back to article HPE's private London drinking club: Name that boozer

Our recent shock exposé on plans by Hewlett Packard Enterprise to open a private drinking club in its new City of London HQ led to speculation as to what exactly the boozer might be christened. To recap, a Reg reader spotted a licence application attached to the front of 1 Aldermanbury Square, on which the-then HP signed a 15- …

  1. chivo243 Silver badge

    First thought

    Hurling Puking Evacuating... sorry it's early!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: First thought

      Excessively complex making it an acronym. The Hurlitt Puke-ard is plenty good enough.

  2. Chris Miller

    So many to choose from

    The Outsource and Duck.

    The Offshore Inn.

  3. ZSn

    Wibble

    The Hurd Inn?

  4. BlartVersenwaldIII
    Pint

    Hey, no fair!

    I already pre-emptively entered this competition a fortnight ago!

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Hey, no fair!

      Previous comments are on the consideration list, fret ye not.

      1. Captain DaFt

        Re: Hey, no fair!

        Well, even so, I'm re-submitting "The Ink Cartridge" here.

  5. Yugguy

    HP Packaging

    Knowing HP, you will open a series of doors to a series of ever smaller rooms. In the final, smallest room there will be half a pint of lager shandy fully encased in styrofoam.

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge

      Re: HP Packaging

      So, The Box and Padding?

      1. Yugguy

        Re: HP Packaging

        It would actually be fantastic if they named it that.

        1. DougS Silver badge

          Re: HP Packaging

          I think we have a winner! Not only totally fitting for HP - the world's single largest offender in packaging to contents ratio even for trifles like license certificates - but also fits in perfectly with the typical English "x and y" pub names!

  6. Fraggle850

    Mos Eisley Cantina

    Should adequately give a hint at the quality of clientele

    1. Bloakey1

      Aon ósta cánach

      Given their prediliction for Irish tax avoidance schemes I would take it to be a "genuine"{1.} Oirish <sic> pub called the Aon ósta cánach or as you English speakers might say "No Tax Inn".

      1. About as genuine and as Irish as a snake goulash or a year round dry spot.

  7. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    How about...

    The Abandon Hope ( all who dare to enter the HPE world)

  8. EastFinchleyite

    The Sauce Boat

    It works on several levels

    - HP Sauce (a well known comestible on this side of the Atlantic)

    - Sauce as slang for alcohol

    - Sauce Boat as a allusion (?) to Gravy Train; this is the IT industry after all.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sauce_boat

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The Sauce Boat

      A comestible you say ? Symptoms after consumption of such condiments are often more akin to a combustible.

  9. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Devil

    Disappointed

    As they've expressly stamped their jackboots and said that they should be called HPE or Hewlett Packard Enterprise but not the perfectly reasonable HP Enterprise, I'm disappointed that El Reg is allowing itself to be bullied in this way. HP Enterprise should be part of El Reg's style guide, just because.

    1. Drewc Gold badge

      Re: Disappointed

      Bullied? As a matter of course, we try to call companies as they call themselves at least once in the article. Yahoo! is a good example.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about

    Hopelessness Pissup Expected

    Yes pushing it a bit there...

  11. bwright72

    Since this is London...

    ...we need a good traditional British pub name...

    How about 'The Merger and Split'?

    However since we live in Hipster times, and given the Logo colour, why not simply call the place:

    'Cyan', or even 'CMYK'

  12. jrp13149

    .matrix

    harks back to their roots, but sounds a little bit techy.

    use courier for extra kudos.

  13. MarkET

    The Hype Inn

  14. DarkLordofSurrey

    The H PEE Bar

  15. dogged

    The Dead Horse.

  16. Dan 55 Silver badge

    The Turkey's Head.

  17. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Ye Olde Apothecary

  18. JockStrap

    How about the... Don't Bother Coming, Just Send Us Your Money

  19. Barely registers
    Pint

    HP Instant (Dr)Ink

  20. Velv Silver badge
    Pint

    HP Enterprise - it could only be "Ten Forward"

  21. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    The Garage ?

    or maybe The Ink and Printer? (yeah, OK, wrong bit of HP)

    1. Munchausen's proxy
      Pint

      I'm thinking, 'Not The Garage'

      would be more appropriate.

  22. Primus Secundus Tertius Silver badge

    The Jolly Coda.

    (A noteworthy end to a day's programming.)

  23. wolfetone Silver badge

    Autonomy

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Hey I already did that one :)

  24. Jimboom

    The Blade Bar

    Screwdriver not included

    The Beer and Switch

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Pint

      The Beer and Switch

      Ordering a pint you will get served two packets of crisps and a complimentary beer mat. You will then need to fill in an RMA for the crisps before the desired beverage will be delivered to you (if in stock). The bill amounts to a fair chunk of the GNP of Namibia, simply because you forgot to uncheck the "Gold Product Support" option.

