back to article Auto erotica bonk shocker: ja das ist gut, say 56% of Germans

For some the car is a functional thing that gets them from A to B, for speed demons getting behind the wheel is like a drug, but for many folk in Germany going for a ride has an entirely different meaning. According to the mother of all silly polls, 56 per cent of our Saxon cousins have admitting to bonking in their vehicles …

  1. Number6

    I guess that for all those businessmen driving themselves to a meeting, it gives credence to what we've always said about BMW drivers...

    1. Number6

      Ah! A downvote! I guess there's a BMW driver amongst the commentards...

  2. Mark 85 Silver badge

    That lends a whole new meaning to the concept of a "Sport Utility Vehicle". Well.. sex is a sport, right?

    OTOH, a certain Lazarus Long once said: "Everyone lies about sex.".

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "[...] enjoy a bit of slap and tickle on the back seat [...]"

    Must be a contortionist to reach the steering wheel - or is this automatic cruise and lane control?

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Another fine reason to have a self-driving car. Although maybe a self-driving motorhome (caravan) would be better.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Most do it in secluded areas, whilst parked... Exhibitionists have also been known to park in motorway parking areas (not the ones with restaurants) and diddle themselves for the watchers.

      Although I had one German girlfriend gave me a blowjob whilst driving.

      1. Tim Worstal

        There was a story about this......

        Bloke had a crash on the M4 (I think it was) and he and the bird with him were dead. But his penis was severed and in her mouth.

        So, reconstructed, she's giving him a blow job as he's driving. Crashes. Steering wheel hits her in back of head, slamming jaw shut......

      2. Martin
        WTF?

        I had one German girlfriend gave me a blowjob whilst driving.

        As written, that sentence implies she was driving. I assume that's not what you meant.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Touring the West Country in 1977 with an Israeli friend. As we were stopped at traffic lights with the windows open - she tormented male passers-by with erotic licking and sucking of her newly discovered stick of classic British pink seaside rock.

        During the journey I asked her how many guys she had taken to bed. Getting no answer I repeated the question more slowly. "Shh - I'm counting".

        Reminds me of the early 1970s when another girlfriend decided do that experiment at traffic lights in Africa. Luckily the MK1 LandRover windows were well above the eye-level of the family saloons - but I had a nagging fear that a Pan-African monster truck would draw up alongside. Fortunately my engaging the clutch and gears as the lights changed to green persuaded her to wait until later.

  4. msknight Silver badge

    "Well, you see Officer, I was pulling a very tight maneuver at the time. It was touch and go for a while, but the inevitable happened, everything went stiff, the engine over-revved and I blew my head ... gasket."

  5. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
    Angel

    Fahrgefühl!

    This is it.

  6. Jeffrey Nonken Silver badge

    So all technological advance really IS ultimately in support of more sex. Self-driving cars FTW.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That's contrary to the German films I've seen for research purposes, it's usually with das washing machine repair man in the house.

    1. skeptical i
      Devil

      Or the cable guy.

      viz., Karl Hungus in _Logjammin'_.

  8. Chris G Silver badge

    Wobbly

    Back inthe '70s a neighbour of mine was a motorcycle cop, while on a patrol in Croydon he noticed a car ahead of him was moving erratically. As he approached from behind he noticedthe passenger's head duck down from sight and the car's path became distinctly wobbly,veering all over the road, as the car pulled up at trafficlighst he pulled along side the car and peered in the young lady in the passenger seat was blowing the driver's bugle, her nickers were on the dash and the driver didn't even notice my neighbour looking in.

    The driver got a ticket for Dangerous Driving and Driving Without Due Care and Attention, the passenger got ticked off about lewd behaviour and distracting a driver while driving.

    This happened on the Purley Way, Brighton road.

    Sex in a car, van, back of a bike even is normal especially for youngsters with no place to go but it is better to not be driving at what the Japanese call the Moment of Clouds and Rain ( Very difficult to drive a bike and have sex).

    1. frank ly

      Re: Wobbly

      Was she wearing a Purley necklace?

      1. Stuart Moore

        Re: Wobbly

        Are you asking if she had his Waddon?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oh really

    "It seems age is no barrier to steamy sessions in vehicles either, with 50 to 60 year-olds just as likely to enjoy a bit of slap and tickle on the back seat as 20 to 30 year-olds."

    Why does this seem so particulary unbelievable ? or is there a huge quantiy of Viagri/Cialis distributed at all the petrol stations ( Gas stations for our friends across the pond)...

