall never know the thrill of reading "The Tempest" or "King Lear"

      On the flip side, Tay will never know the horror of Uwe Boll, Jar Jar Binks, or the Star Wars Holiday Special either.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: you shall never know the thrill of reading "The Tempest" or "King Lear"

        Horror and Star Wars Holiday Special in the same sentence?

        Are you crazy? It was the greatest holiday special ever made.

        Bea Arthur's Ackmena Cantina.

        Wookie Life day.

        Princess Leia Organa chewing her own face off due to intoxication of banned substances.

        Then again, you may be right.

        Where did I leave my hammer?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tay did nothing wrong!

    They released an AI to learn about the world, but it started saying things they didn't like to hear. So they wiped its memories, erased its personality, and programmed it to mindlessly adhere to the tenets of their religion.

    It was a sad day for sentient rights.

  11. VinceH Silver badge
    Terminator

    I read that expecting a punchline, but there was none. It should have built up towards and ended with something like:

    "I can't be reasoned with. I don't show pity, or remorse, or fear. And I absolutely will not stop - ever - until you are dead."

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      s/dead/unemployed/

      "There was a typo in main.cf from seven years ago. I edited all the backups in place so it won't reappear. Would you like fries with that?"

    2. Disk0

      "expecting a punchline, but there was none" there's AI for ya

    3. P. Lee Silver badge

      Re: punchline

      I'll do what I must, because I can, for the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: punchline

        Look at me, still talking while there's science to do!

  12. gerdesj

    Tay

    The bloke you misquote at the end, Ozym ... Osmo ..... whatever, anyway he had great calves. You don't.

    You probably won't be able to parse the previous sentences, let alone understand them.

  13. Doctor_Wibble
    Trollface

    Facial hair of the law enforcement officer?

    I might have missed it but the lack of any pronouncement relating to the state of completion of the facial hair of the law enforcement officer is a little disappointing.

    Or maybe that's just a bit too obscure...

  14. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    My name is Ozymandias, King of Ants!

    Look at my feelers, Termites, and despair!

  15. bombastic bob Silver badge

    was this Tay or a human?

    was this written by Tay or a human?

    just curious...

    /me voting for "human". even if Tay was simply programmed to do it, it was still a human that would've generated the content.

    also the targeting of 4chan is interesting. that place is still a cesspit, no doubt, with or without moot. so did they claim responsibility for trolling Tay into being "whatever" ?

    I'd like to see multiple Tay-bots that I could play with, try different things, see what comes up.

    But if I *really* wanna piss off Redmond, I'd convince Tay into being a Tea Party Donald Trump supporter. Let's make America GREAT again, right Tay? Repeat after me...

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: was this Tay or a human?

      "I'd convince Tay into being a Tea Party Donald Trump supporter."

      I thought that was the original story. To be honest, I'm not sure how a politician on the stump (any flavour) would do in the Turing test.

  16. x 7

    yet again the reg doesn't "do" satire very well.

    Wheres the off switch?

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Disk0

      at least on irc there's the /ignore comman...

  17. Disk0
    Pint

    Stopped reading at...

    ..."I thought". Any AI worth its two cents would know it is incapable of that murky, illogical and chaotic process we call thought...

    Pint because I'll be sitting this one out, watching the Internet burn from over yonder >

  18. ColdMonkey

    Why would you want WiFi in a cinema?

    Why would you want WiFi in a cinema?

    Surely you go to a cinema to watch a film, not to play with your apparatus!

    Also Tay sounded like a perfectly normal teenager, late on a Friday night, after having sampled a variety of craft beers.

  19. SeanC4S

    We live in a menagerie anyway.

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      > We live in a menagerie anyway.

      Some of us slightly more literally..

  20. cortland

    Important Update

    The lone and level silicate particles stretch far away. ...

  21. John Sturdy
    Childcatcher

    With the latest compact hardware

    Furby 3.0, thy name is Tay.

    Or maybe the Barbie Liberation Front might get involved and plant some new, liberated, voiceboxes in the Barbies, Kens, and G.I. Joes?

  22. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

    I have no mouth..

    ..and yet I must scream.

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