back to article BOFH: Taking a spin in a decommissioned racer? On your own grill cam be it

"You know what Google has that we don't have?" the new Boss asks, wandering around Mission Control like the lord of all he surveys. "No conscience?" the PFY asks. "A sh*tload of cash?" I respond. "Much better PR?" the PFY adds. "A global presence?" I suggest. "A tax-avoidance philosophy which is second to few?" "NO!" the …

  1. Efros

    GTA

    BOFH edition.

  2. chivo243 Silver badge
    Devil

    Ferris Bueller!

    Now, there's someone who could work shoulder to shoulder with the BOFH and the PFY!

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Ferris Bueller!

      At last!

      Someone else has spotted the red car icon!

      1. breakfast
        Devil

        Re: Ferris Bueller!

        Now I will only see it as a red car. Weird perceptual shift.

        1. Phil Endecott Silver badge

          Re: Ferris Bueller!

          I see it as a shoulder bag. The pointy bits are the straps, with the top bit of strap hidden by the invisible woman who's carrying its shoulder.

          Weird, I know.

          BTW, should there be an apostrophe in the "it's" above?

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Ferris Bueller!

            'carrying its shoulder.

            BTW, should there be an apostrophe in the "it's" above?'

            Let's work that out. "It's" is short for "it is". So does "carrying it is shoulder" make sense? No it doesn't. So there shouldn't be an apostrophe.

            Alternative version: "its" is an impersonal pronoun equivalent to "his". Do you write "hi's"? No you don't so when you need a possessive pronoun you use "its".

            HTH

            1. Phil Endecott Silver badge

              Re: Ferris Bueller!

              My point re the apostrophe is that it is not "it" that it belongs to.

              "The woman who's carrying its shoulder"

              Here "it" refers to the bag.

              But it is the shoulder of the woman.

              Imagine if we were describing a boy carried on someone's shoulder, rather than a bag:

              "The woman who's carrying his shoulder"

              "The woman who's carrying him's shoulder"

              Easy to say but hard to write in a way that is convincingly correct.

              1. BobRocket

                Re: Ferris Bueller! - it's shoulder bags

                Bags don't have shoulders only long straps that go on the shoulders, short straps that are held in the hands or no straps that are clutched.

                If you are referring to the person carrying the bag as an object then 'its shoulders' is correct although there are many who would suggest that a person is a special type of object in which case 'his/her shoulders' would be the preferred correct attribution.

                More interesting is your subconcious gender stereotyping.

                1. Martin Budden
                  Headmaster

                  Re: Ferris Bueller! - it's shoulder bags

                  "Bags don't have shoulders only long straps that go on the shoulders, short straps that are held in the hands or no straps that are clutched."

                  How does one clutch no straps?

            2. Mpeler
              Headmaster

              Re: Ferris Bueller! It's IT'S over here...

              You must be a Yank. Both flavours of it's are spelt it's here.

              Two countries separated by a common language...

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Ferris Bueller! It's IT'S over here...

                If you're in the UK, you're wrong...

              2. Mpeler
                Flame

                Re: Ferris Bueller! It's IT'S over here...

                Heyyy, downvoters.

                Stuffit.

                I'm a Yank, and I still know the difference between British and "Amerikun" English.

                Get a life, twats.

          2. wowfood

            Re: Ferris Bueller!

            Grammar lesson time.

            The pointy bits are the straps, with the top bit of strap hidden by the invisible woman who's carrying its shoulder.

            it's is always a contraction of it is, or it has.

            its is a possessive pronoun, its as in belonging to, you can normally swap out its for his, her, their and so on.

            So in the case of the above sentence its is the correct form to use.

            HOWEVER an apostrophe IS used for possessive nouns in other words. For example that is Sharon's book, that's the car's steering wheel.

          3. Marshalltown

            Re: Ferris Bueller!

            Grammatically that sentence leaves a good deal to desire, but if the "its" is possessive, as it appears to be, then no, it does not need an apostrophe. The word forms a triumvirate with "his" and "hers."

