back to article Sales down, profit up, 1,000 bods chopped: Your one-minute guide to Planet Microsoft

Microsoft has published its figures for the first quarter of the 2016 financial year (its accounting department shuns calendars) and reports that profits are up, even though revenues fell. "We are making strong progress across each of our three ambitions by delivering innovation people love," said CEO Satya Nadella in a canned …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    Loonia

    Satya knows he has to shutter Windows mobiles

    1. Bob Vistakin
      Facepalm

      Re: Loonia

      Or try to extend, embrace then extinguish another non-burning platform.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Loonia

      I know/meet a lot of people and nobody I know of has a Windows phone.

      I feel sorry for Nokia, hijacked by Microsoft to peddle a dead platform.

      Microsoft is trying to talk up 'Universal Apps' now, i.e what runs on your Windows phone will also run on your PC, in an attempt to lure developers. I predict failure, because no sane app developer on a limited budget would write apps for Windows. You go to where the audience and the money is, and that's iOS and Android.

      1. Bob Vistakin
        Holmes

        Re: Loonia

        Woah - hold yer horses, cowboy! Microsofts rape of Nokia was terrible, yes, but this girl is gonna come back and spit on their grave in 2016. The "deal" was they couldn't launch a smart device under the Nokia name until then.

        The icing on the cake will be the platform distribution figures for microsoft mobile software once it gets up to speed in 2017, if indeed there is any hardware running a microsoft OS at that time. I'll repeat that link just to make clear where things are headed.

    3. N13L5

      Re: Loonia

      Planet Loonia....

      Microsoft is severely unreliable.

      They announce this, they announce that. At first, it doesn't work, then later its deprecated, cut, superseded, whatever.

      In the past, if a Software shop relied on Microsoft, it was a sure fired way to very good profits.

      Now its a sure fired way to waste your time and money and possibly go bankrupt.

      And I can't remember a company Microsoft bought, that they didn't strangle to death.

      Corporate liars and foam whippers. I bet in the upper floors of any corporate office, you only find cockroaches and centipedes, dressed in fine suits, searching for something disgusting to eat.

    4. TheVogon Silver badge

      Re: Loonia

      Microsoft are storming ahead in cloud - it's primarily for this reason that they announced record profits and the Microsoft share price is the highest it's been for ~ 15 years...

      The Windows Phone platform is doing pretty well in selected markets too - circa 30% of enterprise mobile deployments in the UK are Windows Phone now. Once they have a decent device range again (Lumia 950, Surface phone, etc) - and Windows Mobile 10 is available - which just went RTM - I would expect more consistent global sales growth.

  2. Mad_Max

    Satya Nadella received a pay package worth $84.3 million for the financial year of 2014 and $18 million in 2015 while 1,000 Microsoft employees lose their jobs.

    Satya Nadella can eat a bag of dicks as far as I'm concerned.

    1. largefile

      So you're still looking?

      Mad_Max,

      Hopefully you'll land on your feet and find another job. Microsoft still employs about 120,000 people and it's not as though the people who received layoff notices didn't get a fair severance package.

      1. Mad_Max

        @ largefile "Hopefully you'll land on your feet and find another job"

        I run my own business.

        I would never pay one person $100 million then layoff 1000 employees. That's the way I do business and why my customers and employees love me.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      So as comparing years with your data and given MS employ about 99,000 staff, he's taken a far bigger hit than the company has in outlay on staff expenditure as if it was a similar ratio, the number of jobs lost would have been about 79,000. Good man.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "$84.3 million for the financial year of 2014 and $18 million in 2015"

      He's going to be broke if this trend continues in 2016.

      1. ratfox Silver badge

        I hear Google is hiring.

        1. Bob Vistakin
          Facepalm

          "I hear Google is hiring."

          Unfortunately no one from Microsoft need apply.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The tanking Xbox One problem

    No mention of it, because its getting outsold 2:1 at home, and 5:1 abroad.

    Wouldn't be surprised if its sold off or wound up. Without the now expired android patent cashcow that previously raised $2bn a year, there is nothing to hide the huge Xbox losses behind.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. dogged

      Re: The tanking Xbox One problem

      XBone is apparently selling more on every quarter than the 360 did in equivalent quarters.

      Nintendo would love to tank that hard.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The tanking Xbox One problem

        That is utter tripe. Back in the 360 days, flex doumen was churning out faulty xbox360 consoles like they were going out of fashion. All but 3 of those lines were mothballed when I was there last month. Production hadn't gone elsewhere, its the same setup, flex in Guadalajara for north American supplies, flex Doumen for Europe and Asia.

        Production is 1/10th of what it was. And Microsoft are also playing shipped numbers and channel stuffing to hide how bad it is.

        1. TheVogon Silver badge

          Re: The tanking Xbox One problem

          "Production is 1/10th of what it was."

          Well, it's not because we know how many they are shipping, and it's more than the Xbox 360 sold.

