back to article Foetuses offered vaginal music streaming service

Mums to be who subscribe to the idea that a few choice tunes have a positive effect on their unborn nippers*, and who don't mind having a bit of Mozart piped directly into their vaginas, should check out Babypod – described as "the only device that has demonstrated to stimulate vocalisation of babies before birth with music …

  1. chivo243 Silver badge

    Nice one

    Music in a womb without a view.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Nice one

      Brings new meaning to shuffling onto this mortal coil.

    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: Nice one

      Hurray to see The Register in all it's indiscrete glory.

      Boo at the very idea of shoving an externally-powered loud speaker up your mary-jane.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Nice one

        I bet it wouldn't be the first time a 7" has been playing up there.

        1. MyffyW Silver badge

          Re: Nice one

          @TRT probably not, dear, but I can certainly deny any interest in the 12" extended remix.

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Re: Nice one

            Well that's me out of the picture then. ;)

    3. NoneSuch

      Re: Nice one

      That's not Stairway to Heaven. Where's the echo...?

    4. Scott Broukell
      Meh

      Re: Nice one

      Anything by Urethra Franklin I suppose, just saying.

    5. Martin Maloney
      Trollface

      Re: Nice one

      If they offered video streaming, then that would be a womb with a view.

  2. Chris Mellor 1

    Musical vibrator?

    Er; a vaginally-inserted bead-speaker works because it transmits sound vibrations. So ... isn't this a musical vibrator?

    1. sandman

      Re: Musical vibrator?

      THAT'S what Ace of Spades is for ;-)

      1. Graham Marsden
        Alert

        Re: Musical vibrator?

        Don't forget the Motorhead branded Vibrator!

        1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

          Re: Musical vibrator?

          I thought they were the Motorhead gigs, designed for the whole body (or indeed the whole building) vibrator experience...

        2. Esme

          Re: Musical vibrator?

          @Graham Marsden - (laughing self silly) Oh, I had no idea, hadn't heard about that. I was never particularly 'into' Motorhead (more of an L7 grrrll, me), but it's nice to know that they were so, erm, ' into' giving fans a good time. My Steampunk hat is off to you, Lemmy - still able to raise a smile from beyond the grave!

  3. CAPS LOCK Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

    knowwhatImean

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

      Wheatus from the meatus?

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

      If you left it in during coitus, would you get Cum Dancing? Mind you, there's not that much space - it's Strictly Ball Room.

    3. rjmx

      Re: Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

      Get a job as an installer?

    4. Crazy Operations Guy Silver badge

      Re: Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

      It's pretty much a Ben-Wa ball with speaker built into it, so there is no reason it wouldn't work. Kind of pointless to spend that much money though when there are other cheaper and more 'efficient' products on the market.

      *I paid for school by working as an electrical engineer for a sex toy company

      1. Captain DaFt

        Re: Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

        "*I paid for school by working as an electrical engineer for a sex toy company"

        Not enough info. Where do I send my CV?

        1. x 7

          Re: Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

          "*I paid for school by working as an electrical engineer for a sex toy company"

          could have been worse......the job could have been that of mechanic / fitter...

          1. Crazy Operations Guy Silver badge

            Re: Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

            "could have been worse..."

            I loved that job, $15k per year (in 1984 money), and it gave me access to all sorts of interesting equipment, such as equipment for soldering dies directly to PCBs; a thermal camera; and many, many cabinets of parts. The company was riding the wave of semiconductor miniaturization along with the increase of social acceptance of sex toys, so they were pouring piles of money into R&D.

            I had enough resources to build a prototype that used PulseOx sensors and EEG/EKG probes to determine the current state of arousal and act accordingly. The problem of the sensors and computational power required would be solved now, we ran into problems during testing, apparently it was too effective and caused some of our test subjects to go into cardiac arrest or seize (turns out it is possible to overdose on serotonin and dopamine from only neurological production), not that they minded it too much, too bad the FDA sure minded it...

            The company was bought by shortly after that by some massive Japanese manufacturing concern and then stripped apart and the pieces sold to dozens of different companies after the Japanese Stock Market crashed.

      2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: I paid for school by working as an electrical engineer for a sex toy company

        Amazing. Any good stories for, say, 'On Call' or the bootnotes section?

        1. Crazy Operations Guy Silver badge

          Re: I paid for school by working as an electrical engineer for a sex toy company

          "Any good stories for, say, 'On Call' or the bootnotes section?"

          I have a few. Here is the one I remember the most:

          With our computer-controlled prototype, the programmer didn't see my note about a change to the motor control chips, we also received the wrong motors (I misread the order-number decoding table in the manufacturer's catalog). The newer controllers could handle quite a lot more load than the older ones, plus had finer-grained control over each motor (which used a different byte format, more on that later). We were also using a different motor configuration to improve efficiency.

