back to article Norks execute underperforming terrapin farm manager

North Korea has executed the manager of an underperforming terrapin farm, following a "field guidance tour" of the site by Kim Jong-un. According to Daily NK, the chubby despot rolled up at the facility on the Taedong River in Pyongyang back in May (see pic, below), to find "some of the tanks were not adequately supplied with …

  1. Little Mouse

    How's his schedule for the next couple of months?

    I'd like to nominate a couple of places here in the U.K. that could do with his "guidance".

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: How's his schedule for the next couple of months?

      I wonder if there's a shortage of PHB's in North Korea?

  2. JeffyPoooh Silver badge
    Pint

    Nork firing squads...

    Wooden guns. Squad of 12 yelling "BANG!".

    Explains a lot...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Nork firing squads...

      ...except one who yells " " ?

  3. Kubla Cant Silver badge

    pleased to see various kinds of vegetables growing in thick verdure at every greenhouse

    If your greenhouse produce is "growing in thick verdure", it sounds like it's time you did some weeding. I guess Kim doesn't do much gardening.

  4. AndyS

    Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

    ...why does North Korea (attempt to) farm terrapins anyway?

    1. Blane Bramble

      Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

      Terrapin Farm + Nuclear ambitions = He is assembling an army of shell-backed martial-art trained super troops.

      1. skeptical i
        Mushroom

        Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

        Sharks move too quickly for Lil Kim to install frikken laser beams on 'em, hence turtles. Odd translation of the "Tortoise and the Hare" story must have sparked the idea.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

      How else will he pin his Dead List to the wall?

    3. Harry the Bastard

      Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

      well, one day the glorious leader saw a report on the need for terascale processing farms

      orders were given

      no one's going to point out the faux pas, they just need to keep a straight face and take plenty of notes

    4. Magani
      Black Helicopters

      Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

      Terrapin Farm + Nuclear ambitions = Teenage Mutant Ninja Terrapins?

    5. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

      For food, I believe. Probably true.

      1. 45RPM Silver badge

        Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

        @Lester

        Any chance on doing a pet based posh-pub nosh special?

        Terrapins (from NK)

        Dog (from China)

        Rabbit (Europe, Natch)

        Guinea Pig (Ecuador)

        Households all over the country are doting on their next meal - instead of eating it! It’s down to you, Lester, to show us the error of our ways…

        1. Lyndon Hills 1

          Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

          Guinea pig has already been done

          see here

        2. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

          Re: Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

          Well, they eat dog in NK as well, plus they have in the past dabbled in giant rabbit: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/04/08/commies_ate_my_rabbits/

          So I suppose "Nork ragout of chien and énorme lapin a la Kim Jong-un" might be in order. The "a la Kim Jong-un" bit refers to the terrapin salsa used to spice the dish. Hmmmm....

          1. I. Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects

            Snail snot

            Watching my dad eating winkles has put me off fish for the last 50+ years. Having boiled them you then stab them with a pin and the unfortunate delicacy runs out the shell like snot. I wonder how he would have coped with terrapins.

        3. Triggerfish

          Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

          Run a net through the average tropical fish tank, most of them are food fish as well.

        4. PNGuinn Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

          @@ Lester.

          Hedgehog....

          Mole.

          Water rat.

          Badger.

          Stoat.

          Weasel.

          TOAD.

    6. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

      Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

      As Lester says, probably for food. Not that there's anything particularly wrong with that. They have been a delicacy in the past and even affluent westerners eat things which seem particularly disgusting to others; eels, oysters, frog's legs, snails, squid, snake, and the list goes on.

      Apart from taste, texture and toxicity, an animal is an animal, food is food. Though I'd just stick to the rice side-dish personally.

    7. Havin_it
      Joke

      Re: Putting aside the absurdity of the punishment...

      Okay, I got this. Follow along with me:

      1. Norks are in the Axis of Evil(TM), meaning the State sponsors terrorism.

      2. They sponsor the Madrid bombings, in which many terrapins get blown to bits in the lobby pond of Atocha station.

      3. In NK, Halliburton == the state.

      4. They mean to win the re-terrapinification contract!

      Simple really.

  5. Christoph Silver badge

    He might genuinely believe it was the manager's fault. If nobody dares report problems to him, and everywhere he goes he sees happy cheering crowds (because anyone not happy and cheering will be shot), he could be so cut off from reality that he simply does not believe excuses of problems and shortages.

    Apparently some refugees from North Korea say that they did believe that it was the best country in the world, because they saw nothing but propaganda.

