back to article WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

El Reg's last caption competition had two men experiencing an Oculus Rift in a forest. Lots of the captions – indeed, most of them – hinged around a large ear growing out of a tree behind the two VR viewers. Christian Bertrand / Shutterstock.com There are lots of regular names here, and multiple entries from some of the …

  1. Jimboom

    Ok. I have turned upside down and ensured the feet are resting flat... but I still don't see how this will help me change the battery!

  2. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    ooh what a feeling

    when you're surfing on the ceiling.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: ooh what a feeling

      Ohh you mongrel, now I've got that Lionel Richie song stuck in my head!

  3. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    asana 9?

    More like asinine if you ask me.

  4. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Kate gets her bun on the floor and settles in to watch a movie.

  5. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    "actually, I'm not upside-down. My roommate glued my laptop to the ceiling. There was still some glue left, so ... "

  6. Richard Jones 1

    Sadly the latest location software did not quite work as intended when setting the user's location.

  7. SW10

    I'll head down there now.

  8. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Bob had to admit: using the alt-arrow keys to rotate the screens at the local hippie commune was much more fun than doing it in PC World.

  9. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Those "learn to breakdance" videos on youtube should come with a health warning.

  10. Electron Shepherd

    "The best way to use your new Lenovo Yoga"

  11. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Alas, Twoflower couldn't afford a Yoga tablet, but she would have to make do.

  12. JASR

    What Ctrl-Alt-Del is like in universe 3

  13. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    I signed up to snapchat because I heard there are a lot of fit birds on the Internet. This is not what I imagined.

  14. Chronos Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Windows 10

    ...Australian edition.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Windows 10

      Hey.. it's installing Windows 01!!!

      (US based... no chance at a drive for me.)

  15. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    God-damned glare... maybe if I move my legs like this? ...

  16. 2+2=5 Silver badge

    Six months hard work trying to get girls interested in a career in IT undone in an instant.

  17. Dantarian

    Standing desk? That's so last week...

  18. p.m.j

    If I just lift my big toe I should finally get the wifi working faster than 4bits an hour

  19. p.m.j

    Emma decided to call her cousin in Australia on Skype.

  20. Seen_Canary

    The steps you have to go through to avoid an upgrade to Windows 10 are getting more bizarre.

  21. excession

    This new Yoga Pad is pretty hard to use.

  22. excession

    Sally's new Yoga Pad proved challenging to use.

  23. Danjmcintyre

    Nope. Windows 10 is still shit in this orientation.

  24. 2+2=5 Silver badge

    Oooh - now the prize is a 9TB Western Digital hard drive

  25. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Parents everywhere justified: proof of what happens when you're always too close to the screen.

  26. 2+2=5 Silver badge

    Conducting the team building exercise via Skype wasn't quite the same.

  27. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    This new gesture-based emoji input is taking a bit of getting used to.

  28. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "hinged around a large ear growing out of a tree behind the two VR viewers."

    You didn't notice the two others?( Forearm of one of the viewers & tree in the distance on the RHS).

  29. Soruk

    Installing Windows 10 turned her entire world upside down.

  30. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Are you sure I'm watching it wrong?

  31. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    I still can't make head nor tail of the new start menu.

  32. VinceH Silver badge

    Microsoft releases its first preview build of Windows 11, with yet another new user interface.

  33. This post has been deleted by its author

  34. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    I hate Internet posers.

  35. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Finally, a way to use the webcam that banishes embarrassing nostril hair from the shot!

  36. TitterYeNot

    Barbie ever so slightly misunderstands the concept of using parallel computing to generate an inverted index.

  37. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Why do they call it a laptop when it won't stay on my lap?

  38. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    How real fans listen to Coldplay's "A rush of blood to the head"

  39. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    This gesture unlock business is getting ridiculous.

  40. 2+2=5 Silver badge

    Yes I am a management consultant and yes I am talking out of my arse. Next question.

  41. DarkLordofSurrey

    How to avoid a Windows 10 optional update...

  42. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    You wouldn't believe the lengths that SwastikaGirl69 (real name Claire Godwin) went to to find her other half on Internet dating sites.

  43. monty75

    It was at this point that Kate began to suspect that the phone call she received wasn't really from Windows Support.

  44. DarkLordofSurrey

    ¡¡ʞǝǝʍ sᴉɥʇ uᴉʍ oʇ ǝʞᴉl plnoʍ ʎllɐǝɹ ʎllɐǝɹ I

  45. Grikath Silver badge

    EULAistics: Putting the TLC in those TLA's

  46. moiety

    "Why yes, I will sign the petition to rename the currency to dollarydoos"

    P.S. No UK postal address - just for fun entry.

  47. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Anna regrets trying draw a structure diagram of systemd.

