back to article WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

The witticisms keep flooding in for our biblical-looking chap, who provided "divine" inspiration for a great collection of captions from readers. All the entries were given a chance at winning the Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive that’s up for grabs. There were quite a few regular contributors in the top 10. Here is the …

  1. Omniaural

    So this is virtual reality eh, son? It's got nothing on a viewmaster!

    1. WalterAlter

      The Laptop Jesus captions

      were uniformly lame. Who picks the top 10? Are you guys all right wingers?

  2. Omniaural

    The technology advances of Virtual reality were nothing compared to the NSA's giant surveillance ear.

  3. Neil Charles

    Jesus, have you tried taking it off? Everything's in 3D.

  4. hplasm Silver badge
    Happy

    Oculus Rift-

    For when you can't see the wood for the trees.

    1. Dick Emery

      Re: Oculus Rift-

      I was gonna use that one!

      1. knightred

        Re: Oculus Rift-

        I was too haha. I am always amused by turning the classic quotes... especially with the innuendo applicable.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This forest looks really realistic.

  6. danielm

    Duuuude... I've taken the glasses off and the trees still have ears!

  7. PK

    Apple to take on Google Glass - now a rectangle with rounded corners.

  8. ZSn

    where?

    Hang on, where did that groinal attachment go?

  9. Bill Fresher

    Kid on the left: "And when I move it closer to the camera?"

  10. lawndart

    And here we are, just outside Victoria Station.

  11. choleric

    In virtual reality

    even the trees have ears.

  12. mark 120

    As they removed the goggles and turned around, it became clear that technology really had reached the final front ear.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Right son, let's see if we can spot which tree big ears is hiding behind with these tree penetrating radar goggles.

  14. Slacker@work

    The kid has spent hours cyber-flirting with the stunning 20something cheerleader stood to his left.... but then he removed his headset...

  15. RockBurner

    Oculus

    takes Virtual Larping to an 'ole new level

  16. Bill Fresher

    Amstrad Glass is going to be awesome, thought Alan Sugar.

  17. LegalAlien

    Dad, I prefer to see mum without the x-ray-vision app!

  18. John Robson Silver badge

    Careful

    Even the trees have ears in VR

  19. ingie

    35%

    ... the number of people who had to go back after thinking

    "Shit? there's an ear in the picture?"

    [ that's not meant as a competition entry, just as a Mock The Week style Q/A :) ]

  20. td0s

    Hea(r)ling the rift

    between the generations

  21. Bigpatc

    Oculus Rift

    Now your vacation videos can be boring in 3D!

  22. Bigpatc

    Oculus Pr0n

    Where even the wood is in 3D.

  23. lawndart

    The SPB found even the FAA couldn't thwart a virtual LOHAN launch.

  24. lawndart

    Hang on a minute - I think mine's still set to "Noddy Detector"

  25. Ken Rennoldson

    You mean Jeremy Corbyn really is Labour leader?

  26. AlgernonFlowers4

    What did you pull the plug for? I was just about to collect my EuroMillions £100 million lottery win!

  27. Julian 8

    Is this the real life ?

    is this fantasy ?

    for a quick answer

    look for the ear growing out of a tree

  28. lawndart

    VR makes these woods seem positively eerie.

  29. AlgernonFlowers4

    What do you mean I haven't really won the Register caption competition?

  30. MrJealousy

    Ear

    There seems to be a graphical glitch on this tree over ear.

  31. MrJealousy

    guy on the left "Oh, I thought you were shorter... and female."

  32. MrJealousy

    Oculus. Condoms for eyes. Protecting your vision for the future fetishist.

  33. jonathan keith

    Babbage's Spot The Difference Engine came with a few undocumented features.

  34. Bob Starling

    Are you sure Wally's in here

  35. Chronos Silver badge

    If there's an NSA ear in the woods and there's nobody around worth listening to, the other four eyes probably won't find anything either.

  36. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    New VR tech allows you to experience a forest from the comfort of your very own forest

  37. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Quick, call China - they've set this Robin Hood VR in Earwood Forest!

  38. Caff

    sasquatch

    Sasquatch then decided to leave the strange goggled creatures alone in their make believe land.

