John Travolta's Scientology Classic
I thought that was the Oprah episode involving the couch?
(oops...that was the *other* crazy Scientologist actor, wasn't it?)
The vital question as to whether it is humanly possible to watch celluloid trainwrecks Gigli, Pearl Harbor and Battlefield Earth back-to-back was answered last weekend when a crack El Reg Special Projects Bureau squad endured 403 minutes of continuous cinematic outrage and emerged alive, if somewhat shaken. As part of its pre- …
Out of the 3, I've only seen Battlefield Earth.
Pretty sure I've seen worse. I can't recall what they were or what the plot was about so obviously my brain blanked them out as a survival mechanism, I'm just left with the impression that I've seen worse.
I thought the book was okay though, but then how much you enjoy a book all depends on how much your own imagination will compensate.
I made it through Battlefield Earth. it has a "so bad it's funny" quality that reminded me of Edward D Wood's finest efforts.
I had to turn off Noah, really one of the least entertaining things I've ever seen and I rarely fail to finish a film.
Indy 4 was bad just for fact it ruined one of the great film trilogies of our childhoods. You could add Lucas' last three to that as well.
And a good example of "far worse than Battlefield Earth" is Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam.
It managed to take good footage and music from other movies, combine it with nonsense, and produce something that actually made my brain hurt. On the plus side, it IS quite funny. But I still had to visit a neurologist afterwards.
Having just seen "Prometheus"again, I'd definitely put it as worse than "Battlefield Earth". Nothing is good, from the impenetrable "plot", through the beyond-wooden acting, to the complete disregard for any intelligence the audience might have. Adding this into the watchfest would have resulted in serious brain damage to the team ...
The original yardstick was actually so bad it became a cult classic and is actually watchable because it's so bad. You could not feed me enough beer in the world to persuade me to watch Battlefield Earth however. Have more beers*, you clearly didn't drink enough if you can still remember watching these films...
* There are beer movies (Transformers, Iron Sky etc) and then there are full alcohol poisoning movies...
I'd rather watch Plan 9 than, say, the miserable, worthless mess that is Transformers, any day.
Transformers versus Battlefield Earth? Tough call. Transformers is probably a less awful film by most metrics; but I can imagine a world where a Transformers film isn't completely terrible, whereas one where a BE film is anything but dreck is pure fantasy, so Transformers loses points for opportunity squandered.
All that said, there are plenty of films - ones with theatrical releases and everything - that are worse than Battlefield Earth, in terms of the sheer dreariness of watching them. Any number were featured on MST3K, for example, Just dull, poorly-made movies with lousy plots, scripts, acting, direction, and production. They just don't show up in this sort of exercise because they're too obscure and pointless.
Are you implying the 5th Indiana Jones is going to have the title character played by Ford, Affleck and LaBeouf in various flashbacks/forwards/obliques? Well, Ok but only if they can get Travolta, Sandler and Taylor Lautner to play the bad guy parts in the various flashes.
Oh, I see, you're talking of a completely different movie. Still, I think we've got the making of a trilogy here. To give the timeline cohesiveness with all the flashbacks, forwards and obliques we should start in the middle and work outward so if we wind up able to take it out to further sequels it won't matter if we go back, forward or oblique. Unconstrained by time, place and plot we can do anything we want; this thing is going to be absolutely brilliant!
Alright, one for Lester to consider and throw open to the commentards. How about we dream (if that's the right word) up the ultimate in fantasy "so bad they're terrible" movies? With categories like:
Supporting cast (human or otherwise)
Plot points/cliches/twists that must be included
Soundtrack (with extra points for cheesy but in-theme songs to include)
With extra credit for taking source material (books, real life events etc) that were good, respected and/or well known and then screwing them up by relocating them elsewhere or somehow similarly feeding them through a mincer...
Ohh come on... I quite enjoyed cloverfield
Seeing which whiney annoying character was going to be squashed/bitten/dumped/explode next.
But I'm sure they got the camera guy good and drunk first because I've walked home for the pub steadier than that film.
But of the 3 films I've seen gigi and pearl habour... but never ever been brave enough(or drunk enough) to watch battlefield earth
...thankfully they've resisted the urge to make such a travesty of a movie...
I felt the same about the recent Hobbit
videogame movies. I really wanted not to watch it after the LotR's missing the Scouring of the Shire from its ending, but was forced into attending a marathon viewing which sadly did not involve alcohol. Why anyone would take a kid's story and turn it into a torture device for kids is... well.. brilliant, but I still wish I could forget the hours I wasted watching this trilogy.
The Hobbit movies I didn't enjoy. I got the impression that everybody involved in making them was bored of doing so. A shame, but LOTR was so well done, especially in making the landscapes so central.
Cloverfield I enjoyed. I'd held off watching it for some time due to some prejudice on my part, but its found-footage conceit was well executed and it zips along at a good pace. I hadn't watched a found-footage film since Man Bites Dog, so maybe it was that I wasn't bored of the style.