          Test day came around, a dozen motor clusters taped into place on our test rig (A silicone anatomically and proportionally correct model of a woman). System is booted up, all tests come back successfully. The motors are turned on to their lowest settings and all is going as planned. Next comes time to to bump the motors up one, at which point three things became clear to me: one, the programmer hadn't changed the endianness of the data going to the motor controllers; and two, the motors are orders of magnitude more efficient than my calculations would have suggested; and three, the motors that I got were, in fact, capable of handling the level of energy I was pumping into them. The motors started going crazy and started pulling up the tape while I was trying to shut the system down (and finding out that ctrl-C does not clear the motor controllers, but keeps them at the last state...). Before I could unplug everything, the motor clusters had successfully released themselves and now there were about a dozen metal eggs flying about, tethered to a control box and its power supply (Which also had its power outlet right next to it). I had to crawl being my chair, using it as a shield, to get over to the workbench and unplug the thing. Even with the shield, I still ended up quite a few bruises on my body and my office / lab ended up trashed.

          The lesson here, I suppose, is to always, always double check your numbers. The motor part numbers were made up of a force ID, plus number of brushes and a lifetime factor. So intended to buy motors with an ID of 200, 6 brushes, and lifetime of 9, so ordered motor part 20069, when I should've gotten 269 and thus ended up with motors of a force/load of 20 times as large.

          Although that wouldn't have been too much of a problem if I had confirmed the numbers coming from the output: The initial test should have outputted 0x1000 0000 0000 0001 (-1) with the second test giving me 0x1000 0000 0000 0010, rather the endian change didn't happen so the motor controller received 0x1000 0000 0000 0001 (-1) for the first test and 0x0100 0000 0000 0001 (16,385) for the second test.

          Even at power levels of the intended motors, that value would be deep into our "for the most-experienced masochists and only with proper supervision" territory and normal safe limits being in the 1024-1536 range, but with the power being 20 times as much...

          1. x 7

            Re: I paid for school by working as an electrical engineer for a sex toy company

            "deep into our "for the most-experienced masochists and only with proper supervision" territory "

            where can I buy it?

            One for the -ex, and one for her mother.........

            Killed by kindness (I hope....)

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Face. Palm

    Screw you capitalism for producing crap.

    Screw you main stream media for being nothing but sponsored crap.

    Screw you idiocracy parents for buying this crap.

    inb4 a foetus gets sued for music piracy.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Face. Palm

      You have to pay a license fee. It's Windows Media Player as a Cervix.

  5. John H Woods Silver badge

    Hmm...

    My eldest son had a difficult birth. Some time after he was born, we received a baby gift of "relaxing womb sounds." The normally placid little chap reacted with considerable distress when the disc started to play, and settled only when it stopped.

    Being a scientist, I had to try another couple of times to see if it happened again --- it did. Being a father, I wasn't going to do it more than thrice --- I didn't.

    Now, I wouldn't normally want to infer something from a sample of three. However, might it be possible that some ill-timed music during foetal distress could result in a baby who would be distressed by such music?

    On a related note, I'm now wondering whether my parents travelled back in time with some Kanye West tracks?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hmm...

      Shades of "A Clockwork Orange".

    2. Dazed and Confused Silver badge

      Re: Hmm...

      Some time after he was born, we received a baby gift of "relaxing womb sounds." The normally placid little chap reacted with considerable distress when the disc started to play, and settled only when it stopped.

      When MrsConfused was expecting our first little one there was a load of publicity about playing music to your unborn children so she thought we'd have a go. A pair of head phones pressed gently to her tummy (just like your picture) and some soothing Beethoven. Well this resulted instantly in some serious kicking.

      Experiment not repeated.

      1. Steven Roper

        Re: Hmm...

        Interesting that the above commenters' babies reacted negatively to music, because according to my mother, when I was a foetus way back there in the dim and distant 60s, she found that putting a particular piece of music on the record player would actually quieten me when I was restless in the womb. Of course, that was with ordinary (60s-era) loudspeakers, not headphones pressed against her belly - or anywhere else... ;)

        The piece in question is the Scene from Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake" - which has been my all-time favourite piece of music since as far back as I can remember, and it still makes my blood fizz when I listen to it today. According to my mother I loved it before I was even born!

      2. Drone Pilot

        Re: Hmm...

        The thing that got me - what study has been done to ensure there is no damage to baby's ears?

        My mom, a radiographer (and does ultrasounds on expectant mothers) discourages mothers from having them for curiosity and wanting to see baby growing (you can pay privately).

        She cites all sorts of research and suggestions where the baby's hearing can be harmed.

        A quick google: http://www.hse.gov.uk/research/crr_pdf/2001/crr01343.pdf

        I'm not an evangelist for the research but rather wondering what will baby be like after listening to music at a-volume-it-would-ever-hear?

