back to article The Apple Watch: Throbbing strap-on with a knurled knob

No, this isn’t the first Apple Watch review you’ve seen. Cupertino supplied review units to a few selected journalists at the start of April; the rest of us had to order our own. I almost ignored mine arriving because I was looking out for a watch. It came in a box more suitable for a truncheon. Apple Watch Sport No, we're …

  1. jason 7

    I'll...

    ...pass!

    1. AMBxx Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: I'll...

      Not so sure - be nice to know I'd be prevented from reading the Grauniad.

      1. Titus Technophobe
        1. jason 7

          Re: I'll...

          Looks like it should go round his ankle...

      2. Bleu

        Re: I'll...

        A year in the future.

        'iOS 8 wiii no longer support the Apple Watch, but by then, your watch battery will be dead, so hey guys, just support us by throwing more of your cash our way. Just buy the latest one! Apple's gratitude to you, our valued mark, is unlimited!'

        I recommend checking the repair plans, FFS, talk about gouging.

    2. Jim Herd

      Re: I'll...

      For a tech website it's amazing how many of the commenters seem to hate technology.

      Seemed like a good idea to me to get the first version to see how it evolves and then get a new one in about three years when the battery lasts a week and it's a lot slimmer. I'm going to find the heart rate monitor useful and it'll be nice to reduce the cacophony of dings and dongs from my phone. Not to mention reducing the possibility of being robbed every time I pull out my iSchlong in public.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I'll...

        "For a tech website it's amazing how many of the commenters seem to hate technology."

        Just because you are interested in technology and/or generally like technology, you don't have to like every single piece of technology that's put out there.

        You can be an ice cream enthusiast and still not see the point in the latest creation from, say, B&Js.

        1. Jim Herd

          Re: I'll...

          It's a new paradigm. I tend to find most of them at least mildly interesting even if I don't intend to buy one. I found the original iPad interesting and promising but I didn't buy one as it lacked things like a camera for video conferencing etc. There seem to be way too many folk claiming not to see the point which seems to me to be displaying a staggering lack of imagination.

      2. anfromme

        Re: I'll...

        "I'm going to find the heart rate monitor useful"

        Another one of those things - you can then monitor your heartrate 24/7 if you so wish. But what does that heart rate (and/or blood pressure) even tell you? "Look - I've just walked up the stairs at a leisurely pace, I'm out of breath and my heart is at 110bpm. I'm out of shape." "Wow, I just lay on the couch for an hour, and I'm down to 20bpm - way lower than my mate who can only get down to 40bpm."

        "it'll be nice to reduce the cacophony of dings and dongs from my phone."

        Ever heard of silent mode?

        "Not to mention reducing the possibility of being robbed every time I pull out my iSchlong in public."

        Wow, where do you live where an iPhone still (this is 2015!) gets robbed off you whenever you take it out?

        1. Jim Herd

          Re: I'll...

          I'll be able to tell if my heart rate is within the necessary range to improve my cardiovascular health when I'm walking and it'll record improvements over time without any hassle unlike some of my previous heart rate monitors.

          I don't tend to find silent mode much use when I'm out and about walking in the streets. I usually miss calls because I can't feel the vibrations as I'm not a hipster wearing skinny jeans. YMMV.

          East London.

      3. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: I'll...

        "For a tech website it's amazing how many of the commenters seem to hate technology."

        Apple isn't a technology company, it's a marketing company.

        Most people with any appreciation of technology, and how things actually work, don't like arrogant marketeers.

        1. Jim Herd

          Re: I'll...

          For a marketing company they certainly seem to come up with a lot in the way of technical innovation.

  2. stefan 5

    So basically after many pages we all find out what we knew anyway. That its a piece of overpriced cr@p designed for hipsters and idiots with money to burn and no braincells. Less functions then a 1980s calculator.

  3. Matt Siddall

    I’ll say this for the Watch, though: I’d rather have it round my wrist than Google Glass on my head.

    But would you not rather still have an Android Wear watch that has a browser and on-screen keyboard? Why no comparison?

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Obvious reasons

      How about this reason: "Because I do not want a browser and on-screen keyboard".

      It is rank raving lunacy to stick a browser on it (and a keyboard) when you have a 5in + slab to type and read on.

      The value of the watch (or any other wearable that does not interfere directly with your field of vision) is in unobtrusive notifications, sensors and a set of simple UI tasks which specifically relate to these two categories. If you need to use a keyboard on a wearable, that means that the UI design for that wearable is a failure. This bit Apple got right (and so does Pebble and most of its apps). The current crop of Android smartware has this wrong. The level of wrongness is different - from Sony which tried, but failed to get it right (it was on the right track, just too early on) to Samsung whose Smart Watches are a complete idiocy as they are effectively a second phone - one you wear.

      In any case, when you give it a thought, let's suppose we have the next wearable gadget - a wearable ring or an earing (there are use cases where making either of these smart may make sense). So, what's next - having a keyboard and browser on that too? Mobile radio? Wifi?

      1. Bleu

        Re: Obvious reasons

        ... and a very rapid and cynical cycle of planned obsolescence.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Obvious reasons

          "and a very rapid and cynical cycle of planned obsolescence."

          That's pretty much how the billions were made. Make sure the hipsters wouldn't be seen dead with last year's model. Sell them one nearly the same, but 'better' in a couple of tiny areas technically, and make it look a bit different. Make sure there's room for improvement though : if it's too good the fanbois wont want the next iteration. The perfect business model in a lot of ways, and massed ranks of media / advertising / telesales people (basically the vain and stupid) ready and willing to part with fat pile of cash every 18 months. Even if they don't actually have it. I'd be fascinated to see if there's any kind of correlation between peaks in payday loans and apple releases.

          1. AstroNutter

            Re: Obvious reasons

            I've been an owner of several apple products, iPhone 3GS, 4S and 5S skipped the rest. Bought my first iPad a couple of weeks bad (iPad Air 2) and have a Macbook Pro from 2009. So yes, I'm very much in the apple camp, but I do have other things (my desktop is a self build windows box for a start)

            On my phone front, I didn't want the iPhone until after it had enough features - hence waiting for the 3GS, prior to that I was using a Nokia S something or other. That phone gave me everththing that I needed, and could do a whole lot more than anything I'd had before. Skipped the 4 as it wasn't a big enough upgrade, went to the 4S as I wanted more storage, my 3GS was given to my brother, so didn't go in the bin. Again I skipped the 5 (and 5C) as it wasn't a big enough upgrade for me to be bothered with. Wasn't planning on upgrading from my 4S to the 5S, but did this as I changed to a better data plan at the same time. If it wasn't for the data plan change, I'd probably have kept with the same handset, and been happy with it. I'm not bothering with the 6's at all, will look at the features they bring in on the next model, but I'm not expecting there to be a killer reason to upgrade from my 5S, so will probably end up staying as I am for another year.