  48. monty75

    The Health and Safety department's approach to carpal tunnel syndrome prevention was unorthodox to say the least.

  49. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    To understand computer programming, first you have to understand that they are really dumb. In order to code, have to bring yourself down to their level.

  50. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Boffins dubbed this new, rare form of dyslexia "8ƐƖƖXH⊥"

  51. Barely registers

    Now _that_ is Agile development.

  52. Snow Hill Island

    I'm getting a new agent, I bet Julie didn't have to do this to sell that EEE pc.

  53. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Woooo... I'm LEVITATING my LAPTOP.

  54. Bryn Evans

    Ann Droid

    Where is that ****ing "Rotate Display" now, and how do I stop yet another auto-upgrade ?

  55. James Delaney

    I could tell her how to rotate her photos…

    …but watching her do this is too funny.

  56. This post has been deleted by its author

  57. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    I find your lack of furniture ... disturbing. And yet strangely arousing.

  58. john devoy

    No dear, the video chat is fine here, the problem must be on your end.

  59. AlCro

    No matter which way she looked at it, it was still Windows 10.

  60. Barely registers

    Agile development - you're doing it wrong.

  61. Inspector71

    I think the facial recognition login software needs a bit of work

  62. Jamie Bowden

    The new craze in offices, the head stand-up desk.

  63. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Have you tried turning it off and on again?

  64. AlCro

    Healthy Computer Guide

    Jane was not really sure if this was what Microsoft meant when it said "Position the top of the screen near eye level."

  65. Queeg

    Hi Gran, I can't talk for long these Video calls to Australia are a pain in the neck.

  66. AlCro

    Feng shui

    Miranda reckoned applying feng shui in the office was badly affecting her productivity , especially when it left her with no hands to operate the keyboard.

  67. Camilla Smythe Silver badge

    If you stand up on your head then they all look alike.

  68. js1592

    Workstation locking policy

    That's the last time I leave my workstation unlocked and unattended...

  69. clasmc

    So I read a few articles at work this morning: "Sitting is the new smoking" "Standing is bad for your knees and feet". How am I supposed to get anything done? Oh its lunch time, Yoga time! I have to keep looking good. Wow, the blood is really rushing to my head, maybe it will temporarily make me smarter. Hey, I think it is working. Can't sit! Can't stand! And post to Twitter, "Just quit smoking. Keeping myself young and looking good with the extended plow pose!"

  70. clasmc

    Open Network

    He thought he would stop his neighbors from using his wifi by flipping all the images upside down. I guess I showed him!

  71. clasmc

    TMI profile

    Errrh! I've signed up for a dozen dating sites and I can't get a bite... Well, desperate times call for desperate measures!

  72. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Welcome to the topsy turvy world of social networking and data privacy.

  73. chivo243 Silver badge

    Once again, the rotating screen jedi trick has been defeated by the gifted and beautiful Bendy Yoga Warriors from Mars. hubba hubba oops, that one belongs here:

    Nippy, palaver and cockwomble: Greatest words in English?

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/10/16/nippy_palaver_cockwomble_english_language/

  74. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    At least she realised that whatever she tried prices on eBay only went up.

  75. clasmc

    If I am more flexible than my boyfriend's laptop, why does he keep ignoring me?

  76. clasmc

    Glass ceiling

    Why would this qualify me for his campaign team?

  77. Diodelogic

    A difficult choice... elegance vs. portability...

  78. AlCro

    So much for the inverse square law. My screen is no brighter from this distance!

  79. jonathan keith

    Gemma had integrated seamlessly into the hipster lifestyle.

  80. Innocent-Bystander*

    It was easy till now, but what will I do when I get one that folds all the way back?

  81. sjsmoto

    What happened after WebMD was hacked with new entry "How to cure Asshat".

    (I live in the US, no free drives for me.)

  82. Esme

    Amy was starting to consider calling off the engaement with her Australian fiancee. It was bad enough that he insisted she learn Strine for their weekly Skype calls, but why was he constantly talking to some woman called Sheila during them?

  83. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    After deleting the last of the last of her German friends' contacts from her address book, Alice finally reached nirvana: Hans-free computing.

  84. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How the hell do I remove the rotation lock ?

  85. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    One of the new Facebook status icons: it's complicated.

  86. This post has been deleted by its author

  87. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Setting up a transparent proxy to send all traffic through www.upsidedowntext.com: always good for a laugh.

  88. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    After splashing out on a new Apple laptop, Sarah was determined not to "hold it wrong".

  89. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Siri, search webmd for "piles".

  90. AlgernonFlowers4

    Winnie thought her business plan for a webcam based laptop dancing streaming service was something not even Lord Sugar could pooh pooh!

  91. Captain DaFt

    After years of neck pain and incessant mockery and concern from her friends, Amelia finally went online and searched "How to sit in a chair".

