back to article Brit cuffed for Kyrgyz 'horse penis' sausage quip

A British man is facing a possible five years in a Kyrgyz jail after ill-advisedly comparing local horse meat sausage chuchuck to a stallion's todger. Welding superintendent Michael McFeat was celebrating New Year's Eve at the Kumtor open-pit goldmine in eastern Kyrgyzstan when he posted photos on Facebook of a "fantastic …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No big deal

    As far as I can tell, most of his crimes are against spelling and grammar.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No big deal

      Let's just hope that someone can accept that it was meant in jest and that he doesn't have to rely on the non-existent Foreign Office "help".

      1. Ralph B

        Re: No big deal

        > Let's just hope that someone can accept that it was meant in jest

        Sure. I can imagine that the horse penis bit was indeed meant in jest, but the there/their mistake deserves at least 3 years in the slammer. (Let alone "intension"!)

    2. adnim Silver badge

      Re: No big deal

      "As far as I can tell, most of his ONLY crimes are was against spelling and grammar."

      FTFY

      I can see how this maybe taken as a racist slur, I can also see how it maybe taken as a joke.

      Eye of the beholder I guess.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No big deal

        If you can see ANYTHING racist in there then you are inventing it.

        OR you are some lily livered liberal whom takes offence at anything just because....

        1. Stuart 22

          Re: No big deal

          "If you can see ANYTHING racist in there then you are inventing it. OR you are some lily livered liberal whom takes offence at anything just because...."

          Careful there. I doubt the Kyrgyz government could really be categorised in the lily livered liberal department when it comes to racism and stuff like that - read this from Wikipedia:

          A law banning women under the age of twenty-three from traveling abroad without a parent or guardian, with the purpose of "...increased morality and preservation of the gene pool" passed in the Kyrgyz parliament in June 2013. American diplomats expressed concern in October 2014 when Kyrgyzstan lawmakers passed a law that imposes jail terms on gay-rights activists and others, including journalists, who create “a positive attitude toward non-traditional sexual relations.

          A wee bit fascist instead?

          1. TeeCee Gold badge
            Meh

            Re: No big deal

            Hmm, sounds more Stalinist than Fascist to me which would be more logical given their background.

            Then again I can never tell the difference between the gibbering Nazis and the raving Marxists, although I believe that there are those who think one's "good" and the other's "bad" for some reason. Must be something to do with who you decide to demonise, with an option to go on and exterminate, to motivate the agitprop boot boys.....

          2. Old Handle

            Re: No big deal

            That curious use of "liberal" is more or less synonymous with fascist anyway.

            1. mstreet

              Re: No big deal

              Puts me in mind of my old politics teacher's favorite saying (unfortunately proved correct in the last few Canadian elections):

              "An uninformed electorate, is a dictatorship of idiots."

        2. Flywheel Silver badge

          Re: No big deal

          Totally agree! Some people take far too much offence at the slightest thing. I mean, if this country was anything like Kyrgyzstan, half the population would be banged up for calling the Prime Minister a porcine poker.

        3. Why Not?

          Re: No big deal

          maybe it was circumcised?

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Summer BBQs...

            A chuchuck sausage sat sweating above the glowing coals, looking for all the world like Kojak in a roll-neck sweater...

            1. Shovel

              Re: Summer BBQs...

              Did Camilla write that?

        4. PNGuinn
          Black Helicopters

          Re: No big deal "If you can see ANYTHING racist in there ..."

          Well, speaking completely hypothetically, in a nation where all the leaders are p*****s, AND they know it (there's the rub) I can clearly imagine how some slight offence might possibly be taken....

        5. Mark 85 Silver badge
          Facepalm

          @cornz 1 -- Re: No big deal

          I didn't see anything racist either.. but then... maybe there's something where making reference to a horse's penis is making a slur against the Kyrgyz. Or.. I shudder to think, that they have become Americanized to the point of everyone being offended by everyone. Maybe the Kyrgyz need to establish "safe place" 'cause ya' know.. words hurt.

          1. Shovel

            Re: @cornz 1 -- No big deal

            I asked Uhura's universal translator, it confirmed that "Kyrgyz" is Klingon for horse penis.

        6. Glenturret Single Malt

          Re: No big deal

          Amidst all this talk of grammar, it should be "....WHO takes offence...." not "whom".

      2. TRT Silver badge

        Re: No big deal

        @adnim.

