back to article Apple Watch HATES tattoos: Inky pink sinks rinky-dink sensor

The Apple Watch can't figure out if the wearer has a pulse when worn on a tattooed wrist, Register reader Michael Lovell tells us. All is well on his un-inked left wrist, but when he switches to the right, "the wrist detection is playing up," he said, as the watch "keeps asking for the passcode." Michael made the video below …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hardly a bug, is it...

    People who waste money on Apple Watch bling: plonkers.

    People who abuse their bodies by getting tattoos: plonkers

    So people with massive tattoos who buy Apple watches: plonkers squared. I waste no pity on them.

    1. Russell Hancock

      Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

      Whilst tattoos and not my favorite things, what he does with his body is up to him!

      The issue here is more around if Apple know / knew about this issue before his purchase and if it was made clear to him (if purchased in person) or stated somewhere (if purchased online...) if it was - his problem - Read The Product Description, If not... i have not seen anything about this before this article but then i have no intention of buying an Apple Watch...

      1. JC_

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        The issue here is more around if Apple know / knew about this issue before his purchase

        Putting on my dev hat, this really doesn't count as an "issue". If someone wearing a nose ring gets it tangled up in a towel (yes, really) we wouldn't call on towel manufacturers to sort it out for them, and the same goes here.

        On the bright side, mums and dads will finally have an argument to use against sleeve tattoos that their darlings will consider.

      2. TheOtherHobbes

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        >The issue here is more around if Apple know / knew about this issue before his purchase

        Big visible tats aren't likely to be an Apple employee thing, are they? Everyone in the ads is super-clean and oh-so-shiny, so I'll bet no one at Cupertino even considered the ink problem.

    2. JoshOvki

      Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

      "People who abuse their bodies"

      I bet you don't drink beer or fizzy drinks, don't eat fast food. Only walk or cycle anywhere, don't spend hour sat on your arse looking at a screen

      Remember your body is a temple.

      1. Stuart Moore
        Pint

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        > Remember your body is a temple.

        I have the body of a god.

        Unfortunately it's Buddha

        1. P. Lee Silver badge

          Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

          >> Remember your body is a temple.

          >I have the body of a god.

          >Unfortunately it's Buddha

          "Your body is a temple" is a warning not to go sleeping around with the prostitutes from other gods' temples.

          Now this is getting all very confusing.

        2. JayB
          Meh

          Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

          >I have the body of a god.

          >Unfortunately it's Buddha

          Pedant Alert - Buddha technically isn't a god (upvoting anyway because it's still funny)

          Sadly the only thing I took away from this article was "Apple User buys flakey Product but would rather continue using it because it's so Shiny than actually try and get the MF fixed".

          Depressing state of affairs.

          1. Michael Thibault

            Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

            >Sadly the only thing I took away from this article was "Consumer buys flakey Product but would rather continue using it because it's so Shiny [rather] than actually try and get the MF fixed".

            FTFY

            >Depressing state of affairs.

            Rational: along the lines of "but I need it nowwwwwwww". All too common behaviour, and childish. Nothing to be done to counter it, I'm afraid.

        3. SolidSquid

          Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

          > Remember your body is a temple.

          Ia ia cthulhu fhtagn!

        4. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

          > I have the body of a god.

          > Unfortunately it's Buddha

          Buddha isn't a god.

          1. Wilseus

            Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

            "Buddha isn't a god."

            Not only that, Buddhism doesn't even _have_ a god.

          2. Midnight

            Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

            > > I have the body of a god.

            > > Unfortunately it's Buddha

            > Buddha isn't a god.

            Fine. I have the body of a _Greek_ god.

            It just happens to be Hephaestus.

        5. Eddy Ito Silver badge

          Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

          @Stuart Moore, there's nothing wrong with having a body like Buddha. Perhaps you're thinking of Budai?

        6. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          The Difference between people with

          Tattoos and those withouts is that the ones with have no grudges or preconceptions about the ones without.

          *Personally i hate them....

      2. tony2heads
        Joke

        @JoshOvki

        Shirley not

      3. Jimboom

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        -Remember your body is a temple.-

        I couldn't agree more. We should never stop expanding our own limits! Some people say that 8 hours of sleep a night is enough.... I say why not 9... or 10. Strive for greatness!