I challenge anyone to watch, "Ground Control" starring Keifer Sutherland.
Budget in the hundreds of dollars and, at the time, minor celeb attempts to save a piss poor boring script but instead stretches what should have been a 5 min student film into a 90min lurching, done-on-the-cheap disaster of a movie. The end result is that you want to scratch out your eyes and insert a fork into your earhole and scramble your brain to make it go away!
"Whoever out of the SPB who makes it out alive after watching his filmography back-to-back wins a Transformers four-film box set."
On the one hand, I'd say that's a cruel and unusual punishment - and for doing nothing wrong.
On the other hand, I recently watched Pacific Rim. All of a sudden, the Transformers films didn't seem so bad.
@Steve Davies3 - I wouldn't put Nick Cage on a complete ban. He's had to make bad films partly to pay the bills but there are a few good films with him giving good performances - if you haven't seen Adaptation, that is worth viewing and he is genuinely very good in it.
Maximum Overdrive! There's a stinker of a film and no mistake. I saw it in the theaters with some friends of mine, and we were absolutely rolling with laughter, until about midway through when we realized that (a) nobody else was laughing and (b) the actors all seemed deadly earnest. I recall looking at my friend Henry and saying "this movie isn't a parody, is it?" and he shook his head and said "no, I don't think it's supposed to be funny."
Many years ago Channel 4 showed B movies at about the time you'd get back from the pub (they closed at 11 them days!).
Kettle on, skin up and settle down for some really awful entertainment.
I applaud the team for thier outstanding efforts without any chemical assistance.
I still have fond memories of laughing my head off with my father at the subtitles to "Wild Women Of Wongo" post pub obviously.
"I was attacked but the women of Wongo, rose up to allow me to escape"
"You have been shamed my son!"
"Yes Father, but at least I'm alive"
[Son walks off - Father looks bemused\lost\waiting for CUT! - Subtitle comes up with Fathers thought : You can't argue with that!].
To be fair, in the novel that's buried under a mountain of far less plausible (or often even meaningful) nonsense, so it doesn't seem that bad by comparison.
In a way, Battlefield Earth (the novel) is like a shlock version of Yann Martel's Life of Pi, where the author introduces a series of less and less plausible events to gradually emphasize the unreliability of the narrator.
"Savages flying fighter planes? Oh, that's nothing. The Psyclos are actually giant viruses. Still here? Um... their planet's atmosphere explodes in the presence of uranium!"
Problem Sleuth has a more logical plot progression, and more believable series of plot devices, than BE. And that includes electric windows and liquor-propelled godhood.
With a title like that though, you know it's going to be shit, so make your own choices.
Another example of an excruciatingly bad film that will still happily take your £1.99 at the petrol station counter is 'Bikini Blood Bath'. You know it'll be dreadful (and it is indeed truly fucking awful) but it has a couple of clever moves for the post pub crowd. First few minutes, boobs (that's the last you see of boobs, too, they're there only as a come-on for the rest of the film), then bikinis, ketchup and no kind of plot worthy of watching. The scenes are apparently improvised by a bunch of vacuous non-actresses, but when the non-dialogue gets too dull for even the low bar you expect, the editor just drowns it all with crappy no-name rock. It really is quite a triumph of shitness, but cannot be included in a miserable viewing session like this as you KNOW it's going to be bollocks from the title alone.
Me watching those movies wouldn't answer the question "Can the unanesthetized human mind handle these 3 movies back to back?" as I apparently don't have a human mind. I quite enjoyed 'Battlefield Earth' for the incredibly stinky cheese infusing all the bits of it. 'Gigli", however, would most certainly make my head explode like the Martians' in 'Mars Attacks'.
do you do an entire article and 2 pages with 64 comments about the world's worst movies, and not have a single mention of Uwe Boll's or M. Night Shyamalan's names anywhere?
I suppose the only valid explanation for this omission is that their movies are so brain-burstingly bad, that the memory-erasure survival mechanism alluded to by multiple commenters here has completely deleted any such experience of these two producers' movies from everyone's minds.
... from what I've read, the plot involves some Alien dude (played by John Travolta) who did the nasty with the General's daughter. Turns out, the General was rather dispeased when he found out, so assigned this guy to a mining planet, occupied by a bunch of slaves, who were also very displeased about having to mine a planet.
Crossing over to real life, the story goes that John Travolta did the nasty with a producer's daughter, and when the producer found out, was rather displeased, so cast Travolta into the head role of a story under the guise that it was written by Hubbard, and he was so enchanged by this, Travolta accepted immediately without actually reading the script. Sadly, he didn't realise his career had ended till after the royalty cheques quickly dwindled to nothing.
That's the truth, I aught to know, I read about it on the interwebs.
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