    He wouldn't be the first dictator to not realise what's really happening (unlike the Tories, who know exactly what they're doing to the poor and revel in it).

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      He went to school in Switzerland, so he's got some outside experience. Actually perhaps that's where he learnt his management techniques? Do Toblerone employ death squads? Enquiring minds would like to know...

      1. PNGuinn Silver badge
        Joke

        He went to school in Switzerland

        So THAT'S why he's cookoo about terrapinz.

  6. plingwoo

    It went like this

    Subordinate: So, Supreme Leader, how you like trip to Hard Drive factory ... informative yes?

    Supreme Leader: Yes, very. Now I know that there is many many bytes in terabyte and that is as it must be!! Now, what next on visit list??

    Subordinate: Terrapin factory.

    1. AbelSoul
      Trollface

      Re: It went like this

      But how many terras can dance on the head of that pin?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All makes sense now, they are training the terrapins to invade American movie company servers. Strap a usb stick to their backs and off they go.

    I did wonder how they did it.

  8. elDog Silver badge

    Poor terrapin factory leader met hung-over Kimmie.

    I think the Reg should send some of those famous post-pub noshes to the dear boy. Turtle soup just doesn't cut it.

  9. Turtle

    What I Kinda Like.

    Personally, I kinda like terrapins.

    If a guy had horns growing out of his head, he'd probably attempt to disguise it with exactly the kind of hairstyle that we see in the photograph. And he'd wear shoes to hide his hooves. And he'd keep his tail in his pants so you'd never see that either.

    Makes you wonder...

  10. x 7 Silver badge

    terrapins = instant meat pies. Just chuck them on an open fire and allow to cook. When the shell cracks open they're ready

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      I guess that works. I had an image of them popping open like popcorn....

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wouldn't you...

    ...like to see evil tyrants like this hung by their balls and beat with a stick daily for a month or two?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Never happen in Blighty

    No way that a manager in the UK would get shot for short-failings in an operation. That's what junior staff are there for!

    See icon.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Not to be a party-pooper or anything, but I did find the levity of the article a bit disturbing given that we are talking about the execution of a guy for the inefficient running of a terrapin farm. For all we know, this chap had a family and/or dependents and I'm pretty sure they don't think it's very funny.

    It's not really that funny, guys.

    1. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

      We only have allegation of an execution of this guy; there is no actual evidence it happened.

      The only thing which makes it sound more credible than allegations of past executions is that it's not as completely over the top as they usually are.

  14. Aaiieeee
    Trollface

    Rather than taking notes

    and attempting looking the most interested, why don't they collectivley hold his head under the water in one of those tanks for a few minutes?

  15. Trigonoceps occipitalis

    @ Lester Haines

    and

    @ plingwoo

    A Terranibble then?

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Terrapin falmer killed for not feeding the terrapins properly, I mean seriously, what does the supreme leader know about terrapins anyway? The whole story from North Korean defectors as stated in the article is utter bullshit like most of the stories about North Korea. I can't say for definate as I've never been. How on earth did the story get out? Did they broadcast it on North Korean TV? Would someone that works on the farm tell someone given that a farmer at the farm was killed just for not looking after the terrapins with the risk of the supreme leader ordering all their executions? It just doesn't sit right and for that reason I commend the comedy shown.

    1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
      IT Angle

      When you

      read the official state media coming out of North Korea, it makes you think one thing.

      "I'm sure the official translator is having a laugh, nobody could believe this pap"

      So I guess the defectors write their news in much the same way

      Its bit like one side publishing the star and the other publishing the sunday sport(but without the boobies)

      Both are equally valueless when it comes to the news..

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The axis of terrorpin

  18. FozzyBear Silver badge

    Seriously

    He's wearing a tupee. it's Dr Evil in disguise. He was venting his anger at not getting 'frigging lasers strapped to their backs"

  19. Gartal

    Just asking......

    Notice the jowls, is KJoompalompa slowly evolving into Jabba the Hutt?

    and as a PS, may we the poor and undeserving please have some new icons? there seems to be a paucity of relevance in the current crop. Perhaps the Director of Icons could be taken out and shot?

    1. PNGuinn Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Just asking......

      They seem to have more relevance than some of the pictures atop the articles.

      Can we have a "WTF is the relevance to the article" icon please?"

  20. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

    No Bibles allowed in Nork

    Perhaps Kim bought into the alternative explanation: Its turtles all the way down.

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