back to article HP creates laptop for SITH LORDS

HP will soon release a special Star Wars edition laptop it says will allow you to “Unleash your inner Sith”. And no, it's not making that claim solely based on the presence of Windows 10. The machine boasts styling based on the Lucasverse and is pre-loaded with oodles of Star Wars content including “rare wallpapers, screen …

  1. Chairo
    Terminator

    If they really want to create an evil laptop

    They just need to:

    - enforce secure boot

    - install a hardware DRM module

    - solder in the memory and glue in the battery

    - make sure it self-destructs after opening

    - there must be a firmware backdoor installed

    - it has to lose data occasionally, because "corruption is good"

    What else?

    1. elrego

      Re: If they really want to create an evil laptop

      $700 is no way to support the Dark Side. You have to show full commitment. It will have to treat ad-blocking software as a virus and drink your blood.

    2. Captain DaFt

      Re: If they really want to create an evil laptop

      Windows 7 beta , of course.

    3. Naughtyhorse
      Trollface

      Re: What else?

      illuminated apple logo?

      1. mikeyt

        Re: What else?

        lluminati Apple

    4. knarf

      Re: If they really want to create an evil laptop

      Apple logo ?

      1. Richard Wharram

        Re: If they really want to create an evil laptop

        Vista?

        1. Bluto Nash

          Re: If they really want to create an evil laptop

          Make it run Windows ME

    5. jelabarre59 Silver badge

      Re: If they really want to create an evil laptop

      > If they really want to create an evil laptop They just need to:

      > - enforce secure boot

      > - install a hardware DRM module

      > - solder in the memory and glue in the battery

      > - make sure it self-destructs after opening

      > - there must be a firmware backdoor installed

      > - it has to lose data occasionally, because "corruption is good"

      Doesn't Apple already make the MacBook?

    6. Dan Paul

      Re: If they really want to create an evil laptop

      Mmmm... Perhaps call it an Apple? or would that be evil enough?

    7. DougW

      Re: If they really want to create an evil laptop

      Clippy of course.

  2. P. Lee Silver badge

    Auto updates lead to windows 10

    Windows 10 leads to hate

    Hate leads to ...

    Anyone can Sith that

  3. Michael Habel Silver badge

    Why is no one mailing any noise about all the silent telemetry updates to windows 7? Its like Microsoft will just take what they want, whenever they like. Regardless of your OS. (i..e. 7, 8.x, or 10).

    1. Aurelian2

      KB3035583 yet again

      @Michael Habel

      KB3035583 reappeared yesterday on my Win7 rigs and I hid it yet again.

      Preparations for their migration to Linux Mint are well advanced.

      1. GregC

        Re: KB3035583 yet again

        Thanks for the heads up. I've also got KB2952664 magically reappearing here too, plus a shiny new one (KB3083710) that no one seems to know what it does. Hiding the fuckers again, wonder how long it'll be before they resurface next time.

        MS is rapidly turning Windows into a system I'll use for gaming and nothing else, and with more games coming with Linux support thanks to Steam even that use case is getting smaller.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: KB3035583 yet again

          "MS is rapidly turning Windows into a system I'll use for gaming "

          And the most complex game seems to be avoiding Microsoft.

        2. CaptainBanjax

          Re: KB3035583 yet again

          I already do use Windows for nothing but gaming. Whats holding you back?

          I pretty much only play CS:GO so ill soon move to Linux for gaming entirely.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: KB3035583 yet again

          > MS is rapidly turning Windows into a system I'll use for gaming and nothing else...

          We were a Linux-only household until the wife started playing World of Warcraft. But then again I guess a MSWin7 install with Rearm Wizard is enough of a sacrifice to get her to shut up and leave me alone...

      2. Mystic Megabyte Silver badge
        Linux

        Re: KB3035583 yet again

        @Aurelian2 You're a little late to the party but welcome anyway. Windows sold out their customers with Vista and it's DRM hobbling. When they catered to Hollywood and not the user/owner of the OS it was time to move on. My last Windows OS was XP and I have not needed to boot it in a VM for a couple of years now.

        I'm currently on Ubuntu but I would have no problem switching to Mint, KDE or any of the other flavours if I fancied a change. I love Xubuntu on low powered netbooks, you can buy one second hand for peanuts. Slap in a SSD and it will fly and run almost silently.

      3. TitterYeNot

        Re: KB3035583 yet again

        "KB3035583 reappeared yesterday on my Win7 rigs and I hid it yet again."

        Yes, once infected deployed, there are several GWX scheduled tasks that will re-introduce you to the joys of the Windows 10 upgrade nag if you have the temerity to decide that you dont want it thankyouverymuch and get rid of it.

        And some w***** at Microsoft has decided that we shouldn't have the access rights to disable said scheduled tasks, on our own sodding machines, and have to resort to knobbling them so that they can't run!

        &£@#~*%$!!!!!!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: KB3035583 yet again

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpE_xMRiCLE

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      A deafening silence

      It's been a puzzle all along. I view what Microsoft are doing to Windows 7 and 8.1 as malicious and am being forced to treat Windows Update as a Trojan Horse.