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        "Remember your body is a temple".

        Mine is - It's full of chips.

      5. TeeCee Gold badge
        Happy

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        your body is a temple.

        If you're a po-faced religious arsehat this could be a problem. For those of us who don't have an issue with desecrating holy sites....

      6. boltar Silver badge

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        "Remember your body is a temple."

        And only an idiot graffitis the outside of it in non removable paint. Tattoos are just a naff fashion statement for trend sheep and the people who get major body tats (I'm not talking about a small concealed one) are going to be the same idiots who in 20 years time when they've matured and realise what a dick they look, will be complaining that the NHS won't pay for their laser removal. Well tough sh1t.

        1. h4rm0ny

          Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

          >>"Tattoos are just a naff fashion statement for trend sheep"

          Oddly enough, I have never heard anyone judge a person they don't know for not having tattoos. It seems to be the preserve of a certain sub-set without who get to pontificate on the moral / intellectual / social status of others based on this.

          And on principle, I tend to reserve my contempt for those that stereotype and judge others, not those who don't.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

          My oldest son got a full sleeve of tattoos starting years ago in college. He's now 30 years old with a wife and family.

          Told him back then that he should keep them under the confines of a short sleeve shirt, but was told that I didn't know anything and that common misperceptions about tattoos would be gone soon.

          Now he regrets not listening to me because there are still people that think less of him and he has not gotten the promotions and respect he deserves.

          1. Fibbles

            Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

            Now he regrets not listening to me

            because there are still people that

            think less of him and he has not

            gotten the promotions and respect he

            deserves.

            It's a shame this shit still happens. promotions should be made based on merit not the boss's opinion of your body art.

            Tattoo's are part of traditional European culture. I suspect that if tatoos were a part of a minority culture or religion there'd already be legislation protecting against this sort of discrimination.

          2. h4rm0ny

            Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

            >>Now he regrets not listening to me because there are still people that think less of him and he has not gotten the promotions and respect he deserves."

            The blame should lie with prejudiced people, not with the victim.

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

            Wow, news shocker: older person counsels younger person on the inadvisability of an action, older person told s/he's wrong, out of touch, etc. and then younger person discovers older person was right all along. Well, maybe you can get the attention of the grandkids......

          4. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

            Now he regrets not listening to me because there are still people that think less of him and he has not gotten the promotions and respect he deserves.

            Obviously he's not as clever as you think he is then, neither are you if you honestly believe that is the true reason.

      7. D@v3

        Re: my body is a temple

        I leave the shoes on the outside and fill it with fine foods and elixirs

        1. kmac499

          Re: my body is a temple

          "I leave the shoes on the outside and fill it with fine foods and elixirs"

          Reminds of a mate who claimed to the ladies he was

          "Hung like a Horse madam, sadly the horse in question is my little Pony"

          I think he was going for the comedy sympathy gambit...

      8. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Remember your body is a temple.

        Remember your body is a temple...

        ...yes... it's full of spirits!

        (I'm here all week etc...)

      9. sisk Silver badge

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        Remember your body is a temple.

        If so then I need to point out that I've yet to see a temple that didn't have painted wall and decorations. That reasoning when applied to an anti-drug use argument makes sense. When applied to tattoos, not so much.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

      "People who waste money on Apple Watch bling: plonkers.

      People who abuse their bodies by getting tattoos: plonkers

      What a risible bunch of trolls seem to be here lately. Seems that the Reg forums are creeping ever closer to being the natural home of nasty minded trolls.

      Thinking perhaps it's time to look elsewhere for my daily bit of IT fluff.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        I was thinking that the troll count seems to be rising. Either I am getting too old for El Reg or its popularity has attracted a new breed.

        1. TonyJ Silver badge

          Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

          Certainly seems to be an upward trend - just look at the number of negative comments the 'risible bunch of trolls' post got when it does seem true, lately.

          We need Eadon back to bring back some balance.

