back to article Post-pub nosh neckfiller special: The WHO bacon sarnie of death

Earlier this week, the World Health Organisation (WHO) shocked the civilised bacon-eating world by classifying processed and red meat as "carcinogenic to humans" and "probably carcinogenic to humans", respectively. Now boasting a "Group 1" rating for the increased risk of provoking colorectal cancer, processed meat products …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Love it.

  2. elDog

    +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

    I bet you haven't even tried it. Well except for most of that bottle of fine spirits.

    1. SuccessCase

      Re: +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

      Are you old enough to remember the late and great Kenny Everette ?

      1. chivo243 Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

        Just throwing this one out...

        cunning runts....

        Yes, I would like my coat...

        1. Mpeler
          Paris Hilton

          Re: +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

          Oh you cunning linguists are all the same.....

      2. Arctic fox
        Thumb Up

        @ SuccessCase Re:"Are you old enough to remember the late and great Kenny Everette ?"

        He clearly is not old chap!

      3. This post has been deleted by its author

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

          Even more bizarre, according to Barry Cryer who wrote the scripts, she was originally called Mary Hinge but the BBC decided that was too rude and so they changed it to cupid ...

          1. Jedit Silver badge
            Joke

            "the BBC decided that was too rude and so they changed it to cupid ..."

            As I recall it, Cupid was only ever referred to by a single name in any of the sketches. It wasn't until someone asked what her second name was and Everett replied "Stunt" that the joke became known.

        2. MrT
          Mushroom

          "We seem to have a few minutes left...

          ...why not join me in a nice cup of tea?"

          Kenny jumps into a giant cup of tea, stirs it around a bit with his arms and looks distressed

          "Urgh! No sugar!!"

          His best shows were the Thames TV ones - just catching the sound of the crew laughing out loud was way funnier than the later BBC versions - (Cupid was a BBC series creation), Captain Kremmen was a brilliant import from his radio show, made over in a mad Dangermouse style, the mad US general ("Parking problems? Not with a Sherman tank!" - icon is over the field where he rounded 'them' all up), all the pop/rock star friends as guests - brilliant stuff!

    2. Tuesday Is Soylent Green Day

      Re: +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

      Dear Register

      I have fed this to my cat because he wanted some. Now my cat has stopped moving and I think it has also stopped breathing. Please send me another cat. I am lonely.

  3. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    Food of the gods

    but, being a bit picky...is Veal really RED meat? I know it's baby cow, but milk-fed and all that. Shouldn't we be going for a slice of real beefsteak

    Also, where do I buy the white arsenic these days? (Searching for that online is going to look great in my web history!)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Food of the gods

      You'll find the chemical suppliers are likely to ask you all sorts of strange questions as they keep you on the line while alerting various agencies. "Will that be construction grade As or poisoners' grade?" and the like... perhaps best if you don't mention wanting it to put in a sauce for a sandwich.

      Perhaps you could substitute MSG - readily available from your local toxic meat and booze product purveyor.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Food of the gods

        MSG is actually perfectly safe, less harmful than regular salt, my fellow AC. It is however testament to how it is much easier to tarnish the reputation of a foodstuff with one of these stupid food scares than it is to repair the reputation of same once the scare has proven to be entirely unfounded.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Food of the gods

          >"MSG is actually perfectly safe, less harmful than regular salt, my fellow AC."

          I know, AC. That was part of the joke. A myth started by hippies (i.e. twats) at Berkley who took it upon themselves to arbitrarily attribute "Chinese restaurant syndrome" to a ubiquitous amino acid. Amazing how this sort of "truth" persists.

          1. Manolo

            Re: Food of the gods (MSG)

            While I also loathe all the BS being spewed about MSG, it can have effects.

            I used to frequent a Chinese restaurant and would ask the owner to make me an extra spicy dish. The most vivid dreams would ensue. Not nightmares, just wild action movie style dreams, quite amusing actually. I found out that instead of adding more chillies, my Chinese friend was adding more MSG. And glutamate being an excitatory neurotransmitter, that makes a plausible explanation.

            1. x 7

              Re: Food of the gods (MSG)

              "my Chinese friend was adding more MSG"

              he was trying to say LSD but was having problems with the translation.......

              I'll bet his mushroom dishes were magic as well

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Food of the gods (MSG)

              "Plausible" != fact.

