back to article WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

This week’s caption competition used a picture from the Intel, announcing it had built a bra as the latest in wearable technology. used for caption comp Predictable but good was justincranford: Biting the hand that feeds T-IT, and we chortled at John H Woods' This could be dangerous in the wrong hands, let's keep it away …

  1. Dan McIntyre

    There were many things he *could* do. Obtaining a WiFi signal with his bare hand was not one of them.

  2. Trigonoceps occipitalis

    "Over here Steve, I think I've found prior art."

  3. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    Being a hermit was just so much more difficult since Twitter and Facebook were invented

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Excuse me how do I turn of UEFI on this laptop as it's the year of the linux desktop?

  5. Vortigern

    "....and Send."

    Jesus sends apologetic email to the party - That's the last time he uses iOS maps.

  6. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    So now we know where Mike Oldfield put the Easter Egg of himself in MusicVR

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I've just asked my dad to have a word with Steve as it would appear this iPad Maxi has a stylus and looks like a surface tab. I wept.

  8. stucs201

    Hey Dad, my battery is getting low, can you send me a very small lightning bolt please?

  9. g e

    And Lo! He said 'let there be an iPhone 6s' and indeed verily there was.

  10. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    Rocks, yes. Tanks, of course. Flying saucers, OK. Smart Missiles, well if you have to. Religious manifestations? WTF?

    This was not what I expected to see in the middle of the reboot of BattleZone

  11. Matthew 3

    Leaving me here in the desert? Wow, Dad really doesn't like Apples.

  12. i steal your leccy

    Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ, how many hard drives fell off the back of that lorry?

  13. Candy

    'JESUS FOUND ON MARS' – now obvious demons are from Venus

    Yet again citizen observers have spotted something odd on Mars – this time what appears to be a messianic figure in a long flowing robe sitting in a desert.

    "It looks like Jesus, partly covered by a laptop." said practically everyone. The messiah seems to have fingers on a raised right hand but opinion is divided about the presence of a thumb...

  14. Laura Kerr

    "Just take the bloody thing away, Cook."

  15. mark 120

    Adventure Game

    "You are in a featureless desert. Choose a direction N S E W"

    N

    "You have been captured by pagans. Press Y to try again to successfully get your 12 tribes to the Promised Land"

  16. Julian 8

    1000 years in the future: How archaeologist's imagine Jonathan Ive got inspiration for the early MacBook Pro's

  17. John F. Jackson

    GodMode

    GodMode on the Start menu in Windows 10 - who needs it?

    1. John F. Jackson

      Re: GodMode

      Could never find JesusMode on Windows 8 - you?

    2. John F. Jackson

      Re: GodMode

      I believe He only uses Norton GHOST for backups.

  18. lawndart

    Bugger off, HG, or I'll amend your Relationship Status to "It's complicated"

  19. John F. Jackson

    Testing

    CTRL-ALT-DEL ... will do what to this universe?

  20. Caff

    Hit return

    Jesus compiling GODos

  21. Bob H

    "Jesus always made time to complain on El Reg forums about rural broadband."

  22. mark 120

    RM -R *

    There they go. I *knew* dinosaurs had been a mistake.

  23. CompuGuide

    "Thanks for the laptop, Dad, but do you think you could stretch to a Desk? My back's killing me!

  24. Eddy Ito Silver badge

    And on the third day he did press the control and the alt and the delete keys simultaneously with his left hand for the third time and said "That's it! I'm going to reformat this partition and try that Linux thing."

  25. Steve K Silver badge

    "Jesus!" exclaimed Andy Green, squinting through the windscreen as he applied full power to Bloodhound

  26. SolidSquid

    "Hold on, I just want to watch one last cat video. What do you mean it's been 40 days?"

  27. Daniel Hall

    Dear Dad

    Jesus sits patiently waiting. Repeated "GOD" (Get Online Dad) requests were unfortunately falling on deaf ears.

  28. AdamT

    "You're the 666th visitor to this site! Click here to claim your prize!1!!!"

    Hmmm, tempting ....

  29. adnim Silver badge

    Hold on a minute dad, just let me finish this level.

  30. BenBell
    Happy

    ...and with that final keystroke or glory, Simon finished the next episode of BOFH.

  31. JASR

    Jesus claims his spot in the fanbois iPhone 6s queue at the Bethlehem Apple store, early.