          1. TonyJ Silver badge

            Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

            Hahaha...oh Lordy...sense of humour bypass there whoever added the downvote. Self-fulfilling prohpecies, I guess...laugh at the trolling and get downvoted...so laugh some more. Bring on the downvote(s)

      2. h4rm0ny

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        It's like the Daily Mail in here, some days. They might as well have thrown in a reference to hoodies or that terrible music kids listen to, today.

        Seriously - you're prejudiced against people with tattoos? Why?

      3. Fink-Nottle

        Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

        > Seems that the Reg forums are creeping ever closer to being the natural home of nasty minded trolls.

        Expressing an opinion you don't agree with doesn't make a someone a troll.

        > Thinking perhaps it's time to look elsewhere for my daily bit of IT fluff.

        There ya go ... I'm sure you'll fit right in. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

    4. This post has been deleted by its author

    5. sisk Silver badge

      Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

      People who abuse their bodies by getting tattoos: plonkers

      How very two generations ago of you. Most people these days have realized that tattoos are not long-term harmful and are a valid form of self expression. Judging someone because they choose a form of self expression you don't happen to agree with? Care to guess what that makes my opinion of you?

    6. PleebSmash
      FAIL

      Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

      How could Apple do this to their target market of hipsters?

    7. streaky Silver badge

      Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

      If people who get tattoos and buy Apple watches are plonkers squared, what are they if they are also men wearing said watch on right wrist? Plonkers cubed!

    8. Bob Vistakin
  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fuck you, AC.

    Many servicemen (and ex-servicemen like me) have very large tattoos. Why? Because they are incredibly useful. If you get blown to bits or badly burned, tattoos are an excellent and distinctive way of identifying your corpse. Nobody wants their family left in the dark forever on whether they lived or died.

    I agree about the Apple Watch though.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      excellent and distinctive way of identifying your corpse

      If you want to smear ink all over yourself go ahead, just don't try justifying it with some specious bullshit about it being of any utility. Ever seen a corpse after it's rotted in the (tropical) sun for a while?

      Your tattoos aren't going to be worth jack shit, teeth or DNA? that's a different matter.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: excellent and distinctive way of identifying your corpse

        Good luck scraping DNA out of a hole in Helmand. Most death reports are made by the officer in command and most IDs are done by sight.

        And tattoos retain their design after burning.

        I know this because I suffered 3rd degree burning to my upper left arm - kerosene fire - but the ink was (and still is) fully recognisable. Further, tattooing is a great way to cover scars.

        You don't like tattoos, fine. Don't pretend they're not useful just because they don't reflect your preference (or you're afraid of the pain of tattooing, which seems just as likely).

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: excellent and distinctive way of identifying your corpse

          I would just like to confirm that I am very much afraid of the pain of tattooing.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: excellent and distinctive way of identifying your corpse

            I have a tattoo and was terrified it would hurt.

            Guess what?

            IT DOES :-(

        2. Tom 38 Silver badge

          Re: excellent and distinctive way of identifying your corpse

          Good luck scraping DNA out of a hole in Helmand. Most death reports are made by the officer in command and most IDs are done by sight.

          And yet there is a murder case working its way through the courts in London at the moment where a man is on trial for murder because his fingerprints where found on a fragments of a roadside IED in Iraq that was next to one that killed a US serviceman. The bomb that killed him was built by someone else, someone not now living in the UK..

          The fragments from that bomb were sent to the US and analyzed, and then sent to the UK and analyzed. Did someone have a massive hard-on for that specific bomb, or do they actually take more care?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      So how many recorded cases are there where a corpse has been so blown to bits and their family would have thought their loved one might still be alive but for their tattoo? (I'm presuming all their DNA was destroyed in the process)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        > So how many recorded cases are there where a corpse has been so blown to bits and their family would have thought their loved one might still be alive but for their tattoo? (I'm presuming all their DNA was destroyed in the process)

        Not many but enough to make it worthwhile. Five were reported on the Sir Galahad in the Falklands War. Their faces had been melted. Their tattoos were still intact.