              Are you absolutely certain he wasn't being a bit more liberal with the soy too?

              1. Manolo
                Boffin

                Re: Food of the gods (MSG)

                ... and correlation != causation

                I've been thinking of getting some MSG myself and doing double blind tests with it :-)

                1. Rampant Spaniel

                  Going hannibal with the weiners...

                  A recent study found 2% of hot dog samples tested contained human DNA ;) probably contaminated samples but food for thought :) sarnie needed a slice of savory duck to really amp up the risk!

                  1. x 7

                    Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                    "2% of hot dog samples tested contained human DNA "

                    did they check whether there was a full set of half set of chromosomes?

                    1. Mpeler
                      Alien

                      Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                      Should've been clued in by the package label: Dahmer Meets...

                      1. x 7

                        Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                        "Should've been clued in by the package label: Dahmer Meets..."

                        No - thats the enrollment package from the dating agency.......the burgers come from Dahmer Meats

                        I've heard a lot of people enroll but only ever show up for the first meeting.

                    2. Rampant Spaniel

                      Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                      It did show a partial match to the leader of a certain political party.

                    3. JetSetJim Silver badge
                      Boffin

                      Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                      > "2% of hot dog samples tested contained human DNA "

                      That would be this report, which also concludes that 10% of vegetarian meat-substituted foods contain meat products.

                  2. Richard 12 Silver badge

                    Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                    Given that 100% of hot dog factories are staffed by humans, that simply means they occasionally touch the produce.

                    Or forget their hairnets.

                    1. PNGuinn

                      @ Richard 12

                      Or ....

              2. Mpeler
                Coat

                Re: Food of the gods (MSG) (so you soy)

                Soy lent gleen?

        2. PNGuinn
          Joke

          Re: MSG is actually perfectly safe

          We're talking about REAL food here - not the probable side effects of nasty artificial processed additives. (Deliberately gnoring the probable contents of the tin of pseudo spam).

          Downvoted.

    2. choleric

      Re: Food of the gods

      "Also, where do I buy the white arsenic these days? (Searching for that online is going to look great in my web history!)"

      And that right there is how the lovely, well-intentioned UK government turns out to be a terrorist organisation.

  4. SuccessCase

    Turns out the WHO are good at their work but terrible at talking about it to the general public. Their categories identify if substances are known to be carcinogens, but not the degree. Being a carcinogen seems really bad, but actually there are many, many known carcinogens that we don't worry about too much, so for example burnt toast is a known carcinogen, yet we don't worry too much if there is a bit of burning because the risk is low. Walking in the forest when ferns are releasing spores, is apparently much more dangerous than people appreciate, so there is one, that is a known carcinogen, that actually is quite bad but we ignore (presumably because we feel walking in the Forrest simply must be healthy because "green" and "nature"). So now the category grouping given to bacon (and processed meats in general) is the same as for cigarettes because they have identified for sure there is a link to cancer, but the grouping says nothing about the degree. All the newspapers picked up "It's in the same grouping as smoking" and then concluded, falsely, 'IT'S AS BAD AS SMOKING."

    No, it's not. I'm still eating bacon for breakfast. I feel sorry for the pig farmers. This is Edwina curry all over again but for pig sales instead of egg sales.

    Oh should add, I read about this somewhere last night, but can't remember what the source was.

    1. BlartVersenwaldIII
      Mushroom

      > Their categories identify if substances are known to be carcinogens, but not the degree. Being a carcinogen seems really bad, but actually there are many, many known carcinogens that we don't worry about too much

      Regardless of how poorly the WHO may have prevented it, with the current media climate it would be impossible for the story to be published without at least seventeen periodicals trumpeting ZOMG MEAT EATERS ALL GOING TO DIE* or SICK FOREIGN SAUSAGES MADE OF CANCER-CAUSING POLONIUM DESTROYING HOUSE PRICES IN SO-CALLED "COSMOPOLITAN" AREAS.

      Even without a frequently hysterical press, you'd still have it filtered through the collective branez of the intertubes with it's seemingly infinite number people who wouldn't know what a science was if they came home and found it in bed with their statistician, as well as there being so many pseudo-quacks trying to convincingly sell an answer for everything that it's caused a distortion in the space/time continuum to create localised singularities where the rules of logic will not - and indeed can not - apply.

      * As Wash might put it, "that part'll happen pretty definitely".