  92. User McUser

    "Yoga ova' Lenovo Yoga"

  93. arj

    Someone taught me a new trick. If you stand on your head you can plug a USB lead in the right way around on your first try!

  94. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Does the light really go off when you close the lid?

  95. DPride

    Denton Pride

    At last! I have 01 smopuim!

  96. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    1. "It's a laptop, Sarah. MAKE A LAP!"

    2. "Even if you learn to type that way, you're going to break your neck!"

    3. (variation) "I'll wager you can't type with both hands."

    4. "Quit being so lazy! Reinstall the graphics drivers!"

    5. "Brilliant! Let me pull up a chair, and I'll have a place for my laptop, as well."

    (I don't have a UK address. If I'm lucky enough to win, please donate the HD to a school.)

  97. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Who istalled windows 10??!??

    anon cause not in UK

  98. Martin Summers Silver badge

    And thus proving that some people will indeed do anything a spam email or a Facebook comment tells them to...

  99. stucs201

    She was starting to regret insisting her friends stopped posting vertical videos without also being explicit about which of the two horizontal orientations should be used.

  100. kyndair

    f*ck*ng cr*ppy wi-fi, I can't keep this up till the contracts over

  101. Ciaran McHale

    Some fertility websites provide dubious tips for increasing the chances of conception.

  102. stucs201

    She wondered if this week's Register caption competition looked any more sensible if I look at the upside down picture upside down.

  103. Martin Summers Silver badge

    Emma did start to feel that the Nigerian Prince she had met online was becoming a little too demanding for her liking.

  104. Martin Summers Silver badge

    After slim returns on recent 419 emails, the Nigerians decided they'd just take the piss instead.

  105. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    No, Margery, Yoga is just an effin brand name.

  106. This post has been deleted by its author

  107. flipflopper

    Giving your loved ones a crummy netbook off eBay for Xmas will lead to them taking dangerously extreme measures to be a happy poser. Don't do it!

  108. Antonymous Coward
    Gimp

    Sprinkles' registration with the new internet model agency began typically enough...

  109. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Chuffed with adding gait analysis to its self-destructing phones, the FBI begins porting to laptops.

  110. The Dude

    OOPS

    My bad... I was getting into position because I thought they said rectal scanner.

  111. Tim Wolfe-Barry

    Buying a cheap netbook had seemed like a good idea, until her friends showed her how to change screen orientation...

    1. Holtsmark

      ..and with this, Mrs. Julie Larson-Green has completed demonstrating the 27 simple steps that you must perform if you wish to opt out from having your computer upgraded to Windows 10. ..this week.

  112. Little Mouse

    Love you too, Mork. Nanu Nanu.

    1. Pookietoo

      Hey, that was going to be my line.

  113. EastFinchleyite

    Ok Satya, I've adopted the position, now you can stick Windows 10 up my arse.

  114. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Are you "lumbared" with a crappy aspect ratio? You're not the only one!

  115. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Right, that's step one for curing hiccups done. Damn. Now I can't read step 2. *hic* :(

  116. TheManCalledStan

    Dorothy was finding the optimal position of her 5G trouser antenna to stream 4K films was giving her a bit of a headache...

  117. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Laptops these days ... they'll even make you one with the Internet.

  118. DBarber

    It's all about the reception

    Don't laugh - I get 480Mbps WiFi in this position.

  119. Kev99 Bronze badge

    Finally! I got Windows 10 to look decent.

    I don't know what else to do to get my insider build to activate.

    How is doing this supposed to help my internet speed?

    How much longer before your Viagra refill gets here?

    You do realize this is actually a trick picture from a carnival house.

  120. seanj

    Bezos Spin Team hard at work interpreting the 'Staff Satisfaction' data trends...

  121. mderouss

    Everyday IT experiences, #666

    No... no, the Oracle EULA still isn't making any sense, but.... I think there's an image forming in it... it's a man with a beard and a grin and... horns...

  122. DPride

    Denton Pride

    OK, who forgot to give the lassie a heads-up?

  123. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    ...and now flex your hips a little more and you can plug in the network cable with your toes.

  124. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    From this angle the winner of the obfuscated C competition made sense.

  125. g00se
    Linux

    See, I told you Gimp was just as good as Photoshop. Rotate 180° - no problem!

  126. davidp231

    The all new Levono Yoga notebook, Australia edition. For optimum results, sit upside down.

  127. -Alpha-

    Why are those two wankers in the woods with the funny glasses staring at me???

  128. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "So, umm, what was the keystroke needed to rotate the screen back again?"

    (Sadly, I'm not eligible to enter, but that's what comes to mind.)

  129. Jim84

    So my laptop has made my boyfriend infertile, we'll see about that!