        I am not suggesting their family might still think they were alive (but people do hold out irrational hope without an actual confirmation) but I am suggesting they had a lot less waiting to find out whether to plan for a homecoming or a funeral. And I think making people wait in the dark for news of a loved one's death is cruel. But since AC doesn't like tattoos, none of that matters. Families don't matter. Information doesn't matter. Apparently.

        1. lorisarvendu

          None of you guys needs to justify why humans tattoo their bodies. We've been doing it for the whole of recorded history (and beyond - Ötzi the Iceman's tattoos are over 5,000 years old), but suddenly (according to some posters who really ought to stick to the Huffington Post) we're idiots if we have tats and buy Apple Watches?

          No doubt if Bluetooth headsets had been found to be affected by certain metals in ear-studs we would have had comments about "plonkers having their ears pierced".

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            No doubt if Bluetooth headsets had been found to be affected by certain metals in ear-studs we would have had comments about "plonkers having their ears pierced".

            You're plonker has ears???

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            we're idiots if we have tats and buy Apple Watches

            No, that makes you a double-idiot. Maybe Ötzi was only up on that glacier because his dad threw him out for getting such a godawful tat?

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              > Maybe Ötzi was only up on that glacier because his dad threw him out

              Nah, he was mugged on his way to the local Liddl. It happens to the pikeys around here all the time, too.

        2. Vincent Ballard

          The point about tattoos serving to identify burned corpses is an interesting one, but I must confess to surprise that dogtags don't make it a very niche case. Isn't that the whole point of them?

          1. Hellcat

            Well this escalated rapidly...

            Dog tags work fine if you die from a gunshot or shrapnel, but not so well when there is nothing left to hang from.

            Although having no tattoos myself, I'm firmly in the pro-tat camp.

            1. phil dude
              Paris Hilton

              Re: Well this escalated rapidly...

              @Hellcat: I agree...some body art is displayed on some *beautiful* bodies....!

              As first contact lines go "can I look at your tattoos?", is generally quite positive...

              Does Paris have some?

              P.

      2. dogged

        Historical precedent

        I refer AC (asking how many recorded cases etc) to one King Harold Godwinson

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      A good use case

      A very fair point: but if tattoos are there to help identifying body parts wouldn't it make more sense to just have ones service number tattooed on each limb, head, torso, buttock etc? Seems more reliable than massive artworks of Judge Dredd or the name of an ex-girlfriend.

      1. Lamont Cranston

        Re: "just have ones service number tattooed on each limb"

        And everyone should wear identical grey pyjamas, because fashion is a waste of effort, and any attempts at individuality must be quashed. Pass the Soma.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "just have ones service number tattooed on each limb"

          When evaluating someone, I do not care what their skin color is, or if s/he has glasses, or hearing aids, or an artificial limb or scars from accident or disease. I DO care if the person has visibly altered themselves voluntarily, THEN I get to infer their mental processes from their outward alterations. Maori facial tattoos on a Maori? Fine. The insignia of a branch of the armed services on a forearm? Assuming I find that it is genuine (i.e., that person WAS a member of that service), fine. But full-sleeve decorative tats on someone I might be evaluating for a financial-services position? The person has proved that at some point in their life, they had more regard for show and fashion than for money, and don't mind advertising that fact. NO, I would not use that person for that purpose. As a driver or as a laborer, maybe. But I might be inclined to favor someone without that kind of tattoo. Judgmental? Whose name HAS to be on the check I'm paying them with?

          1. h4rm0ny
            Thumb Down

            Re: "just have ones service number tattooed on each limb"

            >>"But full-sleeve decorative tats on someone I might be evaluating for a financial-services position? The person has proved that at some point in their life, they had more regard for show and fashion than for money, and don't mind advertising that fact."

            I would bet cold, hard cash that if someone turned up in an expensive suit and shoes, that you wouldn't hold it against them that they were showing more regard for "show and fashion" than for money. In fact, do you drive a car that is more expensive and stylish than you actually need? Because the differential between some cheap but perfectly adequate Nissan and some slicker looking Audi is far more than the average tattoo costs.

            And as to "at some point in their life". Heaven forbid that people have different values at stages of their life! Aren't you finance types always big on telling me that "past performance is no indication of future performance?"