  32. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

    And here we see Jesus turning from Windows to Wine.

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

      Jesus calls for more cloud storage

  33. Bob Vistakin

    Let there be WiFi

  34. John F. Jackson

    Gateway

    “I am the gateway; if anyone enters through Me, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find the Internet.” John 10:9

  35. Evoflash

    "Mass storage? does it keep the sermon too?"

  36. Ol'Peculier

    After the laptop rebooted unexpectedly, there was no data lost. Because Jesus Saves.

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
      Coat

      ..but Moses scores on the rebound.

      Ba dum dum tish

  37. Evoflash

    "One more minute Dad, I'm playing Populous - it's really good."

  38. John F. Jackson

    Eureka!

    Eureka - I've found Archimedes website!

  39. Tromos

    Moses took all the tablets, so I had to settle for a laptop.

  40. John F. Jackson

    To the Cloud

    Look to the cloud!

  41. 2+2=5 Silver badge
    Angel

    Bob

    It looks like you're writing some Commandments. Would you like help?

  42. denzil

    cloud storage ..... ill show them cloud storage

  43. Queeg

    "Yes Dad I know."

    I'm still not sure if I own the Copyright to "Jesus Phone"

    "Why don't you ask Abaddon to get one of his lawyers to check with that Jobs guy."

    "Then screw forgiveness, we'll smite them for eveything they have."

  44. John F. Jackson

    OneDrive ... sounds like my sort of filesystem ...

  45. Crosseyed and Painless

    Not liking the forgot password questions on this set up

    1) What was your city of birth?

    2) What is your mother's maiden name?

    3) What is your fathers middle name?

  46. lawndart

    A few painful seconds later, Neil discovered the Lumio app wasn't quite as beneficial as he thought.

  47. Brent Longborough

    « On teh Internets, nobody knows you're a Messiah »

  48. Crosseyed and Painless

    Dad are you cheating on God mode again

  49. simmondp

    I don't understand number 11; "Thou will be sceptical of everything on the Internet"

  50. John F. Jackson

    The Hand

    The Hand of God ... is not required if you have Cortana!

  51. ingie
    Mushroom

    So, let's see...

    I..D..P..I..S..P..O..P..D ... hmm

    I..D..K..F..A ... not quite...

    I..D..D..Q..D.. ... AHA!

  52. Naselus

    In an act that caused much confusion later, Jesus finished converting H2O onto WINE.

  53. msknight Silver badge

    When I asked you to bring "The Last Supper" in to the digital age, this wasn't quite what I had in mind.

  54. Will Godfrey Silver badge

    The God of Computers says: "You are about to make a mistake."

  55. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    I came all this way to find the meerkat, and it appears the bloody snake actually did manage to get it!

    (see my suggestions in caption comp. #2)

  56. A K Stiles

    Silicon valley was really starting to show signs of the prolonged drought.

  57. ingie

    And lo, I posted unto my timeline

    RT me, and I shall make you phishers of men.

  58. msknight Silver badge

    Dad, I've finished single player. Can you create someone for me to play with please?

  59. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    There's this Brian guy following me around.

    I know, I'll Google him, and see what this is all about.

  60. Steve Evans

    Mobile computing isn't all about convenience... For example, right now I could use both hands, and double my productivity, but if I do the red sea is likely to come back.

    We all have to make sacrifices.

  61. Oliver 7

    In his downtime Jesus liked to hone his hacking skills - white hat, natch!

  62. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    What this "desert of the real" needs is guns. Lots of guns.

  63. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Where the hell did that 'chair' button get to?

  64. Vinyl-Junkie

    He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty fanboi!

  65. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    If God is in (say) the desert, and nobody sees him, does he really exist?

  66. Comedy of Errors

    And lo Apple sayeth "Let there be God", and then there was God.

  67. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    "Hmmm... That's kind of ironic. I always thought I'd use an Apple-branded computer"

  68. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Fair warning, Windows 10---this is my smiting finger!

  69. Rob

    Hang on Peter, it says it'll finish copying in 10 minutes, no... wait... 5 minutes... oh hang on... it's 8 min-no wait it's 45 minutes... how long will this sea stay parted for?

  70. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    The problem if being Omnipotent is that there is just so much to know. Maybe MapReduce will help!