            My Macbook Pro is getting old, but it's not ready to be replaced, far from it, there's probably a good few years life left in that machine, also as my main machine is a windows desktop, there isn't a compelling reason to upgrade. The laptop does everything that I want my laptop to do, upgrading will mean a smaller screen (I've got a 17" screen at the moment) so, that's a compromise before we even begin.

            I finally bought an iPad a couple of weeks ago and can see why people love tablets - the extra screen space makes things so much more convenient, and less squished. Again, I'm not expecting huge upgrades, and frankley I don't think I'll be missing any features. It'll be interesting to see how long until I decide to upgrade this things. At the moment, I'm not even thinking about it, in a couple of years, will there be enough of an upgrade for it to be worth it?

            In all the upgrades that I've done, there have been huge improvements in the performance of the devices. Adding extra sensors, screen size is about all that's happened - but that covers the real differences. The software has changed a huge amount, I can see why apple stop supporting older devices - sometimes it looks like it's just plain they want to make us spend money, and I won't argue against it, sometime's it's also that the hardware simply will fall of the cliff if it tries to do it.

            Yes, I freely admit that I like my apple products. I've looked at the android versions, and at the time of my iPhone 3GS, my opinion was that the apple product was better, since then, I have kept an eye on the Android stuff, it's good, but I haven't seen a compelling reason to migrate away from the Apple stuff. Those that know me, know that I was looking at the Nexus before I decided on the iPad. That was one of the reasons that I didn't have a tablet for a long time - couldn't decide between iOS or android - and that was whilst owning an iPhone and a MacBook pro. I know that I made the right choice for me, but it wasn't a blind decision.

            In short, I'm sure sure that I'll be upgrading any of my iDevices over the next 12 months. Don't think there will be enough of a reason to do so.

      2. Matt Siddall

        Re: Obvious reasons

        I don't disagree with you - I'm sure there are definite advantages to having no browser or on screen keyboard, but the point is that it would have been nice for the article to at least mention the Android watches available, and let us know how the Apple watch differs - and possibly even which is better (or which the writer prefers)

      3. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: Obvious reasons

        I'm pretty sure a T9 keyboard would do the trick, it'd fit and it's an interface which many are already familiar with.

    2. Dave 126 Silver badge

      >So basically after many pages we all find out what we knew anyway. That its a piece of overpriced cr@p

      Is that genuinely what you understood the bottom line of the review to be? You have an opinion and that's fine, but misrepresenting the views of someone else is disrespectful. A normal person would parse the review as being more like:

      Useful for some people, comes across as a version 0.9 product, software needs some tuning and that will probably happen... if it's your sort of thing then maybe wait until hardware MKII, and even then it won't suit everybody - and that's fine.

      Really, no iDevice ever came into its own until at least version 2.

      1. cosymart
        FAIL

        So

        If you purchased a normal watch for £339 and lets say the calendar didn't do leap years you would quite rightly take it back for a refund. Why is this for some reason different? It isn't a finished product, not fit for purpose so take it back and ask for refund.

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Fuzz

        "So - will dead ones still get into Silicon Heaven?"

        There's no such thing as silicon heaven

        1. petur

          only silicon landfill

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          No Silicon Heaven?

          Then where do all the calculators go?

          1. VinceH Silver badge

            Re: No Silicon Heaven?

            They never truly leave us, they just hide away in a quiet spot to die - on top of cupboards, underneath sofas and beds, buried under old, long forgotten video recorder instruction books at the back of TV unit drawers, behind sideboards, places like that.

          2. 45RPM Silver badge

            Re: No Silicon Heaven?

            For is it not said that the iron shall lie down with the lamp?

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Pedant

      "Fewer functions" or "less functionality", not "less functions".

      /pedant

      :0)

    5. rtb61

      No it is not. The people at Apple have finally developed a truly grand sense of humour and provided the majority of us the opportunity to snicker at anyone foolish and gullible enough to put one one after paying for it. Victims of marketing on parade. Fad products, to keep the scam going eventually they jump the shark and in this case the shark is public derision at crass classless consumerism and people who think they can buy poseur status by obeying marketing, well, you can but no one thinks much of poseurs.

    6. Truth4u

      It even has less features than that fixed decimal point calculator that was on the EEVBlog earlier. Lol

  4. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    That is massive.

    My 'get with the times, Granddad' 1960 watch is 34mm diameter - though I do wear watches on the inside of my left wrist.

    Can't see this replacing it, somehow.

    1. Lallabalalla

      Re: That is massive.

      It's about the same as a Seiko Divers. I have puny wrists and they fit OK.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: That is massive.

        In the traditional watch market, watches have got a lot bigger in the last 20-odd years... 38 mm used to be the norm, but now 43 mm and bigger is common. Partly it is to do with the resurgence of the mechanical watch market in the late eighties - as it was a given that quartz was more accurate, functional and cheaper, it meant that mechanical watches were largely status symbols, so may as well be large.

  5. Tromos

    Health is touted as the Watch’s killer app

    I knew too much exercise wouldn't be good for me!

    1. JamesPond

      Re: Health is touted as the Watch’s killer app

      1st Person: I run everyday and it'll make me live 10 years longer.

      2nd Person: But you'll spend those 10 years running!

      1. Tim Jenkins

        Re: Health is touted as the Watch’s killer app

        And those 'extra' 10 years will be in the wrong place.

        I'd like mine somewhere between 25 and 35, please. Back when I had the life experience to avoid a lot of mistakes, but was fit enough to survive making them anyway....

    2. Sarah Balfour

      Re: Health is touted as the Watch’s killer app

      What's that about never a truer word than is spoken in jest…? It isn't, seriously. The Second Law of Thermodynamics doesn't apply to Homo sapiens, and overdoing things - cardio I'm referring to here - will cause the catabolism of lean muscle, rather than flab, because muscle is more readily turned into an energy source, a process known as 'gluconeogenesis', this happens with all forms of protein, not just your own muscle (which is technically meat, after all…).

      However, if you restrict the carbs you eat, and switch your diet from high-carb to high-fat, you can 'reset' your body to burning fat as fuel, rather than glucose, thus forcing it to burn your own fuel reserves.

      Doing it the NHS way, eating a LFHC diet and slogging it out at the gym, or on the street, all you're doing is 'burning' off what you've eaten, thus causing a massive drop in blood-sugar, which causes the release of both grehlin (the 'hunger hormone') and insulin (the 'body-fat creation' hormone as it should more accurately be termed). Chronic cardio also causes the release of cortisol (which I'm sure most know as 'the stress hormone') and, because cortisol has no way of knowing what the stressor is, it covers all eventualities - one of those being famine, and so eating after you've been to the gym will cause most of the carbs you've eaten to be converted to body fat. This is the reason why LFHC diets fail 100% of the time (it's IMPOSSIBLE to drop body fat eating LFHC because you're replenishing it the whole time; you may lose WEIGHT, but most of that will be catabolised muscle).

      Eating LCHF breaks the chain as fat doesn't cause insulin release. No insulin release = no storage.