  25. Arthur the cat Silver badge
    Facepalm

    The Fiorina and Fiasco

    A friend of mine had a fairly senior position with HP during the Fiorina period and all the stories I heard ranged from bad to "she did what???"

  26. TonyJ Silver badge

    The Due Diligence

    You go in and it's empty :)

  27. dotdavid
    Pint

    I don't know what it'll be called, but judging by the company's printer ink management techniques I fully expect that the staff will whip your pint away when it gets below half full.

    1. TonyJ Silver badge

      And cost US$60k per pint. :)

  28. x 7

    Carly's Climax?

    Meg's Menagerie?

    Hot Pornbar?

  29. hivized
    Devil

    Drink up

    The Race to the Bottom

    The Stagnant Salary

    The Redundant Server

    1. Drewc (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Drink up

      Harsh... did you ever work at HP?

  30. lafnlab
    Pint

    "The DrinkJet"

  31. P1xbay

    Name

    The Foo Bar

    1. BlartVersenwaldIII

      At over £2000 a pint who could afford to drink there?

      1. Henry Minute

        Yes, but.....

        @ BlartVersenwaldIII

        The glass only costs £0.05

  32. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    It should be called "The Professional Service"

    With a motto above the bar that in big friendly letters states that "We're not satisfied until you're not satisfied..."

    1. x 7

      Re: It should be called "The Professional Service"

      "The Professional Service"

      not a good idea unless it gets frequented by certain Ladies of the Night.......

  33. chivo243 Silver badge

    Second offering

    Crash Palace

    The Bloated Bar

    Really, I'll stop now. Maybe at beer thirty I will have some better inspiration ;-}

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Accountants Woe.

    The Dells Bottom.

    The Whitmans Retreat.

  35. Dan 55 Silver badge

    The Bloated Driver.

  36. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    The Serengeti Bar.

    (A place where, over a drink, you can discuss the never-ending migration).

  37. x 7

    The Hack & Profiteer

  38. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    Shirley it should be called 'print cartridge not recognised.'

    Or is that already the name of a GSV?

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Pint

      Slight error

      Pint cartridge not recognised.

    2. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
      Headmaster

      For some reason, I feel like "Print Cartridge Not Recognized" is more of a GCU name.

  39. moiety

    The Genius Bar

    SettingTheLow Bar

  40. f1rest0rm

    Assuming it’s full of Marketeers rather than techies ...

    The Arse and Elbow

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: Assuming it’s full of Marketeers rather than techies ...

      That will keep the marketeers out, since they'll never be able to find it. :)

    2. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: Assuming it’s full of Marketeers rather than techies ...

      Surely you mean "The Elbow and Arse"?

  41. This post has been deleted by its author

  42. lawndart

    The Cloud and Computer

  43. Caff

    boozy times

    High Profit Enviroment

    The Innovation Lounge

    The Innovation connection

  44. Anonymous Coward
  45. Scott F. Gunelius

    Hoist and PEe?

  46. Mark 85 Silver badge

    Ye Crash and Burn

    The Pig's Eye

    The House That Meg Broke

    WTF? <--- Name not a question

  47. Happy_Chris

    Bar Names

    "esc", the Terman Arms or the Dusty Server.

  48. redneck

    starbucks

    ya'll got it wrong. my local starbucks has applied for a liquor license. There's probably just a starbucks located inside this HP Enterprise facility, which is common at other facilities.

    1. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: starbucks

      Interesting . . . but I don't think that name will fit on the bar sign.

  49. Matthew Taylor

    The Fiorina's head

  50. chivo243 Silver badge

    Last Call

    Heavy Puking Emporium

    The What If Tavern

    Anybody remember those old HP commercials when the guy gets inspiration while not working and calls a colleague and says What If....?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0AvrxbRqkM

  51. TonyJ Silver badge

    The Bait and Switch

    The Get Yer Coat

    The "And yet more redundancies"

  52. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Segmentation Fault.

  53. Munchausen's proxy

    PC Load Letter

  54. Dwarf Silver badge
    Pint

    If they moved the rectangle a lot lower

    Then they could use it as a letterbox - probably good for short sighted posties too.

    As to the name, it should be called "the datacentre" that way people have a genuine reason to go there

    I'm off to the up datacentre - it even sounds like you are still working.

    1. Darryl

      Re: If they moved the rectangle a lot lower

      I like that... I could work on getting expenses approved for a trip to the London Datacentre.

