back to article Apple's mystery auto project siphoning staff from other divisions

Apple is investing significant resources into a car-related project, so much so that it's been reassigning employees from other divisions, insiders claim. Sources familiar with the matter told El Reg that Apple has shifted so much staff towards its auto division that senior managers in other divisions are complaining about the …

  1. Zog_but_not_the_first Silver badge
    Gimp

    Presumably...

    An Apple self-driving car would hover six feet above the ground and look down at the rest of us.

    1. Synonymous Howard

      Re: Presumably...

      And I for one would buy one of those!

      Or one of these .. www.hover-bike.com

    2. chivo243 Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Presumably...

      Sorry, but the car you described would spin like a rainbow disc at about 50cm off of the ground and cut us off at the knees, as per Steve's notes, leaving us all incapacitated and needing an apple car.

      The MacAir self flying airthingy is another story.. comes in about 1.60m...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Presumably...

      And when it crashed they'd say your were driving it wrong and then issue an after market bumper.

  2. andreas koch

    iPod

    iPhone, iPad, iWatch, iCar, iLife . . .

    iGetmycoatandleavetheplanet.

  3. getHandle

    Lol - if I have to firmly press the indicator stalk

    Rather than just flick it up or down then I'm out. Apple don't have the right, moral majority or Ive-ness to exert any of their nonsense ui on me. I'm out.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Lol - if I have to firmly press the indicator stalk

      >exert any of their nonsense ui on me. I'm out.

      'Force Touch' is only available on:

      - Apple Watch. Isn't pushed on you unless you have bought an Apple Watch.

      - Certain Macbooks. Isn't a compulsory part of the UI. Indeed OSX has a history of retaining UI elements such as Menus and Keyboard Shortcuts even when it adopts new ways of interacting, such as multitouch trackpad gestures. Compare to MS Office...

      - A rumoured iPhone. Isn't pushed on you because it hasn't been released.

      - An 18v power drill. Not made by Apple, was made in partnership with a British material company to demonstrate their piezo material that allowed great sensitivity to material stress with next to no strain. I haven't seen much of it since it appeared in IE magazine.

    2. DougS Silver badge

      Re: Lol - if I have to firmly press the indicator stalk

      There won't BE an "indicator stalk" or any stalks or a steering wheel or a shifter or pedals or anything like that in this car. Or in Google's car. That's the thing about self-driving cars, you won't have to worry about such details because you'll only be a passenger no matter what seat you're in.

  4. Charles Manning

    Where are they going to drive?

    If this is like other Apple products:

    * It will only work on the iHighway system.

    * There is no bonnet/hood to open. You will not be able to service it.

    * The paint job will be really, really good.

    * You will need to hold the steering wheel exactly right or the engine will cut out.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Where are they going to drive?

      You missed a couple....

      There will be a gold plated stripe around the windshield that will run you $10,000 extra.

      If you hit a bump, the car bends and the windows break.

    2. MacGyver

      Re: Where are they going to drive?

      You forgot that they have also replaced the normal two pedals with a single pedal.

      They will also be replacing the steering wheel with a touchscreen.

      And every year the cigarette lighter shape will be changed.

    3. Unicornpiss Silver badge
      Meh

      Re: Where are they going to drive?

      Based on the iPhone 6, it will also have a bent frame in a low-speed collision and the windshield will crack if a bug hits it.

  5. Conrad Longmore
    Go

    OMG.. Hooli XYZ

    'nuff said

  6. aaaa

    Precedent

    remember that Apple originally tried to bake iTunes into other phone handsets (Motorola) before giving up and making their own.

    CarPlay looks similar - Apple offered it, and the industry took ages to adopt and when they did it was a horrid hack job, so now maybe Apple have decided to produce the whole kit themselves.

    If history is anything to go by, when Apple announce the product, the other car companies will say that Apple will fail and don't realise the complexity (just like Nokia and RIM said about the iPhone) and after Apple release the iCar - Kia and Daewoo cars will suddenly adopt the Apple styling and claim that it shouldn't be patented.

    And yes, just like the iPhone runs on existing mobile networks, the iCar will run on existing infrastructure.

    1. Number6

      Re: Precedent

      I'm looking forward to a claim that curves on wheels is one of their design features to be protected in court.

  7. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Cripes, where is there a market for a car as thin as an after dinner mint?

    1. Number6

      Re: Bah!

      Probably San Francisco - have you ever tried parking there?

    2. chivo243 Silver badge

      Re: Bah!

      There are some streets in France that my Kia Picanto barely scrapped through...

  8. J J Carter Silver badge

    Magical and lane-changing

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