    2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      It's worse over here in Murika. We have the "this facility contains a substance known to the state of Ca to cause cancer" warnings on our office door. Because it applies to so many things (printer toner, floor cleaner, nail varnish remover) that it's impossible not to have it.

      But our anodizing plant - full of really nasty chemicals - has the same warning message.

      1. BlartVersenwaldIII
        Boffin

        > this facility contains a substance known to the state of Ca to cause cancer

        That's a fanastically good approach and seems to me like california has their head screwed on the right way when making legislation that makes total sense. Is the smog in LA generated in an attempt to blot-out the cancer-causing radiation from a nearby unshielded fusion reactor?

        1. PNGuinn
          FAIL

          @ Bla----lll

          The problem being that the state of CA has a left hand thread

      2. mad_dr

        My favourite photo from my recent trip to California...

        Is a sign saying:

        "WARNING: The Disneyland Resort contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm."

        1. Mpeler
          Paris Hilton

          Re: My favourite photo from my recent trip to California...

          Considering it's Kalifornistan, they should have put next to it:

          "Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy" :)

          (Goes with governor Moonbeam)...

          (Paris - closest I could find to Tinkerbell)...

    3. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Edwina curry

      Do you have a recipe, or did only John Major get to eat that particular dish?

      1. x 7

        Edwina Curry?

        licked the plate clean, or so I've heard

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          @ X7

          Bet it tastes like a 9v battery

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Nuts!

      Well peanuts really. Not nuts at all. Hideously toxic. Awesome GI & hepatic carcinogen. Perhaps the US peanut (cotton growing waste product) lobby has better access to The WHO than the Danish pig farmers.

      Also haven't figured out why The WHO approve of Hg injections. Something to do with Eli Lilly telling them that using a safe alternative would be "too expensive" it would appear

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Nuts!

        US peanut (cotton growing waste product)

        Peanuts are legumes (not nuts, as you point out) so it's quite possible that they're planted for their nitrogen fixing abilities. If that's the case (as seems likely) then the seeds themselves are more of a "bonus" product than a "waste" one.

      2. x 7

        Re: Nuts!

        the toxicity problem with peanuts is the Aflatoxins which are produced when they go mouldy. Very carcinogenic. You can buy those from Sigma-Aldrich if you want - they make aflatoxins at their Makor plant in Israel. Along with synthetic cannabinoids and a range of militarily "interesting" products that no-one with half a brain would want to be near.....

      3. Manolo
        FAIL

        Re: Nuts!

        "Also haven't figured out why The WHO approve of Hg injections."

        Sola dosis facit venenum.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Nuts!

          "Sola dosis facit venenum."

          I suppose you're referring to the typical organic Hg dose being around half the WHO safety threshold. Somewhat disingenuous in relation to such a cumulative, indolent and insidious toxin.

          Better remember not to allow them to give you a tetanus booster with your flu jab then. ...and for god's sake don't accidentally eat any seafish that day.

          Not a big believer in numbers rackets and lotteries myself.

          Why exactly is it better to lace vaccines with any organomercury than with none?

          1. x 7

            Re: Nuts!

            the organomercurial used in vaccines is Thiomersal - see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thiomersal

            Its very much been eliminated from most western medicine for the obvious presumed reasons, though there is no actual evidence that its a risk. Its been in use as a fungicide/bacteriocide for a long long time, and the benefit of using it in vaccines is that is doesn't reduce the vaccine efficiency compared with other preservatives (in fact I've read elsewhere that in some cases it can act as an adjuvant).

            You will see it occasionally in western medicine - my last 'flu jab contained it, but thats probably an exception.

            Its still used in third world medicine - probably because its more suitable than the alternatives in warm, non-refrigerated storage conditions

          2. Manolo
            Boffin

            Re: Nuts!

            "I suppose you're referring to the typical organic Hg dose being around half the WHO safety threshold. Somewhat disingenuous in relation to such a cumulative, indolent and insidious toxin."

            No, I'm referring to actual toxicological studies, where they don't give a single dose once and conclude it is safe, but where those cumulative doses are actually given.

            As for why it is better to use it see the insightful post of a fellow commentard.

          3. PNGuinn
            Joke

            Re: Mercurry @ AC

            That's ok then - I thought for a minuite there I'd have to give up chewing flourescent lamps.

