back to article Loved one just died? Pah, that's nothing

It's said that the most stressful situations a human being can suffer are the death of a loved one, divorce, moving house, a major illness and losing your job. We might add to that living in Syria and, if mobe outfit Ericsson is to be believed, enduring a "time-to-content delay" when attempting to eyeball a vid on your phone …

  1. BasicChimpTheory

    Did they also measure the same response for the death of a spouse/child/parent? No?

    You guys fucking SUCK lately.

    1. Mike Shepherd

      I'd forgotten that it's half-term.

    2. Kubla Cant Silver badge

      Did they also measure the same response for the death of a spouse/child/parent? No?

      I don't think you'd find many volunteers for a study that involved killing a subject's spouse/child/parent just to measure how much stress it causes.

      1. BasicChimpTheory

        @ Kubla Won't

        No doubt. Perhaps my actual point may have been overly subtle?

        Despite ALL CAPS.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          @BasicShakespearWriterChimp

          There's a point? and there was me sitting here thinking that you just happened to fall over and slip on the carpet accidentally typing utter bollocks into your computer then miraculously throwing your hand on the mouse and clicking submit.

          Does this happen often? Have you tried facebook or twitter?

          Disclaimer: In case anyone with an IQ less than 10 is reading this, it's sarcasm, the dirty filthy sarcasm you get after reading comments from people with an IQ less than 10 complaining about the journalistic bollocks this site presents to us, the user. I for one respect and enjoy the bollocks as much as I love reading about how devops/agile will suck me off once I move all my data to g-fi flash storage.

      2. Simon Harris Silver badge

        "I don't think you'd find many volunteers for a study that involved killing a subject's spouse/child/parent just to measure how much stress it causes."

        I think you might have just hit upon Derren Brown's next TV show.

      3. skeptical i

        re: "don't think you'd find many volunteers for a study that involved killing a subject's spouse/child/parent" Maybe that depends on the spouse involved -- "The sorry bastard had it coming to 'im, yer honor, er, I mean, it was for SCIENCE! And the betterment of mankind, yeah, that's it!"

    3. Drewc Gold badge

      Friday is Bootnotes day

      Basic and chimp-like and missing the point by a country mile.

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: Friday is Bootnotes day

        I'm also missing it, I don't think Ericsson came to the same conclusion as the headline.

    4. MyffyW Silver badge

      @BasicChimpTheory this is The Register hun, not Nature

      If the red top doesn't give the game away, the comments section with capital letter rants probably will.

    5. nsld
      Coat

      Where is Mary Chipperfield when you need her?

      1. peterharley

        I don't think you'd find many volunteers for a study that involved killing a subject's spouse/child/parent just to measure how much stress it causes."

  2. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Back in the late 70s I saw a study that concluded computer users' perception of the wait time increased dramatically over the real delay once the nine second point was reached.

    Six seconds? Pfft!

    Latency was real latency in my day.

  3. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

    Progress Bars

    Isn't this why we have progress bars, because the perception of elapsed time seems less when something is happening?

    Hurtling towards the 95% done mark then stalling for hours rather undoes the benefits.

    1. Immenseness
      Pint

      Re: Progress Bars

      "Hurtling towards the 95% done mark then stalling for hours rather undoes the benefits."

      As does moving uniformly to 100% then going back to the start! Again... and again...

      Where's the beer?!

  4. Chris Harden

    Were the videos they were watching the disarming instructions for the bomb they were attached to?

    In which case, I can see their point.

  5. Joe Werner
    Coat

    what if...

    ... some strange people actually enjoy maths?

    Mine's the one with the Gradshteyn book...

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge

      Re: what if...

      Further enjoyment: Abramowitz/Stegun, Bronstein/Semendjajew, Prudnikov/Brychkov/Marichev, Magnus/Oberhettinger.

      What did I miss?

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

        Re: what if...

        That one tripped me up too. Solving a math problem causing the same stress level as watching a horror movie? That just can't be right, somhow the methodology used in the study must be flawed.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Standing at the edge of a virtual cliff.

    WTF is that even supposed to mean? Can people not distinguish reality from virtual reality? Last time I checked virtual reality it was still all leisure suit Larry....

    As studies go this is about as pointless as the 1982 study into the feeding habit of rabbits, carrots came out on top in case anyone was unsure, it followed a 1974 study about bears and where they shit, there was a study in 1962 about panda bears though that resulted in a restaurant joke.

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Boffin

      > Standing at the edge of a virtual cliff.

      This has been used (successfully) in treatments against pathological fear of height.

      1. Dan Wilkie

        Really? I can understand it with moving things, but I just never get the sense of depth.

        I used to see all kinds of reactions when I built simulators though - your frame of reference has nothing outside the bridge windows so it sets peoples motion sickness off something chronic. You can also see everybody trying to counter the movement of the floor - which is stationary!

      2. heyrick Silver badge

        But there's no fear.

        I could happily stand at the edge of a virtual cliff. I could even swan dive off it. And splat on the bottom. Then complain that the blood stains aren't realistic. Why? Because IT IS VIRTUAL. There's no risk. It's an entirely different proposition to a real cliff.

        1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

          Re: But there's no fear.

          A few years ago I would have said the same but climbing to the top of the radio tower in the last Tomb raider scared the shite out of me.

  7. szielins
    Devil

    Cower before me, or there's more where that came from

    What... is... the... answer... to... the... question... how... much... is... six... times... eight...? Expressed... in... base... seven...?