  130. Soap Distant

    Hmmm

    Should've taken the blue pill...

  131. Kaltern

    After following Apple's advice, the Wifi signal was still too weak.

  132. lawndart

    and it was only then, that the third character of the CAPTCHA became clear.

  133. lawndart

    Amazingly, it took a week of sore necks, minor falls, wardrobe malfunctions, and greatly reduced productivity before anyone in the office ventured the opinion that the DSE Assessment they had downloaded from the internet may not have been entirely legitimate.

    1. 2+2=5 Silver badge

      > wardrobe malfunctions

      It's okay, she's wearing the bra from week 1.

  134. lawndart

    Fig 12: The "Ready" position, seen from the side.

    An experienced Leg Semaphore specialist can achieve rates of twenty words per minute.

  135. Lith

    Steve Jobs told me I was holding it wrong before...

  136. Lith

    Apparently this is the Emacs shortcut to change all text to comic sans.

  137. choleric

    The new "uplighter" position for self-righteous office workers.

  138. Jos V

    practical joke

    After resetting her screen from jokingly doing ctrl-alt- ^-key a month ago, the wife still has problems re-adjusting a bit

  139. Ian Emery Silver badge

    Exercising the right to an uncensored Internet.

  140. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    The things I have to do so someone can win a hard drive!

  141. Shadow Systems Silver badge

    Just a quick question...

    How, exactly, is this style of contest even remotely fair to the Blind whom stand no chance in hell of participating?

    Here's my submission given I have no way of knowing what the picture entails: "That's funny, I could have sworn I saw a joke around here somewhere."

    I'd ask if I've won but since I don't have a UK mailing address it's moot... Much like a caption contest. Sigh.

    1. Pookietoo
      Headmaster

      Re: Just a quick question...

      Did you consider asking for help, or do you just go straight into whinge mode? And where did "whom" come from?

    2. Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face

      Re: Just a quick question...

      I'd also like to put in a complaint on behalf of the unimaginative...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Just a quick question...

      A fair point, at the risk of alienating the deaf (or deaf/blind), perhaps we could have a sound caption competition as well?

  142. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    What do you mean I'm holding it wrong?

  143. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Even the PFY struggled to keep a straight face as Simon dealt with the accounts drone and her failed log-in for the third time that day.

  144. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Jane decided that perhaps raising a helpdesk ticket at 4:30pm on a Friday afternoon was not the best of ideas.

  145. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    OK, done that and I still can't log in. And why are those people behind you all pointing and sniggering?

  146. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Her colleagues began to suspect that Jane wasn't giving this video conference her full attention

  147. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    If that doesn't work, try going into dangling dog and using your mothers maiden name and your pet's birthday as the password...

  148. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Ethel was a little to eager to please on her first video conference with the Australian branch

  149. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    The Phantom Furniture Thief of Old London Town was getting more brazen in his attacks.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "Phantom Furniture Thief of Old London Town"

      Upvote for Two Ronnies reference.

  150. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    HR decided that the flexible working policy needed some clarification.

  151. DPride

    Denton Pride

    Despite her best efforts, Fiona couldn't get the new video Captcha to recognise her 'r's.

  152. stucs201

    First there was Tetris the computer game.

    Then there was the human Tetris TV game show.

    Image recognition now allows the two to be combined...

  153. Thaumaturge

    I REALLY hate these amature videos! RTFM jerks!

  154. JimRoyal

    It's not comfortable, but Simon Travaglia assured me that you get a stronger WiFi signal like this.

  155. Arthur the cat Silver badge

    Sarah's colleagues still hadn't told her about the Ctrl-Alt-Down Arrow trick.

  156. soulasassin

    Despite her best efforts, she just couldn't make windows vista usable.

  157. Proctalgia Fugax

    Treatment Works

    "How2 Avoid Haemorrhoid Pain whilst Typing" instructions seem to be effective.

  158. Proctalgia Fugax

    Treatment Works

    "How2 Avoid Haemorrhoid Problems" for typing certainly seems effective, but I have to ask does my Butt look big in this?

  159. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    Hipsters newest attempt to stand out, now standing desks are too mainstream

  160. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    New viewing angle reducing privacy filter may be a little bit too secure

  161. Velv Silver badge

    OK, I accepted it when they told my I was "holding it wrong", but now they're just taking the mickey!

  162. Colin 27

    How the feck do I hit <ctrl><alt><del> now?

  163. Colin 27

    Kate tries a new angle on how to win this week's El-Reg caption competition.....

  164. Misky

    When Health and Safety videos get corrupted...

  165. Colin 27

    Microsoft launches Windows for Aussies.

  166. dajames Silver badge

    Let those guys on the dating site say my breasts are sagging now!

  167. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    Nope, still looks White&Gold to me.