            You're just prejudiced, basically. And illogical, as it happens: You don't know how much impact the cost has on them. You see two people with tattoos that might have cost a few hundred pounds. One of those people might have spent that money on the tattoos in place of something essential whilst the other person spent it out of what is petty cash to them and it's a complete non-issue. But you calculate based on your own preconceptions (because that's all that you have) the same reaction - they have wasted money. Completely irrational response to judging someone's priorities because you don't distinguish at all. Like I said: prejudice.

            >>"As a driver or as a laborer, maybe"

            You're just dripping with snobbery, aren't you. I know builders and plumbers who earn significantly more than the average IT bod. And who work harder, too. But neither earning nor work ethic are what you assess people's right to express themselves, are they? It's just social class.

            I hope your eyes are opened some day to what an obnoxious, prejudiced snob you are.

      2. dogged

        Re: A good use case

        > A very fair point: but if tattoos are there to help identifying body parts wouldn't it make more sense to just have ones service number tattooed on each limb, head, torso, buttock etc?

        Not really, if you think about it. The last four digits of your service number would probably be extremely unhelpful and the middle four would be even worse. Part of a picture is almost certainly more use since humans are well-trained to identify partial pictures.

        1. M 6

          Re: A good use case

          Why use humans to identify remains? Tattoo a QR code on limbs and you can automate the search!

          1. Fink-Nottle

            Re: A good use case

            I know a number of A&E workers who have had a discrete DNR or NO CODE tattoo done, after seeing the aftermath of serious road accidents week in and week out.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: A good use case

            "Why use humans to identify remains? Tattoo a QR code on limbs and you can automate the search!"

            Why not just implant a few RFID tags in various body parts?

            1. werdsmith Silver badge

              Re: A good use case

              I don't know if I believe that the military keep up to date photographic records of all service personnel tattoo markings. Imagine a unit that by tradition has their regiment/squadron/crew emblem tattooed in the same place.

              And as for this quote: Good luck scraping DNA out of a hole in Helmand.

              If there's no DNA in the hole then good luck scraping out an identifiable tattoo.

              Basically, tattoos as ID of mutilated bodies is never going to be very useful.

              Personally I have nothing against tattoos, I find them subjectively very ugly but I have no prejudice against them, just as I have no prejudice against any other disfigurement.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: A good use case

          "The last four digits of your service number would probably be extremely unhelpful"

          Au contrair, the last 4 are what most squaddies scrawl over their kit to identify it (along with their surname)...

          In an 8 man section or 30 man platoon it'd be more than enough to ID you...

          1. dogged

            Re: A good use case

            > Au contrair(sic), the last 4 are what most squaddies scrawl over their kit to identify it (along with their surname)...

            This is true but the first four digits are almost meaningless and the middle four* are utterly meaningless. You can still make out a picture when it's smeared, burned or discoloured. A number? Not so much.

            Unless the picture has been retouched by a spanish grandmother, of course.

            (Four is arbitrary, I'm talking about fragments, basically).

    4. fandom Silver badge

      "Fuck you, AC."

      Says someone posting as "Anonymous Coward"

  3. thomas k.

    Won't Work [on] Hipster[s]

    OMG! That's like half the potential buyers!

    Still, likely proof the watch itself has discerning tastes.

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

      Re: Won't Work [on] Hipster[s]

      My first thoughts, too.

      Hipster Hell (time to book a therapy sessiom)

    2. TheOtherHobbes

      Re: Won't Work [on] Hipster[s]

      Forget the Hipsters - will it work on black or brown people?

      Because - you know - it would be just a tiny bit embarrassing if it didn't.

      1. AbelSoul
        Headmaster

        Re: will it work on black or brown people?

        From the article:

        Natural pigments appear not to have any effect on the Watch.

        1. Flywheel Silver badge

          Re: will it work on black or brown people?

          And how does it work with non-Caucasians with tats?

      2. El

        Re: Won't Work [on] Hipster[s]

        That was my first thought as well. There are some extremely dark-skinned people out there -- not designing the hardware to work on them as well seems a bit, well, racist. Sounds like they only tested the hardware on light-skinned people.