          "And Microsoft are also playing shipped numbers and channel stuffing to hide how bad it is"

          Shipped = retailer pays for it in the next 30 days. If the channel was full, retailers would stop ordering. If fact there are often Xbox stock shortages - for instance try buying the Elite console or Elite controller - they are already out of stock in most places due to heavy demand.

          And now this week we have the launch of Xbox 360 compatibility, and the faster Windows 10 / Direct-X 12 based dashboard - just after the launch of Halo 5 - so Sony are likely going to be kicked into touch for the crucial Christmas period...

  4. Quortney Fortensplibe

    We are making strong progress across each of our three ambitions...

    Words recognised... English language identified... individual definitions clear... sentence... does not compute...

    [if anyone needs me, I'll be over here head-butting the wall]

    1. Antonymous Coward
      Gimp

      Re: We are making strong progress across each of our three ambitions...

      "We are making strong progress across each of our three ambitions by delivering innovation people love" riddled CEO Satya Nadella

      What I was left wondering is "do the innovation people (who/whatever they are) want Nads' love?"

      Maybe it has something to do with Mad_Max's comment about eating a big bag of dicks?

      I'm confused.

      1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

        Re: We are making strong progress across each of our three ambitions...

        "delivering innovation people-love"

        Ya forgot a hyphen, AC. Without it SatNad's statement almost made sense.

    2. hplasm Silver badge
      Angel

      Re: We are making strong progress across each of our three ambitions...

      "Well, I did write this ages ago, in the fist week after I took over..." - 'Nad.

      1. Bert 1
        Joke

        Re: We are making strong progress across each of our three ambitions...

        ..."in the fist week after I took over"

        I gotta ask. Is that just after the bag of dicks week?

    3. e2e4

      Nadelaspeak

      I used to work for Microsoft, and Satya was technically my manager couple of levels upstream.

      When he visited our site, he used to give a speech to the troops, and I got exactly the same feeling: I could understand each word he spoke, but could not grasp the meaning of the speech!

      The guy is a great obfuscator...

      1. Someone Else Silver badge

        Re: Nadelaspeak

        The guy is a great obfuscator...

        Ohhh, so that's how he got Bally's job!

        Also, you shouldn't try to talk with a bag of dicks in your mouth!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    With the deepest respect for affected individuals...

    We have stealth downgraded another 1,000 individuals in the land of rainbows and unicorns.

    Don't you just love the smell of PR-speak in the morning.

  6. BenBell

    1,000 jobs lost is a real sad state of affairs regardless of company performance.

    Fair severance package or not, the stress of job hunting for those who are (for lack of a better description) less employable than some of us is a horrible thought - especially for the single income or low income homes out there.

    Paying the top dogs this much does seem unfair under these cirumstances, but unfortunately, this is very unlikely to change given the society we live in.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Search revenues were up 29 per cent....

    Seems like someone has spent a lot of money trying to find all that "people love" and delivered "innovation" on the internet.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Personal computing revenues were hardest hit, down 17 per cent

    Can somebody please buy SadNads a SatNav so he can find the next exit off the "land of rainbows and unicorns" highway - the exit is marked "REALITY via USER SATISFACTION".

  9. tiggity Silver badge

    Why all the 2016 references?

    Typos or clairvoyant accounting?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Why all the 2016 references?

      Microsoft's financial year 2016 started on 1 July 2015.

      Probably a special arrangement to increase their licensing complexity, and allow them to charge you twice for the same thing, without you realising.

  10. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    Well, he got one thing right - a lot of people are EXCITED (if not exited) over Windows 10.

  11. snikk

    A growing segment has figured out that there are ways to disable completely all the data collecting nonsense that microturd has built into win10.

    I suspect that this trend will continue to grow...

    1. N13L5

      Re: Microturd

      Microturd... that's a keeper...

      Certainly nails their absolute ignorance and indifference to what people want or don't want.

      Wisely, they made Windows 10 free of charge, cause nobody would be willing to pay to bug their own house.

  12. msknight Silver badge

    Sounds like...

    He's delivering the innovation that people love, but at a price that they are willing to pay?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Any ninny can make corporate results more respectable by cutting costs/jobs

    Carol Bartz of Yahoo (the one who killed Geocities, remember?) did that too.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    heh heh

    All the usual reg suspects banging on about phones and windows and blah blah blah.

    Meanwhile, MS is growing its cloud business hand over fist and will pretty soon (if not already) be the biggest cloud vendor on the planet.

    Cloud is where it is at. Cloud is what will allow MS to become even bigger, more successful and profitable over the next 20 years.

    That is why the stock price is shooting upwards.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: heh heh

      "All the usual reg suspects banging on..."

      Well stop doing it !!

    2. TheVogon Silver badge

      Re: heh heh

      "That is why the stock price is shooting upwards."

      Quite right - highest it's been for 15 years now. They are already bigger in cloud than Amazon.

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