        2. Mephistro Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: Nuts!(@ Manolo)

          "Also haven't figured out why The WHO approve of Hg injections"

          They got fooled again!

          "YEEEEAAAHHH!!!"

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

    5. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

      Walking in the forest when ferns are releasing spores

      I think you're talking about bracken? A lot of sources confirm that the spores are indeed carcinogenic, but I also came across this page that “Regarding bracken mentioned in your newsletter, if you are worried about breathing spores, we understand now that bracken doesn't spore in this country [the UK] and its expansion is only by vegetative growth."

      Unfortunately, I couldn't find any other corroborating evidence to support that, but check out the article on UK's Cancer Research site, which does suggest wearing masks on dry, hot days, but that it's "unlikely [to be] a major cause of cancer".

      1. x 7

        bracken is carcinogenic

        there are worries that water supplies taken from bracken infested hills may be a low-level cause of cancer, while in Japan increased rates of bladder cancer were linked to the eating of bracken shoots - apparently a regional delicacy. The research goes back ~30 years

      2. x 7

        "we understand now that bracken doesn't spore in this country [the UK] and its expansion is only by vegetative growth."

        totally untrue. Bracken spores in the UK

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Thumb Up

          >totally untrue. Bracken spores in the UK

          Indeed. Requires (and is therefore as rare as) a long hot summer but does happen occasionally.

    6. Mark 85 Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      @SuccessCase

      . I'm still eating bacon for breakfast.

      I say let them scare off all those "afraid"... it will leave that much more bacon for the rest of us.

    7. Mpeler
      Coat

      Fern? Where's Fern

      "Walking in the forest when ferns are releasing spores, is apparently much more dangerous than people appreciate"

      With fronds like that, who needs enemies?

    8. Mpeler
      Pirate

      Categorically Crazy

      Watch for it to be banned in Kalifornistan in 3...2...1... (prop 65 and all).

  5. GlenP Silver badge
    Alert

    Where's the Black Pudding?

    1. Graham Dawson Silver badge

      They're making that later. Probably around a day.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Who

      Robert Mugabe??

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Pitch and white phosphorous?

  6. DJO Silver badge

    Details.

    Have you any idea how hard it is to source Potassium Nitrate these days?

    Incidentally this dish is best served on a depleted uranium plate. If you can't get Asbestos for the garnish, a light dusting of ricin is generally acceptable.

    1. KBeee
      Happy

      Re: Details.

      I get my saltpetre from Amazon, 40g was the smallest available. Only need a pinch in your salt/sugar/syrup rub to make your own bacon.

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge
        Big Brother

        Re: Details.

        Careful there citizen. If you order charcoal and sulpher you will be put on our watch list.

        1. x 7

          Re: Details.

          "If you order charcoal and sulpher you will be put on our watch list."

          Only if you spell sulphur correctly (or maybe as sulfur in the USA)

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Black Helicopters

            Re: Details.

            Nah... you just get the sulphur at a garden centre and the charcoal from the supermarket... paying for each in cash... no problem. Hang on, is that the door...

          2. Mark 85 Silver badge
            Unhappy

            Re: Details.

            sulpher sulphur Hmm.. interesting, both return errors from the damn spell check. Sulfur doesn't. My bad as I knew what I wanted to type and fat-fingered it..

  7. lawndart

    Surely a rum or spirit fire can be quenched by using the asbestos laden sarnie as a fire blanket?

  8. BlartVersenwaldIII
    Happy

    You forgot rotten fish extract! And a heap or two of so-good-they-banned-it-in-America oat'n'offal bags for texture and a slice of congealed blood.

    I seriously doubt those of us without ethical compunctions about easting meat, or without digestive issues that preclude it, will give enough of a fig about health issues to stop eating meat any more than everyone stopped drinking coffee or alcohol. Everything in moderation as the saying goes.

    For those that may have missed it: It wasn’t worth it, says 103-year-old vegetarian.

    1. PNGuinn
      Headmaster

      Ethical compunctions about easting meat??

      I did not realise there were any ethical considerations connected with easting.

      Pray explain. Curious commentards need to know. You raise serious issues here.

      Is northing meat ok?

      What does the Ordnance Survey say about this?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A man needs to accept that life isn't a fairy tale. No bear's bed is "just right" and you'll never find a cow that lays golden hot dogs,

    1. Mephistro Silver badge

      "...you'll never find a cow that lays golden hot dogs,..."