        Seems stupid.

    3. Esme

      Re: Hmm...

      @John H Woods - have an upvote from me, On reading the article, my first thought was 'all well and good, but what if baby has a headache? What if their first words are 'turn that bloody racket off!'?

      1. Neoc

        Re: Hmm...

        @esme

        "What if their first words are 'turn that bloody racket off!'?" ... "and you fetuses get off my lawn!"

    4. Crazy Operations Guy Silver badge

      Re: Hmm...

      I wonder what the effect of playing recordings of the uterus would have on a newborn baby, especially if the child were to be fitted with noise-cancelling headphones and slowly mixing in background noise from the surrounding environment gradually over several months.

  6. vonBureck
    Coat

    Only one album fits

    In Utero by Nirvana... yes, yes, mine's the grungy mac.

    1. frank ly Silver badge

      Re: Only one album fits

      When you say "fits", I assume you mean 'is appropriate/relevant'?

    2. Ian Emery Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: Only one album fits

      NO NO NO!!!

      It HAS to be "Peter and the Test Tube Babies" album "Scraping the foetus off the walls".

      Perhaps in hindsight I should have posted anonymously.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Only one album fits

        > It HAS to be ...

        Err would that be the 7" or 12" version?

        1. Ian Emery Silver badge

          Re: Only one album fits

          "Err would that be the 7" or 12" version?"

          Now I wouldnt like to brag........

    3. TitterYeNot
      Coat

      Re: Only one album fits

      The article states that "The app comes with four free songs to get you started, but there's no indication of what they are" which is patently incorrect. A brief search reveals that the Babypod comes with a CD containing the following musical delights:-

      1. Something From Nothing (Foo-Foo Fighters)

      2. Don't Fear The Reaper (Bearded Oyster Cult)

      3. I Hate This Part (Pussy Cat Dolls)

      4. The Beaver Song from 'Space Teens'

      5. The Camel Toe Song (Korn)

      6. I'm Gonna Booglarize You Baby (Captain Beefcurtains)

      7. Kids In America (The Muffs)

      8. See My Baby Jive (Wizard's Sleeve)

      9. There She Goes Again (Vulvet Underground)

      10. Fanny You Should Ask (The Front Bottoms)

      <Coughs>

      1. Peter Simpson 1
        Thumb Up

        Re: Only one album fits

        [ahem]

        Nothing by Monty Python, then?

        // you know the one I mean...

      2. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

        Re: Only one album fits

        You missed off

        'shove it(my summer)' by deftones

        And

        'she will only bring you happiness' by Mclusky

    4. Simon Harris Silver badge

      Re: Only one album fits

      Or Roger Waters (have broken) with "Music from The Body" featuring:

      Side 1, track 8 - "The Womb Bit"

      Side 1, track 9 - "Embryo Thought"

      Side 1, track 10- "March Past of the Embryos"

      Side 1, track 11- "More Than Seven Dwarfs in Penis-Land" (err... for when there's a visitor)

      Side 2, track 7 - "Embryonic Womb-Walk"

      Side 2, track 10 - "Give Birth to a Smile"

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Only one album fits

        Relax, Frankie Goes To Hollywood?

  7. Nigel Brown

    Theoretically..

    ...the mum to be would need a licence from the PRS due this being classed as a broadcast.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Nirvana

    Listening In Utero while curled up in a foetal position about sums up my teen years...

  9. Magani
    Alert

    Cue baby's first words...

    "Who the !@#$% chose that bloody playlist?"

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Cue baby's first words...

      "Thanks for all the classical music and the like, but did the conductor HAVE to keep poking me in the head with his baton?"

      1. Christoph Silver badge

        Re: Cue baby's first words...

        TURN THAT BLOODY MUZAK DOWN!

  10. TRT Silver badge

    If they're THAT into Mozart...

    Let's hope the baby doesn't consider the music as instructions for the birth process.

    "Leck mich im Arsch", for example.

  11. hi_robb

    hmmm...

    At least it's not just a product to be enjoyed by stuck up cnuts...

  12. J J Carter Silver badge

    Eeugh!

    What's the MSFT angle on this slurping?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I do hope it's watersproof...

    Also, probably best not to play the seminal hit "Push it" by Salt & Pepper

    1. John H Woods Silver badge

      I think the seminal hit is sometime before the insertion of the babypod

  14. Chris G Silver badge

    Sometimes

    Spanish inventors come up with some great ideas.

    This is not one of them.I can't begin to images ne the effect of a foetus brought to term with say a playlist of Marylin Manson (smells like children) and Nirvana. Any parent that buys this should be aborted, a new right for babies.

  15. Steve K Silver badge
    Coat

    Chuffed?

    They must be chuffed with this idea.....

    Maybe someone else will pudenda to it?