        1. Van

          Re: Won't Work [on] Hipster[s]

          "a bit, well, racist"

          So there's some kind of code in there stating, 'white only' ?

          This is all sounding a bit, well, stupid

          1. phil dude
            Boffin

            Re: Won't Work [on] Hipster[s]

            Optical Properties of Circulating Human Blood in the Wavelength Range 400-2500 nm

            Absorption spectrum of melanin

            Blood approx peak 633nm.

            Melanin peak approx 335 nm

            Skin colour should have no effect.

            P.

  4. YetAnotherLocksmith

    On/Off switch?

    Surely there should be a setting for this? So you can tell it you are a cadaver/tattooed/amputee-with-a-prosthetic?

    Not all biometrics are bad, but most are.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: On/Off switch?

      I wonder if this watch will detect wanking and snitch on it.

      Someone could maybe write a "SnapWank" app that collect statistics on How Often, How Long, How Quick, Male/Female/Other ... and share the score globally on "Social" Media or with "Friends".

      1. Si 1

        Re: On/Off switch?

        But I don't wank with my left hand.

        1. theblackhand

          Re: On/Off switch?

          Retrain or wear your watch on the other arm?

          Or I'm sure Apple will sell you a second watch for your needs....

        2. Richard 120

          Re: But I don't wank with my left hand.

          Give it a try, it'll feel just like someone else is doing it.

          Are gathering wankstats not the primary function of the device then?

      2. Captain DaFt

        Re: On/Off switch?

        "Someone could maybe write a "SnapWank" app that collect statistics on How Often, How Long, How Quick, Male/Female/Other ... and share the score globally on "Social" Media or with "Friends"."

        That'll probably soon be an update on the Facebook app.

  5. Sealand
    WTF?

    What?

    So the gizmo needs access to your blood stream and you need to enter a password to use it? This is clearly not a watch.

    Until someone figures out what the hype is about and what the darn thing is really good at - if anything - maybe we should just refer to it as 'Apple What' ...

    1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

      Re: What?

      It's possibly a licence feature. On the event of death, revoke licence so iWatch can't be resold.

      Or it's a zombie app ready for the impending apocalypse. No pulse, but still moving.. Send GPS location to DHS/CDC for immediate intervention.

      But I'm curious what you can't do with it if it's removed from your wrist. So if you take it off at night but just want to check the time, having to log in requires a higher level of consciousness than may be convenient.

    2. Vic
      Joke

      Re: What?

      So the gizmo needs access to your blood stream and you need to enter a password to use it? This is clearly not a watch.

      "Watch" is both noun and verb, y'know...

      Vic.

      1. Captain DaFt

        Re: What?

        ""Watch" is both noun and verb, y'know..."

        And that would be why Apple got so snippy with reviewers that said 'Apple Watches' instead of their preferred 'The Apple Watch'.

  6. Mike Bell

    Nothing like a sample size of one...

    ...to get Apple bashers frothing at the mouth in the morning.

    In the absence of such world-shattering news, you might consider getting hold of your own tooth-drilling kit for a bit of amusement.

    1. joeW

      Re: Nothing like a sample size of one...

      I'm used to people not reading the article before they comment, but how the fuck did you manage to not even read the headline?

  7. hi_robb

    Don't forget

    to say please to Apple when you ask them to fix the issue.

    And Ta to...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Just hope....

    ...that a beard doesn't interfere with the communication between the watch and phone otherwise that will kill 90% of the market.

    1. fedoraman
      Joke

      Re: Just hope....

      ... and berets the other 10%

  9. Neal Stephenson

    Perhaps there is already a solution

    There are several Sports watches on the market with optical detectors integrated into the body of the watch.

    A company called Scosche has produced an arm worn band with an optical detector which uses an extra LED to transmit light of a different frequency which penetrates further into dark skin.

    I would have thought that Apple had taken this into consideration during the design / testing stage, but perhaps not.

    1. dorsetknob
      Joke

      Re: Perhaps there is already a solution

      Scosche got a US Patent on that and would not license it to Apple

      so Apple is going to go with

      Your Holding it wrong its not a problem

  10. Bleu

    Upper- and middle-class

    tattoos are so ugly.