      True, cows usually produce hamburgers. And lots of lemonade. Where it not for cows, a third of McDonalds sales wouldn't exist!

      Edit: True anecdote: A neighbour's dog once managed to eat a box of golden glitter. Golden hot dogs is a good description of said dog's turds for the following week or so. Sadly, the beast survived.

      1. Mpeler

        Re: "...you'll never find a cow that lays golden hot dogs,..."

        Was it named Gary?

  10. Ilmarinen
    Mushroom

    Shirly...

    We should applaud our WHO prod-nose anti-cancer guardians. They carry out this important work, their salaries funded only by our hard earned cash, ignoring the danger that someone might give any one of them the punch on the nose that they so richly deserve.

    (boot-note: It's a little known weird old trick - you can greatly reduce your chances of getting cancer by dying younger, cancer being much more common in the elderly)

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If you're going to fill your neck, do it with something as visually appealing as it is deadly!

    http://blog.bbqaddicts.com/recipes/bacon-explosion/

  12. x 7

    by "white arsenic" I presume you meant Arsenic (III) oxide?

    If so, £169 / kg from Alfa-Aesar

    https://www.alfa.com/en/catalog/043488/

    SigmaAldrich probably have it as well.

    They'll both sell Sodium nitrate as well, or you could just nick some fertiliser from the local farm

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Childcatcher

      "They'll both sell Sodium nitrate as well, or you could just nick some fertiliser from the local farm"

      Shhhhhh... the terrorants might hear you and use the truth to jihad us all... or our Lord Protectors might hear you and whisk you away to a non existent CIA facility in E. Europe to protect the rest of us... or both!.. have you gone mad citizen x 7?

  13. hatti

    AKA

    McDonalds

    1. MiguelC Silver badge

      Re: AKA

      Except that this has flavour

  14. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Now really

    Wouldn't it be quicker, simpler, and cheaper for the health system if you just tried to drive your motorcycle home from the pub at insane speeds?

  15. MrT
    Pint

    Well...

    ...that's the starter sorted. What's the main course?

    1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

      Re: Well...

      Have we done chilli and bacon yet? If not, best to go out with a bang. Or a whimper..

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Well...

      >...that's the starter sorted. What's the main course?

      Not sure about the main but I know a knockout pudding recipe that would really round off the meal with a bang:

      1. Pour 1/2pt of hot conc. sulphuric acid and 1/2pt hot conc. nitric acid into your blender.

      2. Set to full power

      3. Steadily pour in confectioners' glycerine. Don't worry about the quantity - you'll know when it's ready.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      Re: Well...

      May I suggest an old family favourite for the main:

      1 Lightly grease a baking tray (I use olive oil rather than lard as I'm watching my cholesterol)

      2 Lay a nice plump cylinder of acetylene on the tray and strew coarsely chopped spuds, carrots and parsnips around.

      3 My cousin used to drape a couple of rashers of bacon over the cylinder but that branch of the family has been wiped out by bowel cancer, so I'd give that a miss.

      4 Whack it into a preheated oven for a couple of hours at gas mark 37 (1250°C)

      Et voilà: Beautiful roast acetylene flambé.

      Goes really well with a nice pint of paraquat. ---->

  16. Mephistro Silver badge
    Mushroom

    A question for connoiseurs:

    Can I use ammonium nitrate instead of potassium nitrate? I hapen to have several kg. as a remainder from a science project. (Wink, wink! nudge, nudge!)

    And add a few aluminium filings? It would fit nicely with the booze and the sugars.

    I'd also mix the spamprocessed pork with some tobacco from the cigarettes, and cover each slice of bread with a finger thick layer of wasabi.

    The icon? This is pure fusion cuisine!

    1. x 7

      Re: A question for connoiseurs:

      "Can I use ammonium nitrate instead of potassium nitrate? I"

      only if you wet it with diesel first

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Mushroom

        Re: A question for connoiseurs:

        I'm trying to think why you didn't suggest boiling it in diesel first....

        1. x 7

          Re: A question for connoiseurs:

          "I'm trying to think why you didn't suggest boiling it in diesel first...."

          do it that way and the taste sensation hits the palate all in once go, you get a better and lasting mouthfeel if you do it slowly at room temperature

      2. PNGuinn
        Stop

        "only if you wet it with diesel first"

        But then you'll have to p88s on it first or the good burgers of the state of CA will come after you for the noxious emissions you'll produce after eating it!