      Over 24 stone says I'm not talking out my arse. Did it the NHS way, shot from 24 stone to 32. Did it the right way, dropped from 32 to 7.5. Like I've said before, obesity is a food intolerance. Thing is, nobody believes me because the notion of a high-fat diet being even remotely healthy is lunacy.

      Sadly, the flab-bags I REALLY wanted to lose are still there, stubbornly attached to my chest. Losing weight unfortunately DOES NOT cause boob-loss. Moob loss is a different matter.

      As I can't afford surgery, guess I'm stuck with the useless sacks of shit. Perhaps I could offer them to Katie Price as 'natural silicone'.

  6. Little Mouse

    "...simply called Watch..."

    Have Apple trademarked the name yet?

    Let the lawsuits commence.

    1. O RLY

      Re: "...simply called Watch..."

      I suspect they'll fail on the trademark based on Microsoft's history. Microsoft Excel is trademarked; Microsoft Word is not.

      1. Danny 14 Silver badge

        Re: "...simply called Watch..."

        apple grease more palms though, Microsoft was pretty late to the palm greasing table, they relied on bullying instead.

  7. Sil

    Not convinced

    I wasn't convinced by the smartwatches on the market.

    I'm not conviced by the Apple Watch.

    It's just a super expensive remote for a smartphone 40 cm away, hardly useable with such a tiny screen for anything remotely useful. Apple brings features.

    Sharing heart rates or horrible doodles, Apple's contribution to the genre as far as I can see, isn't my cup of tea.

    If the aim is to wear a gadget that desperately wants to be forgotten for lack of battery, I'd rather keep my wrists free.

    If I was into fitness/health, I think I would go with the Microsoft Band, which does have a GPS and is OS agnostic.

    I fear you'll learn, sooner than later, that non sapphire glass was not a good compromise on the cheaper Apple watches.

    1. johnnymotel

      Re: Not convinced

      I have an old fashioned ORIS, with plexiglass cover, that's a lot softer than this glass. It does get scratched, but not that I'd really notice.

  8. Thoguht Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Apple Watch device

    The usage "Apple Watch device" is required because "Apple Watch" is a trademark, and trademarks are adjectives. Using a trademark as a noun can lead to its eventual loss.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Apple Watch device

      The plural of the Apple Watch is Apple Watches

      They may think they control the world but they don't control how I use my own frikking language.

      1. Cliff

        Re: Apple Watch device

        And the collective is 'steaming pile', just if that helps.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Apple Watch device - trademarks are adjectives

      Trade mark rules, UK

      "You can register your trade mark to protect your brand, eg the name of your product or service."

      "Your trade mark can’t describe the goods or services it will relate to, eg the word ‘cotton’ can’t be a trade mark for a cotton textile company"

      It would seem that the UK government disagrees with you on its website.

      It would also seem that US law may be different, based on a few lawyers' websites I looked at. They want to distinguish "trade names" from "trade marks". But if these are correct, they lead to the absurdity of the "Apple Watch (R) watch". I have to say that if I have parsed all this correctly, UK usage is sensible and US law is an ass.

  9. Yugguy

    The box epitomises why I don't Apple

    Look at me!!!

    Look at ME!!!

    LOOK AT ME!!!

    PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE please look at me so I can validate my existence via the shiny.

    1. jason 7

      Re: The box epitomises why I don't Apple

      But give it 6 months and it will be -

      Look at me!!!

      Oh you've got one too!!

      And you!!

      And you!!

      And you!!

      Bugger!

      So much for 'be different!'

      1. Martin

        Re: The box epitomises why I don't Apple

        And six months after that it'll be

        Look at me!!

        Hmmm, you've got one too.

        Oh, look, you've still got last year's model.

      2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: The box epitomises why I don't Apple

        But give it 6 months and it will be -

        Look at me!!!

        Oh you've got one too!!

        If that's the case we'll be going: bugger! I wish I'd bought Apple shares! ;-)

        1. Darryl

          Re: The box epitomises why I don't Apple

          Look at me!! Sitting on the floor beside the electrical outlet at the airport, charging my watch as well as my phone!!

  10. Mage Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Apple has answered the critics who doubted ...

    No they haven't.

    Yes it's nicely finished. But rubbish battery life, no use at all without an iphone and massively overpriced.

    It's an Geek toy for people with massive surplus of disposable income.

    1. DougS Silver badge

      Geek toy

      This makes it different from every other wearable so far how, exactly? There's the fitness bands for fitness geeks, Apple Watch for fashion geeks, Android wear / Samsung gear for unfashionable geeks, and Google Glass for self centered ubergeeks.

      1. VinceH Silver badge

        Re: Geek toy

        "This makes it different from every other wearable so far how, exactly?"

        Mage said it was different from every other wearable so far where, exactly?

  11. Geoff Campbell
    Boffin

    "objectively gorgeous"

    That's an oxymoron. "Gorgeous" is always subjective.

    Personally, I don't like the way it looks in photos, but I will reserve judgement until I've seen one in the flesh, as it were.

    However, it's a matter of purely academic interest. I can see why some people would find smartwatches useful, but for me, I don't want anything that they do.

    GJC

    1. Lallabalalla

      Re: "objectively gorgeous"

      No it's a tautology.

      HTH

      1. Sarah Balfour
        FAIL

        Re: "objectively gorgeous"

        Down-voted, as evidently you've as much knowledge of the meaning of 'tautology' as the person to whom you're responding does of 'oxymoron'.

        Tautology = denoting the same - "beautifully gorgeous" would be tautology. Other examples would be 'Gorilla gorilla' the Western Gorilla, and 'Gorilla gorilla gorilla', the Western Lowland Gorilla, although these are more accurately, and correctly, called 'tautonyms'.

        Oxymoron = juxtaposition of contradictory words, for example 'creation science'. Oxymoron itself, Late Latin via Ancient Greek, means 'keen-dull' or 'sharp-stupid', making it an oxymoron.

        I've responded to 4 threads this morning - and all I've done is be pedantic. Maybe that's all I'm good for…

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          4 threads

          I think you're being a pendant, not being pedantic.

    2. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: "objectively gorgeous"

      @Geoff Campbell

      , it's a matter of purely academic interest. I can see why some people would find smartwatches useful, but for me, I don't want anything that they do.

      No No No, you are not supposed to make balanced intelligent comment in discussions about such things as Apple wearables, it's just not the done thing.

      Only supercilious derision is acceptable, that way you are demonstrating your superiority over those that would make a different personal choice than yourself.

      Apple watch wouldn't be my choice either, but those who have earned their money may spend it how the f*** they want to.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wow.... I wondered what you could do with these things but to summarise:

    - Must recharge watch every day..

    - Needs to be paired with an iphone, which must also be charged every day...

    - Can't reply to most notifications unless you use said iphone

    - Looks good.

    - You'll suddenly discover what your heart rate and blood flow is, but will have no way of actually interpreting this to improve your life in any meaningful way.