    1. Joe Werner
      Pint

      Re: Cower before me, or there's more where that came from

      ... more interesting is 6*9 in base 13

      (personally I like base 12 especially when thinking about thirds and quarters) - need a beer now, a full-sized one, way past pub-o-clock. On the other hand, I am doing some stats, real stats, with pen and paper (not calculations, analytics!). And we all know: don't drink and derive!

      1. Simon Harris Silver badge

        Re: Cower before me, or there's more where that came from

        Assuming you're talking about British beer, wouldn't base 20 be more useful, since it comes in multiples, or sub-multiples of 20 fluid ounces?

        1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

          Re: Cower before me, or there's more where that came from

          True, but then base 20 is just the obese offspring of base 10, so where's the fun in that?

          "Base 20 - the Kim Jong-un of base systems. ..'

      2. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: Cower before me, or there's more where that came from

        And we all know: don't drink and derive!

        It must be Friday. I read that as "don't drink and drivel".

  8. hipster groove-cat

    pretty insensitive title, guys. :(

  9. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Registering Mail Special AIdDelivery

    Hi, Lester,

    Would it be significantly more or less stressful to have open ready access to futures' secrets.

    Or would that be AI NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive Weaponry for Special Secret Service Servering ..... and a Cracker of a Great Advanced IntelAIgent Game Changer.

    Methinks that sort of development renders explosive Trident nuclear defences ...... well, defunct and oppressive. Future Defence+Virtual Security Programs are the Real Rage for Todays with 0Days to Conspicuously Trade and Virtually Exchange.

    Quite AI Novel Special Project all that, Lester. Wanna Steer IT awhile?

    1. MrDamage

      Am I the only one

      Who reads through the entirety of amanfromMars1's comment, half expecting to find lines such as;

      I will not but this record, it is scratched.

      My hovercraft is full of eels.

      Or

      My nipples explode with delight!

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

        Re: Am I the only one

        Drop ypur panties, Sir William - I can't wait till lunchtime!

        You don't so much read amanfrommars1's comments as decode them.

        My personal approach is somewhat like the way you have to use on those "Magic Eye" books (remember them? must've been in the 1990ies IIRC), only not applying it to the eyes but the whole brain. A bit like meditation. You try to take it all in, don't focus on anything specific, and sometimes an idea or a mental picture or a clear sentence emerges.

        1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

          Re: Am I the only one

          You try to take it all in, don't focus on anything specific, and sometimes an idea or a mental picture or a clear sentence emerges. …. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

          And who, and/or what, is responsible and accountable for Immaculate Provision of those Sees, allthecoolshortnamesweretaken, for/from that which Sees and Seeds Future Realities via Virtual Means with HyperRadioProActive Meme Command and Control?

          U and/or I ‽ . US ‽ . ....... DARPA Seeks $2.97 Billion in FY 17 for Futuristic Defense Projects

          Does it/IT make you wonder what the MOD is/are experimenting with? Such certainly exercising my curiosity to know of cyber progress with other ways.... or otherwise as the case can also be.

          1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

            Don't laugh even though the proposed provision by government is laughable, ..

            .... this situation is deadly serious

            Ensure that the Armed Forces will have strong cyber-defences, and that in the event of a significant cyber-incident in the UK, they are ready to provide assistance. The government will provide the Armed Forces with advanced offensive cyber-capabilities, drawing on the “National Offensive Cyber Programme” run in partnership between the MOD and GCHQ.

            Pie in the sky and delusion in extremis, which I believe is akin to hubris

            As minnows in seas full of sharks springs to mind. ...... but it does present an opportunity and vulnerability for expert exploitation and extensive export and a whole new trading market place and capital flight safe haven space too.

            And some would be able to tell and prove to you that such can be heavenly and extremely convenient rather than hellishly disruptive and Great Game changing and mostly inconvenient.

            If the MOD cannot think for themselves regarding supplies for what matters in the future with virtual security and international and internetional cyber defence , are they rendered as nothing more effective than puppet liabilities and ignorant servants of arrogant slaves to fast flash crashing systems of exclusive executive order operation and SCADA administration.

  10. Yugguy

    Sweet lord I weep for our society

    If waiting a few seconds for a picture causes you stress it's time to unplug.

    1. Neanderthal Man

      Re: Sweet lord I weep for our society

      That nothing. You got any idea how long it take cave painting to dry?

  11. heyrick Silver badge
    Meh

    If waiting a few seconds for a picture causes you stress it's time to unplug.

    Waiting isn't the stressful part. It's the inconvenient buffering that irks me. So you're watching something, right? And it has played fine for hours in a hurricane/earthquake/firestorm/apocalypse and you're really into what's going on and something extremely important is Just About To Happen when.... it all freezes and you get that stupid little spinny thing in the middle of the screen and if you're lucky a stuttery hiccup as it plays the fractions of seconds it receives as and when it receives them.

    GAH!

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

      http://memegenerator.net/instance/24085115

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It's the inconvenient buffering that irks me

      So you're the inspiration, and thus responsible for all those stupid Kevin Bacon "buffer face" adverts?

      I'd call you a rude name, but being a polite sort of person that doesn't fit easily with my delicate sensibilities.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Rural broadband

    Is there now justification for funding rural broadband from the NHS budget? Presumably with proper investment we can massively reduce occurrences of iPlayer-induced hospital cases.

    :-)

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Horror Movies? Stressful?

    So watching horror movies is supposed to be stressful?

    I tend to find them mostly amusing; a series of obvious "we're going to make you jump" moments connecting a series of strangely convoluted suicide attempts.

    Seriously, if people don't know to stay in a group and not investigate weird noises at night when they're in a remote or haunted house... well, they have nobody to blame but themselves!

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019