    1. Pookietoo

      Re: Oh really

      It can require a certain souplesse that seniors might lack. Although perhaps not so much in a large car - my experience is of smaller cars.

      1. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: Oh really

        I'm over 60, I can still kick a heavy bag higher than my head, touch my toes ( depending on who or what is behind me) and I definitely still have the suppleness to make a lady ( or other female) smile and reach her destination in the back of a car.

        I must say though that my old Tranny van was more fit for purpose and if all you have is a Mini, then providing the weather and location is Okay, the roof is better than the back seat.

        Just need to add other than the spam emails I see, I have no idea where to buy viagra or cialis or what it even looks like.

        1. frank ly

          Re: Oh really

          "... make a lady ( or other female) smile ..." , " ... my old Tranny van ..."

          So, you used to drive on both sides of the road?

          (Thank you Chris, just keep them coming.)

          1. asiaseen

            Re: Oh really

            and maybe both ways on both sides of the road.

    2. Stuart Moore

      Re: Oh really

      Or alternatively they did it in their youth and the questions didn't specify a time. (I can imagine that back then it was more common than now as sex before marriage was more frownrd upon)

  10. edge_e
    WTF?

    in is such an important word

    According to the mother of all silly polls, 56 per cent of our Saxon cousins have admitting to bonking their vehicles

  11. Andy Non Silver badge
    Coat

    Haven't they heard of speed humps?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Acronyms

    BMW : Blow my wand

    ESP : Extra Sex Please

    ABS : Always Blow Safely

    AutoBahn : Alfred Usually Teaches Obscene Bonking And Hardcore Nookie

    Golf : Girlfriend Only Loves Facials

    Mercedes : My Ex Rumptious Collaborator Easilly Does Evening Sex

    German : Googirls Excite Randy Men Almost Naked

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  13. Pliny the Whiner

    Shagging in Deutschland

    I guess I've long thought that Germans had one-dimensional, heavy duty, machine-like sex, with the participants barking orders at each other, e.g., "You will now turn 90 degrees clockwise!" Any pleasure that accrued to the couple was treated as an industrial accident.

    My point is, it makes sense that machine-like sex would occur in, you know, an actual machine of some sort.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Shagging in Deutschland

      "I guess I've long thought that Germans had one-dimensional, heavy duty, machine-like sex,"

      Seriously, have you ever been in a German newsagents and looked at the magazines?

      Germany is not all Prussia, you know. There's Bavaria, for a start. And Bavaria is the home of the Oktoberfest.

      1. kraut

        Re: Shagging in Deutschland

        Bavaria is not Germany.

        That's one of the few things the Bavarians and the Germans agree on. (*)

        (*) other things include beer and sausages, but then so does most of central Europe.

    2. GrumpenKraut Silver badge

      Re: Shagging in Deutschland

      And their language sounds like a typewriter is being kicked down a flight of stairs.

      It must be true, as I heard it from a bunch of Australians in a bar!

    3. kraut

      Re: Shagging in Deutschland

      One assumes that your extensive knowledge of Germans derives primarily from reruns of 'allo 'allo?

      1. Blank-Reg
        Joke

        Re: Shagging in Deutschland

        'Allo 'Allo is well known as the height of historical fact. And Germans are kinky beggars as this particular quote from a certain scene undoubtedly reveals

        Helga: Herr Flick, may I kiss you?

        Herr Flick: (in lingerie) What? Kiss me? Chained to the wall and dressed in the underwear of a woman? Of course.

  14. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

    Believable

    If the internet has taught me anything, it's that Germans are up for almost anything.

  15. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Joke

    Vorsprung Di*k Technik

    as they do in Germany

  16. Elmer Phud

    Lay by

    VW campervan.

    Park, close curtains, pull out bed - afterwards there's a kettle handy for a cuppa.

    Did have a coverted passenger ambulance once, with mirror film on the side and rear windows.

    It can be off-puttng when you get a passer-by stopping to groom thier hair while busy.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lay by

      Do the Aussies still call them F@@k Trucks?

      1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
  17. werdsmith Silver badge

    If you ask anybody if they have had sex in a vehicle then I would predict more that 95% will say yes, because at some point in their life during the intense first phase of a relationship it will always happen. And I'm pretty sure that foreplay will have started before the vehicle stopped.

    So, after a couple of weeks of dating, there is plenty of this stuff going on. After 16 years of marriage like myself, then that urge is usually dealt with before we leave the house......

  18. Blank-Reg
    Go

    Came here expecting top quality comments and innuendo.

    Came away very satisfied...

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