  39. toughluck

    Sigh. Well, the e-mail said it's only virtually guaranteed to get bigger.

  40. Ken Rennoldson

    Peeple can't slag you off in VR son.

  41. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Can't see the wood for the ears

  42. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    When I said I wanted the Halloween VR to be eerie, this isn't quite what I meant...

  43. Brian T

    Damn! it looked bigger with the headset..

  44. demat

    Look! I think its a Wheatear!

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Right that it's I'm out, This virtual reality reality tv is just one step too far.

  46. Omniaural

    That moment when you look at every photo you've ever taken...and THE EAR WAS ALWAYS THERE!

  47. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Some bastard sabotaged the "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" simulation

  48. Big_Boomer Bronze badge

    Said in Homer Simpsons voice

    MMMmmmmmmmm, 3D tits!

  49. Karl Dane

    Ear's looking at you, kid.

  50. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Mr Potato Head - the wilderness (y)ears

  51. retro41

    I give up! I can't find Prince Charles anywhere!

  52. Anne-Lise Pasch

    So this is Boris' plan to solve the London housing crisis?

  53. MrJealousy

    DOS commands are tricky in VR...

  54. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Well that's one way to completely miss the most spectacular specimen of Auricularia auricula-judae ever!

  55. DarkLordofSurrey

    VR, better than reality.. No ears growing on trees..

  56. chivo243 Silver badge
    Trollface

    Virtual?

    Um, dad, it's still there... I took off the glasses, there's still an ear down there, and I can hear with it!

  57. Daniel Hill

    "I tell ya son, this VR stuff is just a fad. Ear today and gone tomorrow!"

    "Dad, when mum said we should go play a game outside, I don't think this is quite what she meant"

  58. Spudley

    It's VR inception. Multiple layers. The only way you can tell you're still in a dream is by checking your wrist: if you're wearing a wristband, then it's a dream. Oh, and the ears growing out of trees kinda gives it away too.

  59. MrJealousy

    Old Guy "In my day you had to boot from floppy..."

    Kid "Oh god, not the story about your floppy diks again!"

  60. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    After failing to secure rights to "The Hills Have Eyes", Oculus Rift brings out "Trees Have Ears" VR game.

  61. Ian Emery Silver badge

    SO, if I put it on the other way up - I get to see a VR of Australia??

  62. Ian Emery Silver badge

    I have already spotted Big Ears, but where is Noddy??

  63. Bigpatc

    Oculus Pr0N

    Look son, even the boobies are bigger in VR.

  64. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    While most agreed that Occulus Rift's choice of venue for this year's annual outing was pretty dumb, at least there were fewer fatalities compared to last year's trip to the Grand Canyon.

  65. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    The VR version of The Eerie Forest lost something in translation

  66. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Occulus's next generation idea - V Ear

  67. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    VR is so yesterday - the big thing now is V Ear

  68. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    The new Occulus Rift 2.0 - brought to you by Q-Tip

  69. TitterYeNot

    "You know what," thought Junior grumpily as he was dragged reluctantly around the exhibition, "even with VR, surrealist modern art is still crap. And I swear, if Dad calls it the ocular crevice one more time...."

  70. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Using VR gear in a completely inappropriate environment? A giant unexplained ear? Some sort of butterfly creature attached to one guy? Nah, I got nothing.

  71. Marcus Fil

    The virtual environment was perfect, but meanwhile reality had suffered auditory glitch in object inheritance.

  72. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Occulus Rift - The Wilderness Ears

  73. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    If a tree falls in the forest, would it hit these guys? I sure hope so.

  74. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Virtual Reality---The final front ear? Discuss.

  75. JerseyDaveC

    Hmmm ... it looked a lot bigger in virtual reality.

  76. hocus

    Calling Helpdesk

    Hello Oculus Helpdesk,

    This thing is showing me ears on trees.. can I reboot this to fix it ?

  77. Peter G Green

    Wow, this VR is great, but why the hell does that tree have an ear!!!

  78. VinceH Silver badge

    Um, dad? Are virtual reality worlds supposed to be recursive?