  168. dajames Silver badge

    They say if you do it standing on your head you can't catch a virus ...

  169. J4zz_x

    Microsoft surface Book

    Breaking news: Microsoft have released the all new surface book, and its due to change the way we think about laptops (promotional picture enclosed).

  170. KnightGarion

    The latest Windows 10 Installation Requirements.

  171. KnightGarion

    Microsoft: Cortana V3 now does Yoga!

  172. KnightGarion

    Captcha Updated!

  173. KnightGarion

    New for 2016: Windows Password now use Facial Recognition

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      New for 2016: Windows Password now use Faecal Recognition

  174. Blue Pumpkin

    Even from this angle she still couldn't make out the bloody captcha codes ...

  175. philip.cobb@gmail.com

    These CAPTCHA tests are really getting challenging.

  176. midd

    To see how to finish this exercise manoeuvre safely, click Next now.

  177. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    What do you mean I'm holding it wrong?!?!

  178. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    The PFY's sniggering almost gave the game away, but Simon managed his best prank yet.

  179. Gio Ciampa

    Helen wasn't sure the Wikipedia recipe for upside-down cake was entirely accurate...

  180. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Help, my smart bra has crashed again!

  181. Steven Raith

    Bad joke

    Damnit Janet, just press CTRL+ALT+UP ARROW like I told you an hour ago.

    (those who have supported users with Intel GPUs know what I mean...)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bad joke

      Already upvoted for humour factor... but thanks to that I just "discovered" that [Ctrl]+[Alt] plus any cursor arrow is a nifty workspace switching shortcut!

      Count this splaff as a second upvote in appreciation

      1. Steven Raith

        Re: Bad joke

        My memory is a little flakier than I'd like, but I'm pretty sure that CTRL+ALT+<direction> is the rotation shortcut for Windows Intel IGP drivers.

        Obvs workspace switching on *nix DEs too.

        Anyway, that's my entry, I'll go back to being droll and unfunny now :-)

        Steven R

  182. ruttinator

    These new ergonomic chair designs are getting out of hand.

  183. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Secure login gone mad

    Password, check

    Radius token, check

    Finger print, check

    Retinal scan, check

    Wind blowing from SSW, check

    Balancing on head, check

    Legs at 90 degrees, check

    Failed login, oh hell I forgot to cross my fingers

  184. Russicles

    This years models are so thin and light... also we have a new notebook range.

    Her computer still sucked even in zero G.

    So I bought a Mac, but oddly the world didn't look different...

    Our usability team are evaluating problem scenarios with the new detachable screens.

  185. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    English is such an odd language. F'r instance my head isn't really over my heels at all.

  186. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Despite all her efforts Emma couldn't quite get to look through the front grille to see if the rumours about a miniature Difference Engine were true.

  187. Dippywood

    Tech Support? Good. Folded at a right-angle, as requested. No, no, the screen is still not right...

  188. Dippywood

    Having joined the "flexible workspace program," Jane now need to prove that she could get into the workspace.

  189. quattroprorocked

    So this postural login replaces my password? Ah, the IT guy's behind me isn't he. Don't you dare put that photo on The Register.

  190. goldfish

    Dave from IT wins the bet.

    Well it looks like Dave from IT has won the bet.

    No-one would have thought he'd convince the new girl that was how you started the laptop with Windows 10 installed

  191. Danny 4

    Antipodian Cousins

    G'day, guys! Life in Britain is much like Oz but upside-down!

  192. Julian 8

    A new definition for parallel computing

    Windows Tiles may look better from a different perspective.

    The new Lenovo Yoga tablet takes things to extremes

  193. Antonymous Coward
    Gimp

    After resisting for months, Bubbles finally submitted and prepared to receive Windows 10.

  194. Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face

    After three days Janice was regretting taking the job in Australia.

  195. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Being a bit pressed for time, she decided to combine today's Yoga exercises with her XrandR maintainer duties.

  196. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Whatever angle I look at it from the £100 Microsoft cashback offer hasn't persuaded me.

  197. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    That's £2-68p in loose change, a fluffy Polo mint and my car key but no sign of my USB drive.

  198. AdamG57

    Feet up, don't shoot.

  199. AdamG57

    The installation imstructions for Adobe Acrobat Writer proved difficult to follow...

  200. AdamG57

    Movie over...

    Bunnie's Bond girl audition was going quite well...

  201. AdamG57

    Sally met her "match" on Regrndr...

    She really flipped for that guy in the desert!

  202. Rol Silver badge

    "Human? NO! The Vindaloorian's despise humans. They are the vermin of the universe."

  203. Romney

    Alison has faith that Microsoft is even now updating her Windows 10 with a fix for the inverted screen bug.

  204. Dick Emery

    Upside down...

    ...MS turns me. Inside out and...round and round.