    - By now, it's probably time to recharge your watch...Hey are you still reading this?

    1. 45RPM Silver badge

      Yup. I’ll stick with my Seiko, which:

      - Is recharged by having one off the wrist (so, in my case, never runs out)

      - Works perfectly without being pared to anything other than my wrist.

      - Can’t reply to notifications

      - Looks amazing

      - Can tell if I’m dead or not. If it stops working then things aren’t looking too rosy for me either.

      - Well, no. I don’t need to recharge it just yet - but, now that you mention it I don’t mind if I do. Where’s the tissues?

      Fap fap fap fap fap…

      1. Bleu

        You have an

        electronic self-charging watch?

        Sorry, don't believe it.

        Which invalidates your post.

        Better thinking on your next comedic brainstorm, you may have a little to say.

        1. 45RPM Silver badge

          Re: You have an

          @Bleu You've never heard of Seiko Kinetic then? http://www.seiko.co.uk/discover-seiko/technology/kinetic

          1. Bleu

            Thx 45RPM

            Did see some publicity for it while ago, but forgot.

        2. King Jack Silver badge

          Re: You have an

          I have an edifice watch by Casio and it keeps great time via the radio atomic time signal. It also recharges itself via light, even by fluorescent tubes. Never needs adjusting. Just wear it and look at it for the correct to the second time. When full the battery will last for 8 months in total darkness by stopping all hand movement and time checks. It spring back to life when it sees the light. The future is now.

      2. werdsmith Silver badge

        Yup, I'll stick with my conventional watch which tells me the time, duplicating the functionality of dozens of other devices within visual range all of the time.

        And I look at it now, it's 0946 BST. In approximately half an hour I will expect it to say about 1015 BST, I will look at my watch and confirm that fact.

        See how it can work both ways? Damn useful things these watches.

      3. DocJames
        Headmaster

        Ahem

        without being pared to anything

        I hope you mean paired. If your watch is pared to your wrist, I'm not sure how it would still work.

        1. 45RPM Silver badge

          Re: Ahem

          @DocJames Sorry sir. I didn't proofread. How many lashes for that error?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Ahem

            How many lashes for that error?

            I don't know, how many does it usually take you to recharge your watch?

      4. Yugguy

        I have a nice perpetual watch too. It looks good, it tells the time and I can go swimming with it on.

        It fills EVERY need I have for a watch.

        There's no need in my life for a smartwatch of any kind.

        As for being dead though - mine can last a good few days without movement so you might get a bit smelly before anyone notices via your watch.

  13. Martin
    Happy

    Too smart for what I need.

    I like the new Shinola advert:- A watch so smart it can tell you the time just by looking at it.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This sort of article is why I started reading the Reg again, well balanced and with a reasonable amount of substance - BBC please take note!

    It seems wearables have split the great unwashed masses into two distinct camps "right now" and "never". I suspect this will be much like when mobile phones first came out, early adopters rushed out to buy the latest brick of a phone which the no camp complained bitterly about them speaking too loudly but in the end everyone got one.

    I can't help feeling that wearables will have a tougher time that mobile phones though. I'm normally a early adopter but so far I've not seen a single wearable that appeals. Surely I can't be alone in feeling that reaching into my pocket to get my phone out to read a message isn't a chore (especially when that's the only way I can reasonably reply anyway). If I'm perfectly honest I actually want less ways to be notified not more, with a computer, two phones and a tablet near me at the moment when I get a message it's like being in a cuckoo clock shop at midday.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      If we can't have fewer notifications, I'd rather the process of finding out whether I can ignore one doesn't involve digging my phone out of my pocket.

      The Apple Watch is overkill for me, as is Google Wear and even Pebble. Martian Watch are on the right track, a small functional module that can be incorporated into a traditional analogue watch without too much of an aesthetic compromise.

      I don't mind the Reg coverage of the Apple Watch too much, but it would be nice if they gave some time to non Apple, a Google or Pebble watches.

      1. Bleu

        'the right track, a small functional module that can be incorporated into a traditional analogue watch'

        You are wrong on so many counts.

        Clockwork is not analog. It is digital, just not binary.

        Analog timepieces are sundials, sand or liquid~based timers, I am sure there are others.

        How do you propose to economically place a digital electronics module in a clockwork watch and leave the beauty of the watch intact?

        Granted, it could be done, but can't see the point.

        1. 45RPM Silver badge

          @Bleu Digital means that a device performs its calculations using two discrete states - on or off, 1 or 0 - binary. In the case of a digital watch, the timekeeping is done using a microchip with a quartz oscillator - and, helpfully, the display is set of seven segments, displaying the actual numbers (or digits - satisfying the other, looser, definition of digital).

          I suppose that, technically, many 'analogue' watches are digital (in that they use a microchip with a quartz oscillator to perform the actual timekeeping). But they fail to satisfy the other definition of digital in that the time is displayed using sweeping hands, and the numbers that the hands point to are almost vestigial. In fact, many don't have numbers at all - or have pared down the numbers to 12, 3, 6 and 9.

          A purely mechanical watch fails to satisfy either definition of digital.

          1. Bleu

            Must disagree

            We think of clockwork as analogue, but it really is not. The hands may all appear to sweep smoothly, but that is artifice, they are driven by a mechanical oscillator (pendulum, spring recoil, etc.) that pulses at a certain rate.

            I liked programming assembler most of all, it is just like clockwork.

            Some of the earlier electronic methods (out of use) might more aptly be described as analogue.

            All this talk of watches, I have two at hand, but it really makes me want to find my old Seiko (battery, not Kinetic) and Swiss self-winder.

            Still have them.

            Never buying a 'smart-watch', like to read a map and ask people instead of staring at a display and living in a bubble.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Shame the comments are riddled with self-important, hero-derping, basement dwelling fuckwits. Still, can't have everything...

      1. Yugguy

        You've not been on the Internet much then?

    3. Kunari

      "...I'm normally a early adopter but so far I've not seen a single wearable that appeals... "

      Agreed, you're not alone. I like the fitbits best thus far, but the models with the HRM are too inaccurate while exercising yet, which I suspect Apple's will suffer the same fate.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        >"...I'm normally a early adopter but so far I've not seen a single wearable that appeals... "

        I've seen a few that nearly appeal, largely because they look like standard analogue watches. Casio, Citizen and a company called Martian make some in this form-factor.

        The thing is, since my traditional watch was chosen by me from a selection of thousands, I'm not likely to find a smart-watch from a selection of dozens that looks as good to me as my current watch does.

        I also like my handed-down watch, a 1968 Omega Chronostop with the Milanese strap... Apple have got that right, at least.

  15. Kristian Walsh Silver badge

    "E-flat string? Certainly sir -- now, is your haptic recessed or prominent?"

    This text:

    "When on, Apple Watch will play a prominent haptic to pre-announce certain events"

    ... is complete and utter garbage. For a start, what is "a haptic"? Haptic is an adjective, and not exactly a well-known one either, but as a message that's supposed to explain a function, it is utterly meaningless unless you know what the function does already.

