back to article Prudish Indian censors cut James Bond Spectre snogging scenes

Indian James Bond fans have been making merry with the Central Board Of Film Certification's decision to cut a couple of Spectre snogging scenes by 50 per cent. According to the Hindustan Times, an insider said: "The Censor Board had nothing against James Bond kissing, but the length of the kisses were found to be excessive …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Presumably the problem was that the kissing was consensual....

    1. Stuart 22
      Pint

      Its a hotty

      A pint for introducing me to 'deosculation'. I shall remember that next time we say goodnight after a quick cocoa.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ironically the Indian prudishness was originally installed by the British Empire. Prior to that India had a comparatively open society.

    I lost interest in Bond when he completed the transformation from "English Gentleman Spy" to "Generic American-style Guns and Martial Arts Commando Type Guy".

    1. Lamont Cranston

      Go watch Goldfinger again.

      The "Shocking, positively shocking" fan in the bathtub scene is a classic, but it starts with Bond using an unsuspecting woman as a human shield - not what I'd consider the behaviour of a "gentleman". English Cad Spy, perhaps?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      ahem

      Strange definition of "open society"... do you call open a society which traditionally denies all rights to women ?

      To the point of condoning sati - which is the burning of a man's widow on his funeral pyre...

      Or where the most stringent punishment for a man raping a girl was to pay a steep fine to her father for the shame he (not her) was exposed to,

      Besides practices like Purdah (a woman must never show herself uncovered in any way outside of the home) were already well entrenched well before the english came to make things even worse :-)

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: ahem

        Interesting. So the Kama Sutra is a work of porn fiction then?

    3. werdsmith Silver badge

      Are we sure that the Indian folk cut those scenes because of prudishness? They could have been actually trying to improve the film by removing some of the duller and boring scenes.

  3. ratfox Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    "Also, there should be a dance sequence somewhere in the film"

    1. The Corner of Moron

      ...and elephants. There should be more elephants.

      1. Slartybardfast

        A thousand elephants...

    2. Notas Badoff

      ♪♫

      and singing! Where's the songs?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    no better advertisment

    than free and based on moral principles! :)

  5. Your alien overlord - fear me

    Surely the Indians should have called him 'James Banned'

  6. Yugguy

    Censorship is weird

    It's a bit like American censorship - you can see people getting killed left right and centre but a naked breast or a mild swear word like shit? DEAR GAAAAAAAAAD NO!!!

    Mind you ITV did a funny one a while back in Last Action Hero.

    Arnie says "How are you going to click your fingers when I rip off both your thumbs and stick them up your nose?"

    ITV cut off the stick them up your nose bit - as if ripping thumbs off was perfectly fine but sticking them up noses afterwards was just sheer evil.

    1. Stevie Silver badge

      Re: Censorship is weird

      Er ... Game of Thrones?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Censorship is weird

        I may be wrong (sure someone can comment) but I believe US censorship is to do with paid and free to air TV, Paid for gets away with a lot, where as free to air only allows you to kill kids, not breast feed them.

        I sure someone over there can clarify.

        1. Old Handle

          Re: Censorship is weird

          Pretty much. The argument for TV censorship in the US is that radio spectrum is a scarce resource so we need to make sure programing is suitable for everyone... or something like that. That's not true of cable, so those channels are much less regulated.

          1. Yugguy

            Re: Censorship is weird

            I would argue that the casual way people are dispatched is worse for kids to see than a boob.

      2. fishman

        Re: Censorship is weird

        "Er ... Game of Thrones?"

        GoT is on HBO, and not broadcast TV.

        1. Stevie Silver badge

          Re:GoT is on HBO, and not broadcast TV.

          "It's a bit like American censorship - you can see people getting killed left right and centre but a naked breast or a mild swear word like shit? DEAR GAAAAAAAAAD NO!!!"

          No specificity in original demonstrably specious claim.

          Point stands, especially as most people these days watch more cable and on-demand programming than broadcast TV, at least in the Metro NY area.

          The cultural difference between the UK and America are a fact of life. Gun violence is acceptable. Go to Japan and images that would be considered kiddy-porn in the US, but don't raise an eyebrow there are plastered on billboards. And in the UK they now say "shit" on TV a lot more than they do in the US. So what?

          For the record, I've not noticed that the post 90's relaxation on the use of "shit" in UK TV dialog has improved the quality of whatever it is. In fact, it has seemed to make the scriptwriters much lazier in my opinion.

          For comedy, I think it's actually MUCH funnier to bleep out cusswords. After all, what could Buster Bluth have possibly said about his mother that was so shocking that the entire family would be struck speechless? Bleep it out and it's funny. Script in a string of the usual suspects and, well, meh, only what you get in any workday when the printer jams.

