back to article Man given positive pregnancy test in an Apple Watch box

Video footage has revealed a man's relief when the Apple watch his wife gifted him on his birthday turned out to be a positive pregnancy test. The financial stability needed to support a household which uses Apple products often requires the tax-breaks offered to married couples for sustained investment. The costs of raising …

COMMENTS

This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. knightred
    Pint

    Jesus is it Friday already?

    Every bit is hilarious! His tattoo, hair (where it is and isn't), their bedroom, the reveal, and finally the crying.

    I'm not entirely sure why men are expected to cry over their newborns or get excited over watches. I'm led to believe both are standard.

    People always joke that men cry over the loss of freedom and money, but that realization doesn't really sink in until about 6 months after birth. Sometime in the middle of the night, when you realize all the whiskey is gone and then you kick some unbelievably stout and likely pointy toy. Or it's a Saturday and you realize your household is paying a minimum wage salary for undeniably the best sunrise alarm clock available.

    I wager every father has cried over that, but I haven't seen those films. Probably because all the cameras now have cracked lens/screens or slobbered up microphones.

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Why are men supposed to be excited by watches?

      Never got it myself.

      All that money could be spent on something nice.

      1. Ian Michael Gumby Silver badge

        @MJI Re: Why are men supposed to be excited by watches?

        You can look at it a couple of ways...

        1) Its 'bling' for the man

        2) Its a status symbol

        3) It represents a lot of mechanical engineering and is complex... (Can you take one apart AND put it back together in working order? )

        Seriously... Some are works of art that you can own and wear on your wrist.

      2. phuzz Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: Why are men supposed to be excited by watches?

        "Never got it myself. All that money could be spent on something nice."

        I didn't read the title and genuinely thought you were talking about babies.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I knew I should have

    bought the Mrs a 2 seater Merc before the hormonal time bomb went off. It would have been way way cheaper than kids.

    1. Ian Emery Silver badge

      Re: I knew I should have

      Would that be the one now on sale for almost nothing, that I spotted yesterday??

      My 2 1/2 yo has figured out how to make international phone calls, wipe FireFox bookmarks and history using an undocumented keyboard short-cut, and play videos in the middle of the Android CEBBIES app.

      She deleted all the useful stuff off of my Asus tablet - but left all her games intact.....

      and figured out how to use the Paging system on the house phones.

      She is MUCH smarter than an Apple Watch.

      I dont own an Apple Watch, but I am working on a Coxes Orange Pipin Alarm Clock.

      1. fandom Silver badge

        Re: I knew I should have

        You must be bursting with pride, you daughter is a real BOFH in training.

        1. Ian Emery Silver badge
          Black Helicopters

          Re: I knew I should have

          I suspect she will be playing "Global Thermonuclear War" on the WHOMPA at NORAD before she starts school.

          Tech is not the only trick up her sleeve, she started loudly singing "Twinkle Twinkle little star" in the supermarket queue recently and all the women starting coo'ing about her; then she sang it again in Mandarin Chinese (dead silence from everyone).

          I probably shouldnt have mentioned NORAD, looking out the window I can see a black he.....

      2. Babbit55

        Re: I knew I should have

        I know the feeling. My 2 yr old runs over asking for "Micky House" or grabs my wifes iPhone saying "Thank you!" then on goes CBBies or youtube, the kid can use youtube better than me!

      3. dogged

        Re: I knew I should have

        My eldest (2 and a half) gets along pretty well with tech. If only he wouldn't try to smash absolutely everything else when not torturing the cat.

        To clarify - it's the smashing things I object to. Not the cat-torture. That little fuck deserves it.

    2. chairman_of_the_bored

      Re: I knew I should have

      I did and it worked

  3. John H Woods Silver badge

    XKCD

    946

    Disclaimer: I'm still glad to be in the car on the left, when all's said and done.

  4. JDX Gold badge

    I don't really want an iWatch (since I don't have an iPhone) but I absolutely don't want a baby.

    So I'll take the watch (back to the nearest Apple store for a refund)

    1. Youngone Silver badge

      @JDX

      I quite understand you not wanting a baby, they smell bad, wake you up and cost a fortune, but then before you know it, you're waving your 18 year old off to university, and you kind of miss the puking little barstool.

      I'm not sure I'd be quite that fond of an iWatch.

  5. jake Silver badge

    Tasteless, and not funny.

    That is all.

    1. Fading Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Tasteless, and not funny.

      Succinct review of the iWatch Jake. Well done.

    2. Lamont Cranston

      Re: Tasteless, and not funny.

      You're not supposed to lick it.

  6. TarquinTheNutter
    Happy

    Typo?

    Strokable, or Storkable?

    Hmm.

  7. TheProf
    FAIL

    Missing option

    A stick covered in piss.

    Seriously why did you bother with this 'story'? There aren't even any twatter quotes.

  8. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    'Positive and public proof of my manhood and virility'

    Immediate recognition of someone I used to work with.

    At any given chance he'd whip out photos of his kids to prove his sperm had been active at some point. Never any pic of his missus (who, I guess played some small part in this) and also used to show his kid-pics to women he was trying to pick up.

    At one time we had a young-ish female as a manager and he tried the 'my sperm is awesome' on her.

    I asked her if he'd tried it on -- she said she tried not to laugh all the time at such a pathetic apology of humanity.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: 'Positive and public proof of my manhood and virility'

      The normal response is

      You know what they say, Mummies little baby, Daddies little maybe

      Especially if they're being a pain in the arse.

  9. dogged

    No more kids. Please. At this point I'd actually be happier to get an Apple product than another one.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He's crying because he's a jaffa, might explain why he wants an iWatch.

    1. JDX Gold badge

      I'm assuming this is some rhyming slang rather than racist slang?

      1. Lamont Cranston

        Doesn't rhyme,

        but the seedless ones are reported to be more juicy.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Personally..

    I'd rather gouge my eyes out than receive either of the above...

  12. Jay 2
    Paris Hilton

    iThings and bodily fluids?

    After reading the headline, I thought it would be about the same thing as a bit of news from the BBC yesterday: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-34269517

  13. IHateWearingATie
    Childcatcher

    I have kids. An Apple Watch Edition would be less expensive.

    And would only wake me up at 6am on a Saturday if I told it to.

  14. sysconfig

    As a new dad myself...

    I can promise the guy that he won't need an iWatch any time soon. Once the little one is there, he or she will make the schedule and display a complete disregard for which time of the day or night it might be. ;-)

    1. LucreLout Silver badge

      Re: As a new dad myself...

      @sysconfig

      Absolutely! But the bit nobody can make you understand before you have them, is how much fun it is. Best decision I ever made.... even if the recockulously over-powered 2 seater will have to wait until retirement or the next life.

      As regards the video... Nice to see someone taking it like a man, and crying like a baby.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: As a new dad myself...

        > even if the recockulously over-powered 2 seater will have to wait until retirement or the next life.

        try a recockulously over powered 2+2, my 2 spoilt little brats (OK ones well over 6') had complained about the rear leg room in a large saloon for years but the moment I suggested a sports car managed to fold themselves up small enough to squeeze into the back with silly grins and "See Dad there's plenty of space in the back of this one"

  15. Tom 7 Silver badge

    Cheaper and less invasive in the long run

    The baby of course!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kids

    Remember when our youngest started daycare and out neighbours bought 2 new cars. Their payments were less than daycare bill.

  17. Esme

    I want a cat

    (self-confessed crazy cat lady in training)

  18. CrosscutSaw
    Joke

    Or!

    She could have got him some lasering to remove the remnants of 1990's tribal tattoos??

This topic is closed for new posts.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019