When is it being released to the cinemas? Can't wait to watch it.
The British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) has determined that Charlie Lyne's 10-hour Paint Drying contains "no material likely to offend or harm", and has accordingly awarded it a "suitable for all" U certificate. Nicely described by the BBFC as "a film showing paint drying on a wall", Paint Drying is the result of a …
Speak for yourself. I shall hold out for the 3D version because it will be so much more immersive as an experience.
I'll wait a few years for the remake, which will doubtless feature glossier paint and a more modern style of wall, and yet somehow fail to capture the atmosphere of the original.
Our college put on the stage version of this twice in 1985.
The first time was about three weeks before our production of Cabaret and they put it on again about three weeks afterwards.
For Cabaret, the freshly undercoated back wall of the stage was painted with a 40 foot high mural of can-can girls legs in fishnets with various lewd and leering audience members featured. That show was a killer as I had to move the fully loaded lighting bars back ten feet to light the back wall instead of the curtain! Queue some very strong ropes to make a sling for them to slide along. Also had to dig out and bring the old 1960s era foot-lights up to code. That was a learning experience. And I had to renovate one of the five Junior 8 banks that had burned out some years earlier. Needed full lighting for that production. This was in the days before you had to be certified to do that kind of shit.
Bah. Blatant rip-off of some 1960ies experimental black and white art house movie from Finland whose name I can't remember. Haven't seen it myself, but I once overheard two film students discuss in it in the waiting line at the Sundance Festival five years ago.
Will watch this one, though. But I'll wait for the DVD release, I want to watch it in slow motion to take it all in.
What kind of DVD extras do we get?
Torture of the artist as they go through the pain and anguish of selecting the right wall.
The artist at B&Q till buying paint, did they select Dulux or did they go for an inferior product like Crown or worse, that B&Q own brand cack?
Artist select correct grade roller and paint tray.
Finally the application to the wall itself.
Which begs the question as to how After Earth got released without them having to sit through it.
(If you haven't seen it, imagine what WWW would have been like if Will Smith had written it too and then selected a director based solely on how far up his own arse he was to really guarantee that sweep at the razzies.)
Just to make sure they really verified the whole film.
You don't think that they considered that the main risk? It's not like Charlie Lyne kept his plans secret, and the risk was always that if the fast-forwarded through it they'd miss something hugely embarrassing.
Although equally, if they had a digital copy, they should have been able to get a frame on frame analysis to pick up any differences, check those out, then fast forward through at 50x, and the laugh would be on Lyne and his clown-funding chums.
The film should really have been a series of one-second-long stills and video clips, mostly of things that are innocent but also vaguely rude things like funny shaped vegetables/rocks/trees. Repeat the same ones a lot. The viewer would have to be paying close attention for the whole time because it changes so much. Add a soundtrack of a repeated song that changes volume every now and then, with some hard-to-decipher whispering in the background. Constantly intense is far worse than boring.
"They should have hidden somewhere a few seconds of "special" scene"
Rookie mistake. NOT putting in anything is much more insidious - if there is something and you found it, you know it's there; but if you don't find anything you can never be sure whether you just missed it or there really isn't anything to find...
How about an extra long version of something that would really grate after a while like "Je ne Regrette Rien" in about 15 different languages, all of which they will have to find a translator for to make sure the soundtrack doesn't contain any obscenities in any language.
Prize for the most obscure language people can find...
It would be so tempting to put one verse in a made up language like Na'vi to make them try to find someone who could identify and translate it.
I bet most content submitted for classification is utter dreck. Bad foreign animations, bollywood movies, vids about recovering from surgery, hilights from the 1995 season of some 3rd division football team, new age whalesongs, warehouse training vids etc. etc.
I bet the BBFC doesn't care what they're rating. It's their job to rate content, they get paid by the hour and they rate it. When they're done they move onto the next thing. Nobody is sticking it to the BBFC by making them watch paint dry.
There's a story that Andrei Tarkovsky's 1971 film "Solaris" contains a seemingly interminable scene of a trip through city traffic in purely to bore the Soviet censor into turning it off and signing the approval.
(The scene in question was filmed on Tokyo's urban motorways, and the more plausible reason for it is that including so much of this Japanese footage in the final film was to justify the great expense incurred by Tarkovsky and company to travel to Japan to shoot it. Thanks to Soviet efficiency, they had missed the World Fair, which was to have provided the original "future cityscape" imagery for this part of the film.)
Way to totally miss the point.
There are people out there who want to produce films for niche markets, often in the adult fetish genres, but the cost of getting BBFC classification is so expensive and the market sufficiently small that it would be impossible to make a profit on these films.
Consequently you get the ridiculous situation of these films being available everywhere, *except* in the UK because of the "protection racket" that says "either you get BBFC classification or we prosecute you for selling uncertificated material".
But don't worry, they're thinking of the children by protecting them from buying this filth...
Is that what this is about? 'Cos it looks more like an effort to piss money up the wall.
Seriously, though, if this is about films being refused classification on the grounds that they're "obscene", then that's a legitimate grievance, although it's the government that determines what is obscene, not the BBFC.
If the picture is a clip from the film then it's the lack of material that is likely to offend. There isn't any cultural diversity only a white wall. The wall looks decidely sad so no gay wall, Ian Mckellen will have to wait anohter year for an openly gay wall to be awarded an oscar. And don't get started on the lack of opportunity for dwarf walls.
We need to get the kickstarter going again to raise money to get it classified in other countries.
The category of the film "Film - Public Exhibition" or "Film - Other" determines the cost. The film maker is going to have to try harder to reach the "Time limit" in Australia. They have a sliding scale for up to 2000 minutes if it is "Film - Other".
Beer because I think I would need quite a few to get through this.
Seems to me the maker has a "dry" sense of humour.
Anyone that follows through on a method to needle bureaucracy will always get my up vote.
The upcoming sequel I believe will be called "The Second Coat" while the 3rd and 4th releases are as yet unnamed.
The last of the series will be called "The Final Coat"
Our protagonist will be constructing each frame as composite of photo mosaic images.
After watching this British Censors are expected to receive a BAFTA/Oscar for best censorship in a useless catagory.
Side stage medics will be on hand to ensure their continued lack of a pulse...
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