          Indeed, The Young Ones was only as funny as it was because the scriptwriters, hamstrung by 80s BBC censor restrictions went to the other extreme, using childish language (along with the lost art of the side-splitting innuendo that seemed to be second nature in them days) to create the unforgettable Rik and Vivian exchanges that basically made that show happen.

          1. Diogenes

            Re: Censorship is weird

            Just this year one of the aussie channels cut out the running gag in "Follow that Camel" - "that's a funny way to check my ... ooh .. " and the final bit where they show the face of the baby (Commandant Burger played by Kenneth Williams) after Bo & Lady Jane are married.

          2. werdsmith Silver badge

            Re: Re:GoT is on HBO, and not broadcast TV.

            It's not unknown for vacuous Hollywood actors to appear on British talk shows (on the mainstream free channels) and say something like "ooh I can say fuck over here! Fuck fuck fuck!"

    2. thomas k

      Re: sheer evil

      Not evil, unhygienic. Maybe he hadn't washed after going potty.

  7. DrBobK

    Melonfarmer

    I have a deep love for the TV version of Repo Man where it was all the rude words that had to be censored. We were left with such delights as 'flip you melonfarmer'.

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Melonfarmer

      And who could forget Muddyfunster, another favourite in the ITV versions of films like Robocop (maybe it was more generalised than ITV but they always seemed to be on ITV).

    2. Lamont Cranston

      Re: Melonfarmer

      I've always liked "Forget you, muddy worm farmer" from the TV version of Heartbreak Ridge. Although, Dick Jones's admission that he and his buddies used to call The Old Man "airhead" is a joyous addition to Robocop's TV edit.

      1. Yugguy

        Re: Melonfarmer

        Aye, I remember some film with Robert De Niro where he kept asking people - "are you fooling with me."

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Melonfarmer

          Some comic sketch I vaguely remember used "fun", so the line ran "did you fun my wife?"

    3. BlartVersenwaldIII
      Angel

      Re: Melonfarmer

      You see what happens Larry? This is what happens when you find a stranger in the alps. This is what happens when you feed a stoner scrambled eggs.

      Always a classic; tvtropes has whole page of them.

    4. Fungus Bob Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Melonfarmer

      I, to, like the TV version. Especially the vended food scene:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzD8RHkrq_4

  8. The entire Radio 1 playlist commitee

    Don't talk baloney you airhead

  9. Ken 16 Silver badge
    Big Brother

    Moustache!

    Can we have it added to Bond films internationally?

  10. King Jack

    ...and the piracy rates for torrented (un-censored) films spikes sharply. What ever happen to treating adults like adults?

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      You're asking us commentards? I'd say go ask any fundamentalist religion type.. even the Pope (although I don't think they're considered a fundamentalist religion).

  11. ElectricFox
    Trollface

    I hope the next Bond film trolls them....

    by featuring a lesbian orgy

    1. Chairo
      Happy

      Re: I hope the next Bond film trolls them....

      With James Bond looking? That would be an ...interesting concept. It might damage his reputation, however.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Meh

    We joke at them...

    ...but compare our TV to say French TV and we look as prudish as the Indians.

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: We joke at them...

      In this context, what does "our" mean?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: We joke at them...

        "In this context, what does "our" mean?"

        The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Island's TV.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Funnily enough Bond is a rather rude word in Hindi I believe.

  14. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    There's a big market in India for more lurid entertainment...

    They are making their own version of Game of Thrones, which is not exactly understated on the sex side. The original series is one of the more popular shows in India.

  15. Diogenes

    Well done

    Those scenes should have been left on the cutting room floor. I realise that they were "Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative" but sadly the artistic verisimilitude was unconvincing.

    I am surprised the fright bats & white ribbon brigade haven't come out in protest at the Monica Bellucci scene (not that I want this, just expressing my surprise given the high profile domestic violence has in Oz atm)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Stop

      Re: Well done

      FYI, people may not want to do a video search for Monica Bellucci scene at work (or even home), you could end with a meeting with HR or the other half.

  16. Sirius Lee

    The producers could have cut that whole Monica Bellucci bit without losing anything from the film. Don't get me wrong, she is beautiful but what did that romp offer the plot of the film? And it was very realistic: a grieving widow who knows her life is in peril has a quick romp with 007. What else would she do?

    1. Lamont Cranston

      "what did that romp offer the plot of the film?"

      Have you not seen a Bond film before? It's one of those things that's supposed to happen.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Stop

        Re: "what did that romp offer the plot of the film?"

        and like many such scenes, a bit boring and unnecessary, slows down the plot adding nothing.A bit like showing Bond go to the Toilet - although there some who would love that too (no accounting for taste)

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