  71. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    As a non-interventionist God, Yaweh has plenty of time to chat with buddies Thor, Zeus, Shiva and the gang over IRC.

  72. RoninRodent

    Trust in God; trust also in me. Behold, I give you 4chan.

  73. johnnybee

    Er, Dad...

    Listen, thanks for prepping the slides for my next sermon, but the signal's terrible here and the progress bar says 40 days remaining.... (xkcd ref: ...no, 3 minutes.... no, 2 and a half weeks)

  74. Omniaural

    You're welcome here at least Windows 9.

  75. Rol Silver badge

    "One handed typing? Why yes, but the other is holding the sky up and not what I think you're implying"

  76. Omniaural

    uh...where's the saviour button gone?

  77. Omniaural

    I am the cloud

  78. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    All right! I'm actually DOING IT! I'm CHECKING MY EMAIL!

    I just wish there was someone here to see how clever I am :(

  79. Omniaural

    Get me Steve Jobs. I'm done with Windows.

  80. Omniaural

    Uh Steve. I'm bored with this now. When can I have my seat back?

  81. ingie
    Big Brother

    SON!

    ... er, yes dad?

    I KNOW YOU'RE LOOKING AT PORNHUB.

    ... oh, fuck your omniscience, dad.

  82. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    WHHAT? Atari ST better than an Amiga? No way! How will I show this cretin the error of his ways? Hmmm. Let's see--plague, famine, pestilence, ... Ah, Herpes! That should do the trick.

  83. johnnybee

    JC Timeline

    JC: "Look, look - I'm holding up the Sun"

    Matt, Luke and 8 others like this

    Tom: "B*****ks you are!"

  84. Rol Silver badge

    "Didn't I pass the test, oh father? I refused an Apple and now you blight me with a Chromebook"

  85. Mycho Silver badge

    New service deletes embarrassing selfies from the entire internet.

  86. Rol Silver badge

    I hold my hands up on this one. Walking on water, water into wine, healing the sick, but coming up with a catchy phrase to get a desperately needed Western Digital hard drive is beyond me.

  87. Rol Silver badge

    "Yes, it was me. Even the son of God farts sometimes"

  88. VinceH Silver badge

    Ha! Those buggers at GCHQ won't be able to monitor my browsing habits all the way out here!

  89. Primus Secundus Tertius Silver badge

    Miracles

    Sure I do miracles. I can make shadows face the sun.

  90. Rol Silver badge

    "He's a very naughty boy. Ha ha. This is so me"

  91. This post has been deleted by its author

  92. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    "These overclock settings should really improve my FPS" (Fools Pitied per Second)

  93. Rol Silver badge

    "Err, just one question father. Sharks with lasers? Was that you or is there something in this Darwin theory?"

  94. Groaning Ninny

    Left a bit... right a bit... hold it there, I've got a picture...

    oh, it's channel 5.

  95. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Thank Sweden for IKEA. I can't believe I forgot to create some furniture.

  96. Rol Silver badge

    The service here is terrible.

    "Where's my frothy latte, for Christ's sake?"

  97. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    That's funny. I always thought I'd be black.

  98. Rol Silver badge

    "Son"

    "Yes, father"

    "It's not a bloody piano, and you're not Beethoven, so tap the keys gently or you'll break it."

  99. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    The fact that Jesus was a Trinity sometimes had some practical advantages--like getting around the Net Nanny firewall when he wanted to watch porn.

  100. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    On the Internet, only dyslexics know you're a god.

  101. Rol Silver badge

    ə-VAH-də kə-DAH-vrə Westboro Baptist Church, be gone.

  102. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    The Bible never explained what Jesus actually got up to in his 40 days in the desert.

  103. Rol Silver badge

    "A plague of goats on your houses"

    Jesus unwittingly feeding the trolls.

  104. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    ¿ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ uᴉ sƃuᴉɥʇ ǝɹɐ ʍoɥ 'ᴉH

  105. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    If the "any" key did not exist, then He would have to create it.

  106. Gobhicks

    He's not the Messiah, he's a very nerdy boy

  107. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Well what do you know? Matt Groening was right---Sky Finger does only have three fingers on each hand.

  108. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oi dad,

    3 bloody days to respawn is taking the Michael...

  109. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Practising disco moves with YouTube: #17 screwing in the lightbulb.

  110. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hang on dad,

    i'm just putting a picture of myself on here, it's gonna be my screen saviour.

