back to article Raising a stink in court: Innocent poo banditry warehousers win $2.2m

An Atlanta jury has wiped away the troubles of two warehouse workers who had been accused of devious defecation. The men were awarded restitution after their employer demanded they submit DNA samples, with the employer apparently believing that one of them had already done so. The employer, Atlas Logistics Group Retail …

  1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

    What a crappy story...

    Where's the IT angle? What a load of shit. Someone needs to slap that arsehole of an author.

    I'll get my coat, it's the one with the septic-safe liner.

    (I don't dare run away, I've already got a case of it.)

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    2.2 meelion dollars

    for hurting somones feelings..

    Jesus. No wonder we are all in the fucked up mess we are.....

    1. Valeyard

      Re: 2.2 meelion dollars

      its not so much as for hurting someone's feelings as "you just asked someone to provide a DNA sample which even cops need a very good reason for"

      Given how American employees are treated anyway I approve of this if only as a warning to anyone else thinking of trying the same thing

      1. Gordon 10 Silver badge

        Re: 2.2 meelion dollars

        But Im baffled as to why its a discrimination law thing? Is it just one of these silly Americanisms where 50 things were passed under the same bill or something a bit more subtle?

        1. LaeMing Silver badge

          Re: 2.2 meelion dollars

          I think the worry is that the employer, having obtained the DNA samples, could then mis-use them for potentially discriminatory purposes.

          1. Valeyard

            Re: 2.2 meelion dollars

            to laeming:

            yeah exactly. look at this scenario:

            Boss wants to see who might be a health insurance or absence risk due to being genetically predisposed to cancer or something

            take a shit in the office and suddenly you can have all your employees screened and make anyone with a likely heart condition etc redundant

    2. Eddy Ito Silver badge

      Re: 2.2 meelion dollars

      Actually one man was awarded $250,000 and the other $225,000 for 'hurt feelings'. The rest was a $1.75 million penalty for violating "the Plaintiffs' federally protected rights".

      1. DougS Silver badge

        Re: 2.2 meelion dollars

        I wonder if the outcome would have been different if the two employees in question had to submit samples to a third party lab, which would only be used to compare to DNA from the offending poo? The company would never be in possession of said sample, and couldn't get other DNA information that would allow discrimination.

        Obviously the third party route is legally for normal "compulsory" samples, such as providing urine or hair samples for companies that require mandatory drug testing. The idea that they could be made to provide samples to 'prove their innocence' might be something the law has a problem with also, however.

        I wonder what the courts would have done if the company had simply found DNA the employees voluntarily disposed of, by perhaps grabbing an empty soda can out of the bin? Would that be illegal for the same reasons? What if they had a third party grab the can and do the testing; surely that can't be illegal.

    3. Marvin the Martian

      Re: 2.2 meelion dollars

      It's america -- I'm puzzled why they didn't fire both workers who are presumably employed 'at will'?

      Clearly both were 'suspicious' enough for management, so firing them would be cheaper than a dna test? I don't get the economics. The narrative would be it's the fouler's fault, if he'd confessed his mate'd be employed still... (nevermind fouler may be a third party).

  3. msknight Silver badge
    Coat

    Please, El. Reg.

    I 've got a reasonably strong stomach, but a picture of that much shit, that large, at this time in the morning ... have a heart!

    Oh ... sorry ... you're a vulture. I forgot.

    1. Mystic Megabyte Silver badge
      Stop

      Re: Please, El. Reg.

      I totally agree. To much info!

      Maybe the Reg could use this, it's SVG so easily scaled right down.

      https://openclipart.org/detail/127417/turd

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. mhoulden
      Holmes

      Re: Please, El. Reg.

      Either the picture of a gavel that's there now is a replacement, or someone really needs to go to the proctologist.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That shit got real.....

    What no cameras?

  5. chivo243 Silver badge
    Coat

    photo?

    Fried chicken? Already going, thanks! That's my coat

  6. teacake

    I read that as...

    ...Atlas Logistics Group Rectal Services.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In the old days...

    ...covertly shitting in the boss's waste paper bin (before a long weekend) was a right of, errr, passage.

    Bloody DNA testing put paid to that jape.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: In the old days...

      "Bloody DNA testing put paid to that jape."

      Doesn't this story show that DNA testing hasn't put paid to that jape? Because if your boss demands a DNA test you get a 2.2million pay off.

      IF these employees did the pooing, I feel it's quite unjust that they got away with it AND got a massive pay day.

    2. John G Imrie Silver badge

      Re: In the old days...

      The blood cells in your shit don't contain any dna. However as you take a dump some cells from your rectum can be left on the sides of the stool and those can be used to trace you.

    3. Paul Woodhouse

      Re: In the old days...

      how the hell do you manage to take a dump in the bin/drawer or whatever without peeing all over the place though?.... Never understood that.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: In the old days...

        RE: "without peeing all over the place"

        Pro tip: You take a slash in the gents beforehand.

        You are welcome.

      2. x 7

        Re: In the old days...

        "how the hell do you manage to take a dump in the bin/drawer or whatever without peeing all over the place though?"

        Easy for men.....now ladies tend to have more of a problem. Paul - did your mother make you pee sitting down?

      3. Jamie Jones Silver badge

        Re: In the old days...

        If you're going to crap in the bosses draw, why would you even be worried about peeing too?

    4. Laura Kerr
      Thumb Up

      Re: In the old days...

