back to article Apply online to go to Mars. No, seriously

NASA has opened registration for the ultimate out-of-this-world job: a trip to Mars as one of its astronauts. "NASA is on an ambitious journey to Mars and we're looking for talented men and women from diverse backgrounds and every walk of life to help get us there," said NASA Administrator and former astronaut Charles Bolden. …

  1. ma1010 Silver badge
    Go

    Astronaut application

    "I applied to be an astronaut, and the only part I got right was my name."

    - Steve Martin

    I expect I'd have the same result. But for those with the right stuff, go for it!

    1. Chris Tierney
      Coat

      Re: Astronaut application

      Must be a really keen potato farmer. See Icon

  2. Sureo

    Salary

    Doesn't really matter, no-where to spend it on this trip. And no coming back either.

    1. Goldmember

      Re: Salary

      "And no coming back either."

      The Mars One project is a one-way trip to colonize the place (and funded by reality TV), but this is a different project. NASA want to go there and come back again:

      https://www.nasa.gov/content/nasas-journey-to-mars

  3. Swarthy Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Almost half tempted

    ...and almost qualified.

    1. CmdrX3

      Re: Almost half tempted

      I'm fully tempted and completely unqualified.

  4. NoneSuch

    They will need a plucky IT guy or gal to sort out their phone issues at the other end.

    1. Marketing Hack Silver badge
      IT Angle

      Yes, they will need an IT help desk person....

      But what happens when they realize they left all the Ethernet cables back on Earth?

    2. TheOtherHobbes

      "Have you tried turning Mars off and on again?"

    3. Teiwaz Silver badge

      "They will need a plucky IT guy or gal to sort out their phone issues at the other end"

      And therefore also a telephone sanitiser.

      1. Paul Mitchell

        They'll be on the second "B" flight.

  5. Dadmin
    Coat

    I know that I would make..

    the best astronaut corpse possible!

    Sadly, the median US salary is ~$27K?! Surely, you mean £27K UK pounds/quids/shillerings/BBC Doctor Who Gallifreian Space Credits? Wow, that's just awful.

    Here's a tip if you're making this lowly sum; read a book other than the bible! HAHA! You poor dopes!

    1. Afernie

      Re: I know that I would make..

      "Sadly, the median US salary is ~$27K?! Surely, you mean £27K UK pounds/quids/shillerings/BBC Doctor Who Gallifreian Space Credits? "

      No really, that's not a typo ~$26695 is the median, to be precise.

      "Here's a tip if you're making this lowly sum; read a book other than the bible! HAHA! You poor dopes!"

      The median salary for a Pastor in the United States is $90125. In the States at least, sounds like the good book pays off.

      1. noominy.noom

        Re: I know that I would make..

        Well, yes salary.com reported the median salary of U.S. pastors as $90,000. But a lot of other sites were more believable. Check out christianitytoday.com. They came up with $72,500 as the average wage of married pastors, and it included housing/parsonage. Solo pastors were correspondingly less.

        1. Afernie

          Re: I know that I would make..

          It's still a *lot* more than $26695, though, eh?

    2. GitMeMyShootinIrons
      Joke

      Re: I know that I would make..

      Jeeves was tutting and shaking his head when you made this comment about the lower end of the working community, or how I like to put it 'the gene pool'. I believe he found that it somewhat offensive.

      I, on the other hand, found it amusing - I nearly spat out my caviar and dropped my breakfast glass of Boërl & Kroff Brut.

  6. FatGerman

    Only Americans?

    Isn't that despicably racist? Wouldn't it be just brilliant if the first human on Mars was Syrian? Then Donald Trump would have a whole new class of immigrants to hate.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Only Americans?

      " Wouldn't it be just brilliant if the first human on Mars was Syrian? "

      It would be far better if the first human on Mars was Donald Trump! Preferably tomorrow and alone

      1. FatGerman

        Re: Only Americans?

        There was a thing I saw recently that said "For the cost of 100 missiles we could put Tony Blair on Mars. For the cost of 200 missiles we could put Tony Blair on Mars and fire 100 missiles at him". Works for Trump too.

      2. Nolveys Silver badge
        Flame

        Re: Only Americans?

        It would be far better if the first human on Mars was Donald Trump! Preferably tomorrow and alone.

        Nah, he'll be on the ship that will be headed toward the sun.

        1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

          Re: Only Americans?

          Yeah, but he'll probably go at night...

      3. RoboticRabbit

        Re: Only Americans?

        Without any life support systems to boot. The ultimate Survivor series - "Survivor Mars: Syria Planum". First task is make oxygen from rocks and the little carbon dioxide atmosphere available.

      4. annodomini2
        WTF?

        Re: Only Americans?

