back to article Volvo V60 Polestar: Speak softly, carry a big stick, dress like a Smurf

If it weren’t for the colour it would be something of a Q-car – a pragmatic small estate with lots of toys and a badge that says “I like quality, but I don’t want a German car”. But the colour, best described by Sniffpetrol as “Smurf Blue”, is the giveaway. Volvo call it “Rebel Blue” and my son thinks it's Manga Blue, but I …

  1. Carl W

    Blimey

    A transverse straight 6? Must be the only car on sale with that engine layout.

    1. teabag36

      Re: Blimey

      A challenge: can you name anymore transverse straight 6s?

      1. Anomalous Cowturd
        Coat

        Re: Blimey

        My old 'M' reg' Wolseley Six...

      2. Just another badger

        Re: Blimey

        Austin-Morris 18-22 in 2227cc form.

        Someone beat me to it because for some reason my earlier version of this was rejected by the moderators.

      3. Geoff Campbell
        Happy

        Re: Blimey

        Austin Princess 2.2.

        A car I once "drove" back from the pub as a sort of tag-team setup hung out of the passenger window operating the throttle via a piece of string, after the throttle cable melted due to the absence of an earth strap.

        Happy, happy days.

        GJC

      4. captain veg

        Re: challenge

        Honda CBX.

        Benelli Sie.

        BMW K1600.

        -A.

      5. AJ MacLeod

        Re: Blimey

        You don't have to look far for more transverse straight 6s - there are at least two other Volvos with them (S80 and XC90)

        Prefer the 5 cylinder exhaust note myself, though sadly the glorious symphony of the 850 exhaust note has been muted to a slightly rough sounding blandness in later cars :(

    2. JeffyPoooh Silver badge
      Pint

      Heavy...

      Edmunds car review clearly states that...

      "Weight distribution, as tested, f/r (%) 60.6/49.4"

      Crikey, that's like 110% of its own weight!!

      What a pig!

  2. K Silver badge
    Trollface

    WTF

    Was the photographer vertically challenged? Or did you hire a fucking smirf?

    Next time perhaps hire a step ladder to get some shots that look down on the car, after all this how most people would look to appreciate it.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: WTF

      Agreed, actually showing the "whole" car would have been a lot more usefull than a dainty little pic of a dashboard....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: WTF

      Most people carry a step ladder around with them, to look at cars?

      1. johnnymotel

        Most people...

        have arms, most people can lift their arms above their heads and most modern digital cameras have screens that flip out so you can do a nice overhead shot.

  3. Christopher Lane

    My address is...

    ...and could you pop one round on Tuesday please?

  4. JeffyPoooh Silver badge
    Pint

    "...dampers use a patented technology for ... individual wheel control..."

    Yeah, I've always hated those cars that have fewer than one damper per wheel, and thus offer only group wheel control.

    1. Carl W

      Re: "...dampers use a patented technology for ... individual wheel control..."

      I’ve seen a race car with a single damper for both front wheels. Not sure of the advantages other than weight.

  5. JeffyPoooh Silver badge
    Pint

    Ah, you mean like yesterday...?

    "When was the last time you went for a drive that wasn’t just about getting to where you were going?"

    Yesterday.

    In my son's lovely old $5k W211 Mercedes.

  6. David 132 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    As a Volvo owner...

    I found myself nodding in agreement with this article.

    I don't have the V60, Polestar or otherwise, but I have what the article describes as its putative parent, the XC60. Great seats and a feeling of general solidity have always been a feature of Volvos for as long as I can recall. However the overall build quality seems to have taken a slow glide downwards since the Chinese took over. Driving around town last weekend, part of my sunroof spontaneously fell off and hit my wife on the head. Depending on your personal matrimonial situation, that may or may not be seen as a bad thing.

    The LCD dash is kind of cool but it's more a gimmick than anything; you have 3 "themes" to choose from, but tbh I picked one and then stuck with it. Rarely do I find myself thinking "hmm, it's Tuesday, today I will go with the Eco theme for my dashboard".

    Volvo engines are good but, as the article alludes, tend to be quite thirsty; mine has a 3.0L I-6 which pushes out 300bhp to the accompaniment of a giant sucking sound from the fuel tank. Meh, petrol's 49p/litre here so I don't care. I hear Volvo are moving to I-4 engines with various degrees of turbo/supercharging up and down their range, which will help.

    Same Haldex system as the V60 in the review (AWD not "true" 4WD - maybe the article needs a tweak?); it's good inasmuch as it keeps the car planted solidly.

    In terms of other common Volvo traits - yes, the bluetooth syncs quickly and works well, but the mass of buttons on the "floating" centre console are small, fiddly, and tricky to find whilst driving. Reach out for the heated-rear-screen button without looking and you might find yourself changing radio channel or turning off the parking sensors.