    Apple used to have a department called "Instructional Products", one of whose tasks was to review and correct the sub-literate jargon that developers put in their apps and turn it into English. Obviously, using plain language doesn't convey the necessary mystique anymore (" ... will tap your wrist..." would have been much clearer about what's happening). Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if IP went the same way as the groups that did third-party integration testing... (i.e., out the door, P45/pink-slip in hand).

    ... and I'd love to see how you'll get that a translation of that text into Portuguese to fit on the display.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: "E-flat string? Certainly sir -- now, is your haptic recessed or prominent?"

      A haptic is when you score three own goals in succession.

      1. TWB

        Re: "E-flat string? Certainly sir -- now, is your haptic recessed or prominent?"

        Glad to see ISIHAC word-meaning-clarification is nerve far away.

  16. Archaon
    Facepalm

    Subjectively objective

    Article - "Apple has answered the critics who doubted a computer company could make a wearable that people wanted to wear: the hardware is objectively gorgeous"

    Based on your subjective viewpoint that it is gorgeous you could assume that most people would consider it gorgeous. Nothing is objectively gorgeous.

    1. emmanuel goldstein

      Re: Subjectively objective

      the word "gorgeous" is objectively gorgeous.

  17. Bleu

    Your cringeworthy article implies

    that you bought the thing or the reg. bought it for you.

    How hideous.

    Did Apple promise to later slip you a cheque out of gratitude for your unstinting praise?

    1. TWB

      Re: Your cringeworthy article implies

      I did not read unstinting praise in the article - I felt the writer bought it for himself because he wanted to get one and try it out. I did not feel this article 'sells' it much at all, in fact I cam away thinking the reviewer felt it was 'not that great'. I was a doubter about the watch before and I still am.

      1. jason 7

        Re: Your cringeworthy article implies

        Not like it would be difficult to sell on.

        Does the reviewer even still own it?

        1. Bleu

          Re: Your cringeworthy article implies

          Seems to have liked it too much to have sold it.

          14 down-votes (so far). Must have been a recruiting drive on Apple fan fora. Although, interestingly, this is the second time I've made a very negative comment about an article, and the first also got an instant 14 Down's syndromers. Perhaps it is an automated function.

          A further quibble, the claim of a 'hirsute wrist'. Are the photos of the magical device being worn all taken with it worn by someone else, or just altered to remove any evidence of hair?

          1. Dave 126 Silver badge

            Re: Your cringeworthy article implies

            >14 down-votes (so far). Must have been a recruiting drive on Apple fan fora.

            You don't have to be an Apple fan to down-vote someone who is quite obviously misrepresenting the article, and making themselves a hypocrite at the same time.

            And shit, if you really thick this Reg thread is a Apple fan forum then you really have lost your powers of reading comprehension. The pattern has been roughly:

            Commentards who say its not for them: Upvoted a lot.

            Commentards who seem not to have read or understood the review: Downvoted a lot.

            Commentards who express cautious interest: Upvoted a bit.

          2. Triggerfish

            Re: Your cringeworthy article implies

            Auto downvotes don't seem to work for anyone else who posts, have you considered 14 people might think you are talking rubbish?

            1. PleebSmash
              Trollface

              Re: Your cringeworthy article implies

              Bleu's clues

          3. emmanuel goldstein

            Re: Your cringeworthy article implies

            have another one.

    2. Martin
      Happy

      Unstinting praise?

      That article wasn't unstinting praise.

      THIS is unstinting praise.

      For example:-

      ...raw specifications (18% thinner than last year's 4S, 20% lighter, 12% less volume) don't explain how it seems to float in the hand, and how typing or swiping feels like touching the very pixels.

      El Reg - learn from a master!

  18. eek the geek
    FAIL

    Anatomically impossible?

    "The iPhone version of Procreate, an excellent drawing app, is a case in point. It uses the Watch not as a canvas but as a tool palette. A nice thought, but once you’re wearing it, it’s amusingly obvious that you can’t use the Watch and iPhone at the same time. It’s anatomically impossible."

    I've got no intention of buying a Watch but it occurs to me that by holding an iPhone in one hand and having the Watch rotated around my wrist 180 degrees (as I usually wear my watch) on the same arm I can make this very anatomically possible. You could quite easily go from tapping on the iPhone screen to moving your finger a couple of inches to the side for a tap on the tool palette and back to the iPhone screen.

    1. PleebSmash
      Boffin

      Re: Anatomically impossible?

      Or you could put the phone on a desk.

      1. Archaon
        Coat

        Re: Anatomically impossible?

        "Or you could put the phone on a desk."

        Or if you're going to have the phone out (normally a pre-requisite to putting it down) you could just, you know, use the phone...?

        1. PleebSmash
          Paris Hilton

          Re: Anatomically impossible?

          iPad on the desk, palette/tools on the wrist, could be the ultimate undocked window for tablet artists.

          ...Or a steaming pile of garbage, I don't really know.

  19. 45RPM Silver badge

    To sum up…

    …It’s beautifully made, but ultimately shit. Promising shit, but shit nonetheless. So a bit like the first iteration of every other Apple product.

    That’s the thing about Apple. Unfashionable as it is to say it, they do make some amazing products - both hardware and software. It’s just that the first, and often second and sometimes third, versions are crap. Once they get into their stride, amazingness is the result. Honestly, and having seen the latest versions of Windows, I’d say the same of Microsoft too - it’s just that it took them a little longer to reach tech nirvana.

    Um. What comes after nirvana? I think that sentence might need a little rework.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: To sum up…

      What comes after nirvana?

      Well, technically, "nirvana" means "the cessation of turnings". The only time that a software or hardware product doesn't have any more "turnings" (which I guess would be an update cycle) is when it's end-of-lifed and not supported any more. Not quite "nirvana". I guess you could use the expression "ne plus ultra" instead, but really we all know that technology never arrives at perfection (since in fact, "all composite things decay") and comparisons or metaphors like this are just hyperbole.

      Nirvana isn't the same as enlightenment (and you're not really asking what comes after), but you can get the flavour from this saying:

      Before Enlightenment: Chop wood, carry water;

      After Enlightenment: Chop wood, carry water

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: To sum up…

        Chop wood, carry water???

        Sounds like hard work to me. Is there an App for that?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: To sum up…What comes after nirvana?

        I agree. The whole point of Apple purchasers is that they do not want to be liberated from the Wheel of Existence. It's a materialistic culture.

        It is also an amusing paradox that Zen principles of design and manufacture underpin the Apple approach, and thus enable its employees and shareholders, as well as its customers, to lead a materialistic, acquisitive lifestyle completely in contrast to the spirit of Zen.

    2. Mage Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: To sum up…

      Some are always rubbish:

      Pippin

      Lisa

      The idea of a mouse with only one button that is round, only the cable to show orientation.

      Disk drives on an Apple II, which was over rated. I fitted 8" floppies, 80 column card, full keyboard and Z80 card on mine. I'd have been better buying something else.