  79. badstrawberry

    For when there are only dogs at the dogging area.

  80. Pavanaja

    Looking for virtual gyan

  81. proinnsias

    Prince?

    Prince Charles hides in attempt to ambush annoying VR gamer types

  82. Hoddy

    Noddy

    Police employ new enhanced reality goggles in hunt for the fiend who abused Noddy.

  83. Dr Legs

    Guy on right- "Great hardware!"

    Guy on left- "I think my groin attachment has a software problem."

  84. Soruk

    eXistenZ - beta edition. Even when you remove the kit you're still in the virtual world.

    1. stucs201

      Dammit, I came here to say it wasn't an ear but was the weird looking VR console from Existenz. Beaten by mere seconds.

  85. sdo

    Don't fancy the look of yours much!

  86. Spudley

    There are some nasty bugs around here. Look at the size of that earwig.

  87. MAF

    Tech doesn't improve EVERYTHING...

    Adding a 4K screen to the "What the butler saw" machine still inevitably led to disappointment...

  88. Spudley

    And if you look to your right, you'll see a fine example of the rare Van Gogh fungus.

    No, I said look to your right, not down.

  89. Queeg

    So that Bear over there taking a dump looks so detailed.

    This VR stuff is really goo.........aaaAAAaRRRGHHHHHH

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  91. John Stoffel

    Umm Dad.... why is a cougar nibbling on me leg?

    1. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

      Umm Dad.... why is a cougar nibbling on me leg?

      Your mother?

  92. g00se

    Mum told us to go and do something healthy outdoors. Good thing she's not listening...

  93. Kit-Fox

    'Well that was an interesting trip, I was blue all over & had this weird hair that everyone kept trying to touch & just what were those animals trying to do to my ponytail??'

  94. John Stoffel

    Dammit Wesley, I still can't find that Ferengi on the holodeck! These disguises are useless. Get me my phaser.

  95. linicks

    (speccy kid, thinking) You penis isn't as big as you saw in VR.

  96. Eddy Ito Silver badge

    I have to say your "Inside the Painting" VR software is great but I noticed a glitch in the "Trees and Undergrowth" series by van Gogh we need to talk about.

  97. Daniel Hall

    James and Brian testing the new VDA (Virtual David Attenborough) equipment surprised by full screen ads.

  98. GitMeMyShootinIrons

    Son, you do know we don't need these to see what bears do in these woods...?

  99. Brent Longborough

    Wood? What wood? All I can see is trees!

  100. quattroprorocked

    Judging by the shit I just stepped in, that bear may not be virtual.

    1. elnatho

      You just stole my idea! .. before I could even post it...

  101. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    After passing through the Uncanny Valley, users face the Eerie Forest.

  102. Someone Else Silver badge

    This is your willy. This is you willy on Viagra. Any questions?

  103. Bigpatc

    Virtual Ears...

    If a tree falls in the forest and crushes some dudes in VR goggles, does the giant disembodied ear still hear it?

  104. KnightGarion

    Google CEO takes son on first hunting trip... Son gets shot in foot.

  105. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    God, look at those silly humans. They think they're so clever and "with it". Don't they know that us Fungi invented virtual reality millions of years ago?

  106. KnightGarion

    Ashley Madison Fembots intrude on next gen government field trials.

  107. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Is this the real life?

    Is this just fantasy?

    Caption the photo?

    No escape from earality.

  108. KnightGarion

    Oculus presents "Where's Waldo V3.0"

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  110. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Sorry, just got to take a break for a mo. Feeling nauseous :(

  111. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Taking off the peril sensitive goggles so close to the lair of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal will turn out to be a fatal mistake for one of our protagonists.

  112. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Remember, Grasshopper, all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.

  113. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Chuang Chou could not say whether he was a man dreaming of being a butterfly, or a butterfly caught up in some seriously weird shit.

  114. Timothy Slade

    When do we start floating?

  115. MrJealousy

    Bored

    Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Oh, a tree with an ear! Bored. Bored. Bored...

  116. Want2Know

    How big can I get that millipede in his viewer?

  117. Robot W

    Computer scientists get close to solving the question: "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

  118. elnatho

    Yep... that bear poop I just stepped in was real.