    This is certainly a feature, not a bug.

    Nice headline.

    1. DaddyHoggy

      Re: Upper- and middle-class

      Well, I don't have any tattoos and, at the time of writing, I'm certainly in no mind to ever have one - but to to use such a huge catch-all as "tattoos are so ugly" I find rather sad.

      I've seen some absolutely beautiful works of art inked into people's skin - and I mean that literally, they are art - a good tattoo artist is just that - an artist - they just happen to use human skin as their canvas.

      (There's an image going round on FB at the moment that FB keeps trying to ban - of a woman's torso after she had a double mastectomy - and rather than have a breast rebuild she had a very beautiful tattoo done to cover the scars - so no - even if you don't like them - [not all] tattoos are ugly)

      1. JC_

        Re: Upper- and middle-class

        to use such a huge catch-all as "tattoos are so ugly" I find rather sad.

        True, but if he'd just the qualifier 'most' then he'd be quite right (and I say that as someone with a tattoo and plenty of scars).

        Not many look good to start with (IMHO) but zero of them improve with age - skin sags, inks fade and regret often sinks in.

        Hopefully the woman with the post-masectomy tattoos will want them all her life.

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: Upper- and middle-class

          The automotive equivalent of body tattoos is a car that has been adorned with Halfords after market accessories.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Upper- and middle-class

        I've seen that picture and I completely agree. Her imagination is to be applauded.

        I generally don't like tattoos at all, I don't have any and generally find them a complete turn-off. But that particular one was really quite something.

  11. King Jack
    Facepalm

    The man is at fault...

    He was wearing it wrong. (Sorry it had to be said).

  12. Fullbeem

    So no tattooed, sleeved up hipsters with waxed moustaches were in the sample group for testing the Apple Watch?

    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Without being narky... it probably wasn't tested with tattoos. I would hope that they tested with a wide a range of skin pigmentation and body fat weight ranges as they could, but even though I'm around quite a few folk with tattoos I wouldn't have considered testing directly on a tattoo. From this particular example it would appear to be a specific type of ink that caused the problem rather than any tattoo ink so Apple may have even tested on tattoos.

      I'd guess that this will be included in the tests next time around and / or there would be a new option to disable the sensors that no longer work as a result of particular tattoo inks.

      1. h4rm0ny

        I would not have thought of it myself. But if I were an engineer working on this aspect of the watch and considering test cases, I think it would be entirely reasonable to have criticized me for not considering this. Tattoos are pretty common things, even on wrists.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Chuckle

    Chuckled a little when I first heard that. Just think of all the hipsters with sleeve tattoos.

  14. JP19

    Bug or feature?

    The watch looked at his arm and decided a pulse didn't really matter?

  15. Indolent Wretch

    I assume the next thing will be for hipsters getting the tattoos to have rounded rectangular voids in the pattern on their wrists. A whole new thing in parlors will be a list of designs with a strategic gap so that the pulse detection works.

    Maybe we should get a patent on that now? Anyone with the know how get it written up, we list as co-creators, straight 50% split.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That's why you need a laser..

    If you measure blood optically, anything that isn't standard issue skin will give problems, such as scar tissue, tattoo ink, not peeling the protective foil off (these people do exist too).

    Given the futuristic claims about this watch I would have expected a laser in there - I mean, it was part of James Bond movies since, what, the 60s? And a laser would surely be able to make a tiny opening to see that pulse. It may just be short lived with the blood supply leaking out, but sacrifices have to be made - consider it a Darwinian approach to problem solving :).

    Alternatively, maybe some of this can be switched off? Edge cases will always exist..

    1. VinceH Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: That's why you need a laser..

      A laser? Be serious! Would you want to wear a frikkin' shark on your wrist?

  17. chivo243 Silver badge
    Meh

    Darker skin?

    I have a colleague with very dark skin. Would this also be a problem if he were to purchase/wear one of the new fruity products?

    1. AbelSoul
      Headmaster

      Re: Darker skin?

      From the article *and* a previous comment:

      Natural pigments appear not to have any effect on the Watch.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ??