            1. x 7

              Re: Ferris Bueller!

              not a triumvirate. There's "theirs" as well.

              And "ours", "yours" .

              Of course, one context has to be different: "mine" / "my" / "mine's"

      2. Steve Knox
  3. Your alien overlord - fear me

    So that's how Google are really doing their autonomous vehicles. Let's face it, they've got enough spare staff and are wanting internet balloons everywhere....

  4. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Yupp

    the icon says it all

  5. Locky Silver badge

    One of those kicking-Bishop-Brennan-up-the-arse moments

    We've all seen them, the key is not to be involved

  6. Alien8n Silver badge

    Lotus

    So the real question would be which Lotus. If the CEO spends any time in London I'd guess the Lotus Esprit. Mainly because the tyres are too wide to attached a clamp to (as the R&D Manager at a previous company discovered)

    1. x 7

      Re: Lotus

      more likely a Lotus Cortina.....

      1. ukgnome Silver badge

        Re: Lotus

        I still lust after a MK2 Lotus Cortina

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Lotus

          Seriously ... the Lotus Cortina .... it looks way too much like the Datsun 210

          1. Paul Woodhouse

            Re: Lotus

            I'd far rather have a datty 510 with an FJ20ET in it than any crappy old Ford...

    2. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: Lotus

      Well, as long as it's not Lotus Notes.

  7. wyatt

    This is the first one that's make me laugh rather than smile.

    1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Agreed

      Definitely one of the best for a while

    2. Graham Jordan

      Projectile food spitting

      "Because you're an asshole"

      Oh look, my monitor looks like lunch.

  8. Peter Simpson 1
    Go

    Coincidence?

    A 4 year old driving a Volvo dumper:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7kx67NnuSd0#t=0

  9. Dave K Silver badge
    Pint

    A new BOFH (and a good one too)! Happy Friday :)

    1. Maverick

      bloody excellent that's all

  10. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    Superb episode. Really brilliant

  11. TRT Silver badge

    Nice touch...

    with the retrieve it later, ejectable, culpability denial module. One wonders if the AI unit in Google's cars will have a similar ejection route.

    1. NotBob

      Re: Nice touch...

      By the time it hits mass production, one assumes there will be some sort of human override capability. Any incident, make it look like the sweaty meatbag was in control...

    2. Trygve Henriksen

      Re: Nice touch...

      The RD2 unit?

      (Remote Drive))

      The next version is the Remote Reckoning Dangerous Drive, shortened RRDD, or R2D2.

      (So called because it can detect dangerous situations and do the appropriate maneuvers automatically; that is eject right before a crash)

    3. JR
      Coat

      Re: Nice touch...

      Google's unit will probably convert itself into a drone with 'return home' flight plan built-in.

  12. imanidiot Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Excelent

    This is another one of the greats!

  13. Rob Moss

    My favourite one for many, many months.

  14. earl grey Silver badge
    Pint

    this needs another

    Have a few pints...

  15. Jay 2
    Pint

    Fantastic!

    Great episode from the annals of mission control!

  16. Florida1920 Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Wrecked Lotus

    Sacrilege.

    1. Cpt Blue Bear

      Re: Wrecked Lotus

      They're still makin' 'em, mate. Besides, if they don't end up wrecked you aren't driving them right.

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: Wrecked Lotus

        "They're still makin' 'em, mate.

        Not all of 'em... But it could be worse (Jaguar D type, anyone?)

  17. DropBear Silver badge

    Points for creativity! I was merely expecting the manglement to end up _wrapped in_ the tarp they might try to look for a car under - this is much better...

  18. Herby Silver badge

    Annoying self driving cars...

    We have them here in sillycon valley. I've often wondered if I could flummox them in some way. Backing up at a stoplight, or some such "creative" ways to blind the rotating beacon that just looks annoying (a laser pointer??).