  119. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yep, it's definitely a bug; the puddle of earwax we're standing in isn't visible through the headsets.

  120. Joe User

    From virtual reality to actual reality, after stepping in dog poo....

  121. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    The jungle---where men are real men and do manly stuff like ... Wait, what the hell are those two doing?!

  122. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Dad... I, um, have something to tell you. I'd, eh, really rather have the smart bra from two weeks ago.

  123. iMap
    Facepalm

    I did see an Ewok but, wood you listen?

  124. The Dude

    Quiet son... even the trees have ears.

  125. The Dude

    Taking nature hikes to a whole new level.

  126. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Oculus Rift meets Auricular Graft

  127. iMap

    News Flash...

    and the search for the missing laboratory mouse with the human ear on it's back continues.

  128. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Dad? Are you sure Rodents of Unusual Size aren't real?

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  130. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    See, son, it's just as good as the real Disneyland and a fraction of the cost! Son? Son?

  131. Tim Brown 1
    Coat

    Virtual Reality doesn't make any difference. No matter how much you shake and dance, the last three drops go down your pants.

  132. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Ironically, the two were playing "The Last of Us" when the Cordyceps attacked.

  133. iMap

    From the film The Matrix Treeloaded

    Agent: 'Mr Anderson, I see you opted for the blue pill'

    Neo: 'yes, and I'm out of ear..'

  134. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    I don't get this article. Where's the technology angle?

  135. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Bear with it just a little bit longer, son---we're about to meet the Pope!

  136. mrmond

    If a trees cut down in a virtual forest, do the hippies still protest?

  137. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    The Elfin Safety Pixie looked out in horror from behind her tree and tutted loudly as she noted a string of hazard factors in her enchanted clipboard.

  138. iMap

    'Ah my young padawan, use the GeForce instead, if it hurts your head'

  139. iMap

    it's all very linear..

  140. Lee D Silver badge

    It wasn't until Jack's dad was talked into trying the Oculus Rift that he realised that outdoors *isn't* actually better...

  141. pewpie

    Oculus: Where we're going, you don't need eyes.

  142. Trigonoceps occipitalis

    Now try Real Reality (tm), there is no such thing as Photoshop 'ere.

  143. AlCro

    Dad: If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s nobody around to hear, does it make a sound?

    Son: Don't need virtual reality to answer that one, Dad, even the trees have ears.

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    1. 2+2=5 Silver badge

      Is that from "The Teddy Ears Picnic"?

  149. This post has been deleted by its author

  150. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
    Alien

    The Captain's Log was discovered near the final front ear

  151. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Can't hear you son - I'm as deaf as a post...

  152. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Hackers stumble across the NSA's secret cyberspace listening post

  153. kf106

    "So you're saying with these things we can find the mythical Ear of Doomdark? I'm unconvinced."

  154. Mehrsprachigkeit

    See son, now we can pretend to be in front of the telly even surrounded by all this nature. Go City! Fancy a V'beer?

  155. Mehrsprachigkeit

    Wilderness hunting for the environmentally conscious... or the terminally coward!

  156. Dick Emery

    With 3 competing VR headsets in the offing...

    ...four by two's company. But tree's a crowd!

  157. Vector

    No, I don't see it anywhere. When I said VR would blow your ears off, I didn't think it would be quite so literal.

  158. jonathan keith

    Computers - fucking with your head since 6000 BC

  159. Borg.King
    Coat

    Ears be damned, put your glasses back on lad and take a butchers at the tits on that tree over there!

  160. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I knew I saved my lunch in here someplace, where is it???

  161. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Say, this "alone time" with the son isn't actually so bad. Maybe next week I can skip all the outdoors stuff and just log on from home...

  162. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    <obscure>Ironically, the two were watching "Matango" when the Cordyceps attacked.</obscure>

    <ps>I love the way you can make up fake HTML tags in the comments system</ps>

  163. Adam 1 Silver badge

    Finally, we have an answer to whether falling trees make a sound with no one present.

  164. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    The hipsters were in for a "soylent surprise" when they got back to camp.