  111. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    What do you mean I have to make it topical? I'm ALWAYS topical.

  112. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dear Twitterati

    How did I feel about being crucified?

    Cross!

  113. hi_robb

    Erm.

    Oh, you said "UNIX SHELL", thank God!

  114. John F. Jackson

    Dictionary Lookup

    adjective, noun, verb

    1. devine

    a frequent misspelling of divine.

  115. MerseyMal

    Despite being in the wilderness he was able to connect to Jehovafone's 4Jesus network

  116. DanJB

    WiFi

    "Forty days and Forty nights in the desert and still no WiFi! Now that's a fast"

  117. dowdinsk

    So he was there with the Windows Updates downloading forty days and forty nights; he did not eat pizza or drink beer. And he wrote on the tablets the words of the covenant, the Windows Ten Commandments

  118. Poisonrain

    Ballmer!

    Omnipotent, and I still can't make Windows 8 work on this chuffing thing

  119. Poet_69

    Lament

    Dad 40 years in the desert is not long enough for fault finding Windows Vista!

  120. ChrisJones74

    Jesus plays 'Spock' in his fathers 'Lizard' in their skype game.

  121. Poet_69

    Lament

    If I wasn't losing enough believers, they will truly crucify me for the MaxI Pad

  122. smigielko

    ctrl+alt+del

    Project Earth. Ctrl+Alt+Del. Restart.

  123. Poet_69

    SIgn of the times

    I know what I did for Lazarus but this Maxi Pad is beyond saving!!

  124. Poet_69

    Using Apple Maps

    Been forty bloody years and still looking for the promised land!!

  125. Poet_69

    Jesus private thoughts

    I am tempted to raise Steve Jobs from the dead so he can see what thy have made of his vision, no pen my arse!

  126. Poet_69

    Tech support

    If you just use the 3 finger salute Jesus, you'll be right in no time!

  127. taveirne

    Hey Dad? Can I get one of those hard drives too?

  128. Poet_69

    Say What!!

    The Feds took down my Tor end point, how else are all the little children to cum unto me???

  129. WillJP

    In the beginning was the Word and the Word was a bit of a pain in the a**e.

    Then some bright spark thought of putting it in the Cloud.

    You can get crucified for an idea like that.

  130. Frogworthy

    Dad I think 10 command lines are enough!

  131. Stax

    Jesus just couldn't look away from two girls one grail.

  132. DancesWithLice

    On his seventh try, Jesus totally nailed his vacation selfie

  133. MaxHeadroom

    who am I to deny that maybe God is me?

    Francis has asked me to hold the sea open for another half an hour. I'm going to be a little late getting your phone to you.

  134. Steve Hillier
    Angel

    "Jesus saves."

  135. tiln

    Cloud

    "Pardon me, I cannot connect to the cloud which I am sitting in."

  136. ChrisJones74

    Jesus played 'Spock' to his fathers 'Lizzard'

  137. bigp2

    Nope, still not getting it. Can someone come over and explain pointers to me.

  138. MaxHeadroom

    who am I to deny that maybe God is me?

    Francis has asked me to hold the sea open for another half an hour. I am going to be a little late delivering your phone.

  139. DancesWithLice

    Revealed, the true explanation behind the 'near miraculous' event of The Fappening...

  140. Greeba

    Water to Wine was a bit New Testament, so the 21st century Messiah webcast his latest miracle over holy wireless finger antenna, sat in the path of the Bloodhound SSC speed trial and tweeting "#letsseewhosurvivestheimpact"

  141. Dave 44

    Hmm,, maybe I should check if my details have been leaked ..

    <tap><tap><tap>

    <google>

    <tap><tap><tap>

    <Ashley Madison database look up>

    search...

  142. RAMstein

    On the old laptop again as Moses keeps nicking the tablets...

  143. Dave 44

    the real snippet from -life of Brian

    JESUS: They shall have the Slackware...

    GREGORY: What was that?

    JESUS: ...for their possession. How blest are those...

    MR. CHEEKY: I don't know. I was too busy talking to windows.

    JESUS: ...who hunger and thirst to see...

    MAN #1: I think it was 'Blessed are the linuxers'

    JESUS: ...right prevail.

    MRS. GREGORY: Ahh, what's so special about the linuxers?