      But the technical press seem focused on what is new and shiny and don't really care about what is being done to what already exists.

      I have a list of threads on various forums where people are (or were) discussing this stuff in a proper serious manner, but unfortunately the vast majority of Windows 7 and 8.1 users are just sitting ducks.

      1. jelabarre59 Silver badge

        Re: A deafening silence

        > But the technical press seem focused on what is new and shiny...

        It only *looks* shiny because the UI is nothing but a glaring wash of white on white on white. No colours are allowed.

  4. Quortney Fortensplibe

    Sith?

    Are you sure that isn't a typo?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'd like a Klingon version

    That automatically dispatches a Battle Cruiser every time some daft website makes ads pop up on my screen, or some idiot sends spam.

    1. VinceH Silver badge

      Re: I'd like a Klingon version

      That, but also:

      A Romulan version, so I can use the intertubes while using a cloaking device.

      1. Andy Non
        Coat

        Re: I'd like a Klingon version

        I've got a Romulan version laptop, but have never been able to find it.

    2. Amorous Cowherder

      Re: I'd like a Klingon version

      I've got Bajoran laptop. I asked it start up and it just ignores me, only when spoken to nicely by Federation staff and promise of aid and protection from "spoon heads" will it get it's arse in gear. When it does start it won't stop sulking about how badly it's being treated by everyone else!

      ( And one for the hard core fans... )

      I've got a Vidian laptop...it's a bugger to keep it going but spare parts are never a problem!

      1. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

        Re: I'd like a Klingon version

        I've got a Krenim notebook: damned thing won't stay in temporal sync with the NTP network.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I think I'll stick to my Lenovo Jar Jar Binks laptop with pre-loaded sith.

  7. Admiral Grace Hopper

    Aren't you a little short?

    I'm sticking to my old MacBook, the one wrapped in white plastic like a storm trooper.

  8. Teiwaz Silver badge

    A little skinning...

    ...is not really innovating.

    What about a gamers tower desktop installed in a case that looks like R2-D2?

    Or even taking a leaf out of Roboco (the recent japanese phone) with it.

    I don't think HP have the spuds, too conservative...

  9. LDS Silver badge

    Oh well, you could sell it easily...

    .... to anyone who was able to watch the new movies. It's a fanboy edition, it will sell to the fanboys.

  10. chivo243 Silver badge
    Meh

    Something is missing

    If the plans for the death star are not on it, no one in the rebellion will buy it.

    Not too Impressive

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: Something is missing

      Nah, what is missing is Cortana doing a Darth Vader impression of 'You've got Mail!'.

  11. Inspector71
    Angel

    This is not the laptop you are looking for.....

  12. TonyJ Silver badge
    Joke

    Raising funds

    Raising money for the Deathstar...those things are NOT cheap, you know

    http://www.shortlist.com/entertainment/films/the-cost-of-the-death-star is just one example.

  13. annodomini2
    Devil

    Random port...

    So does it have a random port on the back where you fire a laser at it and it wipes all the data?

  14. David Robinson 1

    May the GeForce be with you

    Sorry, had to be done.

    1. Rusty 1
      Coat

      Re: May the GeForce be with you

      I wonder if Queen AMDala will get one?

  15. Mage Silver badge
    Alien

    Makes a change?

    So many come with preloaded Filth, Needing reformat and re-install.

    I guess Tesco can put these beside the Starwars lunch boxes and see profits fall further.

  16. Mr Dogshit

    Good grief

    And people call me sad.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    a burst of R2-D2's trademark clicks and whistles

    if would be TRULY EVIL if they disabled the option to disable this option.

  18. Naselus

    Kinda shitty specs, no?

    1. Amorous Cowherder

      They learned their lesson last time when they invested in state of the art tech and some architect decided to leave a minor exhaust port unguarded, which set back the Empire's cause for a while, not to mention killing Peter Cushing!

    2. Col_Panek

      Sithy specs.

  19. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    Crapping myself with anticipation,

    I am not.

  20. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    So HP have crafted a telemarketing program for Lucas Industries?

  21. Lyndon Hills 1

    Rare Wallpaper

    WTF?

    1. Hilibnist

      Re: Rare Wallpaper

      Yep... probably completely* different to the Win3.1 Star Wars screen saver which showed the whole of the original movie via storyboards and concept art. Also had a pretty nifty "Death Star emerging from behind Yavin to fire on the secret rebel base" clock mode.

      * or not.

  22. EuKiwi

    Bah. That's not evil.

    If they want to be truly evil, they should make a Jar-Jar Binks version.

    1. Amorous Cowherder
      Facepalm

      Re: Bah. That's not evil.

      "Wowsee! Weesa a startin' boss!"

      I imagine the end of the world to be that on a series of laptops, full volume with no disable option!

  23. jelabarre59 Silver badge

    Programming lang

    They could always install an obscure programming language on it, and then you could start the IDE and compiler by clicking on the icon that says, get this:

    "Use the Forth"

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Live long and prosper

    Ha ha!

    Fuck off

  25. Palf
    Thumb Down

    A fiddling Nero moment. This to allow us to bear witness to the final demise of a once-great company which has lost its way. Way to go Carly and Meg.

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019