  165. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Desiderata

    Tread carefully between the trees

    And remember to pack spare batteries

    Speak truthfully to all, and listen

    Like the trees, for they too have ears

    Avoid moany gits, who would compare

    their gifts unfavourably to an X box

    Enjoy your disposable income

    and spend it as you see fit

    Be careful where you tread,

    unless it conflicts with keeping your chin high

    Be yourself. No matter how bad things get,

    You will always have the forest. It does not judge.

    Yield to the impetuousness of youth

    When the path ahead is narrow and treacherous

    Never mind the ears you saw,

    for they are probably due to the hallucinogenic mushrooms.

    You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the ears;

    you have a right to be here.

    And whether or not you understand the game,

    Believe that you are making progress.

    Though your life may be no more than sham, drudgery and broken dreams,

    You will always have the forest (and the ears)

  166. Richie 1

    Isn't it great to get away from it all. Now, let's try the city simulator.

  167. Camilla Smythe

    Whilst the process seemed quite simple and painless for his father Dave was confused by the repetitive 'chink' - 'chink' - 'chink' that was coming from his set of eyeball extractors.

    1. Camilla Smythe

      Checking for a possible obstructive nail in the Mechanism...

      Dave was surprised to experience a perfect and painless double frontal lobotomy.

  168. Matt Siddall

    OK, I admit it. This bird watching lark is better than I thought...

  169. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    The beta-testing of Halloween VR was going well until they reached the Eerie Forest scenes

  170. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Budget cuts, poor script and wooden characters meant the Star Trek VR game could only show the final front-ear in the Captain's log.

  171. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    First we had pale bulbous eyes staring at us, and now this...

  172. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Davy Crockett - King of the wild front ear

  173. 2+2=5 Silver badge

    Day tripper

    Very nice son, but in my day if we wanted to see ears on trees we just took LSD.

  174. 2+2=5 Silver badge

    PC Comment

    Move right along now ... Nothing to see 'ere

  175. 2+2=5 Silver badge

    Oh look...

    Oh look, a camouflage deer

  176. KroSha

    Virtual insanity

    Dad, I think I trod in something virtual....

  177. Colin 27

    Dad!

    You know when I said I virtually stood in shit? Well, I don't think it was virtual.....

  178. frankfisher

    Dad, it's so real I just stood in a cowpat

  179. John H Woods

    Hey!

    Where did the living room go?

  180. Duffy Moon

    Incredible. It looks just like a real forest!

  181. mevets

    Ok, Glass

    Introducing MS Glass(tm). Innovation Forward.

  182. Mr Humbug

    I can remember when it was all trees round here ... oh!

  183. Russicles

    Occulus is to rift as Audi is to tree?

    No Cortana, "Virtual Reality" not "vernal ear tree".

  184. He's Dead Jim

    It's like stupid in stereo

  185. He's Dead Jim

    virtual reality....

    because real life ain't fucked up enough...

  186. He's Dead Jim

    i spent all this money for these things and all you got is trees with ears?

  187. He's Dead Jim

    it's amazing what 5 box tops will get you these days.

  188. He's Dead Jim

    take good care of the trees, dewey

  189. Adam Jarvis

    Week 1 Winner (Hint!) :)

    After 5 weeks of viewing the Western Digital 6TB in 3D using the virtual headset and checking out the specs, he finally starts to wonder if it will ever materialise in the flesh.

  190. Warm Braw Silver badge

    Two philosophers seeking an answer for Bishop Berkeley find the forest has beaten them to it.

  191. goldfish

    What's this 'ere ?

    If only they'd gone to Specsavers....

    (aimed at the U.K.)

  192. Ron 10

    Be careful what you say. That tree is listening.

  193. OmgTheyLetMePostInTheUK

    Did I actually step in real bear poop?

  194. DarkLordofSurrey

    What wood you know I hear VR is great

  195. Sfnch

    Mut Makes Merry With Wi

    Dad...Dad !! Roger's been peeing on my leg for a full minute now and you just don't care, do you..? DAD!!

    1. Sfnch
      Meh

      Re: Mut Makes Merry With Wi

      Silly me - of course, this should have been spelt: Wii

  196. Rol Silver badge

    So, it's virtually impossible to be charged for virtually molesting young boys in virtual reality!