    GREGORY: Well, obviously, this is not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers of crappy software...

  144. chowden

    Given the man upstair's insistence on communicating over non-standard ports he realised the firewall rules on his router needed reviewing

  145. td0s

    JESUS SAVES

    to the cloud

  146. PinchAPint
    Joke

    Our Privacy Policy

    During the Question & Answer session with Microsoft's then-Chief Privacy Officer Judas Iscariot, Jesus realizes -- perhaps too late -- that Microsoft's Cloud Privacy Policy does indeed permit Microsoft to disclose private user data to third-world authoritarian regimes, but only when presented with a legally obtained order from a court of competent jurisdiction.

  147. sc631

    40 days and 40 nights was pushing it even for the latest Jesus laptop....

  148. alban1964

    Hi, Elton? Son of God here. No, really.

  149. This post has been deleted by its author

  150. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    OK ... "rec.jokes" ... "first mention of elasticity" ... "Haha. I get it. I get jokes!"

  151. This post has been deleted by its author

  152. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    You don't need Yahoo Weather

    To know which way the wind blows.

  153. hi_robb

    2nd effort.

    The battery on this laptop is superb, it lasts a deity.

  154. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    NSFW?

    The second coming took on a whole new dimension after Jesus discovered porn sites.

  155. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Due to a mix-up in the procurement department, the tablets of the law shipped on an anachronism.

    1. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

      as if that wasn't bad enough, shipping sent it to Jesus.

  156. Josh Cain

    The line for my phone starts to the right.

  157. msknight Silver badge

    Guys... guys... I think I've found it. The cake wasn't a lie.

  158. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Hmm... I don't get it. According to these GPS coordinates, DesertViXXXen should definitely be meeting me here.

  159. msknight Silver badge

    "Press any key..." ...ummm....

  160. lek

    "...AND LET THERE BE LIGHT! Damn this screen glare is terrible!"

  161. Andrew Jones 2

    Hold on Dad, someone is wrong on the internet and I must correct them.

  162. D.B.

    Audiences at Oculus connect 2 demo session were wowed by the fidelity of its Google+ integration.

  163. lek

    ..and on the seventh day, God realised he'd spent the last seven days reading status updates and pretending to run a farm.

  164. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Screw Crysis, Portal and all those interminable FPSes. Only Populous really "got" what Jehovah was looking for in a game. With the smiting! The human sacrifices! And the deluges! Oy Vey, they were the good times!

  165. msknight Silver badge

    Hey guys, just got an e-mail from Pontius. He liked the hand soap we bought.

  166. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Ironic, eh? Me, a carpenter, and not even a stick of furniture.

  167. lek

    Even with following guides on the Internet, Jesus never could get that Vulcan greeting right.

  168. i steal your leccy

    And...'unfriend' Richard Dawkins!

  169. i steal your leccy

    "Hmm, do i want to open a Grinder Account??" <click Accept>

  170. i steal your leccy

    "Noo, you take your robes off first, Cardinal."

  171. i steal your leccy

    "Minecraft is BRILLIANT!!"

  172. Tubz

    Jesus !, even I can't stop an unwanted Windows 10 upgrade !

  173. i steal your leccy

    "Halo or Carpentry.....Halo it is."

  174. i steal your leccy

    "Fuck!!, some Twat on Twitter's just called my mum a Whore!!.....oh wait a minute..."

  175. i steal your leccy

    "No dad, i haven't put you in my Spam Folder."

  176. i steal your leccy

    "After 2000 yrs the Middle East should've calmed down by now..........oh fuck!!!"

  177. i steal your leccy

    "Yes, i'm surprised i'm so White as well."

  178. adnim Silver badge

    These atheists have some compelling arguments dad, are you sure you exist?

  179. i steal your leccy

    "Look!, i can make the blind see and the lame walk, but even i can't patch Adobe Flash Player!"

  180. PinchAPint
    Pint

    Jackpot

    $alvation-as-a-Service? Jackpot!

  181. i steal your leccy

    "My mum needs some new jugs to hold water in, but this time she wants Really Large Ones.....hmm i wonder what i should type into the address bar?"

  182. i steal your leccy

    "Robert Powell looks fuck all like me!"

  183. i steal your leccy

    "Lets see how many views i got of that 'Walking On Water' video i did."

  184. KnightGarion

    1) Bless my little namesake... the 6s.