        Eye of the beholder? Is that served as a soup?

    3. TheVogon Silver badge

      Re: No big deal

      What a cock.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No big deal

        at least they're not proposing he's hung

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No big deal

      "As far as I can tell, most of his crimes are against spelling and grammar."

      that's because he's a Scot, not English

      1. Glenturret Single Malt

        Re: No big deal

        As a Scot, I am trying hard to decide whether that remark was meant as a joke or is simply gratuitously offensive.

        1. x 7

          Re: No big deal

          "As a Scot, I am trying hard to decide whether that remark was meant as a joke or is simply gratuitously offensive."

          come on, Scots find everything offensive. Something to do with drinking Buckie and meths......

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: No big deal

            "Something to do with drinking Buckie and meths......"

            Combined with a diet 100% cooked by family size Actifry....

    5. JetSetJim Silver badge

      Re: No big deal

      It seems he's going to be deported for irregular paperwork, and not for the poor-taste joke

      http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-35220941

    6. 404 Silver badge
      Meh

      it IS a big deal...

      The scene of the crime: My back yard.

      Time: Memorial Day, 2006.

      Report: I was cooking brats on the BBQ when my dear old dad stared making comments about penises on the grill, which offended my wife, who decided that day was the day to go off on said dad. Dad didn't take it well and began a family fight the extends to this day ten years later.

      Attempted to patch things up in 2012, no deal. Haven't spoken to him or a huge majority of my family since. I really shouldn't be surprised, there are folks who are 40 years old today who still flip each other off when they see each other over a girl in high school they dated. Long memories over really stupid shit.

      Sigh.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: it IS a big deal...

        I was cooking brats on the BBQ

        Cultural context is everything though. In the UK that would mean you were grilling obnoxious children, which is usually more than enough to start a family row. No matter how obnoxious they might be.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: it IS a big deal...

            "Also in the USA, if the Ramones song 'Beat on the Brat' is anything to go by."

            Beat on the Brat is a song about (and glorifying) masturbation. It is also illegal in Kyrgyzstan.

            As, as it happens, are The Ramones in general, Boy George, George Michael, Michael Sam, Michael Portillo, Tellytubbies, anything with Hugh Grant in it... etc... It's quite a long list. Easier in fact to list everything that's not illegal in Kyrgyzstan: Potatoes, horse penis delicacies, summary flogging, "marrying" whom you're told to "marry" from the age of 5, praising the rightfully ruling government, voting for the rightfully ruling government, goat cheese.

            1. This post has been deleted by its author

        2. Quortney Fortensplibe
          Thumb Up

          Re: it IS a big deal...

          ...and "flipping each other off" sounds like a euphemism for some sort of mutual masturbation session.

      2. PNGuinn
        Childcatcher

        Re: it IS a big deal...

        whose brats were you cooking? Enquiring minds etc...

        (For those (Septics?) who only speak a base clone of ye Queen's proper English a brat is a small child.)

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Boffin

          Re: it IS a big deal...

          (For those (Skeptics?) who only speak a base clone of ye Queen's proper English a brat is a small OBNOXIOUS child.)

          There, fixed that, and added missing "k".

          As for people getting offended by everything and anything. I have a "T" shirt, on it is a blank speech bubble, and underneath it says "Someone, Somewhere, will find this offensive".

          BTW, It seems writing in English requires a higher degree qualification these days.

          1. Spasticus Autisticus

            Re: it IS a big deal...

            @Ian Emery

            Septic = septic tank = Yank - get a Peggy me old china :-)

  2. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    racial hatred?

    Which race--the Kentucky Derby?

    Mr. McFeat may want to spend his next New Years (assuming he has the option) in the Rocky Mountains, where nobody will give you grief about comparisons involving Rocky Mountain oysters.

  3. petur

    a fool and his freedom

    are easily parted?

    1. Simon Harris Silver badge

      Re: a fool and his freedom

      so it seems are a foal and his todger (allegedly!)

    2. petur

      Re: a fool and his freedom

      ... or not.

      Just read that he will be kicked out of the country

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I blame Mrs Miggins.

    1. David 132 Silver badge

      I blame Mrs Miggins.

      Came here for this. Was not disappointed. Have an upvote.

      Ah, Le Comte de Frou-Frou, I presume.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This has become a tail of WHOA...

    Some might say that this has become a nightMARE for Mr McFeat. Lets hope he doesn't get put out to PASTURE.

