back to article Ecuador and Sweden in 'constructive talks' – just don't mention Assange™ by name

How to solve a problem like Julian Assange™ was the veiled topic of debate on Monday when officials from Ecuador and Sweden met for the first time. According to AFP, it's hoped that a deal on judicial help in criminal cases can be struck between the two countries by the end of this year. Swedish justice ministry official …

  1. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ecuador to Sweden

    So, how much will you give us for this nice building in London? By the way, it has a sitting tenant

  3. Spaller

    Throw Assange in the Ecuadorean volcano. I understand he's a virgin.

    1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge
      Facepalm

      I understand he's a virgin

      You haven't been following this very closely, have you? :)

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It really does not matter at all what decision Sweden & Ecuador come to, St Assange still wont be able toleave without fear of arrest & then extradition to the US, as he is guilty of Jumping Bail something that will net him some prision time in the UK & well once in a UK prison it wouldnt take much for the US to ask the UK to hand him over & you can bet the UK Elgov will oblige as a matter of reflex, not thought

    1. Swarthy Silver badge
      Facepalm

      <facepalm>

      Dammit! Now you've gone and ruined it. Ecuador was hoping that by telling their less-welcome-than-before flatmate that Sweden had agreed to play nice he'd finally get off of their couch. If he remembers that the UK Rozzers will still grab him, he'll never leave!

    2. martinusher Silver badge

      Is the term "trumped up" still in use?

      Its quite obvious that Assange's legal problems are a fabrication caused by an overarching desire for the US to get their hands on -- and silence -- him (and anybody like him who gets the wrong kind of ideas).

      We in the US are very practiced at overcharging, piling on offenses, many notional, which are used to make someone look bad. In this case one person's 'jumping bail' is another person's 'fleeing for their life from an oppressive regime'.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Is the term "trumped up" still in use?

        Yes - to describe the current US election campaign

    3. Ian Michael Gumby Silver badge

      @AC ...

      Actually if the US wants him...

      They can get him from Australia.

      Look here's how it breaks down....

      Assange pops out of the Embassy.

      IF he has to go to Sweden,THEN he goes to Sweden.

      After that... back to the UK

      ELSE

      He faces UK law for jumping bail.

      END IF

      The UK Govt, then puts him on a plane back to Australia when they are through with him. Assange will be asked to leave the country for being a complete prat and for causing all of this mess and a huge expense to the UK Govt (Police protection)

      So in Australia, the Australian Government has a couple of options.

      Most likely they can take away his passport.

      He can be put on a no-fly list.

      Its here that the US could decide what to do with him.

      Depending on who's occupying the WH, he may escape getting sent to the US... but if what was alleged in the Article 32 hearing for Manning... maybe not.

      The US has ~18 years before the statute of limitation runs out.

      Note: That while the UK government could be asked to hand him over... by waiting till he's back home in Australia... it could be done with less hassle.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: @AC ...

        "IF he has to go to Sweden,THEN he goes to Sweden.

        After that... back to the UK"

        Not sure it'll work that way. The minute he shows outside the door he'll be arrested for bail offences and I can't see him being sent to Sweden until he's served any sentence for that. Of course he could argue that time spent in the Embassy counts towards any term of imprisonment in the same way that time on remand does.

        1. Ian Michael Gumby Silver badge
          Boffin

          @Dr. Syntax ...Re: @AC ...

          He goes to Sweden first to face the charges. He was on the run which is why they issued the EAW. Also rape trumps bail jumping.

          So he will go to Sweden, assuming that they will charge him. Its possible that they believe that don't have a winnable case they won't charge him.

          Regardless he jumped bail and will face charges in the UK.

          They could decide to give him the full sentence because he cost them millions on police overtime... Or they could just toss him back to Australia.

          BTW, any time he spent in the Embassy doesn't count for anything.

        2. Don Dumb

          Re: @AC ...

          @Doctor Syntax -

          Of course he could argue that time spent in the Embassy counts towards any term of imprisonment in the same way that time on remand does.

          He could argue that, but he is there voluntarily. A fact I'm sure any Judge would be quick to point out.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @AC ...

          he could argue that time spent in the Embassy counts towards any term of imprisonment in the same way that time on remand does.

          By what reasonable argument does time you hide from legal process count towards time already spent incarcerated? By that logic they would have let quite a few of those Mafia bosses walk free as well.

          Honestly, some of the crap people dream up defies belief. Not so much that it's dreamt up, more for actually believing that such ideas represent reality.

      2. rtb61

        Re: @AC ...

        Actually the Australian High Court is pretty sturdy and will thumb it nose at the Australian and US governments should the extradition contravene the constitution or other laws. So out of the embassy and then deported, no charges for jumping bail if the actions behind the bail cancelled (loss of bail is the main penalty for jumping bail). Sweden is just embarrassed by the whole thing and want it over, it makes the current government look all a bit lame and pathetic, the Swedes are quite independent and do not want to live in a vassal state to the US.

        UK just seem all rather confused about it, with different departments doing their own thing with their own objectives, so Assange will be dumped back on Australia as quickly as possible. Of course he could still make it to South America, depending upon how polite he has been and whether or not he politely learnt Spanish.