    2) Waiter?

    3) Finally the new one is on sale ! I'll take one !!

  185. KnightGarion

    Telecommuting... it's for EVERYONE.

  186. i steal your leccy

    "Lets see...dating sites, dating sites....i tell ya, i am NOT dying a Virgin for the third time in a row! No fuckin way Jose!"

  187. PinchAPint
    Pint

    BOFH tries a new tactic to close support tickets from difficult clients ..

  188. i steal your leccy

    NOOO, i DON'T want to install the ASK Toolbar!!"

  189. Eddy Ito Silver badge

    Jesus, unplugged

    Finally! Someplace quiet where I can concentrate and get some work done. Lord knows these folks aren't going to save themselves.

  190. i steal your leccy

    "Do i want to take a survey?" <sigh>

  191. i steal your leccy

    "These Semi-Evolved Monkeys really love cat videos, don't they!"

  192. lawndart

    He held his hand high in a theatrical gesture for a moment, then swiftly brought his index finger down on the Enter key.

    It didn't compile.

  193. Ciaran McHale

    When the Skype call connected, Jesus said, "Peter, I can see your house from here."

  194. Rol Silver badge

    "scuse me, while I touch the sky......dur dur dur, dur dur dur.

    Purple maze, in the drain, nothing, I can't see the Seine."

    Hendrix before acid.

  195. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    After death, Christians go to heaven and meet this guy. Atheists, on the other hand, are sent to the Matrix. I know which Trinity I'd rather share eternity with!

  196. Rol Silver badge

    Are you sure about this John? Running for the presidency, dressed in sandals has never worked before.

  197. Rol Silver badge

    Jesus practices and practices, but he still messed up the moves at the Village People gig.

  198. Bryn Evans

    The Jesus Phone

    Universal Cloud Computing

    Lightening Battery Charger

    What is there not to like?

  199. Rol Silver badge

    Five? Mmm. No. Five thousand. Yep, that's better.

    Jesus gets editing privileges on Wikipedia.

  200. Rol Silver badge

    Yea, though I sit in the shadow of Silicon Valley, I will do no evil: for prior art forbades me.

  201. Ian Emery Silver badge

    If I hold my hand JUST SO, the shadow looks like Steve Jobs.

  202. Barely registers

    2043AD - Lewis Page finds inspiration for his latest "Climate Change isn't a problem" article from the Kentish badlands.

  203. POSitality

    This doesn't look like the Vatican! Oh Apple Maps, why hast thou forsaken me?

  204. Beornfrith

    "I can't find any water but I've got WINE working just fine."

  205. Ken Rennoldson
    Coat

    JC, phone home

  206. Fibbles

    Jesus found that the ability to turn water into wifi was, whilst impressive, not of much use in the middle of the desert.

  207. PK

    Oh mum! Why do you have show up in all my icons?

  208. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    Noah wants a private cloud? I'll show him clouds.

  209. Rol Silver badge

    "A coffee cost me 50 Shekels in Bethlehem and my robe only cost 10, I'd be quite upset if I spilt robe on my coffee"

    "Who? Martin Pilgrim? Would he be interested in sharing a platter or two?"

  210. TitterYeNot

    Episticles 5:10-11 - 'And our lord spake unto the empty wilderness "Lo, Holy Steve, I darest thee, pullest thou upon my finger..."'

  211. David Fisher

    Partition Error

    That is not good! "Warning: Partition 'Milky Way Galaxy' has become corrupt beyond repair. S)hutdown, R)einitialize, or E)rase?"

  212. Fibbles

    Richard Stallman's self image is somewhat detached from reality.

  213. toughluck

    $ make desert

    When the dust settled he realized that may have been a spelling mistake... and the waiter is probably no longer around.

  214. Pomgolian
    Angel

    It doesn't take divine inspiration to pwn Donald Trump's website, but my god, it's soooo much fun.

  215. Kev99 Bronze badge

    One moment...There's a problem with God chip in this device.

  216. Hans 1 Silver badge

    Smite

    2 minutes, dad, let me try again with Thor.

  217. 3v3rywh3r3

    The grafters agree with this

    It's great being a middle manager and working from home.

  218. Kaltern

    @TheRealJesus - Dad finally got online! #PraiseTheLord

  219. msknight Silver badge

    Jesus held his fingers up to cool. Installing android on a laptop wasn't such a smart move.

