1) Archive an iOS backup (but haha we didn't put the archive option in iTunes for Windows, MS LUUZERS)
2) Download Profile (but beta.apple.com is running on a classic powermac that's stuffed in the corner of Tim Cook's old bedroom, so it might not work all that well)
3) Update your iOS device (but you can't cos you actually have stuff on your phone taking all the space cos we put you off buying the bigger one by charging $100 for an extra 16GB of flash).
Winner, Apple. Furiously deleting stuff off my phone right now.