    Upside down...why'd you spurn me? Update hell you..hound and hound.

    Microsoft you're turning me. Your Windows 10 is burning thee.

    Microsoft you're turning me...to Mint or some FreeB-SD!

    To the tune of Chic's song 'Upside Down'

  205. justincranford

    What did I do this weekend? Oh, I binge watched Up! on Netflix.

  206. justincranford

    Have you tried turning it off and on?

  207. justincranford

    This crapware uninstaller for my Lenovo Yoga is a pain in the neck.

  208. justincranford

    "Fiancée discovers boyf is grumble flick stud"

    1. fluffybunnyuk

      Ive even bent over for el reg to win a hard drive...

  209. This post has been deleted by its author

  210. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    These Acrobat updates are getting ridiculous!

  211. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Even with the latest version of Adobe Acrobat, Jennie still couldn't open the pdf file properly

  212. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Gertie decided that the next 3d air gesture that she set up would involve two fingers and walking away

  213. PaulR79

    Karen loved doing group yoga online but really wished there was a local site instead of just an Australian one.

  214. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Adobe Acrobat for dummies

  215. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Anton du Beke's unprecedented success in Strictly left a vacancy for presenter of the new series of Hole in the Wall.

  216. Dstorm

    The development of the new Twister MMO game has employed many novel agile methodologies.

  217. GreenThumbStick

    Microsoft makes new version of windows for those users who actually liked Windows 8 UI.

  218. GreenThumbStick

    Because standing up whilst working at your desk is sooooo last year.

  219. GreenThumbStick

    She couldn't see what the problem was, but she was sure it was the IT Department's fault.

  220. GreenThumbStick

    Perhaps she should have RTFM in the first place.

  221. mi1400

    pressing ctrl+alt+left on intel graphic drivers installed machines ...

    How easy is to destroy ur whole work day, urself and probably ur career specially over asking around plz save me from "my mistake" from getting my desktop rotated suaring i didnt do it and HelpDesk or peers making sarcastic smiles of wisdom "that nothing happens on its own,, tich tich wink wink...". yes on intel graphic drivers installed machines,..pressing ctrl+alt+left is a thing which no brain can register, rest aside as innocent mistake and yes ctrl+alt+left was and is the satins easiest way to destroy carriers ... Est Since 1990s.

    P.S:

    Yes in pic above its a divorced mother of three trying and praying to jesus 3:00am to get that ever so "important" report prepared 1st thing in morning.

  222. Malik01

    It was at that moment Claire realised that her colleagues were taking the ****

  223. samjoel_

    MRW I can't find find keyboard shortcut to rotate the screen oriantation back again.

  224. Cab

    Helpdesk ? Yes, hello, there's something wrong with my screen. No, no, I haven't changed anything. No I just switched it on as normal and everything looks different and I can't find my emails, I'm not doing anything unusual at all. Have you changed something on the server ?

  225. Barely registers

    Yes, I can do Angular.

  226. AdamG57

    Figure/ground effect

    Fiona found forming a face from her front far easier facing forewards....but her Facebook friends just couldn't see it.

  227. Junait Chakman

    Microsoft announces the new OS

    Microsoft announces the new OS. Win69...

  228. AdamG57

    Yankee Doodle

    Betty celebrated July 4 by singing "The world turned upside down".

  229. AdamG57

    beghilos

    ...37919 5376006 317537

    Impressed by the Vulture's picture of Jesus,

    Leslie googles bible...

    On her new calculator

  230. Zippo

    About these new Auzzie firewall rules .....

  231. Trigonoceps occipitalis

    (Clippy)

    "Hello, it looks like you're trying agile programming, do you want help with that?"

  232. gevor

    That's the netbook ergonomics.

    Oh, well, any laptop since IBM <your favourite ThinkPad>...

  233. Evoflash

    Latest reviews @ Reg are always well balanced.

  234. Antonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Sushimi-Croak bent over backwards to understand the new Windows interface

  235. Antonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    What Lovebubbles couldn't understand is why the new Safari rendering bug only affected The Register

  236. Antonymous Coward

    BOFH lesson three: Posture

  237. mildy bemused

    User testing the new Lenovo Yoga.

  238. mildy bemused

    Bug found in Windows 10 auto screen rotation.

  239. ecofeco Silver badge

    "I really need a new job."

  240. Shart Tank
    Mushroom

    UK Mailing Address Required for Prize...

    .

    ...When Many of Your Content Sources, Contributors, and Readers Are in the United States?

    .

    .

    .

    To cheapskate publishers who do not value their American readership, I think that the proper UK/US response, in John Oliver's voice, is:

    .

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Go get circumcised, cologne won't do!

    .

    .

    .

  241. Neoc

    Nope... the License still doesn't make any sense.