  220. MyffyW Silver badge

    JC - he's not the messiah - he's the leader of the opposition.

  221. Mycho Silver badge

    NSA corners world's oldest terrorist online.

  222. Lith

    What do you mean I'm not invited to the launch of the phone named after me?

  223. MyffyW Silver badge

    Satan: "All these things I will give you if you fall down and do an act of worship to me.”

    Jesus: "Get away, Satan! It is written: 'The Lord, your God, shall you worship and him alone shall you serve. And anyway, I run Linux."

  224. This post has been deleted by its author

  225. Velv Silver badge

    And He said "Let there be cloud". And lo, there was.

  226. Ball2000

    Postpone Rapture

    He's still installing SunOS

  227. AlgernonFlowers4

    Hugh are you?

    Yes you can have a blowjob Mr Grant or my name isn't Divine Brown!

  228. AlgernonFlowers4

    Tits looking for a devine response - Jesus Christ, "It's divine!"

  229. Ole Juul Silver badge

    higher power

    Connecting to the network of your understanding.

  230. Rajinder

    They got ma birthday wrong

  231. flipflopper

    Egos were getting out of hand at the American drone control centre.

  232. M7S

    Does this multi-touch gesture demean me in the eyes of the faithful?

  233. Adam Jarvis

    I'm right clicking - nothing seems to be happening. Oh wait...

  234. Browser2015
    Coat

    See Icon

    I would have got a Mac but I hate personality cults.

    The Devil's got the best I Tunes.

    Just another day in second line support.

    Windows error code oxA6F4D811CC please reboot universe

    Let there be drivers

    I thought I was omniscient before I saw Google.

    Dead Sea Scrolling

    Inbox : prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer, Nigerian Prince, prayer, prayer, prayer, Ohh! Viagra.

    That's the right to be forgotten sorted.

  235. i steal your leccy

    COME TO DADDY!

    Exclusive: Sneak Preview of Aphex Twins new video!

  236. i steal your leccy

    "Ive played a Werewolf a Football Manager and Kenneth Williams, so i thought fuck it, why not?"

    'Michael Sheen justifying his new role as Jesus Christ in The Expendables 4'

  237. Marcus Fil

    He thanked his father for another accomplished feat of creation, but JC had not reckoned on having to wait another 2000 years for Windows 10.

  238. DarkLordofSurrey

    God I hate these fecking Register caption competitions!

  239. msknight Silver badge

    Forty days in the wilderness was easier to stomach in the modern age.

  240. Adam Jarvis

    Running Windows under Virtualisation, Spotify is recommending 'Rivers of Babylon' and 'Daddy Cool' by Boney-m.

  241. Adam Jarvis

    Might not be an intergalactic superhighway this time round, but I'm not budging for that inbound Mars Curiosity Rover, anytime soon.

  242. Adam Jarvis

    In this environment, its a real struggle to work out the actual colour of the 'Rose Gold' iPhone 6s.

  243. Adam Jarvis

    Keeps defaulting to booting into Linux. Do I look like a Linux fan or something?

  244. DarkLordofSurrey

    GCHQ's promotional KARMA poster..

  245. Adam Jarvis

    As for the virtual world, I pretty much invented one click delivery.

  246. i steal your leccy

    "Daemon Tools??....that sounds like the Devil's work!"

    1. Adam Jarvis

      "Daemon Tools??....that sounds like the Dust Devil's work!"

  247. i steal your leccy

    <username required>..."Hmm...oh yeah!", S-P-A-W-N-O-F-S-A-T-A-N..."Wicked!"

  248. Al fazed

    Here's two fingers to you dad

    you are still using the same password on all of your accounts

  249. i steal your leccy

    The 'Bill Bailey' lookalike contest on Instagram gets an unexpected entrant!

  250. EastFinchleyite

    "Ok, when I checked myself out on LinkedIn I didn't expect to see a picture of Steve Jobs!"

  251. i steal your leccy

    BREAKING NEWS!!

    Exclusive photo shows the seconds before a suspected ISIS radical was blown up by a US Drone strike!

  252. i steal your leccy

    Young Graduate rues his Student days when Wonga refuses his Online Loan application because of his involvement in the 'Overthrowing Of The Money Changers Tables', riots of 2011

  253. Ball2000

    Postpone Rapture

    Still installing SunOS

  254. msknight Silver badge

    "Press Enter to install Windows 10" ... now hang on a minute...