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Last Chance Saloon

    The Apothecary

    S'Meg and the Heads

  56. Stephen McLaughlin

    Meg's Kegs on Tap

  57. Steve Channell
    Pint

    raffles

    As the building is the former head office of Singapore's finish Opium traders (and lately bank), Singapore's Raffles would fit... Because Rafles looks grand, but is just a bit shit inside.

    Or the Pack' IT Inn to fit the future, or Pack' Inn for main positive contribution of each leader

  58. Antonymous Coward
    Pint

    Hewlett Packard's Halfcut Punters' Hurling Palace ("HPHPHP" for short)

    The Halfcut Hack

    Ye Roofied CIO

    The Meg's Head

    Idiotic Barfing Manoeuvre

    Bill and Dave's Excellent Boozer

  59. .@.

    Please Do The Needful.

  60. Henry Minute

    Office BoozerJet

  61. Tail Up
    Pint

    Вспомним Молодость?

    07 Агдама per trunk, батон, луковицу и под мост на Орбитал где-нибудь в районе Stains on Thames)), the upper you appear, the fewer stains pass by))).

  62. gz3zbz

    The Machine Inn

    Memristor Bar

    Photonics

    Helion Tavern

    Synergy Inn

    The Bill and Dave

  63. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    :) Fun!

    Another Empty Rectangle

    Turnaroundroundroundround

    Breakup Breakroom

    Old Wine in New Bottles

    The Pink Sip

    Investor Inebriations

    Five Beer Plan

  64. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Dave's Garage

  65. HP(e) in the blood

    really?

    It doesn't matter what they call it, it will be renamed in 6-months under great pomp and circumstance.

  66. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Jolly Roger

    Its where managers can take employees for a free drink to tell them they are being made redundant.

  67. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Jolly Roger

    Where managers take employees for a free drink to tell them they are being made redundant.

  68. Paul Woodhouse

    404

    lp0 on fire

  69. Swarthy Silver badge

    The Space Bar

    The Any Key (Finally an answer to "Where's the Any Key?" - 1 Aldermanbury Square, London)

  70. Paul Woodhouse

    Soul/Work Interface

  71. Steven 2

    The Halt and Catchfire

    possibly.

    Or "The Square on the Green".

    If it were square and not rectangular.

    "The Wrecked Angel"

  72. Christopher W

    The Packard Bell Tavern ("The Bell")

    The Whitman Arms

    The Spirit of Enterprise (bonus: bar staff nicknamed "Enterprise servers")

    Le Megan et Boursiers (to the tune of The Waggon and Horses, yes it's a stock price pun in French, yes it's a stretch)

    I could go on, but I'm off down the pub

  73. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Meg's Last Shot

    The Share Price Dive

  74. msknight Silver badge

    "The Claustrophobia Lounge." - only room for one customer at a time.

  75. msknight Silver badge

    "The Quick One, Two" - Pints are served in two halves so efficiently, they have offered to train other bar staff in the technique.

  76. msknight Silver badge

    "The Crooked Pint" - the glass tells you its empty when there's 10% left.

  77. msknight Silver badge

    "Simon Says" - They lose the contract for the bar to IBM; win it back again a year later, and then lose it to IBM again the following year....

  78. msknight Silver badge

    "The Swift Exit" - As soon as it starts up, it will trade for a few weeks and then mimick the parent company by exiting the market.

  79. msknight Silver badge

    "The Phoenix Bar" - the staff are outsourced.

  80. Ironclad

    Dog & Cartridge

    The Hole in the Accounts

    The iCarly

    1. TonyJ Silver badge

      "...Dog & Cartridge

      The Hole in the Accounts

      The iCarly...

      My kids watch a programme on TV called iCarly.

      Not sure how it applies to HP though... I mean it just seems to be a load of loud, chaotic, headless-chikcen-like running around in a completely clueless fashion....oh right... ok! Good call!

  81. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    The Engineer's Lament

    The Last Chance

    The Lost Chance

    The Former Glory

    The Withered Husk

    The Silent Women - This has a dual version of the traditional inn sign for The Silent Woman featuring portraits of the two guilty parties

  82. msknight Silver badge

    "The Liquid Screwdriver"

  83. Andy8

    The best endeavours.

    You order a drink and pay for it and they have no contractual obligation to deliver anything.

  84. r2pi

    "@HyPE"

  85. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "@ the HyPE"

    ...

    "Here Pukes England" ;-)

    "Half Pint Emptiness"

    "Hybris Powered Environment"

  86. Muad'Dib
    Pint

    It's obvious...

    Tying together the core HP principles of Silicon flogging and overcharging, I think it should be:

    "The RAM and Fleece"

  87. Andy00ff00

    subtle

    So this is the same company that spun of Agilent, without noticing the unfortunate acronym.

    Accordingly, I'd call the new establishment "elect sits"

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