  242. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    ...and to complete the sign-up process...

    ...sing The Star Spangled banner... backwards.

  243. Jonl

    Google provide a solution to the 'Copy date' problem which does not involve any of the standard ways to achieve this.

  244. Medixstiff

    I hate it when IT plays with my PC for leaving it unlocked.

  245. MrMase

    Dam Intel Hot Keys!!

  246. Dale 3

    Windows 10 finally levels the operating system playing field.

  247. El Trisco Smythe

    Now, where do I plug in the USB stick?

  248. Comedy of Errors

    I have been following your guide "Simple Steps in Install Windows 10" though some are a little strange. However I do not understand step 94: "Your hovercraft is full of eels".

  249. Marcus Fil

    New to her job in 'live cam' porn Alice totally misunderstood her client's request.

  250. MrFlakmagnet

    In an effort to get to the root of her WiFi problem, Jane researched the Inverse Square law.

  251. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    Laptops are so passe. I've got a toplap.

  252. Squander Two

    Shut down all the trash compactors on the detention level!

  253. superturtle

    Ctrl-alt-arrow for humans, stand on your head for Luddite's!

  254. shoeshopboy

    Sorry, I can't hit ctrl+alt+delete from this position

  255. Squander Two

    You know, there are times I wish I'd never told HR I was getting RSI.

  256. Squander Two

    Work in IT, they said. See the world, they said.

  257. lawndart

    Title

    After a spate of accidents and complaints, the Virtual Vaulting Horse app was quickly withdrawn.

  258. g e

    This ASUS Zenbook is more work than I expected

  259. mediabeing

    Wow...the same guy won, twice in a row, and with an awkward, 'not understandable by the average user' line. Nothing suspicious here. Don't ever ask us to trust you.

  260. IanDay

    They say setting up windows 10 is so easy you can do it standing on your head........

  261. Huw Barnes

    it was halfway through her presentation to the board that she realised dumping Paul McKenna the night before had been a bad idea

  262. Steve Kennedy

    Yoga

    She hadn't really understood the concept of a Lenovo Yoga laptop

  263. A K Stiles

    Milton Keynes Mum reveals how to earn £5000 a week online with this one wierd trick...

  264. MAF

    EMC Australia IT helpdesk - can I help you?

    Forgot your password - no worries - I can do that standing on my head....

  265. Ba55me15ter
  266. Zork-1

    MS released a new face unlocking feature in Win 10 - only to discover that no one tested it before shipping.

  267. Zork-1

    Win 10 can handle locale settings changes to the other side of the world ... can you?

  268. dowdinsk

    Standing desks are sooooo last year.

  269. Zork-1

    How to keep our kids safe from all the Internet porn, violence, propaganda, (and reg comments?), etc. - stream/display them upside down!

  270. wizard_of_odds

    Having accidently hit SHIFT+ALT+Downarrow, Lucy was reluctant to call IT support and admit it.

  271. Marcus Fil

    Kate was sceptical about the site's advice, but, amazingly, the suggested position instantly cured her trapped wind.

  272. taveirne

    iYoga - Looks good but is impractical...

  273. emmanuel goldstein

    Lydia's first skype with her Australian in-laws was not a success.

  274. SamJ
    Pint

    You know, our corporate growth looks much better from this vantage point. Do you think that we could use this knowledge with our investors?

  275. Antonymous Coward
    Devil

    "Now phone head office and order 5litres of tartan paint and a long weight"

  276. DancesWithLice

    Jenny's Australian cousins never tired of her upside down Skype gag...

  277. Adam Jarvis

    Latest internet craze goes viral; taking a shelfie.

  278. Adam Jarvis

    Privacy adovcate shows her determination to have the smallest ever digital footprint.

  279. Adam Jarvis

    And the IT Angle here? Exactly? (We're glad you asked us that)

  280. PaulAb

    Ok, I'm at Z=350, X=475. If I try Y=222, then I'm flat on my arse.!

    I'm not sure that this is the modelling job I wanted.

  281. Werner McGoole

    Frankly, the new Rot-180 encoding was proving a pain in the neck.

  282. Winner2012

    Yes, Mr. CEO... I understand your computer seems head down... just applying a fix.

    (no way, though... not UK based)

  283. The Corner of Moron

    Mary's after-market webcam that PC World fitted was becoming a pain in the neck.

  284. theleader

    Hello Computer!

    “This will teach me to use an Australian version of Win 10 with face recognition login!”

  285. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge

    Nobody move! I've finally got a stable 4G connection!

  286. jezbod

    "I'm sorry, but DSE and HSE state that this is the optimum position for you."

  287. kryptonaut
    Facepalm

    You won't believe this!