  255. Buster

    Honest father, I was searching for "rack storage solution".

  256. Huw Barnes

    might explain alot

    Hang on - just one more go at Candy Crush and then I'll fix the world...

  257. miscellaneousMoose

    End of the world

    > bless --unbless earth

  258. Welcome Aboard Admiral

    And on the seventh day it came to pass that the Holy Call Centre of Antioch did answer the phone...

  259. cortland

    A voice in the Wilderness saying

    Bless them Father, for they have sinned, Its SIX terabytes, not 666.

  260. Bbbbit

    Bad pun alert

    Little did Jesus know he was about to suffer a Cross Site Framing attack.

  261. geoffslea

    ... the voice from above said "switch it off and back on again"

  262. Carl Pearson

    Uhm, Dad? The signal bars are really weak here. A little help?

  263. packrat

    trolls

    kind of a vicious neighbourhood, but I like trolls.

    it's stuck on reply-all, tho.

  264. Malik01

    Hax? I will show you Hax.

  265. Malik01

    Cloud storage? You are out of your league son.

  266. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    Water into wine? Walk on water? Raise the dead? How zeroeth century. Watch this. I can do a three finger salute WITH TWO FINGERS!

  267. Peter Higgins 1

    Ten commandments

    1. Don't let Moses near those tablets!

    2. Don't let Moses ...

    ...

  268. michaelJ

    Moses - Shocking Revelation

    We've got to give up these stone tablets and move with the times. So long as the solar batteries last.

  269. g00se

    Moses told me to get one of these. His tablet was just too prohibitive

  270. Oliver 7

    "Let's see now, WalkOnWater.exe, AlmsToPoor.exe, ah here it is, FillRedSea.exe, double-click.Oh shit, better move!"

  271. Oliver 7

    Thought-bubble - "I love The Sims".

  272. Oliver 7

    "Let's See..."

    Sub PearlyGates()

    If Believer = True Then

    Soul = Saved Else

    Soul = Damned

    End If

    If Belieber = True Then

    Soul = DamnedForAllEternity

    End If

    Call Peter(Soul)

    End Sub

    "The world runs on Excel!"

  273. Oliver 7

    Dear Monsanto,

    The genomes in your products are modified versions of prior art, owned by Jehovah Laboratories Inc. Our lawyers stand ready to act upon any further infringement.....

  274. Evoflash

    Windows 10 Commandments Edition - Best on Tablets (stone)

  275. Evoflash

    Second Coming to be screened live on Twitch.

  276. Evoflash

    Skylake eh? Well, this used be a lake...and there's the sky...bit of magic....

  277. theleader

    Holy orders

    “Success! Par-ty time is near! Just ordered small pizza with anchovies & bottle of diet coke, should be enough for all of us, plus a £1 off if it's not delivered within 30mins! Whose the doutting Thomas I couldn't get a good wifi signal out here?

    Anybody got any silver coins as tip for he pizza delivery person?”

  278. Evoflash

    Jesus: "6TB you say? If only I could think of an amusing caption"

  279. This post has been deleted by its author

  280. DancesWithLice

    Jesus' forty days and forty nights in the wilderness flew by thanks to El Reg's lively mixture of news, entertainment and up-to-the-minute tech reviews.

  281. Adam Jarvis

    Well that showed Ed Miliband at least, Tablets are not always the best way to communicate with people.

  282. Evoflash

    "OH YEAH? I'LL SHOW YOU A GOD-DAMNED LIGHTNING CABLE!"

  283. twhite
    Meh

    "That cup will need washing, and the girls will go to hell..."

  284. John F. Jackson

    3. And God said:

    "Let there be Lightroom".

  285. Alan Ferris

    I can't think of a witty title

    So where do I put the loaves and fishes?

  286. Itchy Rus

    "Well, 40 days n 40 nights in this place are gonna go a lot faster once Facebook get that satellite up there!.....C'Mon!!!"

  287. Newsman2015
    Linux

    Torture: Windows Vista on a laptop

  288. Newsman2015
    Linux

    And God said "Let there be Linux!" and it was good!

  289. This post has been deleted by its author

  290. s. pam

    No Carly, you cannot make the other Presidential debaters wear those!

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019