back to article Octogenarian accused of performing sex act with a SHRUBBERY

An 81-year-old man from Stratford, Connecticut, has been charged with public indecency after performing a sex act with a shrubbery. The Connecticut Post reported that Wallace Berg, of Russell Road, is facing charges of second-degree breach of the peace and public indecency after being caught "humping" a shrubbery. The local …

  1. Sir Barry

    There's a joke about Clinton and Bush in there somewhere.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge
      Coat

      Close, but no cigar....

    2. Bob Vistakin
      Facepalm

      Was this a job for special branch?

    3. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      I'll show you my Bush if you show me your Dukakis.

      Lucille Ball

  2. frank ly Silver badge

    Yes, it's funny to read

    This could be an indication of dementia at an early stage. I've seen older relatives and family friends do strange things while seeming to have strange ideas, some years before being committed into care.

  3. David Roberts Silver badge

    My wife told me that today....

    .........I could {please insert bush joke of choice}.

    It did seem a little odd but she was very insistent....

    1. Elmer Phud

      Re: My wife told me that today....

      Come on, tell us.

      No beating about the bush.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A bird in the hand...

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Could have been worse, could have been an unladen swallow (African to avoid confusion)

  6. Zog_but_not_the_first Silver badge
    WTF?

    Shirley...

    ... this was a privet act?

    1. TitterYeNot
      Coat

      Re: Shirley...

      "Shirley...this was a privet act?"

      Absolutely. It's no-one else's business whose box he wants to put his todger in...

  7. NorthernCoder
    Coat

    I tell you

    No beating around the bush there...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shrub.

    The thing is that, before one can have sex with the shrub, one has to be aroused by it.

    Maybe the shrub was actually some sort of topiary, in the shape of, let's say, a sheep?

    1. Alan Johnson

      Re: Is charging the right response?

      Obviously a source of jokes but if the man concerned has no previous record then this strongly suggests a new neurological problem and that should be the main focus. Charging someone under these circumstances does not seem appropriate untill the likely medical problems have been investigated. He and his family have problems issues without a record of sexual offences.

      1. Paul Dx

        Re: Is charging the right response?

        As part of the legal process the court can order him to take neurological tests and then take them into consideration going forward.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This shit pisses me off. Number one if an old man wants to shag plants in his own garden that's his business, if it upsets you mention it and as is evident he'll stop, or go back sit down and watch TV. Don't fucking record it like some sick voyeristic cunt.

    And as mentioned it could be a sad sign of the the kind of problems you get in older life.

    So calling the police and giving the old man a 10k bail is inhuman.

    - as an asside - russel road? Are you sure this isn't a wind up?

    1. moiety

      Agreed. The neighbour should leaf him alone.

  10. DrXym Silver badge

    So what the article is saying

    The man and the neighbour twigged at the same time but in a different sense.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'd stop hedging my bets; he should've twigged that he could've taken a leaf out of my book, stopped beating around the bush and told 'em to go climb a tree.

  12. magickmark
    Facepalm

    Its a plant I tell you!!!

    If the case goes to court and they bring the shrub in as proof could the defense make a case for the evidence being a plant?

  13. NanoMeter

    Really...

    Sunbathing naked or walking naked in the backyard. Of course you should be able to.

    So what if he was sticking his penis into the shrubbery. It was his shrubbery.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Really...

      But was there consent?

    2. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

      Re: Really...

      Consent should not be assumed. Unless it was the same species as the singing bush from The Three Amigos I'd imagine the shrub was unable to give consent.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not so much beating around the bush as into it.

    Sounds like the guy needs medical help not a criminal conviction though.

  15. astrax

    He's going to Rue the day he expected a Honeysuckle from a Buxus Camellia. Heather knows the thyme'ing was just Hawthorne. I bet he feels like a Raspberry now. I'm not calling him a Briar but he just doesn't care about putting his Gooseberry into a Jasmine or a Daphne. Anyway, off to the Juniper forums now to discuss dealers in Magnolia, Texas. x

  16. A Nonny Moose
    Joke

    Typical man, couldn't find the Clematis

  17. Warm Braw Silver badge

    He should have waited until it was dark

    No-one should expect to get away with daylight shrubbery...

  18. Dan Paul

    Obligatory Monty Python.....

    Get thee to a shrubbery!

  19. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    I don't understand what all the fuss is about. He says he is a nature lover on his facebook page.

  20. x 7

    early dementia

    probably suffering from hardening of the arteries

  21. Ronzo

    "Possible inspiration for character of Roger the Shrubber revealed"

    Is that because he was giving the shrubbery a rogering?

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Offended by naked geezers?

    Don't look into geezers' back yards.* What is done on ones premises is ones own business if it poses no bona fide health and safety risk to others (naked gardening good, cooking meth bad). In this specific case, if there is no fence around the backyard and what is done there is visible to all, a discreet "sorry to bother you, but did you know that people can see your backyard from the street?" later that day should be sufficient.

    * Spoken by a geezer who is occasionally naked in the fenced back yard; when it is summer hot I just can not be arsed to put on clothes solely to nip outside to empty the veggie peelings into the compost bin. AC because I don't want to give my local neighbourhood nazis any ideas.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Offended by naked geezers?

      This is North America, my friend! It's not enough to have your opinion, you must do anything in your power to impose it to the rest of the world.

      I could find a more serious example but I'll pick one the is easy to understand: wearing a helmet while riding a bike. There are some nuts that want to make it compulsory and frankly I'm having a hard time understanding their effort to protect me. If they think there is a risk of injury then for God's sake they should start wearing a helmet and just leave me alone.

      1. Turtle

        "wearing a helmet while riding a bike"

        "wearing a helmet while riding a bike. There are some nuts that want to make it compulsory and frankly I'm having a hard time understanding their effort to protect me. If they think there is a risk of injury then for God's sake they should start wearing a helmet and just leave me alone."

        That's fine if, and only if, you have already paid insurance premiums such that it will be your money and only your money that will be spent on both immediate and long-tern rehabilitative medical care if you suffer a head injury whilst riding without a helmet.

        Since that's unlikely to be the case, and since, thanks to the miracle of compulsory medical insurance, many, many other people's money will be spent cleaning up the mess of a head injury incurred while riding without a helmet, your decision to wear or not wear a helmet becomes a matter of public concern.

        Once any type of insurance, public or private, enters the picture, and the money being spent on the injury is not 100% your own, things get... complicated. Note that this has nothing to do with your opinion on. or support of, or desire or lack of desire to be covered by. any sort of compulsory or non-compulsory medical insurance or public health insurance whatsoever. Other people have to pay the costs, and are therefore concerned about how and - especially - why their money is being spent.

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