  17. Ugotta B. Kiddingme Silver badge

    newer health warning

    telling people that bacon and hot dogs are bad for you is... bad for you.

  18. Blofeld's Cat Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Sir...

    May I complement you on your excellent and timely recipe.

    Earlier this evening I discovered the memsahib at the front door being beset by a gaggle of "trick-or-treat" demanding hooligans,

    This practice appears to be a repulsive transatlantic import, indistinguishable from our own "demanding money with menaces", but I digress.

    Having decided to provide these ruffians with a "treat", rather than have the wing-mirror kicked off my Bentley, I instructed my man Harbinger to knock up a couple of platefuls of sarnies following the recipe described in your august journal.

    Harbinger tells me that this proved highly successful and he will get Lecter, the under-gardener, to tidy up the flower beds in the morning.

    I remain, sir, your obedient servant,

    Colonel Buckfast-Guzzler (retired)

  19. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    I'm disappointed...

    Lester, you carelessly forgot to slap some butter on that bread.

    C'mon, man! You want to live forever?

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: I'm disappointed...

      Third row of pictures down.. captions mention buttered bread. A pity it's missing in the ingredients as I think a quantity needs to be established.

      1. Captain DaFt

        Re: I'm disappointed...

        When it comes to butter, too damn much isn't nearly enough!

        1. x 7

          Re: I'm disappointed...

          "When it comes to butter, too damn much isn't nearly enough!"

          Isn't that a quote from Marlon Brando?

          1. Mephistro Silver badge
            Coffee/keyboard

            Re: I'm disappointed... (@ x 7)

            Vintage ROFLMAO++

            1. x 7

              Re: I'm disappointed... (@ x 7)

              I don't think anyone else got it. They're obviously not been to Paris

          2. Mpeler
            Paris Hilton

            Re: I'm disappointed...

            Butterface...

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. stucs201

        Re: I'm disappointed...

        Or alternatively fried bread to ensure maximum absorption use of the lard/bacon drippings mixture. I suppose there's no reason not to butter it as well after frying.

  20. Mephistro Silver badge
    Angel

    Funny vocabulary in this article and thread!

    Potassium nitrate, powdered aluminium, fuel, asbestos, wasabi, polonium...

    Fellow commentards, please give a big cheer four our friends at the NSA, which are probably visiting this forum in droves right now!

    Very cunning, Elreg! more advertising income! ;-)

    1. x 7

      Re: Funny vocabulary in this article and thread!

      tritium, lithium, uranium, 235, 238, polonium, phosphorous trichloride, 2-chloroethanol, diethyl ether, safrole, hydrofluoric acid, phosgene, bis(2-choroethyl)phosphite, sodium potassium alloy, boron hydride, thionyl chloride.

      Now THAT should get the curtains twitching!

      1. davidp231

        Re: Funny vocabulary in this article and thread!

        Or the ECHELON detectors pinging like a Christmas tree.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Funny vocabulary in this article and thread!

          True fact, I once managed to get Skype to freeze for two minutes by comparing a fart to a chemical attack.

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

      3. Mephistro Silver badge
        Stop

        Re: Funny vocabulary in this article and thread!

        "tritium, lithium, uranium..."

        Be warned that if we keep adding new words to that list, the Internets could implode and create a black hole. Please, stop doing that, for Humankind's sake!

        On a side note, I reckon that that Russian Moonshine Vodka is more dangerous that most of the ingredients of that list and...[LOST CARRIER]

        1. PNGuinn
          Joke

          "tritium, lithium, uranium..."

          Cyanide - radon - heavy water - fast breeder - isis - gadaffi - coop mix - david cameron - putin - GOOGLE BOMB.....

          "The internets could explode"

          GO FOR IT!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Big Brother

            Re: "tritium, lithium, uranium..."

            "Gadafi?"

            caliphate

            chemical attack

            jihad

            water supply

            martyr

            virgins

            obama

            centrifuges

            sarin GB

            anthrax

            newyork subway

            I've no doubt we were already surprisingly high on most of their lists but... hang on, there's someone at the door..