    (I'm here all week - don't forget to tip your waiter/waitress)

    Steve

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Chuffed?

      Reminds me... I've got a 12" somewhere... hand on... let me check the cover for relevant track names...

      "Ball Park Incident"

      "See My Baby Jive"

      "Bend Over Beethoven"

      "Angel Fingers"

      "You Got the Jump on Me"

      Yes... I did just check the WIzzard's Sleeve.

  16. TRT Silver badge

    Ouch!

    Mental context flip when checking comments and seeing how many thumb's up they have.

  17. A K Stiles
    Coat

    warranty?

    Does it have a 12 month warranty, and if so, why?

    Also, wonder what the second hand market value will be for these things?

  18. wolfetone Silver badge
    Coat

    Imagine the problems if "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba was played using this?

  19. wonderboom

    Surely not ........

    Wouldn't the remote control vibrating love eggs block the sound?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Surely not ........

      I believe the pods are love eggs.

      I'm sure Barry White mumbling some grumble song would make for a good thumble.

  20. Simon Harris Silver badge

    Presumably not limited to playing music...

    The Vagina Monologues audio book.

  21. Tom 7 Silver badge

    I'm guessing this improves live performances

    no chance of a bum note!

    I'll get me trollies.

  22. Pompous Git Silver badge

    Hopefully not playing...

    Beat Your Breasts by the Ovarian Sisters:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otJ-SUmWCdI

    I'm almost ashamed to admit owning a copy except it's in almost mint condition.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Because you know I'm all about that bass, 'Bout that bass

    No treble.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Music while you wine and dine

    I need to get out more.

  25. D 13
    Coat

    You should only put a little speaker into your vagina, if your name is Sally Bercow.

  26. Joseph Haig

    Snake oil

    Babies in the womb are able to hear music without any extra equipment. Save yourself the £90.

    1. druck Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Snake oil

      Even more nonsensical is the voice app, the baby can already hear it's mothers voice very clearly through her body, without any assistance from speakers shoved up her woowoo.

  27. Amorous Cowherder
    Unhappy

    Well it's not all complete BS. When my Missus was pregnant 15 years ago, there was a distinct increase in movement and squirming from young sprog in the womb when my Missus played in the U2 and a distinct lack of interest in anything classical. However my daughter now likes (C)Rap and R&B and none of the rock and metal I like, so I blame my Missus for putting my daughter off decent music!

    1. E_Nigma

      But that's the thing, your missus didn't have to insert a turntable... where this gizmo is supposed to go to get the baby to react (right?!), which nullifies this company's selling point - that it's not really working unless the music source is in there.

  28. x 7

    According to my ex, x7 junior used to like bopping while inside to "Quiet Sun's" album - "Mainstream".

    Especially the track "Mummy was an Asteroid, Daddy was a small non-stick kitchen utensil"

    Somehow seems appropriate

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjaIkm22nDY

    1. x 7

      another alleged favourite bopping track of an unborn x7 junior, this time courtesy of the Crimson King

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5EwnYawirw

  29. Cynic_999 Silver badge
    Coat

    Presumably best suited to organ music?

    1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

      What? Like Handel's organ works?

      1. Jagged.Shard
        Alert

        Handel's Organ

        How do you know Handel's organ works??

        Were you watching ................. ??

  30. Charles Manning

    Evolution

    After hundreds of thousands of years of evolution you'd expect the growing tykes would already be well designed for their environment.

    They're designed to be hearing the world around them through a watery layer and thereby develop their brain. They're not designed to hear the sound all crystal clear and close up.

    Looks to me just like more consumer shit to sell to already pressurised parents who already believe that if you don't play Mozart For Babies then the kid won't be developed enough on birth to use their iPad properly then won't be ready for kindergarten which will leave them unprepared for school then university... AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kids and music

    When expecting our eldest my wife used to sit down to a cup of tea, put her feet up and watch neighbours every day (who says pregnancy doesn't rot the brain).

    Once he was born he would fall asleep as soon as the theme tune came on (about the only bloody tjme he did).

    Not sure if it was the music or time recognition but definitely a link between pre and post behaviour

    1. Simon Harris Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Kids and music

      I think my mum must have been watching Avatar all the time she was having me...

      I've never managed to stay awake during that film!

  32. Oodles of Noodles

    Hmmm, could envelop two of my favourite pastimes - listening closely to music, and err, well ...

  33. Martin Maloney
    Happy

    It occurs to me..

    Why bombard a tender, developing foetus with sound waves?

    Wouldn't it be easier on the foetus for the mother-to-be to be the music listener?

  34. Scott 53

    Nothing new

    I was playing Good Vibrations on a boom box years ago.

  35. Ken 16 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Bluetooth or GTFO

    "The post is required, and must contain letters."

    Postman Pat?

  36. TRT Silver badge

    I recently purchased...

    a Bush radio.

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