    "Reg reader Michael Lovell "

    There are Reg readers with tattoos? Good grief, The Reg must be a rag, I shall stop reading forthwith.

    And surely reputable Reg readers would never by mug enough to buy anything from Apple?

  19. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    My Casio PAG240 is tattoo-proof. Tells the time no matter where you strap it irrespective of underlying artwork.

    As for wrist detection, I just look at them. Both visible.

  20. Zog_but_not_the_first Silver badge
    FAIL

    Celebrity Endorsement

    Just as well the late Ray Bradbury isn't around anymore. I doubt if Apple would have got a celebrity endorsement out of him.

  21. DerekCurrie Bronze badge
    Facepalm

    Just Return The Watch, Or Try On An Un-Tattooed LImb

    This isn't a 'bug'. It is skin ink preventing Apple's pulse metering system from working properly. Actual skin without normal skin color transmission and reflection alteration is required. We know enough about how this system works, found under the watch against the skin, to know why skin ink would prevent it from working properly.

  22. Frank N. Stein

    "Lovell's so keen on his watch he says he just wants to keep using it, rather than visit an Apple store to seek support" - What kind of idiot would rather "just keep using" a dodgy piece of kit that either needs to be repaired, replaced, or refunded due to it's not working properly, rather than get it looked at and sorted out, according to warranty, i.e. Applecare? A Fashionista idiot who's more concerned with being in style than having a bit of kit that works properly... >:-) He needs to book a genius appointment and get that thing fixed or replaced.

  23. Andrew Jones 2

    OK - so a quick question here.

    I was aware that the watch checks periodically (roughly every 10 minutes I believe) for a pulse to a) record it and b) confirm it is still being worn. If skin-ink causes this process to fail - then I have to assume that the issue with all the current Android Wear watches - sweat will also cause it to fail. Does this therefore mean that everytime your wrist gets a bit sweaty the watch will need you to input your passcode?

  24. Simon Bramfitt

    So how's this work if your limbs are of the carbon fiber and plastic variety rather than the usual fleshy substance?

    Not so good I guess.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This will forever be known as the Fanbangle Barista Effect, FBE.

    "Yeah, dude, got a real bad case of the FBE, man. Do you want a splash of milk in that?"

  26. phil dude

    Some science...

    Optical Properties of Circulating Human Blood in the Wavelength Range 400-2500 nm

    Absorption spectrum of melanin

    Blood approx peak 633nm.

    Melanin peak approx 335 nm

    Skin colour should have no effect.

    P.

    PS Apologies for posting this twice, wasn't sure where the thread was going, and nobody else posted facts....

  27. VinceH Silver badge

    Distance: 0 Ft.

    I couldn't help but notice that after 30 seconds of walking, the distance remained at 0 feet. Is the distance supposed to increase as the amount of distance covered increases?

    I'm not trolling - although I'm very much anti-Apple, I'm genuinely curious about that.

    (Afterthought: Perhaps it relies on GPS in the paired phone, and he wasn't carrying it for the purposes of the demonstration?)

  28. Red Bren
    Gimp

    I'm going to get a tattoo of an Apple Watch on my wrist.

  29. MrDamage

    Stop using -gate

    For fucks sake, Watergate was actually a significant moment in history that exposed a deep level of government corruption.

    This constant use of "gate" to describe any slight peeve people have because their chosen hipster device doesn't work perfectly after they fell for the advertising shite hook, line and sinker, just goes to show how these twats aren't original, creative, or even intelligent.

    /rant

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stop using -gate

      Errr ... no.

      Even if we do not all like tats, we all love -gate.

      So this is "StopUsingGateGate".

  30. Chris 239
    Stop

    Sad lot we are.

    I've never seen a set of comments where the first comment set the tone and subject of the discussion quite so much as this one.

    Personally I initially identified with the first ACs comments a little at first but then thought of some of the very intelligent and good looking people I know with large tats' and realized that was wrong.

  31. h4rm0ny

    For the snobs...

    Art

    Art

    Art

    Art

    Art

    Art

    Art

    Tattoos are art.

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