        Look at how famous and remembered Neil Armstrong became after landing on the Moon, do we really want the same for Trump?

      5. LucreLout Silver badge

        Re: Only Americans?

        @ChrisG

        It would be far better if the first human on Mars was Donald Trump! Preferably tomorrow and alone

        I actually think it'd improve the quality of politicians if it was mandatory that whichever parties candidate that loses the election HAS to go to Mars. You'd immediately cut out those whose heart isn't really in the game, and those who don't really believe in serving their country.

    2. Stork Bronze badge

      Re: Only Americans?

      No, it is not racist - American was not a race last I checked (more like quite a number of varieties). Never mind that race, scientifically, does not make sense at all - AFAIR you find more genetic variation in your average group of chimps than in all of humanity.

      1. mtp
        WTF?

        Re: Only Americans?

        Discriminating based on ethnicity or sex is illegal but discrimination based on place of birth which is equally random is not only allowable but legally enforced. Strange how these things work out.

  7. chivo243 Silver badge
    Angel

    I know one guy

    He's qualified, but there is no space suit built for him. Sorry old friend.

    It isn't me either... I'd probably fit in most space suits. But my Bachelor's is sadly not in their search spectrum.

  8. Fink-Nottle

    I need a holiday ...

    I read that as ' Apple online to go to Mars.'

    1. Marketing Hack Silver badge
      Gimp

      Re: I need a holiday ...

      Eh, Tim Cook will probably announce the iRocket at his next dog-and-pony show :)

      1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: I need a holiday ...

        Then we can get all the Fanbois singing

        Ground Control to Major Tim

        Mines the one with a dog eared copy of 'Out of the Silent Planet' in the pocket.

  9. ZSn

    death trap

    While it seems heroic to apply to go a little thought gives us cowards thought. Apart from the 1% change of bring fried in takeoff or landings (x2 for two planets) you can also look forward to radiation poisoning, bone loss, dementia from the radiation, cancer from radiation. And having to smell your fellow astronauts farts for several months at a time. All this to stand on a rock marginally farther from the sun. As a card carrying coward - no thanks. However, I'm not stopping the more intrepid amongst, feel free to go with my blessings.

    1. JustWondering
      Happy

      Re: death trap

      I don't think it would be that much worse than your average package tour.

    2. MacroRodent Silver badge

      Re: death trap

      That, and your name in the history books next to Yuri Gagarin, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin.

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: death trap

      Fine, you stay here, I'll go in your place. I'd like the challenge and perhaps attaining the goal of standing where no human has ever stood before. Since no one gets out of this life alive, one might as well go out doing something grand.

      I also realize that at my age, I won't be around when they finally get the funding to launch the rocket... <sigh>

  10. mrtom84

    Missed opportunity.

    Astronaut got talent.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    qualifications?

    Don't forget "good grades", "physical endurance", "doesn't throw up a lot" and "people like spending a week with me"

    1. PaulFrederick

      Re: qualifications?

      They'd better like spending a year and a half with you. Because that is the quickest round trip to Mars we can possibly manage to do now.

  12. W Donelson

    Honestly, Mars is just a way for the rich to get richer.

    *facepalm*

  13. dloughlin

    I'd pay $66,000 to go to Mars!

    Shame about the US citizen bit

    1. PaulFrederick

      You'd better add a few zeros to that number you have there. A trip to Mars could easily top 12 digits. Which is quite the bargain really. Considering going to the Moon cost 11 digits. You can split the tab a few ways too.

  14. alain williams Silver badge

    Why the ungenerous salary ?

    There is every likelihood that they won't collect ...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    US Median income is $51,939 (2014) -- if Internet search is to be trusted.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. MiguelC Silver badge

      Try to understand what your query returns, as a search for "US Median income" gives you the following:

      "$50,500

      The median wage in the US per person is $26,695. This tells us a lot since the median household income is at $50,500.

      (31 Dec. 2012)"

  16. RoboticRabbit
    Trollface

    Yeah that will happen.

    The applicants will die of old age before NASA ever gets enough funding and gets their act together to actually go to Mars. Its a pure PR trolling stunt.

  17. JustWondering
    Thumb Up

    It all evens out

    The salary may suck but the travel benefits are out of this world.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: It all evens out

      True, except your flying in one class lower than coach, the food is probably not that good, and the flight attendants are none existent. But what a ride....

      1. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
        Childcatcher

        Re: It all evens out

        If you cannot make good off of being one of the first on Mars (assuming you come home), there really is no hope for you.

  18. mtp

    Re 'average pay' beware casual statistics

    http://www.johndcook.com/blog/2008/10/20/nearly-everyone-is-above-average/

    There must be a good applying for the role of Tarzan joke here somewhere but it is too late at night to work out the details. "I have nothing against your right leg - the problem is that neither have you".