    1. Yugguy

      Re: This has become a tail of WHOA...

      You can shout yourself HOARSE over this, but it's true that a FOAL and his money are soon parted. Perhaps if the town was twinned with CANTERbury over this there would be less fuss.

      We could have a poll about it, run by GALLUP.

    2. dotdavid

      Re: This has become a tail of WHOA...

      He should stop horsing around. Chuchuck is clearly the dog's dangly bits.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: This has become a tail of WHOA...

        Wrong K country, that's Korea not Kyrgyzstan :P

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A symptom, not a cause.

    "McFeat's slur on the popular chuchuck immediately prompted strike action by outraged Kyrgyz mine workers."

    Uh-huh. Because in a happy, free and productive country people are ALWAYS striking when someone says something bad about their favourite dish. Remember the three day weeks we had to endure last August because Putin said that Chicken Tikka Masala was a bit bland?

    Oh, wait, sorry - I was thinking of some other reality.

    I suspect that the strike was caused by something else entirely. Corruption, poverty, poor working conditions, or the rebellion against a society strictly controlled by fetid excrements of disgust and dishonour who tarnish the very species with their failed attempt at being human.

    If it happened at all, that is. But I'm assuming it did, and the government felt that a foreigner insulting their cooking was the best excuse that they could come up with for a mass worker's action in a very specific industry. Presumably the officials involved were too busy counting some bribes to do a better job...

    (Posted anonymously, because these tinpot dictators are often nutjobs and I don't want to take any chances. Posting with my account didn't pass the "would you be surprised?" test for over-reaction from the ruling classes of Kyrgyzstan.)

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If it was battered this would be a different story altogether.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Extreme pornography"?

  8. small and stupid

    An appalling example of cultural insensitivity and prejudice.

    .

    .

    .

    .

    By Kyrgyzstan.

    The poor Jock was complimenting the cuisine. In Scotland, meat from an identifiable animal and organ is considered the height of luxury.

    1. Ken 16 Silver badge

      The article doesn't say that it was deep fried...

    2. SolidSquid

      Hey, only the very best sheep lungs go into our haggis!

  9. Steve Evans

    God grief...

    I wonder when the CIA world factbook (and FO equivalent - if it exists) is going to start including a row to warn when countries have absolutely no sense of humour?

    Sounds like Kyrgyzstan needs to go just under North Korean.

    1. Cameron Colley

      Re: God grief...

      Any such list would have to include the USA -- just a post on Twitter on jest and you are an undesirable.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: God grief...

        ...and the UK. Never make jokes about bombs in Twitter in relation to airports, even when in context it's obviously just a bit of frustration venting.

  10. ukgnome

    To be certain this isn't racism I would need to see a horses penis.

    1. moiety

      Thanks to our own government's idiocy; that's probably an offence. If you can be done for a cartoon tiger FFS, searching for actual sexual organs of actual animals could be a bit risky.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Childcatcher

        Amazingly, this site is not (yet) blocked by Hadrians Firewall.

  11. Paul Renault

    Not post-pub crawl nosh, but rather...

    ...something to, er, pork out on mid-crawl, eh?

    I'm looking forward to soon-to-come curried chuchuk post-pub review, complete with pictures.

    1. Paul Renault
      Pint

      Re: Not post-pub crawl nosh, but rather...

      No? Maybe penis pie? How about blue-vein sausage with blue cheese? Ok, then a schlong sub? Cock and cockle casserole? Trouser-snake terrine? Lingam lasagna? Schwanz mit Soβe?

      I know: Wiener schnitzel!

      1. Paul Renault

        Re: Not post-pub crawl nosh, but rather...

        If I really puts some effort into it, I could milk this for all it's worth.

      2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: Not post-pub crawl nosh, but rather...

        Nah, real Wiener Schitzel is veal. (Trust me, my wife is from Austria.)

        OTOH, a real Rheinischer Sauerbraten is horsemeat.

      3. Vic

        Re: Not post-pub crawl nosh, but rather...

        Cock and cockle casserole?

        There's a book about that.

        Vic.

        1. Vinyl-Junkie

          Re: There's a book about that

          Oh, I thought you meant this one:

          http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nanny-Cookbook-Discworld-Terry-Pratchett/dp/0552146730

          Not sure if it actually has a Cock and Cockle casserole, but it certainly has Carrot & Oyster Pie....