    I'll take two sets please.

  197. Rol Silver badge

    Totally taken with his new toy, Mr Smith is soon on his way to hospital after trying to make wood with his son.

    He later had to explain to the police they were actually playing Minecraft and he was punching trees.

  198. Rol Silver badge

    Young Sid wonders if it would work with his third eye also.

  199. Rol Silver badge

    On returning to Mars, the intrepid explorers wowed the crowds with tales of hideous creatures they discovered on Earth,

    "With huge black rectangular foreheads and no discernible optics, they stumbled through a landscape they can hardly perceive. I tell you straight, the clunky ones they sent here were far and away the best of them. Invading Earth would be a kindness"

  200. Rol Silver badge

    "Isn't this just brilliant? I'm experiencing the most wonderful narrative, exploring the diversity and history of this park. It's. it's, just, bloody brilliant. What about you son?"

    "Err, all I'm seeing is women running around naked"

    "What! Let me see. Ah! It's still on the factory default setting"

  201. Rol Silver badge

    "Hey, son. I remember when all this was covered in trees."

    "It still is dad"

    "Yeah. That's the spirit. Keep telling yourself it isn't real, but one day you'll grow up and have to face reality"

    "But dad..."

    "Shush now, let me have a moment to remember how things used to be"

  202. He's Dead Jim

    Hey dad, what the hell is this song you chose for background music?

    Just some Stealers Wheel son. Now hand me that ear please...

  203. Grave

    i knew it....

    20yo sexy blonde my ass,

    why is it always old hairy guys, whyyy?

  204. Ron 10

    Aah! Those hornets aren't in the video.

  205. spdaniels

    Wood experience

    " ah, my bad! When you said I would have a VR wood experience I completely misunderstood ! "

  206. justcw

    Squirrel! No really Dad.

  207. DPride

    PAT pending...

    Oh-oh, looks like I really was polishing a turd.

  208. DPride

    New game...

    Spot the Prince Charles.

  209. AlgernonFlowers4

    Cats in their pies

    Duane Dibley'e virtual Great British Bake Off was proving to be a hit with young and old alike!

  210. Martin 63

    If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, the trees do

  211. theregister@mariegriffiths.co.uk

    My God, it is almost as if you are actually there in Prestatyn on a wet Bank Holiday afternoon.

  212. dodgyblue

    Lost in the woods take on a whole new meaning when trees sprout ears.

  213. emmanuel goldstein

    Princess Leia, here I come!

  214. michaelJ

    Forest folk try out out new VR dating app.

  215. Rol Silver badge

    "Where's that fuck witted prop technician? You! Yes you! I said I wanted an EERIE forest scene.

  216. lek

    "Hey, I've got wood!"

    "Yes, lots of trees around here."

    "No, I meant..."

  217. lek

    "I thought I'd lost my legs! Oh thank God they're still there!"

  218. lek

    "Are we still in the game? I can't tell...didn't I already take off my headset? I can't seem to remember; I don't know what's real and what's not anymore!"

    "Hang on a minute, let me check; *hmmm, twice the size, so.....*"

    "Yeah, we're still in the game dude."

  219. lek

    "Stranded in the wilderness. Lost with no shelter, food or water. Just these VR headsets to help us."

    "That's the last time I'm letting you pack our camping gear."

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  221. DPW

    Now, let's recreate that time Dick Cheney went hunting...

  222. roostah

    "Well son, I did say you needed to get outside more and away from the computer. This is not quite what I had in mind!"

  223. GreenThumbStick
    Facepalm

    This VR system is so good, even the Enterolobium Cyclocarpum is in higher resolution than reality.

  224. BobSee

    Virtual Bears?

    Umm, that's not virtual bear shit I just stepped in.

  225. rosyatrandom

    Still in Alpha

    "Now, our Woodland Retreat Experience is still in Alpha, Harry, so please keep an ear out for any bugs."

    "'Eye out,' you mean?"

    ".... Yeah, Harry. Eye. Sure."

  226. mvdg

    Did I just lose my ear?