    One WEIRD trick for a flat cranium

  288. PK

    Ann finds that the face unlock utility has gone arse over tit

  289. DancesWithLice

    Whichever way she looked at it, Sally couldn't make head nor tail of Microsoft's business model.

  290. Adam Jarvis

    So this is what half price subscription to Office 360 gets you.

    1. Adam Jarvis

      (OK, it should be Office 365, but a bit of artistic licence hurt nobody. Norton 360?, now thats always half price at Currys)

  291. Adam Jarvis

    IT worker demonstrates latest form of 'Hot Desking'; aside from a few pressing issues, she converts easily from a laptop to a desktop experience.

  292. Adam Jarvis

    For my other ergonomic design work for Apple, I purposely designed the Lightning connector perpendicular to the base/glide of the new Magic Mouse 2.

  293. PK
    Paris Hilton

    "....and this pose is called the Paris Hilton angle"

  294. Adam Jarvis

    For a fitness fanatic, uploading data from the Band proved harder than the initial training workout.

  295. Winner2012

    Yes, yes, Mr. CEO... I understood your computer seems upside down... let me apply a fix.

    (no way, though... not UK based)

  296. Winner2012

    IT angle? 90 degrees, let's say.

  297. Winner2012

    HP? Pretty sure it's not... it's called "dH", look here!

  298. Marcus Fil

    The things a girl has to do just to win a hard drive.

  299. emmanuel goldstein

    The yoga.com helpdesk always bent over backwards for their clients.

  300. DancesWithLice

    Sarah's boss's promise of an exciting new position turned out to be a huge disappointment.

  301. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    I tried these new IoT wearables and now I've been hacked.

  302. alexwiththesar

    Windows 10

    Reintroducing the helpful (now extra invasive) Paperclip Helper, "I see your doing some Yoga, I'll just watch you quietly"

  303. alexwiththesar

    "Hello, im the new windows 10 invasive Paperclip, I see you doing some Yoga, Ill just watch quietly"

  304. Observer

    El Reg 16th Oct weekly competition

    When I agreed to help you with a novel app for Windows 11 - this isn't what I had in mind!

  305. Haalia

    Well this certainly is the oddest request I've received since setting up my camgirl site!

  306. Khadajico

    New OS

    The Australian version of Windows had a few unexpected side effects when installed on a English laptop.

  307. James Wilson

    Kirsty's first attempt to implement ROT-13 was woefully misguided

  308. Warm Braw Silver badge

    Despite the BOFH stapling her hair to the floor, Miriam still managed to raise a support ticket.

  309. DPride

    Denton Pride

    Despite her best efforts, Fiona just couldn't get the latest video CAPTCHA to recognise her 'r's.

  310. Kepler
    Windows

    SFW, my arse!

    "This way I can take it down the arse* from Microsoft instead of up!"**

    .

    * I wrote "arse" instead of "ass" because Simon politely asked us to "Please try to keep it kind[-]of SFW." To the best of my knowledge, I did. If "arse" is considered as off-color as "ass" in some circles, it's news to me. Which might, for all I know, serve as a clue concerning my eligibility.

    .

    ** I thought that many of the other submissions I spied while scrolling down the page to get to the submission form were much cleverer than my own. (And all of them entirely clean!) But mine was the absolute first thing that popped into my head the instant I saw the picture; for better or worse, I'm sticking with it.

    I apologize to anyone who notices that this has become a recurring if not persistent theme in my contributions to El Reg's Reader Forums over the past month or two —

    Re: Offensive, sure, but is it actually HARMFUL?

    — but as a Windows user, can you really blame me? I recently had to reinstall Windows 8.1 Update — and even worse, before that use plain-old Windows 8 for several days (shudder!) — and now I've read article after article relating how Microsoft has surreptitiously snuck unwanted spyware onto my computer through Windows Update. Which it appears I can no longer trust, so I do not.

    Experience made me this way.

  311. Antonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Myfanwy found her laptop had "upgraded" itself to Windows 10 and she totally flipped out.

  312. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Combining gymnastics with the obstacle race. Will it make it to the Olympics?

  313. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Oops. Who left that there?

  314. This post has been deleted by its author

  315. MCMLXV

    Too late, Alice realised that "Do a barrel roll" was meant for Google.

  316. Rol Silver badge

    Selling laptops to women is easy. You just have to get the right angle.

  317. treborpeg

    This is probably too late and might have already been said, but...

    "What?? All I needed to do was Ctrl+Alt+Down???"

  318. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Hello?

    My face is down here!

  319. MCMLXV

    As a newcomer to computers, Alice's first attempt at Ctrl-Alt-Del went badly.

  320. TheCashier

    Travelers flipping for the new low cost Super-Economy seating arrangements.

  321. NotMyRealNameToo

    It's bad enough that it's a yoga - but this one has Aussie updates too.

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