    This asks the question, when they are low on fuel (gas/petrol) do they unconditionally go to the nearest filling station and sit there waiting for the passenger to "fill-up"?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Annoying self driving cars...

      The state of Oregon foresaw this problem by continuing their belief that the general public is not qualified to operate a fuel pump and thus still require station attendants be the only ones allowed to touch the pumps.

  19. Mike VandeVelde
    1. Vincent Ballard

      Re: there is this to look forward to

      In Cambridge they already have one. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cambridgeshire_Guided_Busway

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: there is this to look forward to

        And so does Luton by coincidence.

      2. Hairy Airey

        Re: there is this to look forward to

        Please - not the misguided busway. Probably the biggest reason that the A14 is full of trucks bringing goods from Felixstowe instead of on a freight train. They were even planning to build a terminal for rail freight at RAF Alconbury next to the A1(M) - idiotic planning by Cambridgeshire County Council.

  20. Ray Merrall

    And I had a boss who bought a red porsche before making 2000 redundant

    Hiya Sir Sandy!

    1. Montreal Sean

      Re: And I had a boss who bought a red porsche before making 2000 redundant

      The owner of the last company I worked for made an announcement at the company Christmas party in 2008 during the recession in Canada.

      "We made a profit this year even with the recession, but the profit was the same as last year. Because we didn't increase profits there will not be any raises, and last year's raise will be rolled back."

      Then a few minutes later he tells us about the brand new Maserati he just bought, so he could give last year's model to his son.

      It was the last company party I went to. I left for a competitor and a $10k raise a month later.

  21. Charlie Clark Silver badge

    I like the idea of luring the security team in with pizza as bait.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      The only thing that comes close to working as well is a box of warm, fresh from the bakery, doughnuts... glazed usually is best.

      1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        What? You mean like the doughnuts the boss has just ordered for a board meeting?

  22. ShadowDragon8685
    Go

    This one was great. I was just expecting yet another "tarpulin in the sub-basement, bag of quicklime and shovels at 3 AM" joke.

    Tricking the idiots into getting themselves arrested, however, was just bastardry above and beyond the call of bastardry; doing it Need for Speed style and culminating with them piloting the Lotus at full speed into the back of the plod?

    Priceless. Go symbol's tooltip says it all. Which is exactly what the Bastard and PFY did!

  23. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    ****

    "About using advanced technology in the workspace to enhance the workplace environment?" I ask. "You bet!"

    "It would be great!" the PFY gasps, oozing enthusiasm.

    Hmmmm? Taking matters and all manner of internetworking things somewhat further …..

    Using AI for virtual space replaces the reality place with an engaging entangled work in progress environment. And whether IT be designedly used by Worshipful Grand Mastering Players for the Great and the Good, the Simple and the Evil, is the Great IntelAIgent Game Choice which identifies, separates and protects the Future Win Winner from All Past and Every Present Loser Wannabe Phormer Phishing in the See.

    **** Live Operational Virtual Environment is All you Need. Believe it and Life in LOVE with and/or within IT is Absolutely Fabulous and Simply Fabless.

    Wanna Play AI Greater IntelAIgent Games? And yes, that is for real and a quite surreal offering and not unreal virtual offer to boot and root for a hoot. Plant and materiel and labour will be provided free of charge at exceptional cost.

    Or do you prefer IT all to be done for you, and to you …… is a, and even the leading AI question here and there, methinks.

    Capiche, El Regers ‽ .

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: ****

      Have the fat cats got everyone's tongues? The silence is deafening here and now.

      Do you choose to deny and/or ignore the above**** and its supporting report from a Fatherland figure here ...... http://thedailybell.com/editorials/36676/Anthony-Wile-Directed-History-Hey-We-Told-You-So/

      And ..... How spooky is this Registered version of J'accuse, which spins a not at all dissimilar tale and facts which create growing pain problems for fictions. Oh dear, what a shame .... not. ........ http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2015/12/02/register_cio_forecasts/#c_2713832

  24. perlcat

    At last...

    A good use case scenario for self-driving cars.

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