      3. JustNiz

        Re: @AC ...

        That would all be feasible and great if the UK wasn't actually just a blatant glove puppet of the USA. Obama has his arm so far up Cameron's ass that I'm surprised Cameron's eyes haven't turned brown.

  5. TitterYeNot
    Coat

    Just don't mention Assange™ by name

    So what happens if you say 'Assange' three times in a row? Does he magically appear on your sofa and start humping your leg while trying to take over your soul with his supernatural ego?

    Think I'd rather take my chances with Beetlejuice, Voldemort or Candyman thankyouverymuch...

    1. Ian Michael Gumby Silver badge
      Facepalm

      @TitterYeNot Re: Just don't mention Assange™ by name

      If that were the case, Grandma Pumpkin (That's her Secret Service code name) would have done it already as a way of taking the heat away from her email server.

      But you had to go the Beetlejuice route.

      I would have thought you'd have gone Harry Potter's Voldermort instead.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Just don't mention Assange™ by name

      So what happens if you say 'Assange' three times in a row?

      I tried it and my Ferrero Rocher has vanished. At least, that's what I'll tell my wife when she's searching for them.

  6. i steal your leccy
    Pint

    Keep y'dick up Julian....

    I'm rooting for ya cobber.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The old joke about the true Aussie male

      "eats, roots, and leaves"

      Ecuador: well, two out of three ain't bad...

      1. anonymousI

        Re: The old joke about the true Aussie male

        That's not quite right - it's actually:

        "Eats, roots, shoots and leaves."

        So maybe the Ecuadorian Embassy has some hidden attraction...

  7. cantankerous swineherd

    3 years in ecudorian hell hole perhaps a good option: http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/aug/28/edward-snowden-fbi-norway-extradite-julian-assange

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      According to that report the US want Norway to “effectuate the return of Mr Snowden". Perhaps they should tell the US they can't help as they don't understand what effectuate means.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I know it's sometimes difficult to tell the difference, but Sweden != Norway.

      1. Teiwaz Silver badge
        Go

        Sweden != Norway.

        Hmm, I'm inclined to put that down to the US Agencies only having two marked regions on their maps, 'US' and 'terrorists'.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Sweden != Norway.

          Not quite. 'US' and 'Suspected Terrorists' which let's them short-circuit numerous regulations, laws, executive orders and, apparently, Congressional oversight.

    3. Ian Michael Gumby Silver badge
      Boffin

      @swineherd ...

      There's a new twist here:

      http://www.theguardian.com/media/2015/aug/29/julian-assange-told-edward-snowdon-not-seek-asylum-in-latin-america

      Too funny.

      "“I’m a white guy,” Assange said. “Unless I convert to Islam it’s not that likely that I’ll be droned, but we have seen things creeping towards that.”"

      -=-

      Man is that guy full of himself.

      He's not worthy of being a drone target.

      But the interesting thing... it could explain why there are new talks between Sweden and Ecuador.

      Seems they want to get rid of him too. ;-)

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: @swineherd ...

        "ut the interesting thing... it could explain why there are new talks between Sweden and Ecuador.

        Seems they want to get rid of him too. ;-)"

        Time for a fire drill at the Ecuadoran embassy.

  8. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Julian Assange: Fancy dress plan to escape embassy

    ...Daily Telegraph reports

    "Staff at the Ecuadorian embassy, where the WikiLeaks founder fled more than three years ago, drew up elaborate plans to help him escape"

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11836843/Julian-Assange-Fancy-dress-plan-to-escape-embassy.html

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Julian Assange: Fancy dress plan to escape embassy

      Sticking him in a police uniform ought to work, if only for irony value :)

  9. Mark 85 Silver badge

    He's not about to leave if he can help it.

    A recent interview with Jesse Jackson had some mixed and strange statements like his planning to be smuggled out of the embassy. He also is very worried about even standing on the balcony because of a possible drone attack. There's some more paranoia and discussion of his greatness in the interview. Oh.. Assange's greatness, not Jackson's... just so there's no confusion.

    A quick Google will bring more than you'll probably want on this.

    1. Matt Bryant Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Mark 85 Re: He's not about to leave if he can help it.

      ".....A quick Google will bring more than you'll probably want on this." But Jesse and A$$nut, in the same interview?!?! How better to test your hypocrisy meter! You can set it to "avalanche of male bovine manure": http://www.bet.com/news/national/2011/04/18/ten-years-after-one-sex-scandal-jesse-jackson-sr-faces-another.html

  10. Winkypop Silver badge
    Trollface

    Maybe

    There's a sale on couches at IKEA in Stockholm.

    He must be due a new bed by now.

    I hear the ÄSJSVÄNG is on special this week...

    1. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

      Re: Maybe

      Close, since SÄNG is Swedish for bed. In swedish, any words can be combined to make up new words. If more than two consonants are together, the extra ones are dropped:

      ASS-SÄNG -> ASSÄNG

      Made to sit around a lot on.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Relax," said the police,

    "We are programmed to receive.

    You can check-out any time you like,

    But you can never leave!"

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