  12. tiggity Silver badge

    expat job risks

    If you feel you must take the (presumably, else why work there) high pay of an expat job in a country that does not exactly top the league in terms of human rights, lack of corruption, sensible legal decisions etc. then probably a good idea to be v. careful what you do and say.

    A good rule of thumb, if a country name ends in "stan", think v. carefully about whether you really want to work there.

    The UK legal response to the infamous Robin Hood airport joke tweet looks almost sane in comparison to legal actions in lots of other countries.

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: expat job risks

      "Beware the Worshippers of Stan!"

  13. Graham Bartlett

    And he's Scots

    Compared to haggis, horse cock is clearly a culinary step upwards.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Upwards?

      No, I think you need to kneel down to eat it properly.

  14. TRT Silver badge

    If it is served with a helping...

    of beans I'd be saying no thanks.

  15. Mike Moyle Silver badge
    Coat

    Mr. McFeat thought that he...

    ...Spotted Dick.

    ... sorry...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    McFeat in McMouths

  17. Your alien overlord - fear me

    The miners are rightly upset because everyone out there knows the local politians get all the good stuff, like the horses penis, whilst their stuff is really the less tasty sheeps penis. << Insert joke about having the wool pulled over their eyes here >>

  18. DavidJB

    Was the proprietor by any chance a Mrs Miggins?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzKeVhdeuWI

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Farage certainly looked a lot different back then.

  19. Haku
    Facepalm

    Oh FFS.

    It's made of horse, it's penis shaped (sort of), and how do they know there isn't any horse penis in it?

    Oh and they can poke as much fun at our national dishes as they want, we'll even join in!

    BTW, has McDonalds qualified as a national dish now?

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Coat

      Re: Oh FFS.

      I've heard that British sausages are mostly made of lips and arseholes.

      Personally I think it's just bollocks...

      [I'll get my coat. In my defence, this is the family Christmas joke.]

      Apparently in Scotland, the sausages can actually be square. I don't know why they don't call them squausages...

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lets hope the Foreign Office gets a firm grip on this situation...

    otherwise it could end with it blowing up in their face.

    1. moiety

      Re: Lets hope the Foreign Office gets a firm grip on this situation...

      ...yeah; don't want to rub anyone up the wrong way

  21. Michael Thibault

    This is racism in Kyrgyzstan? Shouldn't wonder why this is clearly category-confusion, given the difficulties they seem to be having with vowels and consonants.

  22. M7S

    Taking offence at horse jokes

    We can all laugh at that little Johnny Foreigner, after all nothing so ridiculous could ever happen here

    Oh, http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/oxfordshire/4606022.stm

  23. Tikimon Silver badge
    Devil

    Lo Fasz!

    'Nuff said!

  24. Kernel Silver badge

    Dire punishment

    My son once made a similar comment about "horse's willies" when he was conscripted to operate a BBQ for his mother's horsey group - I understand that in his case the punishment was a total ban on any form of interaction with said horsey set for the rest of his life.

    It is also my understanding that he was heart-broken about this and required professional counseling to recover from the disappointment.

    1. x 7

      Re: Dire punishment

      "a total ban on any form of interaction with said horsey set for the rest of his life."

      lucky bastard!

  25. Thoguht Silver badge
    IT Angle

    But don't they actually eat horse rectum in Kyrgyzstan?

    Oh, no, silly me, that's Kazakhstan.

  26. Bsquared

    Andouillette, anyone?

    The French got there first - local delicacy "Andouillette de Troyes" bears a remarkable resemblance to a horse's todger, and tastes about as good as it looks. Sorry, Frenchies, but you know c'est vrai.

    1. Jean Le PHARMACIEN
      Coat

      Re: Andouillette, anyone?

      Actually it DOES taste considerably better than it looks but you are right about the resemblance....actually I'm fairly sure it wasn't....no definitely not.

      Best advice is to eat AAAAA certified (i.e. best quality) andouillete. Otherwise it smells of bleach..

  27. x 7

    to be honest......I thought the Kyrgyz national dish IS raw horse's dick

    What else would you expect from a country whose national sport is goat-carcass polo? I heard a rumour that the poor goat gets communally stuffed by the players before the game.....

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Off my holiday list (just in case)

    After all, I have been ordering "abused horses willy and chips" at my local chippy for many, many years.

    Luckily the place is so poor, they cant afford black heli

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