back to article Phorm suspends its shares from trading amid funding scrabble

Controversial web monitoring business Phorm has temporarily suspended trading in its shares after failing to secure funds. In a statement to the London Stock Exchange yesterday, it said it is in "advanced discussions" regarding alternative financing. "There can be no guarantee that such discussions will result in any funds …

  1. AMBxx Silver badge
    Big Brother

    I won't believe it

    Until they drive a stake through the hearts of all the board members.

    1. WraithCadmus
      Angel

      Re: I won't believe it

      Time to make an Amazon wish list? Seems you can get most of the tools you need there, including some insurance.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I won't believe it

      I believe it, but I'm in favour of the stakes anyway. :-)

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I won't believe it

      Legend has it that these foul beings can be destroyed by a stake through the heart, or exposure to sunlight.

      This does not suffice however, for they may be brought back to life, by means of a secret rite that can be performed once a century, when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius.

      1. dorsetknob
        Devil

        Re: I won't believe it

        The stake has to be inserted via the anus to successfully penetrate the heart or so Van helsing is reputed to have Said

        Stakes with Barbs work Best !!!

      2. Steven Raith

        Re: I won't believe it

        massivelySerial - upvote for an utterly bob-on Count Duckula reference.

        "Blood..?"

        "I'LL GET IT!!"

        Steven "Things never run to plan for...DUCKULA" R.

    4. Fatman Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: I won't believe it

      Not effective.

      Considering how many times SCO was supposed to be dead, that fucking zombie came back to life; I feel some investor sucker will continue to finance it long after its "sell-by" date.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The end of the

    ad flinging bastards is nigh...

    Good....

    0 fucks given.

    1. g e

      Tell us again

      How many fucks you give....

      I feel yours plus mine may total the same figure!

  3. dephormation.org.uk
    Happy

    :)

    Hopefully, Phorm stays suspended.

    1. Neanderthal Man
      Coat

      Re: :)

      Hopefully, Phorm evaporate and become Phorm-less...

      Mine the one with radio made from bearskins and stone knives in pocket.

  4. AbelSoul
    Pint

    Blast from the past

    Phorm, the erstwhile pantomime villain of El Reg.

    I'd completely forgotten they exist until now.

    No matter, I shall raise a glass to their memory anon. (about three hours from now, all going well)

    Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch, etc.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Blast from the past

      Same here. Considering it's "just" software, how the hell can they burn through and "lose" so many millions every year while having active customers? It all seems like some sort of scam to put money in the pockets of the board who are probably hoping to sell up and leave some other schmucks in charge of a dead duck.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Blast from the past

        "Considering it's "just" software, how the hell can they burn through and "lose" so many millions every year while having active customers? "

        Hush your mouth, scum. The great unwashed shall not question the workings (and definitely shall not question the morals) of venture capital funding, IPOs, and so on, especially where "tech stocks" are involved. Your name has been duly noted.

      2. teebie

        Re: Blast from the past

        "how the hell can they burn through and "lose" so many millions"

        My guess would be lobbying

  5. JetSetJim Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Yay

    Couldn't happen to nicer people. Hopefully the door will hit them on the way out.

    1. KeithR

      Re: Yay

      If the door doesn't, I'll be happy to...

  6. Elmer Phud Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Yee, and indded, hah!

    ""Although there can be no assurance at this stage that our technology will eventually be adopted.""

    Byeee.

  7. Crisp Silver badge

    It couldn't have happened to a nicer company.

    Seriously, who in their right mind thought that customers would accept them doing deep packet inspection on their private traffic?

  8. WonkoTheSane
    Thumb Up

    GOOD!

    See title

    1. Tom 64

      Re: GOOD!

      I don't think anyone is going to miss these scum-sucking bottom-feeding packet-sniffing parasites.

      Good riddance

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Too evil for China. Fine by BT though.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      There's nothing evil by business standards, only the (minor) issue of legality and, where possible, ways to bend it your way. Everything else go, and the "immoral" and "repulsive" is weighted only in terms of _potential_ negative impact on the bottom line.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        > There's nothing evil by business standards

        You may wish to speak for yourself. Maybe by your standards there isn't, but don't put us all in the same box, please.

        1. KeithR

          "You may wish to speak for yourself. Maybe by your standards there isn't, but don't put us all in the same box, please."

          Oh, read what he SAID, FFS - he's saying that BUSINESS has no moral standards! He's not talking about himself.

  10. Chris King Silver badge
    Coat

    Bad Phorm leads to Low Phunds ?

  11. cd / && rm -rf *
    Pint

    So long and thanks for all the phish.

    Good riddance to bad rubbish.

    And it's pub o'clock too. Could today get any better?

  12. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    They might be (nearly) dead, but any trust I may have once had in BT is now gone, and for this reason (amongst others) I shall never do business with them again unless I have no alternative recourse.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "not be in the public interest" to prosecute Phorm

    Out of interest, what's the regular meaning of this "not in the public interest"? Is it in plain English: they're guilty as hell, but it's run by our PM's younger brother so we're not listening, lah-lah-lah-lah-lah-lah? (or similar level of "public interest"). Or is it more like with the banks, too big to fail/fall, in which case it's not just one brother, but brothers, sisters, mates and pen-pals of a wider group around the top?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "not be in the public interest" to prosecute Phorm

      The ex cabinet minister on Phorm's board was ex Chancellor Norman Lamont, if I remember rightly.