  227. infomous

    Toyland

    ...Toys ... Big Ears ... Toyland! You look like a right Noddy. Oh, so do I.

  228. Stephen Wilkinson

    I can see Peter Capaldi in these, they're a million times better than a sonic screwdriver

  229. discomike

    ...

    Should've gone to Specsavers..

  230. discomike

    ...

    I'm sure I put the Tomy Sky Attack on my christmas list...

  231. flipflopper

    Ear 'ere!

  232. Huw Barnes

    Well that's finally answered the question "what looks more ridiculous; 2 guys in VR headsets or a tree with ears?", I guess we'll have to find funding for another research project now

  233. This post has been deleted by its author

  234. Herkybird

    Hey...stop peeing up my trouser leg...

  235. Herkybird

    I cannot quite see it...I think it says "You qualify for a Windows 10 upgrade"...

  236. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  237. nellyc56

    I don't understand this dark web!

  238. Werner McGoole

    Due to advances in cyber hacking, Swampy and his tree-hugging friends were now able to keep one step ahead of the planners.

  239. JRowland

    In the forest of the deaf, the one eared tree knows when you start vomiting.

  240. hi_robb

    My entry

    I can't see the woods for these stupid fecking glasses.

    /D

  241. hi_robb

    My more refined attempt

    I can't see the woods for the virtual realitrees

  242. Bob H

    The introduction of virtual reality didn't make the team any more enthusiastic about the 3 hour project triage meeting.

  243. The Indomitable Gall

    Aw, Dad...!

    First you signed up for Facebook and ruined it for me. Then you started following me on Twitter. Can I not have one thing...?

  244. DPW

    Ah, well! Ear today, gone tomorrow...

  245. Dippywood

    I can't believe you lugged that all the way into the forest

  246. DancesWithLice

    "Uh, dad, I've just stood in bear poo again..."

  247. DancesWithLice

    "Hey, Dad, back in the real world, the tree's grown an ear, your wrist's grown a butterfly and my foot's grown a light bulb..."

  248. Warm Braw Silver badge

    But I thought the whole point of these things was that we'd never have to leave Hoxton again!

  249. r3tude

    VR reversal

    Meanwhile in the Forrest of ears, the inhabitants escape reality by pretending to work in an office 9-5.

  250. Adam Jarvis

    I know you need an Ultrafast Broadband connection for one of these, but didn't expect to be surrounded by so many G.fast FTTdp telegraph poles to achieve it.

  251. Evoflash

    But will it give me a full head of hair?

  252. Evoflash

    Take them off and it's like Aero theme is back!

  253. Evoflash

    Damn this internet banking in 3D!

    I'm trying to log on, but I suspect I'm barking up the wrong tree so I'll leaf it there and visit the branch. That way I can root out the truth about how much these things cost us.

  254. Evoflash

    OMG with these on it actually does BITE the hand that feeds IT!

  255. kryptonaut
    Alert

    Ear 'ere

    Here we see the surprising consequences of a buffer overflow in a VR application.

  256. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Trees with ears? Where's Attenborough when you need him?

  257. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    In the forest of the deaf, the one eared tree is king.

  258. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    No I said the hunting simulator should have deers in it! With a D!

  259. Adam Jarvis

    I expected the Royal Oak to be a pub.

  260. Adam Jarvis

    I think Cortana misheard me. We appear to be in the Ear, Nose and Throat Wood, (not Ward) simulation.

  261. DancesWithLice

    "Gee, Pa, Mom really has taken all her clothes off..."

  262. Stephen Keane

    VR is a fad, ear today ... gone tomorrow

  263. theleader

    The bear behind!

    "Hay, dad is that grizely bear behind us real or virtual?"

  264. e_darren

    Is it supposed to make it look like my ear is on my arm?

  265. AlgernonFlowers4

    What the fuck just happened?

    We dropped out of VR because some bastard El Reg hack swiped the hard disk as they had run out of the WD 6TB ones for the caption competition prize!

    1. Rol Silver badge

      Re: What the fuck just happened?

      Ear ear.

  266. Adam Jarvis

    We appear to be an eary wooded hollow, Len.

  267. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No follow up article?

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