      Some get canned just as they are getting good

      Newton.

      Apple Servers.

      Some just look "clean" when new.

  20. Big_Ted
    Angel

    hmmmm

    Apples watch

    #Appleswatch

    Apple swatch

    Called the layers Swatch are using our name ......

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    +1 for using 'affordance'

    At the very least, software designers should not make the action buttons a very slightly darker shade of eggshell blue on a background of eggshell blue.

    Anon because people involved in a certain major IT project will know exactly what I mean.

  22. Lyndon Hills 1

    send a brief recording of your heartbeat

    I suppose there might be possibly be a use for this - checking if granny is still alive? Otherwise, is there really someone on the planet that would want to do this? More than once??

    1. Bruce Ordway

      Re: send a brief recording of your heartbeat

      Maybe on Valentines Day?

      1. Michael Thibault
        Thumb Up

        Re: send a brief recording of your heartbeat

        In lieu of the very occasional postcard home reading only "still alive"?

      2. Lallabalalla

        Re: maybe on valentine's day?

        Ew. End of relationship right there.

    2. Mage Silver badge

      Re: send a brief recording of your heartbeat

      Posher and more 21st C than a placard

      "I ain't dead"

      1. Vic

        Re: send a brief recording of your heartbeat

        "I ain't dead

        ITYM "I Aten't Dead" :-)

        Vic.

        1. markw:

          Re: send a brief recording of your heartbeat

          Yes what would Granny have to say about the iWatch and the people who wear them?

          I suppose we'll never know now ...

  23. Simon Harris Silver badge

    Black Books

    "Live a better day by achieving 3 daily fitness goals."

    Kind of heard that in my head as if spoken by Manny in his 'Little Book Of Calm' voice.

  24. Daz555

    Curved edges.

    What have Casio or Timex got to say about those suspicious curved edges? Looks like infringement to me!

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Objectively gorgeous??

    "the hardware is objectively gorgeous"

    Eh no... it's 'subjectively' gorgeous maybe. IMO it's a horrible looking, 70s style abomination. I won't be taking my Omega off for one of those ugly things any time soon. I don't doubt I'll see loads of slavish, fashion victims sporting them soon enough though.

    1. Handy Plough

      Re: Objectively gorgeous??

      "...my Omega..." Followed by an accusation of being a fashion victim for buying an Apple Watch.

      You see the rank fucking hypocracy, right? Smug tit.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Objectively gorgeous??

        Not to mention the idea that some of Omega's best known watches (besides the Speedmaster) boast a very 1970s design.

        Take this Seamaster, for example:

        http://41.media.tumblr.com/4389014dc8c8b6c8c48c28d78fe27cf7/tumblr_mmjyw4Dvyu1royoxho1_1280.png

        Or Omega's Project Alaska, for those who just need more anodised aluminium iun their life:

        http://www.watchlinks.net/Basel08/Basel08/omega11.jpg

        Or this, based on a 1969 design (or based on a Cylon's head, it would appear):

        http://www.ablogtowatch.com/omega-spacemaster-z-33-watch-review/

        1. jason 7

          Re: Objectively gorgeous??

          Agree on the odd design aspects of some of the Omegas there. Though they are interesting.

          Plus they will still be worth more than scrap in two years time.

      2. Triggerfish

        Re: Objectively gorgeous??

        Whilst I do not own an Omega they are rather nice and sometimes less about fashion and more about having a damn nice watch.

        1. Dave 126 Silver badge

          Re: Objectively gorgeous??

          Too true, they will be worth more than scrap in a few years / decades time.

          For balance, Omega make some more restrained watches too, as do their competitors.

          I'm actually inclined to like companies who put a crazy product from time to time.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Objectively gorgeous??

        It's not hypocrisy (learn to spell) as my Omega isn't in the least fashionable. It's just a very nice watch that is still as good as the day I bought it 15 years ago. That's more than I can say for any of these so called smart watches which will be landfill in a couple of years, Apple watch included.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    > Douglas Adams imagined a genetically engineered food animal that wanted you to eat it.

    He also rather scathingly described "an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea."

    To be honest, for all it's fit an finish it still looks like an iPod nano with a wrist strap. I think I'll wait and see how these things evolve before giving up my trusty automatic.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Whilst the rest of the universe suffered terrible plagues spread by unexpectedly dirty telephones.

  27. Anonymous Blowhard

    Automatic?

    "I'll wait and see how these things evolve before giving up my trusty automatic"

    They can still jam; I'll wait and see how these things evolve before giving up my trusty revolver...

  28. ClammyLammy
    Boffin

    Taptic Feedback

    This is all well and good, but can the 'taptic' thingumjig restart your heart like James Coburn's?

    Our Man Flint on YouTube

  29. elrego

    Good to see they have solved the range anxiety issue like Musk couldn't.

  30. JDX Gold badge

    They really called a paint app...

    ... Procreate?!

    1. Simon Harris Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: They really called a paint app...

      that's nothing... you should see what they called their app for DIY.

    2. Anonymous Blowhard

      Re: They really called a paint app...

      I was going to call my forum app "Mass Debate"...

  31. Triggerfish

    I just read that whole review thinking I would find something in it that described a point to a smartwatch and you know what there's nothing, really it doesn't even seem that much use for a quick glance at the time.

    I am not interested in smartwatches but I was at least expecting something that would make me think hmmn that's pretty groovy, but it does naff all.

    Also if you think that's nice design then go look at something by IWC that's how nice watches should look.

    Plus if you are worried about the glass getting cracked on the bedpost whilst sleeping then how do you wear it outdoors without worrying about it getting broken?

  32. Paddy B

    Driving

    So, if it comes on when you lift your wrist, does that mean it's likely to be on most of the time when you're driving (hands at ten and two of course)? Might dim the battery life slightly...

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Driving

      That's a good point. It may be that it is selective about the axis and magnitude of rotation / translation that turns it on. Otherwise, it could be mitigated in software - i.e if the master phone is connected to a car system, it won't turn on.

      The concept is far from new, some Casio G-Shocks could have their electroluminescent back-lights activated by a twist/jerk in the late '90s - and it could well pre-date that.

      Off topic:

      Check out the Citizen Scientific Calculator Watch:

      http://www.digital-watch.com/DWL/1work/citizen-scientific-calculator-watch/

      1. Triggerfish

        Re: Driving

        If it works like the Casio twist jerk its would actually be OK. I have that on my dive watch and it seems to be pretty good.

        1. Neil Barnes Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: Driving

          This one needs merely be raised to the correct angle to turn on... http://www.cathodecorner.com/nixiewatch/

  33. Zog_but_not_the_first Silver badge
    Trollface

    What would "Tiny Elvis" say?

    That sucker's huge!

    For the young folk, here's a primer.

    1. Tom 35 Silver badge

      Re: What would "Tiny Elvis" say?

      It seems he says

      The uploader has not made this video available in your country.

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: What would "Tiny Elvis" say?