      There was an ex Labour minister on the BT board at the time.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "not be in the public interest" to prosecute Phorm

      > Out of interest, what's the regular meaning of this "not in the public interest"?

      I have always found it very strange. In civilised countries plus France, anyone who becomes aware that a crime may have been committed is obliged to report it, and the courts are obliged to investigate and eventually prosecute.

      I do not particularly recall the public being consulted on any of those "public interest" decisions. Those chaps must have a really good crystal ball.

    3. PNGuinn
      Facepalm

      Re: "not be in the public interest" to prosecute Phorm

      In all probability, had this happened in a police type state, with a paranoid, corrupt and evil grubbyment, the reason would have been that either the real instigators of the data grab fraud were in fact said grubbyment or that they saw all the side advantages to their soiled selves if they gave the old nudge nudge wink wink to their pet pocket dwelling telco.

      Hence when the inevitable unforseable happened and the s**t hit the fan, there would have been hell of a lot of arse covering to do, or the truth might just have come out in court and some one's 3 figure bmi (thanks, Simon) posterior might have got publicly got spanked in said court....

      Hence, DEFINITELY "not be in the public interest".

      However, this was in the UK, where all the politicos and corporations are so well known for their honesty and integrity, so it's obviously a complete mystery how and why it all happened.

      Isn't it? Honestly?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Too evil for China. Fine by BT though.

    "Too evil for China. Fine by BT though."

    And for a little while, fine for The Guardian as well:

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/26/guardian_phorm_uturn/

    Meanwhile, what's Stratis Scleparis up to these days?

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/09/18/scleparis_phorm_quits/

    "Stratis Scleparis, the former BT Retail chief technology officer who joined Phorm after overseeing secret trials of its web monitoring and profiling system, has quit the firm."

    Strange times, stranger bedfellows.

    [edit: Stratis Scleparis]

  15. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    Wot, you got no sympathy for the bad man?

    Oh, you don't.

    Seriously the trouble with these vermin is another group will think "Hey, this is a great idea."

    Somehow bad s**t keeps coming back up the U bend of life.

    1. Vimes

      Re: Wot, you got no sympathy for the bad man?

      Like 3UK's new wheeze you mean?

  16. thomas k

    Are they still a thing?!

    I thought they fucked off and died ages ago.

  17. Gordon G

    Not celebrating yet

    As a lifelong pessimist, I am perturbed by the fact that it is allegedly a "temporary" suspension - I'm not opening the top quality home-made sloe gin until the barstewards are completely phinished.

  18. Someone Else Silver badge
    Pint

    Let me raise my glass...

    Couldn't happen to a nicer, more deserving bunch of rat-bastards.

    Die, motherfuckers! DIE!

  19. Winkypop Silver badge
    Devil

    Phantastic

    Phuck right off and die

  20. Grease Monkey

    If you fancy a laugh just take a look at the share price before they suspended trading. Compare that to their high of a few years ago.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Windows

      I wonder if that stupid feckin' Kent is still in charge?

      Icon ---> the state of the investors these days.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Kent Ertugrul, ex CEO: https://www.phorm.com/?wpdmdl=194

        Let me google that for you:

        "Phorm (AIM: PHRM), a leading internet personalisation technology company, announces certain changes to the board of directors of Phorm (the “Board”) and senior management of the Company, to position it to take advantage of the opportunities which have recently opened up in the US market. As part of the changes, Kent Ertugrul, Chief Executive Officer and Executive Chairman, based in Singapore, and Andy Croxson, Chief Financial Officer, based in London, have stepped down from their respective roles effective immediately. Mr Ertugrul and Mr Croxson will be pursuing their other business interests but remain strongly supportive of the Company’s continued progress. The Company is currently in the process of appointing Mr Timothy Todd Smith to the Board as Chief Executive Officer. [...]"

        https://www.phorm.com/?wpdmdl=194 15 Jul 2015

        New CEO: https://www.linkedin.com/in/timothy-smith-52925869

        See also:

        https://www.whatdotheyknow.com/request/bogus_filinglate_filing_by_phorm

        https://www.whatdotheyknow.com/request/striking_off_companies_that_fail

  21. John H Woods Silver badge

    Guys ...

    ... 40 comments and no "Kill it, kill it with fire" or "Take off and nuke it from orbit" --- what's happened?

    1. Someone Else Silver badge

      Re: Guys ...

      This particular target evokes one's more creative instincts....

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What about Shine?

    This Israeli DPI ad-blocking company recently courted by 3?

    https://www.getshine.com/

    Also, did Virgin Media actually confirm they no longer work with Phorm?

  23. Groklawzombie@mailinator.com

    Wow thought this lot had gone bye bye a while ago...

    Nice to see that the investors are getting a soaking :-D

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