    Beware poorly sourced statistics.

  19. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

    Age Limit

    Is this open to Americans this side of John Glenn on his last space fligtht?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yeehah, can I bring BOTH types of music along?

    Country AND Western!

  21. Winkypop Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    I don't mind who goes

    Just please do it before I 'go'

    1. Winkypop Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: I don't mind who goes

      Ahhhh sweet.

      Mr Downvoter doesn't want me to 'go'.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No transexual hairdressers then

    Mars one could learn a lot about who should apply from nasa

  23. Amorous Cowherder
    Facepalm

    We need to grow up first

    We're too immature to be allowed off this planet. We simply don't have the understanding of ourselves and enough appreciation about how to behave. We're like grounded teenagers, slamming doors, breaking stuff and not giving a monkey's toss about things around us. On an individual basis, we many not have the mental fortitude to cope with years of "captivity" in tin cans, floating about up there without it having some form detrimental effect on our health.

    We need to grow up a lot before we allowed out on our own.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: We need to grow up first

      ref. "We're too immature to be allowed off this planet."

      we're too immature to be allowed to stay either. Third option? TOTAL ANIILLATION!... AHNIHNILATION AHNI... see, like I told you, can't be allowed to stay either!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: We need to grow up first

      ...and the best way to grow up is to move away from home...

  24. Davie Dee

    what could go wrong with sending a bunch of academics to Mars.

    Thing is, a society needs balance, too many chiefs not enough Indians will not end well.

    physical fitness is obviously a must but they are going to need to rethink this academic requirement as well as the completely useless flight experience if they want to start a colony

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Better still

      Send a bunch of Politicians to Mars.

      All that 'hot air' they speak will soon build an atmosphere.

    2. LucreLout Silver badge
      Joke

      @Davie Dee

      physical fitness is obviously a must but they are going to need to rethink this academic requirement as well as the completely useless flight experience if they want to start a colony

      Well, in fairness to NASA, with that as a stated goal their advert would look more like this:

      WANTED: Group of fertile 20 something female swingers, size 8 (hefty chicks need more thrust).

      ALSO WANTED: Two deaf guys that can fix stuff. Must like children.

  25. D@v3

    talented men and women from diverse backgrounds and every walk of life

    Applicants will need a Bachelor's degree in engineering, biological science, physical science, computer science, or mathematics, preferably with an advanced degree as well... at least 1,000 hours of pilot-in-command time in jet aircraft or at least three years of professional experience in their field... and be an American citizen.

    So, not every walk of life, as it excludes a very large portion of the planet straight off for not being American. Also, not particularly diverse considering they have to be a highly educated jet pilot.

    1. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

      Re: talented men and women from diverse backgrounds and every walk of life

      Which is why this is actually just a silly PR stunt.

    2. Dan Paul

      Re: talented men and women from diverse backgrounds and every walk of life

      So, too frikking bad D@v3!

      Bring something else to the table besides mouths to feed. Especially if you want consideration as a NASA Astronaut.

      So you want be part of an American Government Agency? Then prepare to be required to be an American citizen, you moron. I'm sure the qualifications in Russia and China are much the same. Or you can start your own space program.

      Screw "multiculturalism and diversity" if the only thing they bring are whiny, ungrateful, ignorant dolts that have no skills, no income and no chance of producing either.

      They provide no value in this case, none whatsoever.

  26. Monti

    Job Description

    I wonder if part of the job is to rescue the MarsOne idiots if they ever make it Mars.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Job Description

      If they make it to Mars before NASA I'd say they're bloody impressive idiots!

  27. Avatar of They Silver badge
    Happy

    Wow... Applying already.

    Who cares about salary, literally everything is paid for anyway. And I think anyone who goes is going for the job, not the pay packet.

    Need to add to the advert. "Balls of solid rock" as a requirement. Good luck to 'em.

  28. Yugguy

    I'm there!

    Let's look at the criteria.

    I've got 2020 vision.

    Ah....

  29. PaulFrederick

    False Advertising

    No one should know better than NASA how far off a manned mission to Mars is. It is not going to happen while anyone alive today is still alive either. Not unless there's some kind of breakthrough with longevity. Which may happen before we land on Mars.

  30. Dom 3

    Read more carefully.

    "This group will [...] blaze the trail on our journey to the Red Planet." Nothing about actually *going* there.

    "NASA tested 13 women to become astronauts" - no, not really: http://history.nasa.gov/flats.html makes it quite clear - a "short-lived, privately-funded project testing women pilots for astronaut fitness".

  31. Adiaz6316

    Space, the unknown the ever lasting black obeys

    I would love to go, who is going to be my travel buddy

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    For discover something

    Iam Sri Lankan

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019