    Not sure about this Polestar V60 specifically, but estate/SUV Volvos have one optional feature that appeals to my malicious side - a button on the console to automatically flip the rear seat head-rests downwards. To improve visibility, but it takes no account of whether the seats are occupied. Known in my family as the "if y'all don't shut up back there I will whack you on the back of the head" button. *grin*

    1. Yugguy

      Re: As a Volvo owner...

      "Meh, petrol's 49p/litre here so I don't care"

      Where is this??? I want to move.

      1. David 132 Silver badge

        Re: As a Volvo owner...

        "Meh, petrol's 49p/litre here so I don't care"

        Where is this??? I want to move.

        'Murrica. The Pacific Northwest - less kooky than California, less icy than Alaska. Better craft beer than just about anywhere outside a CAMRA convention. No sales tax. Friendly natives.

        I did the $/US Gallon conversion just to blend in here. And probably screwed it up - if anyone cares to double-check my working, we're paying $2.80 per (US) gallon here for Premium right now. Was down as low as $2 earlier this year, muhahahaha!!1!

  7. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Meh

    Must be getting old. Didn't find anything about this exciting.

  8. Colin Ritchie
    Windows

    Flat six not transverse and missing some wheels.

    Unless you have a trailer. :P

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honda_Gold_Wing

    1. 2+2=5 Silver badge

      Re: Flat six not transverse and missing some wheels.

      Flat six, transverse, still missing some wheels: BMW K1600GT

  9. s. pam
    FAIL

    Transmission from hell car that will eat your wallet!

    We had a 2008 Vulva and to say the DSG gearboxes are shit is a terrible understatement. The car is pleasant enough to drive if you're over 50 and happy wearing your flat cap but has NO street credibility.

    When the gearbox started acting up our local Vulva dealer in M'head said "That'll be £5,500 please". I spit my fucking dummy out, and he explained "The DSG gearbox only have 1 failure mode due to them being chain driven continuously and that is completely replace the entire gearbox".

    Search t'web and you'll find plenty of message boards with complaints -- Vulva knows all about this and laughs all the way to the bank with every sucker who buys one.

    ++++++

    Pleased to say we were able to sell it and replaced it with a absolutely reliable Subaru Forester that's the bees knees without all the stupid bells & whistles. No hassle, no mess, no fuss and NO £5,500 bills!

    1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Transmission from hell car that will eat your wallet!

      DSG? You put a VAG 'box in your Vulva?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Showing my ignorance here

      "The DSG gearbox only have 1 failure mode due to them being chain driven continuously and that is completely replace the entire gearbox"

      You say chain driven. Is that a driving style, or is there a literal chain driving the gearbox from the engine??

    3. Yugguy

      Re: Transmission from hell car that will eat your wallet!

      If your Volvo dealer thinks you have a DSG gearbox with chain in it then I'd take it somewhere else.

      Street credibility???? I thought it was only tards in poverty spec Audis that gave a shit about that.

      It'll be a cold day in hell before I spend a vast amount of my hard-earned cash on ensuring the approval of random strangers.

  10. Michael Habel Silver badge

    I hear Mr. Carkson is looking for a Job... Perhaps you can get him to do this Article?

    SOBS Oh how I miss those Sunday nights without TopGear!

    1. John 62

      meh. After a few years the Top Gear formula got tired.

  11. Peter Ford

    Doesn't have to be smurf blue

    There's a black one on the forecourt of my local Volvo dealer...

    1. Tom 11

      Re: Doesn't have to be smurf blue

      Yeah it does to be a Polestar...

      1. Christopher Reeve's Horse

        Re: Doesn't have to be smurf blue

        Nope, not true. There's a white Polestar V60 sat in my local Volvo dealership. And very nice it looks too.

        Although to be honest, if I was going to spend 50K of my own money I'd go for the D5, get all the specification goodies and have ~10K left over. Also, there's a Cross Country AWD variant of the V60 coming out soon...

  12. Tom 11
    Headmaster

    850 T5.....

    Are in fact famous for being motorway patrol cop cars, the 850 in the BTTC where naturally aspirated and not the T5 engine. I.E No turbo... :D

    1. Bob Wheeler

      Re: 850 T5.....

      I remember watching the first BTTC race on the telly and one of the wag commentators saying words to the effect of "Do they know this is the Touring car race, not the TOWING car race?"

      Anyways, I was so impressed the next year I bought a 850 with the 2.5 20V engine, the T5 did not come out till 96 (I think).

      So 20 years later, I still have the 850, still going strong.

  13. Sparx

    Why on gods green one would you buy a Volvo for £50K?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Because it's not an Audi or BMW?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I see it appears to have a fault.

    ...an estate car without fold flat / double flip seats.

    Why do manufacturers still do this? You load up a few items and create huge stress points at the fold.

  15. andyL71

    Why would anyone buy one of these rather than a 335D touring with X Drive?

    1. Christopher Reeve's Horse

      Isn't it obvious? It's so that you don't instantly look like a cock.

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