back to article Don't worry, Apple hypegasms haven't gone in the WRISTJOB ERA

Fear not fanbois, online only sales of Apple’s jazz bangle wristjob and shiny 12-inch port-disadvantaged MacBook do not signal the end of “iconic blockbuster launches” inside its retail temples stores, a fruity exec has proclaimed. Dream weaver and Apple retail suzerain Angela Ahrendts told employees she knew the “number one” …

  1. x 7

    Jizz Bangle

    thats a better name

    1. wolfetone Silver badge

      I thought Wanker Bangle would have been better.

  2. h3

    Apple Stores ?

    Cannot think of any experience worse in the past few years than going in to one.

    It was awful. (I said I would go to stop my mother being ripped off there).

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: Apple Stores ?

      A worse experience?

      Try going into a Microsoft Store and finding that that staff outnumber the customers 15:1

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Apple Stores ?

        And worserer than that...Try going into a Linux Store and finding there's nothing there at all!

        1. Trevor Everything is Trevor

          Re: Apple Stores ?

          No, in the Linux store there are buckets full of zeros and buckets full of ones, you just have to put them together yourself. Or was that the BSD store?

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Apple Stores ?

        "A worse experience?

        Try going into a Microsoft Store and finding that that staff outnumber the customers 15:1"

        I'm having a hard time figuring out how having staff available to server you instantly is a worse experience... Perhaps you prefer to stand there for 20 minutes waiting for someone to notice you?

      3. Salts

        Re: Apple Stores ?

        @Steve Davies

        You found an MS store with a customer in it?

  3. Mage Silver badge

    collect it?

    So they don't trust couriers or the postal system?

    Apple becoming Argos? Order online and collect in store.

    1. John H Woods Silver badge

      Re: collect it?

      UK mail order rights (e.g. returning non-faulty goods because you don't like them) cease to apply when you click and collect. If they mail it to your house, you have vastly more rights than if you take it from a shop, regardless of whether the payment was made online.

      So my guess is they're avoiding the DSRs (Distance Selling Regulations) rather than the Posties.

      *IANALBIPOOTI

  4. VinceH Silver badge
    Holmes

    Slight volte-face

    Here we have Angela Ahrendts apparently describing the approach being adopted for buying the jizz-bangle (thanks x 7 - that's an excellent name for it) as a temporary one - and is specifically quoted as saying "We love our iconic blockbuster launches that we do in stores”

    And a few weeks ago, Angela Ahrendts was quoted as saying "The days of waiting in line and crossing fingers for a product are over for our customers"

    All I can say, then, is "called it!"

    Sherlock icon because, well, "no shit..."

    1. x 7

      Re: Slight volte-face

      " jizz-bangle (thanks x 7 - that's an excellent name for it)"

      I can't claim originality - I'd guess its what Paul Kunert wanted to say in the report, but discretion struck so he called it a "jazz bangle"

  5. x 7

    Strange

    I just googled for pix of Angela Ahrendts (just wondered what she looked like) and found hundreds of pictures of her - in every single one she's "smiling" with her mouth closed as if in pain.

    But even more strangely, mixed in with all those photos is just one of Seven of Nine. Does someone know something? Are we being given a clue as to her real ID? Are Apple employees being subsumed by the Borg?

  6. Alan Denman

    The point of no Return

    I can't help think they were a bit concerned about massive return queues a few days later

    Some are getting theirs 6 weeks ahead of schedule. I really do wonder if htey vetted initial buyers to ensure only the keenest fanboys get theirs.

    They will more likely just be happy to just pop it in a drawer after that exciting first few days.

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