      "Bloody DNA testing put paid to that jape."

      And the reduction in dog fouling (at least round here) has put the kybosh on the fallback of finding a canine cable and dropping that in instead.

      Or if you didn't fancy carrying the thing into the building, popping the bonnet of the boss's car and smearing the stuff all over the exhaust manifold worked well too, until electronic locks replaced Bowden cables and that nosy CCTV stuff started appearing.

      Bloody technology, spoiling all the fun.

  8. ZanzibarRastapopulous

    Am I the only person thinking it's time I had a shit in the bosses desk?

    1. Little Mouse

      Desk?

      For real impact, I'd recommend the sugar bowl or coffee jar.

      1. Crazy Operations Guy Silver badge

        Re: Desk?

        "coffee jar."

        Couldn't make it any worse than the Folger's Instant "coffee" we have in the office....

    2. chivo243 Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Well, he is on vacation, but I have to work in the same office, so maybe not.

  9. Dan 10

    More common than you think

    A place I worked at launched an HR enquiry to investigate the source of turds in bin bags, left by the side of the toilet. The cleaners were going ballistic, and company emails were expressing concern for mental health of colleagues ("there's the loo, right there, so why else wouldn't you use it?"-type thinking), until what was thought to be a muslim chap owned up in confidence. He was devoutly religious, and perceived the toilet to be 'unclean'. Quite why he couldn't do the squat-stand like other self-respecting OCD geeks I don't know.

    1. Laura Kerr

      Re: More common than you think

      Was that in Manchester about twelve years ago, by any chance?

      1. Dan 10

        Re: More common than you think

        @Laura Kerr - Indeed! Took a while to get any cash through when the whole ship sunk, didn't it? Still, I enjoyed the after-work social life while it lasted.

        1. Laura Kerr
          Thumb Up

          Re: More common than you think

          @Dan 10 - indeed it did. I don't think anyone ended up being paid everything they were owed. The scenes in the office on the last day put the looting of Baghdad to shame.

          But yep, the social side was good!. That last Christmas party was deffo one to remember, if only for its sheer extravagance. I've still got the ticket to wave at people who don't believe that ANY company would be that flash with the cash. Good times while they lasted :-)

    2. x 7

      Re: More common than you think

      "Quite why he couldn't do the squat-stand like other self-respecting OCD geeks I don't know."

      Because standing on the rim of the WC and squatting is bloody difficult, if not hazardous as ones feet tend to slip off the rim and into the bowl........

      We had that problem at a certain once well-known now defunct Muslim-owned PC company sited midway between Blackburn and Burnley (yes.....you know who I mean). At least half the staff were unschooled immigrants (many illegal) from Pakistan and they quite simply didn't know how to use a flush WC. Most of them, when faced with the new horror of a normal toilet, stood on the seat, crouched, clenched and dropped from high, with turds splashing onto the walls and floor.

      You have to understand - these guys were uneducated tribesmen who had never seen tap water, let alone a flush toilet. In the main they were either illegals, or else brought into the country as the husband of an unwilling British-born bride in a forced marriage, usually a cousin or other close relative.

      What made their problem worse was the need to wear trousers - with a normal asian dhoti you can just lift it clear and dump (assuming no underwear as normal). Wearing trousers means you have to DROP your clothes to your ankles- and if perched balanced on a loo seat, try to avoid crapping into your pants without falling off.

      Given that, the chap who was crapping into a plastic bag deserves praise for finding a working solution to the impasse

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: More common than you think

        Oh you mean GTG, or "Time" or "Insert Failing Company Rebrand Attempt XII".

        I worked for em for a good few years, the standard of the workforce was, at best, ropey. The grasp of English less then ropey and all the upper level jobs were being in-sourced to family members who had no idea how to run a 4 shelf corner shop let alone AMD's biggest european customer. Or one of the biggest independant computer retailers in the UK. GTG were THAT big at one point. They were also consistantly one of the most complained about companies in the UK....

        Shame, i had a good time working with the team in Sheffield retail park, in the flagship store....Back in the old days.....

        1. Eponymous Cowherd
          Coat

          Re: More common than you think

          Ah,

          Bought my first PC from them way back in 1994.

          Complete pile of shit........

      2. Dan 10

        Re: More common than you think

        @x7 - good grief, I thought you were being sarcastic for a minute, talking about standing on the seat. Perhaps you're right, we should have embraced him (*ew*) as an innovative thinker!

        1. x 7

          Re: More common than you think

          other companies have the problem as well - see

          http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2572752/Stop-standing-toilet-Now-Lloyds-Bank-issues-instructions-use-British-loos-foreign-staff.html

          Of course the other half of the problem is that Muslim types as a rule don't use toilet paper, but prefer to wash themselves with water. What this meant was that the loos were full of shitty coloured soiled plastic drink bottles, each "belonging" to a different user. In the end I and the other team leaders had enough and systematically removed all bottles from the toilets as soon as they were seen. Double result: no more filthy bottles - and no more shitty seats as rather than use paper they stopped using the toilets. No idea what they did instead - but I wasn't bothered, not my problem. There was another toilet next door to the company islamic prayer room which I always avoided - perhaps they just shitted that up instead.

  10. Winkypop Silver badge
    Coat

    Clean up on aisle 5

    Maybe someone was squatting in the building?

    (Sorry)

  11. grthinker

    grthinker

    So, did the DNA sample finger the perp? That's what I want to know.

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