      4. Mpeler
        Pint

        Re: Funny vocabulary in this article and thread!

        ...

        There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium,

        And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium,

        And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium,

        And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium.

        These are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard,

        And there may be many others but they haven't been discovered.

        (Tom Lehrer, The Elements Song)

  21. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Alert

    Maybe I'll have the asbestos once just to see what it's like, but I draw the line at an Oscar Mayer hot dog/wiener/processed lips and arse.

  22. Herby

    Outlaw SPAM??

    That would be nice, and it wouldn't clog up my inbox on the computer.

    Oh, you mean the processed lunchmeat?

    In the words of Emily Litella "Nevermind".

  23. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

    Only two hot dogs, go for the whole package and which kills first - heart disease or cancer. lol. More seriously, WHO is over-hyping the risk to just all the money they wasted. I saw (Bloombergview?) a post that noted one's chance of cancer increased from under 5% to just over 5%.

  24. Tim Worstal

    As to the danger of bacon

    Sad creature that I am I bothered to look up their numbers.

    An 18% rise in the risk of colorectal cancer.

    From perhaps 50 cases per year per 100,000 people to 60 cases per year per 100,000 people.

    Not exactly the terror of the worlds that some newspapers seem to think it is.

    1. Red Bren

      Re: As to the danger of bacon

      "Not exactly the terror of the worlds that some newspapers seem to think it is."

      Doesn't that apply to everything that some newspapers think of as terrors of the world?

    2. MonkeyCee Silver badge

      Re: As to the danger of bacon

      God damnit Tim, put your journalist hat on :)

      The "per 100k" numbers are useful, accurate, and enable people to make reasonably accurate estimations. Hence must be avoided at ALL costs in any published article, where only scary sounding percentiles should be used, Ideally inexactly as possible.

      As for bacon is bad for you, well of course. Anything that tasty, must by the law of kharmic completeness, also be terrible for you. And the pig :)

      1. Richard 12 Silver badge

        Re: As to the danger of bacon

        Indeed, and it's also important to round up the percentage change, preferably to the nearest positive hundred.

  25. chivo243 Silver badge

    Real Men...

    ...skip the bread, especially white bread. I'd rather see this in a pita or tortilla or even a baguette.

  26. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Lard? You pussys!

    Use proper Beef Dripping. Preferably a week or more old after being used to fry bacon and sausages every day. And treble the quantity as much of it will be absorbed by the bread when you fry it properly like wot you should. Both side, of course.

  27. Me19713

    Why civilized countries give the United kNuckleheads and their associates billions of dollars is beyond me! Have you ever seen these people at the scene of a disaster? All they do is generate carbon dioxide and heat.

    1. Captain DaFt

      "Why civilized countries give the United kNuckleheads and their associates billions of dollars is beyond me!"

      It gives the sillier countries a forum where the can strut, pontificate, and preen to show their self importance without the need of declaring a war to do so.

      Plus it gives the richer nations a place to donate a few pence to world aid, so they can pretend that they care.

      Oh yeah, the UN doesn't always stand around at a crisis, Sometimes they make it worse.

  28. Paul Stimpson

    If you want to shift your creation to the next level of culinary lushness and from the WHO's heath-concern list to the UN Nuclear Weapons list, may I suggest adding a smidgen of Dr.Burnorium's Psycho Juice to the sauce? The Chipotle Ghost Pepper should do nicely.

    Disclosure: I have no connection to this company other than being a satisfied customer.

  29. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    I didn't think it was possible to fuck up the bacon doorstep.

    I stand corrected.

  30. Rol Silver badge

    I'm taking a friend's dad to the local airport, very, very early in the morning, where he will fly back to Poland.

    Without my generosity he would be required to pay some £30 in taxi fares.

    £30 in Poland would buy three hospitals.

    And my fee...well, a bacon butty when I get back.

    Moral of the story:- In balance bacon saves more lives than it takes.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lets, see.

    My odds of getting colorectal cancer are between 5% and 6%.

    But if I continually chow down on those carcinogenic delicacies, the odds jump 17% and the odds of my getting colorectal cancer are: between 5% and 6%.

    Pass the plate, please. And may I have seconds?

    So my two questions are:

    1) Was the study done by people who are bad at math, or was it done for people who are bad at math?

    2) Why have none of the articles I've read cited the actual odds - just that scary 17% number?

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