        Instead of...

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYEWwVgFIcg

        Use...

        https://www.youtube.com/v/yYEWwVgFIcg

  34. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    OMG!

    It's soooo beautifulugly!!

    1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

      Re: OMG!

      Ah, the downvotes are rolling in!

      One little fanboi

      jumping on the bed.

      Another one jumped on

      and promptly bumped his head.

      "More little fanbois jumping on the bed!"

  35. petur

    Navigation use case

    The navigation use case is not needed: At least my (Android) phone vibrates a code for left/right when it detects it is in my pocket, so I can walk around a place and be guided without staring at the phone. Or at a watch!

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Navigation use case

      That sound a bloody good idea Petur - which Android navigation app is that, may I ask?

  36. Tom 35 Silver badge

    Didn't he have something to say about digital watches too?

    Douglas Adams imagined a genetically engineered food animal that wanted you to eat it.

  37. jason 7

    Apparently the Stainless Steel case version...

    ...scratches like crazy.

    I've had stainless steel watches that went years without a single scratch.

    The aluminium case sports version is tougher. Seems the Sports version is the best combination of case and screen materials. Well let's rephrase that, it's the best of a bad bunch.

  38. YARR
    Joke

    Nothing special really...

    It seems everyone's making a smart watch these days. I've heard even Nintendo are making a Wii Watch U.

  39. Nanners

    Apple user says

    fail. I'm trying to keep my phone resources to a minimum and there is no reason for me to buy in. I predict this to be cooks first of more than one flops.

  40. This post has been deleted by its author

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What do we actually need?

    I keep my phone in a shirt pocket and with a coat on I sometimes don't hear or feel notifications. Some people have a similar problem with phones in bags.

    I can see a use case for a proper watch that has a simple vibrate feedback and is linked to a phone, so it vibrates one way for a message, another for a voice call, and a third for other notifications. It would also help if it had the phone unlock function of the LG. It really doesn't need a display (other than the obvious one) or a blinkenlicht. Even the Pebble is overkill.

    1. Vince

      Re: What do we actually need?

      The Sony Smartband SWR10 has a 5 day battery, charges in very little time, no display, can alert you to notifications, calls etc

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I don't get it

    OK call me stupid - but I just don't get it.

    I wear a watch, but it's not digital, as it's job is to tell the time and occasionally what date it is when writing cheques - why would I want a watch to do anything else?

    I already have 2x phones that I have to carry (1x work and then my personal) and am trying to avoid having to check those more than absolutely blooming necessary. Both phones can make noise and/or vibrate to notify me of messages/calendar appointments/phone calls.

    Health monitoring I'm not interested in - I consider most forms of exercise to be evil incarnate having heard FAR too many times "did you hear about Bob dropping down dead of a heart attack? The strangest thing, he was always out jogging".

    Seriously what am I missing, or is it purely about spending far more money than I have?

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: I don't get it

      In response to your question, I shall refer to the post that immediately pre-dates yours:

      Arnaut the less

      Silver badge

      What do we actually need?

      I keep my phone in a shirt pocket and with a coat on I sometimes don't hear or feel notifications. Some people have a similar problem with phones in bags.

      I can see a use case for a proper watch that has a simple vibrate feedback and is linked to a phone, so it vibrates one way for a message, another for a voice call, and a third for other notifications. It would also help if it had the phone unlock function of the LG. It really doesn't need a display (other than the obvious one) or a blinkenlicht. Even the Pebble is overkill.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I don't get it

      Thanks for downvote - care to actually answer my question on what I'm missing or is it to ephemeral for you to express?

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: I don't get it

        Don't get precious about downvotes or upvotes, they are there only for the under 12 readers to play with.

        I often wonder about golfers, why the f*** do they waste time doing that? I have no idea, but I accept that my preferences are not universal for everyone on the planet.

        Now, I am wondering why people wear watches to tell the time? The time is available on my car dash and it gets announced on my car radio. It's on my TV, it's on my cooker, it's on my office PC screen and office wall. If I go out it's on church clocks and various other public places. In fact I am rarely so far away from a time readout that I can't judge the approximate time. So a watch to have the time available every second is slightly useful but not all that.

        However, the elimination of ringing and alert tones sounds pretty good to me. As does the observation of personalised and pertinent information in a discreet and timely manner. There are loads of ways that I've found a Pebble watch useful (despite their pointless weather apps) that I never imagined when I backed the Kickstarter on a curious whim years ago. I could describe them, but there are many, and although I personally find them very useful I do realise that my requirements and preferences are not universal.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I don't get it

          Hello werdsmith, to answer your questions in order:

          I often wonder about golfers, why the f*** do they waste time doing that?

          They enjoy the game, find it relaxing, or perhaps are using it to escape an unhappy domestic situation.

          Now, I am wondering why people wear watches to tell the time?

          Well watches are generally quite good at telling the time. Some people just like watches and like having the time on their wrist, always available. They like the different styles of watch, allowing something to suit their aesthetics. Some people appreciate the skill that has gone into making a good watch. Perhaps their watch may have been handed down, so having sentimental value. There may be more reasons than this, but these will get you started.

          Finally - not a question, but:

          I do realise that my requirements and preferences are not universal.

          Nice of you to acknowledge this, but it doesn't really come across in your writing.

          1. Sarah Balfour

            Re: I don't get it

            RELAXING…?! Not the way my dad and his mates play it ain't! Eventually someone's gonna get clobbered to death with a four wood and buried in a bunker - they're all 70+ now, so it's the usual arguments.

            People have been shot for slow play in the States, y'know* - you don't fuck with golfers.

            *my mum has a pen-friend in AZ, and an argument over slow play at her hubby's club turned nasty when a one of the agitators pulled out a pistol and shot the other in both legs.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I don't get it

          >>Now, I am wondering why people wear watches to tell the time? The time is available on my car dash and it gets announced on my car radio. It's on my TV, it's on my cooker, it's on my office PC screen and office wall.

          It's not a big mystery. It's obviously more convenient to tell the time when a clock is always in the same place (your wrist) and always has the same visual format.

  43. Haku

    I'm still not convinced about the usefulness of a 'smartwatch' for a couple of reasons

    1) Battery life - I already have a couple of tablets & an Android phone that get charged regularly, I not in a hurry to get another electronic mouth to feed

    2) I'd have to start wearing glasses again, I can cope with my phone but anything smaller wouldn't be nice to try and use on a regular basis

    .

    The Techmoan guy owns an Omate 'smartwatch' he got from a Kickstarter last July, a full blown Android phone with a capacitive touchscreen, he discovered it's far more useful as a consumption device (reading news etc.) rather than a feedback device (writing emails etc.).

    Check out his short review video of it, even going as far as browsing his own website and viewing a YouTube video on it:

    http://www.techmoan.com/blog/2014/7/23/first-the-omate-truesmart-3g-smartwatch.html

  44. thomas k.

    couldn't work in lace curtains?

    Tsk, tsk. Disappointed.

  45. largefile

    Is this for adults?

    Curious if anyone over the age of 50 has given this a shot. My near vision has been so compromised by presbyopia as has the vision of most folks hitting middle age that I just can't imaging using this for much more than telling time assuming I used a large clock face or numbers. I'm not an iPhone person but I can't believe how small all of the earlier generation iphones are. Just getting so tired of small text everywhere.

  46. jimbo60

    the real value

    To bring up a famous quote..."There's a sucker born every minute.". We should thank Apple for making it so easy to identify them.

    1. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: the real value

      Did anyone ever say "there's a supercilious jerk born every minute" ? We should thank El Reg forums for giving them a platform.

  47. iDavid

    The first useful review I've read

    And the only one that comes close to informing a buying decision. I'll pass on v0.9, but might pull the trigger if/when it comes out of beta.

  48. Mike Flex

    Get thee to an optician

    "...the first screen after setup animates hundreds of swirling particles; it’s vertiginous, like staring at the Pleiades."

    If you find the Pleiades look like a vertiginous cloud of swirling particles I suggest you get to an optician. Or a doctor.

    "There are alarms and stopwatches and timers, handier than on your phone."

    As, indeed, there are on my £23 Casio watch. As a bonus it has a 5 year battery life and doesn't look like it should only be worn by a 1980s gym bunny.

  49. JP19

    Live a better day

    I was so busy barfing at the "Live a better day" message on the watch on the second page photo that I initially missed the string of beans (or whatever) and manky bit of leather or string also wrapped around that wrist.

    I wondered what they were for then realised they they must be the same as the watch - to mark the owner of that wrist (or stager of the photograph) as a complete tosser.

  50. mahasamatman
    Boffin

    But what we really need to know ...

    .. is "Does it Blend?"

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8sxwK2pJI4

    Yes, it blends.

  51. hi_robb

    Finally...

    El-Reg put their review up.

    It's about time....

  52. Simon Harris Silver badge

    Put me down for one...

    ... but only if it has a super strong magnet for undoing dresses from a distance.

  53. Chris Parsons

    Yuk!

    But then I'm an old person, with nice wind-up watches, so what would I know?

  54. DaddyHoggy

    My dad had a Sinclair 'Black Watch' in the 1970s - I remember it not being very good - despite the claims from Sinclair to the contrary - we don't seem to have moved on very much (in some respects) in 40 years.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Watch_%28wristwatch%29

  55. uesffqjfptdusuo

    i watch, we watch, they watch

    Because when you go take a piss, you need a camera on your wrist.

  56. DanHT

    Quality punning there.

    El Reg - The IT worlds answer to the Sunday Sport

  57. FatGerman

    So, er,

    Nowhere in this detail-filled review does it say what it's actually for. I'm still in the dark on that one as I truly cannot see any reason for anybody to own one. Please, enlighten us.

  58. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Meh.

    As has been pointed out, "objectively gorgeous" is a contradiction in itself.

    Taking an article seriously that postulates such a thing in the first paragraph or two is not an easy thing for me.

    I saw an actual Apple watch today in an Apple store. The circumstances were distracting. The watches were bolted (well, that's what it felt like - you couldn't move them even a micron) to the table, with their straps half-submerged in said table. You couldn't bring your hand/wrist underneath them to check what they'd look like on you. There were three watches along a ~3 metre (10ft) stretch of table. And there was a large sign on the table telling you the area was video-monitored.

    Now, as for the watch - it's definitely not gorgeous.

    It's also not quite as hideous/clunky as I thought it looked in the first photos I saw.

    But it's still a far cry from pretty.

    Looking at it, it's always 100% clear that it's (just) another electronic gadget.

    Even sitting across from somebody at a table I couldn't be sure to tell whether they were wearing the Apple watch or an Android Wear equivalent.

    As for the software - I was befuddled, and going by some reviews I've seen, I'm not the only one. There are multiple interactions, like crown-double-clicks, crown-single-clicks, pressing the home button (or whatever it's called - it sits on the same side as the crown), normal touch screen pushes and "force" pushes that do different things, and you never really get a clear, consistent behaviour that gives you any sense of "oh - this is what happens when I do X, and this is where I am".

    Which is a bit of a surprise. I switched my iPhone for an Android phone for a bunch of reasons, but always thought Apple did a pretty good job of hiding complexity so as to not overwhelm new users. Not so with the Apple Watch.

    Might be the double task as head of software AND hardware design might be a bit too much for Ivy - or maybe it's generally a bad idea to have HW and SW design headed by one person with more experience with different techniques of milling aluminium than with software UI design beyond (allegedly) using his private jet's leather upholstery as a template for the look of an app icon.

    There's of course also the matter of only having a tiny screen and trying to cram too many things onto it. In that sense, nothing much has changed since the days of the iPod Nano 6th generation.

    That - to me - is probably the biggest surprise here. Whatever somebody's misgivings about Apple - too expensive, too much of a walled garden, not enough control over what you can do, etc. etc. - they were always really very good at making the OS of their mobile devices feel easy, flawless, and smooth. Usually in a way that would make you forget your misgivings about, say, owning a keyboard-less miniature laptop screen in a fancy casing.

    Not this time.

  59. 101
    Meh

    Maybe it's just me, but it looks clunky and cheap. Something a five year would wear.

    I suppose it's been said thousands of times by now, but no one actually wears a watch anymore. The phone has a built in clock. And so....

    I think this is more of a fashion fad than viable technology.

  60. Unicornpiss Silver badge
    Flame

    The obvious for me...

    ..is that I won't buy any smart watch or "watch device" that you have to recharge every frickin' day. A watch is for convenience. Remembering to recharge my watch is not convenient. Even a windup watch you have to wind every day is more convenient than this.

    Maybe once battery life reaches a week between charges, or charging options are more convenient, such as inductive charging while you wear it but without giving you cancer or waking up soft boiled, but nah, probably not even then.

  61. Unicornpiss Silver badge
    Meh

    @"Live a better day"

    Ugh. I met a beautiful girl with a tattoo of "Find quality in life", which I really liked and that was a much more profound slogan than the sappy "Live a better day", which sounds like a poorly translated Bond movie title. Unfortunately, she decided I wasn't high enough quality for her. But I still liked the tattoo.

  62. Sarah Balfour

    I notice

    that the wrist wearing the job also has the adornments that no sane person over the age of about 25 would wear, so I'm assuming Adam is a greenhorn. He'll learn. What am I saying…?! I never have.

  63. John 62

    Font

    No mention of the font? OS X finally gets Helvetica Neue to be in line with iOS, then the Watch comes along with something like DIN, which is nice and it is far far better then the ugliness that is Google's Roboto, but it's still not as good as the masterful Helvetica Neue.

  64. MrNatural

    Conflation

    The proximity of the Apple Watch with the mala beads is noted... the flayed skin of a highly sentient being completes the look.

    shiny enlightened carnivores.

    Marketing. It's what's for dinner.

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